A/N: Set during the argument in 4x09. Established Grimecest.

He slammed the cloth bag down onto the floor as hard as he could. The contents smacked the hardwood with a loud bang in the hopes of waking his dad up. Rick didn't move, he was comatose lying down on the couch, which was pressed against the front door.

Carl scoffed, they had lost everything, but it was fine for his dad. He was out of it, didn't have to deal with the aftermath. 'Enjoy your sleep.' He muttered sarcastically. He paced through each room, looking for supplies, anything he could get his hands on that would be useful. Since his dad couldn't provide, one of them needed to.

There wasn't much left, even after checking upstairs, a couple bottles of water and some tinned spaghetti o's. Carl was doing anything to take his mind off what happened at the prison, but nothing was working. He was haunted with visions with everything being destroyed, Judith's empty carrier. He tried forcing the tears back, but he had lost his family, a haven for everyone and he'd lost his sense of self. He wasn't sure who he and his dad were anymore. With every minute that passed, he recognised himself less and less.

The more he thought about it the angrier he got, this was his dad's fault. He was the one who wanted to play farmer and forget that the Governor was out there, Carl had no idea if he was even still alive at this point, he could easily come back for them. All because his dad didn't have the gall to do anything about it. He thought back to his dad's preaching about how they were safe in the prison and that the Governor was gone; what a lie that turned out to be. He thought bitterly.

Carl stood up and tried to wake his dad up, still no response. At this point he didn't care, he'd have rather he not wake up at all. 'This is your fault.' He spat, he needed to say this, the rage inside boiling over. 'They're dead, everyone single fucking one of them, all because you'd rather be planting vegetables in a field. You tricked them, they felt secure at the prison. We all did. And look what happened. They're gone. Hershel's head is somewhere in that fucking field!' He was shouting at him now, it felt so good to get it out. He didn't care what he was saying any more, he had so much that needed to be said.

'Mom is dead, because of you! Because you couldn't protect us. You were supposed to protect us!' He couldn't fight the tears and wiped them away still trying to shout despite his voice breaking. 'I had to shoot her in the head, and now she's gone, and so is Judith. Yet you still call yourself a father? You're nothing to me, I should just move out the way, break the cable holding this door shut and call the walkers in. And leave you here, then you'd know how it felt. To lose everything, I could survive out there you know.'

He walked around the living room, kicking a picture frame across the floor. 'Look at the supplies that I got, all those times you stopped me going on runs. Well, looks who stopping me now. No one, because you thought you knew better.' Carl was shouting as loud as he could now, he didn't care if someone heard. He told himself they have a right to know what that bastard in the chair did to everyone. 'I hate you, I hate you!' He punched the couch repeatedly and started to break down, he wept into the 3-seater, the old fabric irritating his face. 'I'd be fine without you, I don't need you. It'd be easier if you were dead.' It surprised even him that he could say something like that. He meant every word of it.

'I'm done with you, with us. With everything we had and could have had. I have to leave, and if It kills me in the process, so be it.' He pulled himself up again, using the furniture for support, his legs felt weak, but he was determined to get out and get himself far away from here. From his thoughts that were poisoning his mind.

He reached the edge of the kitchen. 'Goodbye, Rick.' He didn't want to look back for fear of changing his mind. 'So, Is that it then, Carl? You leave me here to die?' Carl froze, he hadn't expected his dad to wake up till he was long gone. 'I didn't think you can hear me was all he said in response.

'You assumed wrong, then didn't you?' His voice was venomous. 'I heard everything. To think you'd even have the nerve to speak to me like that is an insult and you don't even have the balls to say it to my face. You could only do it when you thought I was out.' Carl slowly spun around and saw that Rick was sitting up, glaring at him.

'All I have done is try to build a better life for us all, and it was never good enough, was it? Everything is my fault, I didn't see you complaining that we had somewhere to call our own. And I'm still your dad, don't give me that Rick bullshit. You can think what you like about me, but that isn't going to change.' He looked away from his son, he was weak but needed to stay conscious.

'Don't ever blame me for what happened to your mom, I did everything I could to keep her safe. I loved her.' His voice was strained, and he could feel a lump in his throat. 'I love you Carl but not like this.' His son stepped closer, his brow furrowed in anger.

'You loved her? So, what, now she's dead you've forgotten about her? You've got me now haven't you, so you don't need to remember her, is that it or was I just your plaything to pass the time? If you had never come back from the hospital, we wouldn't be in this mess.'

He wanted to hurt his dad badly, to cut deep. He wanted him to suffer like he was inside. 'That's not what I meant Carl, don't twist my words. You're a selfish brat, always have been. And as for your plaything? Don't even get me started. That's an insult to what we have.' He felt himself getting dizzy, now was not the time to be arguing. But he couldn't just sit there and take it.

'Fuck you. Don't try to act as if you care, if you did, we wouldn't be in this mess. I meant what I said. I wish you were dead. I'll never forgive you for what you've done to me.' He turned his back to Rick. 'Then why did you bother coming back with me? You collected those supplies, you told me that.' He pointed to the bag and its contents that had spilt out.

'Who even are you anymore?' Rick knew that would hurt Carl, so he pressed further. 'This isn't the Carl I know, the person I love. Where is he? Because right now, I don't know who this is, and I don't know if I want a part of it.' He sighed, Carl could see he was crying by this point. They'd both been past their emotional breaking point enough to last a lifetime.

'He's gone, the Carl you knew. He's dead to you, to me. To anyone who might have made it out.' His words were final.

'Well, like you said you don't need me anymore, you can look after yourself. Fuck off then, nobody is stopping you. You're 16 now. You want me to treat you like an adult, then fine. Get out. Take the supplies you so helpfully picked up and don't come back. You want to get yourself killed by walkers then go ahead. But don't think I will be there to save you anymore. I'm finished.' Rick closed his eyes, the weight of his words hung heavy in the air, they had argued before, but nothing like this, Carl was just a kid still, he had to grow up much quicker than any kid he knew before it all started.

'Fine, I will. Maybe I'll let one of those fuckers bite me. Then you can have your wish, can't you?' He could see Rick's eyes widen in fear. 'No, you don't mean that Carl. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.' He tried to backtrack, but it was too late, Carl was already making his way towards the back of the house. Rick didn't have the energy to stand, so he attempted to drag himself across the floor to get to him before he left.

'Carl, please! I love you.' He shouted again, he managed to move towards the staircase but it was too late. Carl had gone, and it was Rick's fault this time. He didn't have the energy to move again, no tears came out either as his body was too exhausted, he tried to shout out for his son again, but he couldn't muster the strength and let the darkness take him once more.

Carl sat in the chair opposite his dad who was still asleep. He looked at his leg, and the torn trouser bottom, a sharp reminder that he almost got killed by a walker trying to prove his point. He wasn't sure how much longer his dad had been out for, but he managed to drag him back onto the seat.

He had said some shitty things in the past, but what he said before he left was enough to make him cringe thinking about it. He didn't want to die, and he didn't want his dad to die either. He couldn't even imagine what he could say to make that right. Carl prayed that he woke up, there was no way they could end like this.

He moved over to lay his head on his dad's chest. 'I'm sorry.' He whispered, he started crying again. That was all he seemed to do these days. 'Please wake up. You can't die, not now. Not like this,' he was sobbing, and his heart was shattering. It hurt to breathe as he his whole body succumbed to sadness. He felt a hand wrap around him. 'Dad?'

'Yeah, I'm here. You come back.' He sounded almost hopeful. He felt a pang of guilt for leaving in the first place. 'Yeah.' That was all he felt comfortable saying. Carl grabbed the bottle of water on the floor, his dad would be thirsty. It was dark out now, so he must have been gone for most of the day.

He thirstily drank most of the bottle, Carl hoped his dad would see it as an olive branch. 'Dad, what I said earlier.' Rick put his hand up to interrupt him.

'No, we both said shitty things. I never thought that either of us was capable of even thinking of stuff like that.' He paused for a moment, thinking of the best way of approaching the subject. 'Did you mean those things? That you want me dead?' Carl could hear the hurt as he said that.

Carl shook his head. 'No, I just don't know how to feel about what happened.' He wanted to cry again, and never stop, but Rick motioned for him to cuddle him on the couch sensing his emotions. 'Come here.' Rick sat himself up and held Carl close to him, he wrapped his arm around his Dad's chest.

'This wasn't your fault, none of it was. What happened to Mom, you couldn't have prevented that. I never should have blamed you. I do love you, more than anything Dad. You did your best for us. I know that now.'

'What made you come back?' Rick was beyond glad Carl came back but curious what changed his mind. 'I went out to another house nearby, to look for more supplies. A walker grabbed my leg, almost got bit.' He went silent knowing that his dad would be furious.

'What? Did you get bit? Are you alright?' Rick pulled away from son, panic setting in.

'I'm fine, I killed it, dad. It didn't get me.' He heard Rick let out an audible sigh of relief.

'I don't know what I would have done if you got bit. I can't lose anyone else, Carl.'

'I know dad, I'm sorry.'

Rick pulled him in again and held him tighter this time. 'I love you too Carl.' He kissed his forehead, and it was enough affection for them both to believe that something good could come from the tragedy they'd both suffered.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this retelling of the argument in 4x09. I will be working on a longer Rick and Carl fic and some additions to this collection soon so keep checking for updates.

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