IV.

Several days went by in District 13 and Peeta refused to go anywhere near Katniss. As much as he wanted to see her, he was afraid he would have a flashback and try to hurt her. He was convinced he had been a part of her torture but he couldn't bring himself to ask her. And since she was the only one who would know, he left it alone. He paced outside her room, waiting for news of how she was doing. Haymitch emerged from her room one afternoon, his eyes somber.

"She's asking for you again."

"Tell her-"

"I have told her! I'm not doing it anymore. You grow some balls and go in and tell her yourself."

"Haymitch," he pleaded, "I can't."

"There are monitors all around, Peeta. And I'll stay out here in case anything happens. It's been four days, she wants to see you. She misses you."

"I miss her," he said softly, tears welling in his eyes. Haymitch clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a little nudge.

"Then go." Peeta took a deep breath before opening the door. Katniss was sitting up in bed, facing the wall, when she turned and her eyes widened. He hesitated for a moment, standing close to the door in case he needed to escape but her eyes were clouded with tears and she whispered his name weakly.

"Peeta." In an instant he was at her side, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. His tears dampened her hair and she clutched onto him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I'm so sorry." He allowed her to sob into his shirt as his hold around her tightened.

"You said you'd stay with me, Peeta…always," she whispered. Peeta squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to lean back, his hands finding hers and holding them tightly.

"I know Haymitch told you about the hijacking. I can't be around you, Katniss, I'm too dangerous." She shook her head but he squeezed her hands.

"I know something happened in that cell. I know I did something to you. I can see it in your eyes. But you won't tell me, will you?"
"Peeta-"

"I can't live with myself knowing I hurt you. I can't take that. This just makes everything the Capitol did so much worse, because they intended for me to kill you. They tried to kill my love for you. Something I never thought could be possible."

"And yet here you are, holding me in your arms and not trying to kill me," she said in a harsh whisper. "They TRIED to kill your love but you fought it. And you didn't let them win. You're stronger than they are, Peeta. You always have been. You just have to continue to fight it." She cleared her throat and winced and Peeta felt terrible at making her talk so much. Her hand went to her throat and rubbed gently. His hand covered hers and he pressed a kiss against her cheek.

"Ok, no more talking. I need to get going."

"But-"

"President Coin has allowed me to train with the others. She says they're waiting for you to get well enough to join the troops. I have to travel with some guards in case I have a flashback or do anything stupid, but it's getting me out of the hospital. I'll come see you afterwards, if you want." She nodded and leaned back on her pillow. Peeta glanced at the bowl of stew on the table next to her and he frowned.

"You need to eat, Katniss. You need your strength." She shrugged and turned away and Peeta sighed, pulling her into his arms again. She didn't resist but she didn't return the affection either.

"Get better for me," he whispered into her hair. "So we can fight together, side by side, and take down the Capitol. And live together in a world that we created, together." He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before he left abruptly. Katniss watched him go, confusion and frustration etched into her face.


Peeta was proud of himself and his fellow soldiers for the work they had done that day. He was sweaty, exhausted, and sore but that made the accomplishment that much better. Finnick walked alongside him as they walked back the hospital, Peeta already thinking of a shower and a soft (ish) bed. He let out a groan and Finnick glanced sideways.

"Those laps finally catching up you? Damn dude, you were on fire this afternoon, I didn't think you'd feel-"

"It's not that," Peeta said, running his fingers through his hair. "I promised Katniss I would come see her after I was finished and I don't think I'll have time after

I shower. Bedtime is scheduled early tonight," he glanced at his arm, which was dark with his District 13 schedule.

"I'm sure she'll understand, as long as you go see her first thing in the morning. You want to rebuild whatever you guys had, don't you?"

"I don't know what we had, Finnick," Peeta said irritably. "A fake relationship. A fake romance. She's been so many things to me. Ally. Friend. Tribute. Victor. Hunter. Neighbor. Fiancee. There's so many words for her and I don't know what to call her now."

"You start with friend," Finnick said slowly. "And you work your way from there. I know she feels strongly for you. We both fell apart when we thought about you and Annie in there. I saw a side of Katniss that she has never let anyone see before. You were the reason she became the Mockingjay, Peeta. To protect you." Peeta felt pain around his stomach but he ignored it and shook his head.

"I wish I knew her true feelings, that's all. We all know it was an act now. She told me at the end of the first Games. But when we kissed in the Quarter Quell…I don't know, I felt something else. Something that hadn't been there before. It was different. She was different."

"So ask her."

"I don't want to burden her with anything else until she gets better. She's not eating and she still looks so weak, so…unlike Katniss. I have never seen her so frail. Even in the Games, when she was risking her life for me, she fought with everything she had. She's just so…defeated."

"So help her," Finnick said urgently. "Remind her of what she's capable of. You're the only one who can do that, you know. Gale may have known her for years longer but you two have been through shit that can never come close to what she and Gale had. You've been there for her on those nights when she'd wake up screaming. You lied to the world to protect her. Seriously, you need to come clean and ask that she does the same." Finnick stopped at Annie's door and patted Peeta's shoulder.

"I didn't waste any time in telling Annie how much she means to me as soon as you all got back. In fact, I'm going to ask her to marry me." Peeta's eyes widened and Finnick looked a little sheepish.

"I wanted you to be the first to know. Not that I've known you for long or anything but I feel like we shared a moment when I was giving you mouth to mouth in the Quell." Peeta laughed and shook his head, gently shoving Finnick away.

"Seriously though, I'd like for you to be my best man." Peeta sobered quickly and fixed his wide eyes on Finnick's sea-green ones.

"Really?"

"I don't have any family left and my friends are pretty few. Annie and Johanna and you and Katniss and Haymitch are my family now. If she says yes, I'd like for you to be my best man. I'd love it if you considered making our cake too." At this, Peeta's eyes sparkled.

"Count on it, man. When are you asking her?"

"District 13 doesn't have a lot of opportunities to be romantic," Finnick cast a glance around the gloomy hospital hallway, "but all I care about is starting my life with her. I'll probably ask her tonight." Peeta grinned and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Good luck then." Finnick gave him a grin and pushed the door open. Peeta continued his way to his room, pausing in front of Katniss's door. It was getting late and he still needed to shower but he found himself drawn to her through the closed doors. He peered in and saw her sitting up, leaning against the pillow with her eyes closed. A book lay open in her lap and Peeta opened the door quietly. Katniss's head whipped around and Peeta stopped in his tracks, holding his hands up.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"S'ok," she whispered, settling back against the pillow. Peeta walked over to her and glanced down at the book.

"Your family plant book?"

"After the bombing, I returned to Victors Village to check on our houses. I grabbed a few things and remembered how much time and effort we have put into this book. All your beautiful drawings…I couldn't leave it. I was just…doing some late night reading." Peeta settled in a chair beside her and propped his chin on his hands as he stared up at her.

"Did you eat dinner?"

"Yes Mother, I ate," she said grumpily. He smiled but didn't say anything. He glanced down and saw she was propping her bandaged feet up on a pillow.

"What happened to your feet?"

"You honestly don't remember?"

"Katniss, I told you, I can't remember anything from the Capitol. Just…bits and pieces. None of it makes sense. I swear, if I knew you were being hurt and I didn't do anything to stop it-"

"You couldn't, Peeta," she whispered gently. Peeta's eyes bore into hers and he searched for the truth.

"What did they do?"

"They tied me to the table and used blowtorches. You were being tortured elsewhere." Peeta looked like he would be sick.

"I can't believe…people would actually do that."

"After seventy-five years of watching children slaughter each other on live TV, you think they bat an eye about torturing a couple of kids?" Peeta sighed, admitting she was right. She shuffled to the side and winced; Peeta could tell she was in a lot of pain.

"Are you on lots of pain medication?"

"District 13 is stingy when it comes to medicine," she said grumpily. "They only give me a small amount of morphling. Johanna is losing her mind without it. She tries to steal mine."

"Katniss-" he started but he felt a sudden pain seize him and images started to flash through his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and Katniss frowned.

"Peeta, are you alright?" Peeta's hands had buried themselves in the sheets and her eyes flicked to his white knuckles. She gently touched his hand and he flinched.

"Peeta don't. Please don't. We're safe, you're here with me. Don't go to that awful place." But when Peeta looked up at her, she saw that he was gone. She stifled a sob and decided to let him kill her. She was finding it harder to find the will to go on but her visits from him would make her want to start living again. Until this. Until she realized that he would never be the same again. She had told him the Capitol hadn't won but it was a lie. The Capitol had killed the boy with the bread. There may have been a gentle and kind side of Peeta but it was paired with the side that wanted her blood. She couldn't take it. She sat up and pulled him forward.

"If you want to kill me, Peeta, please do it."

"I told you I wouldn't become a murderer for you, you heartless bitch," he snapped.

"Then why are you still here?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm enjoying seeing you like this. Beaten and defeated. You're not very big, are you? Or particularly pretty."

"No, I'm not." He rolled his eyes at her response.

"Or smart. What's the matter, Katniss? Lost all your nerve in the Capitol?"

"I lost a lot in the Capitol," she said quietly. Peeta's eyes flashed and he flexed his fingers.

"Payback's a bitch isn't it?" Katniss didn't answer and merely turned away, holding the book to her heart and closing her eyes. Peeta cocked his head.

"Is that your family plant book?" She opened her eyes again and looked at him.

"You remember this?" His brow furrowed.

"I think so…I mean, I helped with it, didn't I?"

"You did. You're a wonderful artist. You and I worked on it a lot together. Would you like to see?" She opened the book and flipped through the pages, passing it to him. He thumbed the pages and his face softened.

"I think I remember this."

"I can help you, Peeta. I can help you remember. The Capitol has been lying to you. About me, about the District, about them. They're wrong about me. I have never and will never hurt you." Peeta glanced up at her, his eyes still dark but a bit uncertain.

"You'll help me?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

"Because that's what you and I do. Protect each other." Peeta frowned at her statement but his face softened again.

"You can help me figure out what's real and what's not real then. Since they…messed with my memories."

"Hijacking," Katniss said delicately. "They used tracker-jacker venom to mess with your memories, especially of me. They wanted to program you to kill me." Katniss cleared her throat, ignoring the burning. Peeta cocked his head.

"Why are you whispering?"

"I'm just getting my voice back. Sort of."

"I'd say sort of doesn't cut it. What happened to your voice anyway?"

"A Peacekeeper tried to strangle me. You saved my life."

"I did?" She nodded and he seemed to be racking his brain for that memory.

"I stopped him from killing you?"

"You did. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, still looking confused. He noticed her feet and cleared his throat.

"How are your feet?"

"A little better. They said the cold water really helped, so thank you again."

"I guess I saved you a lot."

"I guess you did. But that's hardly surprising. You're always saving me." Peeta stared at her for a moment and she shifted underneath his gaze.

There was a loud buzzing sound from above and Peeta jumped to his feet, whirling around.

"What's that?" Katniss couldn't have hated District 13 any more at that moment. Those sounds were like those in the Capitol. If Peeta hadn't already been having a flashback, he would definitely have one now!

"It's just the signal for lights out. You should probably return to your room so you don't get into any trouble." He nodded and walked to the door, turning back to her for a moment.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow." She nodded and watched him leave. If hijacked Peeta could be calmed and brought back, perhaps she had the chance to help him. But it was now clear that there were two sides of Peeta who knew nothing about the other. It would be difficult, to say the least, to try to merge these two beings into one.


Peeta awoke feeling very strange. He dressed quickly and checked his schedule. Luckily training wasn't until later in the afternoon so he made plans to go see Katniss before breakfast.

When he reached her room he saw Prim hurrying around inside with a trashcan and a worried expression on her face. He opened the door to find Katniss being ill and she glanced up at him, groaning.

"Peeta, I don't want you seeing this." He hurried to her side and gathered her hair in his hands, making comforting circles on her back with his palm. She immediately knew that hijacked Peeta was gone for the moment and she felt a sigh of relief, then a moment of dread for when hijacked Peeta could resurface. She felt another wave of nausea pass over her and Prim gripped the trashcan tightly. Katniss groaned and wiped at her face.

"I'm sorry," she said to no one in particular.

"Don't be sorry," Prim said sharply. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"Prim's right. We love you, so let us take care of you," Peeta said gently, kissing the top of her head. When she was finished emptying her stomach of its few contents, Peeta ran to get her a wet cloth, her toothbrush, and some mouthwash. Katniss gratefully brushed her teeth, then swished the wash around for a few moments before spitting it out into the can, then wiped her face with the rag. Prim rubbed her back soothingly for a moment before excusing herself to clean up. Katniss groaned and leaned back, while Peeta settled in the chair beside her, squeezing her hand.

"Feeling better?"

"I still feel a little dizzy but otherwise I'm fine," she said softly. He noticed she still whispered and he bit his lip.

"How's your throat?"

"Sore. You and I talked for awhile last night." Peeta frowned.

"I…I stopped by to see you for a few minutes but then I showered and went to bed. I wasn't in here long." Katniss looked up at him hesitantly and he dropped his hands to his side.

"What did I do, Katniss? Did I hurt you?"

"Peeta, no! We just talked. You were angry at first but I tried to calm you down. Tried to make you see that the Capitol has lied to you. If I can convince you of what is real and what isn't, maybe I can help." Peeta hid his face in his hands and shook his head.

"I can't DO this, Katniss. I can't be two different people. You are literally talking to two different sides of me. What if the hijacked side never leaves?"

"You always come back to me," she whispered, reaching over to squeeze his hand. He looked up at her through teary eyes.

"What if you learn to like him better?"

"Peeta," she said sharply, wincing because of her throat. "There's no him and you. Your hijacking just makes you angrier and more prone to violence and a temper. If I can calm you down when you are in that state, maybe there is hope of making sure the hijacking doesn't resurface anymore. I care about YOU. Plain and simple."

"Katniss." He looked so vulnerable and hopeless that Katniss couldn't help herself. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. He froze and she immediately regretted it, thinking she had overstepped a line. She started to back away but Peeta followed her, his hands going to her neck and holding her gently while his lips pressed eagerly against hers. His tongue trailed along her bottom lip and she parted them on a sigh. Peeta tentatively slid his tongue past her lips and she moaned into their kiss, making Peeta lean in closer and wrap his hands in her dark hair. Katniss's hands moved up to grip his hair and he moaned as their tongues did a sweet dance. That familiar heat she had felt on the beach and in the cave came flooding back and she pressed herself against him.

The door slammed and they both pulled away, both very red in the face. Prim bit her lip anxiously.

"I'm so sorry…I should have knocked, I mean, umm…I can go-"

"No Prim, it's alright, I was just leaving," Peeta said hurriedly. Katniss watched him rise to his feet and he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"Want me to come back after dinner?"

"Please," she said with a nod. He squeezed her hand and nodded.

"Of course." And with a nod and a smile at Prim, he left the room, the back of his neck very red.


Finnick glanced at Peeta, who was merely playing with his food.

"Those laps will kill you if you don't eat something."

"I'm sorry, I'm just distracted." He glanced up at the guards who stood near his table and wondered if he could say anything. Johanna reached over and grabbed Peeta's bread.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself, you're not eating it."

"Carful they don't see you," Annie said softly, her eyes flying to the guards. Johanna snorted.

"I survived the Capitol, let's see what District 13 can do to me."

"Johanna." Finnick said sharply, while Annie whimpered and hid her face in his shoulder. Johanna rolled her eyes and dug into her food.

"Hey, any sign of when Katniss can return to us?" Peeta shook his head, refusing to meet Finnick's eyes.

"Her feet are badly burned and I think she's still too weak to leave the bed. Of course, you know her. She'll probably come storming in here soon, never mind what the doctors say."

"I can definitely see that," Finnick said with a sigh. "What's up with you? You alright?" he leaned in closer and Peeta glanced up at the guards again.

"Katniss says I visited her last night but I don't remember any of it. I apparently…became someone else."

"Did you…do anything-"

"No. I mean I asked her if I hurt her but she said we just talked. I just…can't understand how this is possible."

"Well it sounds like when your hijacking becomes too powerful to handle , you release this other side of Peeta that is darker than the real you. As long as you don't hurt anyone, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Except-"

"Except it leaves me waking up not knowing what the hell I did," Peeta said miserably.

"So maybe one of you will finally have the balls to fuck Katniss," Johanna said with a snort. Peeta's eyes flashed and he grew very still. Finnick and Annie were staring at her with wide eyes and hard glares. Johanna stopped chewing and looked up.

"Oh…I said that out loud. Well shit." Peeta clutched the edge of the table with white knuckles and Finnick grasped his hands.

"Peeta, listen to me. Ignore her. Just ignore her. We all know you would never do anything to hurt Katniss. Don't let the darker side win. Don't let Snow win!" Peeta clutched the table so hard it hurt but the pain seemed to ground him and when he opened his eyes, they were still blue and clear. Finnick sighed with relief and Peeta slumped in his seat.

"I wish they had just killed me," he said, hiding his face in his hands.

"Stop it," Finnick said sharply. "Don't throw yourself a pity party." Peeta lowered his hands, looking shocked.

"I've got news for you, Peeta. Katniss was a mess while you were gone. I mean, a MESS. She hid in closets and refused to come out. She refused to speak to anyone and finally started opening up to me because in a way, we were going through the same thing. Katniss would not survive if you had died in there. She felt guilty the entire time, kept screaming that it should have been her instead of you. She scratched the hell out of Haymitch when he first told her what had happened. She loves you, Peeta. She just can't admit it because she's too scared of losing you. You've both been reaped, twice, and barely made it out of there. Now if she could, she would switch places with you. Take all of your pain and suffering onto her. She may not have said that but you can see it in her eyes. So don't you dare say that you wished you had died and left her behind because you'd be killing her too. Remember that." Finnick draped a hand around Annie's shoulder and they gathered their dishes without another word. Peeta watched them leave the cafeteria, Annie resting her head on Finnick's arm.

"He's right, you know." He turned back to Johanna, who wasn't looking at him. She was studying her fork intently and she sighed.

"I've never seen anyone look at anybody the way she looks at you."

"How can I be missing that?"

"Your love for her blinds you from seeing her love for you." And with that she too gathered her dishes and stalked off. Peeta checked his schedule again and saw he had at least an hour before he had to be at training. Deciding he had to see Katniss again, he hurriedly threw his trash away and nearly ran back to Katniss's room.