FourImpossible
"Boyfriend?"
Carly blinked, brown eyes flashing and pale cheeks flushing. Sam didn't buy it, taking a rather vicious bite of her beef jerky and staring at her friend with dulled down blue eyes.
"Yeah, Rick or whatever his name is. The one who's studying to become 'the best new rock artist of our generation'." Carly let out a laugh, the noise sounding more like little bells then an actually laugh. Sam had always been a bit jealous of that, that she had to be the best friend to the girl who had that laugh. That romance novel, in-the-end girl who you know right from the beginning is going to get the guy. Sam never wanted to be that girl, but still, she knew to everyone who looked on them, Carly was always the one while Sam was that one; the girl who was just in the book to make all the other characters shine brighter.
Well, whatever.
What was that saying, 'Anyone can be a star'? Yeah, well how many people could be the sky?
"Oh, Richard. We broke up forever ago- I told you, didn't I? Remember, I told you he was dropping out to college to runaway and 'make it' in L.A. and he wanted me to come with him. When I told him I wouldn't go we ended things and that was that." Carly took a deep gulp of her coffee, looking to the window of the café. "It wasn't right with him anyway. I don't know what it is nowadays, I just feel like I'm growing out of those kinds of relationships now, you know? I'm growing older and I need something more serious."
Outside it was just the time of the year where every morning the sky started out with the promise of snow and yet at the end of the day you were left waiting on a dry ground. Sam had always loved snow, beside the fact that it gave her unlimited ammo against anyone who pissed her off; the world always seemed like a different place when draped in white. It seemed less fucked up, more peaceful.
"Seriously? You're twenty two, no need to go fishing for a ring. Have fun, be wild. I would have gone with him if I were you." Sam didn't like that she knew two people who were both already ready and set to settle down. What was the rush? If things went her way she'd never end up married. Divorce was inevitable so what was the point? Relationships came with an expiration date and when she was ready to check out, she didn't want to deal with the paperwork and scorn of society.
"I'm not 'fishing for a ring'," Carly turned her attention back to Sam, sighing. "I just- I want forever you know? I'm at the point in life where I'm starting to worry if there is anyone out there for me. If there's someone for everyone, then why haven't I met that person?"
"Maybe you already have." Sam wanted to take back the words. Her hand inched off her lap, anxious to reach out and grab the air as if her words were just hanging in the balance and could be returned back to where they came.
"Yeah…" Carly's eyes didn't leave Sam's. "Maybe I have." Sam closed her eyes, reaping the short peace that came with a blink before returning Carly's gaze.
Something was definitely not right in Sam's stomach. She was feeling that nausea feeling she used to get back when she still had a slight fear of authority, like even though she couldn't be a hundred percent positive, she just knew trouble was coming.
She looked back to the window, clearing her mind of any thoughts. "Maybe."
It still wasn't snowing.
"Arizona?" Freddie voice rang out through Carly's apartment, filling the void that Sam had left with her sudden departure.
"Yeah," Carly sighed into the phone, "Apparently she met some guy and-"
"Say no more." She could almost see him shaking his head, probably rolling his eyes at their best friend's antics. "How long do you think it will be until she realizes she hates the heat?"
"I don't know, maybe five, six minutes after she gets off the Grey Hound." Freddie laughed, warm and deep. It was weird how she had never noticed that, how his voice had suddenly changed from high and squeaky to deep and warm. If Sam hadn't pointed it out it would've taken all of sophomore year to finally put on her finger on what exactly was different about their favorite tech nerd. Sam had also been the one to notice when he got taller, and to notice when the other girls at school noticed as well.
Likewise, Freddie had been the one to notice when Sam finally decided to learn how to use eyeliner. He had been the first to speak and say somehow; someway Sam had turned 'hot' over the summer before their senior year. (Though, he had chosen to classify it as 'Sorta, kinda appealing to the male race', he excluded, of course). Carly on the other hand was always last to notice if something changed in their group's dynamic.
It wasn't like she didn't care enough to notice; it was just unless she was in her 'crush mode' then details like that seemed to escape her notice. A simple matter of tunnel-vision, that was all.
"Carly?" Her thoughts seemed to pop, falling around her as Freddie's voice broke through like a needle.
"Oh, sorry, what?" Come to think of it, Sam wasn't exactly miss-aware either. She usually didn't even notice when…wait. Did Freddie like Sam? Did Sam like Freddie? They couldn't, could they? It was Sam and Freddie after all; they together would just be…
"I was asking if you knew whether or not Sam was coming to Thanksgiving. Spencer said he invited her mother but she was going to be 'busy' that week, which means Sam isn't going to have anywhere to go and so-"
"Do you like Sam?" Carly blurted. She had always had a little problem with keeping her thoughts in her head.
"Um," Freddie said, confused. "Yes? I thought we already established that Sam and I were actually friends," he sighed, "What, was she calling us 'co-workers' again? Because, technically that term doesn't even apply anymore and the only reason she's doing it is because last time I saw her we got into-"
"That wasn't what I met. And what do you mean 'last time I saw her'? Wasn't the last time you saw her is when you both came up to visit me for the weekend…" There was a pause on the other line. "Freddie?"
"What was that? Okay! Be right there!" He failed to make his voice sound distance. "Sorry Carly but-"
"You don't have a roommate and your mother isn't there, you don't have anyone to use as an excuse," Carly said flatly before sighing deeply, hurt taking over her tone. "So much for telling each other everything." Freddie made some sort of squeak, the kind he made when he was too guilty to speak. "I don't get what it is with you and Sam. I mean, you guys argue more than anyone I know and you're always inflicting physical or emotional trauma on one another- well, at least Sam is inflicting trauma on you," She paused. "But at the end of the day you guys have all your little secrets and this little world that I don't seem to fit into."
"Carly, it's not-"
"Yeah, Freddie, it is. You guys always have secrets and I'm starting to think-" There was the distinct sound of someone choking on the other line.
"Wait, wait, wait. You thought…you mean, you think…I like Sam." Why did it sound so much sillier when he said it?
"Well, not necessarily…I mean, you guys did kiss…and you guys apparently hang out secretly and-"
"Sam broke into my dorm in the middle of the night, stole my clothes, and ripped me off the next morning so she could buy out half the university's gift shop and make me look like the biggest loser in my dorm," he groaned. "You can see why I wouldn't want to tell you about coming back after classes to find every person in my hall snickering at the 'Good Luck. Wuv you, Xoxo- Mama' sign that was on my door surrounded by various stuff animals."
Carly was silent, processing the information. "So… you and Sam?"
"It's me and Sam," he said, like that explained everything.
Still unsure, Carly decided to take the route of defeat. "Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. It's just when you guys keep things from me my mind goes crazy and…"
"Yeah, I got that by that whole me and Sam thing. You do realize right now she's somewhere close to Arizona with some random guy she just met doing-"
"God's know what, yeah. I know, it sounds really stupid, let's just forget I said it? And let's never ever tell Sam, okay?"
Freddie scoffed, "Who'd you think she'd hit if I told her? Or if you told her for that matter? She'd somehow find some way to blame me." Carly laughed, sinking back into the couch.
"Yeah, Sam is a bit…" she trailed off for the right word.
"Crazy," Freddie faked coughed, causing her to smile.
"Eccentric."
"She's more than eccentric, she's…" he trailed off, and Carly could almost see that expression seep onto his face.
It was the expression he always got at one point or another when they talked about Sam. It was a mixture of exasperation and amusement with just the smallest hint of endearment. Carly was sure that he had a look for her too, wasn't it just natural to automatically take on some kind of expression when your thought stayed to someone you held any emotion for. It wasn't like you had to be in love with someone to have a certain expression for them; it wasn't like you had to have some profound relationship with that person.
"She's like a walking contradiction; a ticking bomb. I mean, conversing with her is like willingly climbing into a lion's den and waving around a pack of meat. Trying to engage in anything even resembling friendship is like jumping off a plane without knowing your parachute is going to work and- actually, can we go back to the plane metaphor? May I remind you she actually did push me off a plane without knowing my parachute would work? Because that incident left significant mental scarring."
Carly forced a laugh. The phone had become a vortex that kept stealing pieces of her; her breathe, her voice…her heart. She just couldn't figure out why.
"Yeah," she whispered. "Sam's like that."
"Carly? I can barely hear you, what was that?"
"I have to go."
Carly stared at the phone for a moment, unsure of what she was feeling. Talking to Freddie everything seemed so obvious, so obvious and it hurt her. If Freddie did like Sam…Carly shook her head, clearing her thoughts and turning to the window.
It was snowing.
/
