Not even the rattling of the car and the drawling country song on the radio could drown out the sound of the silence between them. The long stretch in front of them just didn't seem long enough to Jack. They were on their way back to Texas to see Lureen. Jack had told Ennis that he could stay in Wyoming at the trailer and he'd be back in a few days once everything was sorted, but Ennis had insisted on being there to support Jack, "I ain't leavin' you to deal with that on your own, if Lureen's anythin' like you been tellin' me."
So it came to be that they were driving down a long, straight stretch of road that seemed to Ennis like it went on forever, "Are you nervous?" He mumbled, suddenly feeling bad for Lureen.
"'Course I'm nervous, Ennis." Jack took his eyes off the road and glanced at him, "But I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm sure glad to have you along for the drive."
"I bet you'll be glad'a my company when you have to face her, too."
"And Bobby." Jack sighed, "Bobby's gonna be so mad at me."
Ennis looked at his wristwatch, "Isn't his presentation thing tomorrow night?"
Jack nodded, "I figured we'd go back today so I could go to it like I promised. I'll get us a hotel room and we can stay there."
Ennis shook his head, "Even if you sleep on the couch, you should be at your house." He placed his hand firmly on Jack's thigh, "So that you can be there for Bobby. He's gonna have some questions, I'm sure." He looked out the window at the barren land around them, "I'll stay in the hotel."
With a pained expression, Jack nodded slowly, "I guess you're right. Maybe tonight though I'll stay with you."
"We're gonna have to stop for the night before we get there anyway, Jack. If you're gonna go to the presentation tomorrow night you'll need some sleep."
"We're close now, it's not worth it."
"Not as close as you think." Ennis checked his watch again, "It's 9 'o' clock and we just passed Boulder. Childress is still another 9 hours away."
"Alright, you win. We'll stop next town over."
Ennis nodded and neither of them spoke for a long time.
When Ennis did speak, it was to say three words that Jack didn't think he'd ever hear from his lover. Ennis said it so quietly and so quickly that Jack wanted to ask him to repeat himself just to be sure. The words were gone before Jack could process them but they definitely happened, "I love you." Ennis stared expectantly at jack, as if he was yearning for gratification, for approval.
Jack's throat tightened with emotion and he could barely choke out his reply, "I love you, Cowboy, so goddamn much."
The smile on Ennis's face could have outshone the sun.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
"D'ya think the receptionist noticed we got one room with two beds?" Jack worried as they unlocked the door. Ennis's insecurities had almost begun to rub off on Jack over the years.
"Nope." Ennis had been trying to reassure him in the car that no-one was going to notice and even if they did, they could just be trying to save their money.
"You sure?"
"Nope." Ennis grinned, "But I come too far from where I was to care too much."
Jack nodded and threw Ennis's bag down on the floor and looked around the room. They'd stopped in a roadside motel in Lamar, Colorado. The room was dark and dank looking and smelled mildly of mold but it was the only motel in town, and Jack couldn't drive another mile, and it was only one night. It also reminded Ennis of the hotels they'd used when they were first sneaking around, "I'm beat." He said, lowering himself down on the bed and letting out a long groan, "And my back is hurtin' real bad from drivin' all day."
Ennis sat on the edge of the bed next to Jack, "Take off your shirt."
"Not now, En. I'm tired and sore."
Ennis pursed his lips, "Take off your fuckin' shirt."
Despite his confusion, Jack did so. He handed it to Ennis who took it tightly with both hands and raised it to his face, breathing in Jack's smell. He held it at his face for the longest time, and when he was done, he folded the shirt carefully and placed it beside him on the bed.
Jack's quizzical stare had been replaced with a sweet smile, "You surprise me sometimes, Ennis Del Mar." Ennis grinned his lopsided grin and put his hand on Jack's bare shoulder, his skin warm beneath his hand, and pushed him gently down onto his stomach, "What're you doing?"
Ennis began to massage Jack's back, his fingers digging into places Jack didn't even know needed massaging. He let out a long, blissful sigh and shut his eyes, enjoying the other man's touch. He squirmed and chuckled softly to himself when Ennis's hands inched too close to his ribs, "Stop that." He looked back at Ennis, who had a mischievous twinkle in his eye that Jack had missed terribly.
"You're ticklish?" He smiled, "How'd I miss that about you?"
Jack sighed, "The last person who tickled me got my fist in his face." He yawned.
Ennis continued his massage, and soon enough, Jack was asleep. Ennis fetched a blanket out of the closet in the hotel room and put it over Jack's sleeping form, tucking him in and pressing a soft kiss to his temple and then got under the blanket with him, curling his body around Jack's and holding him close.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Jack fumbled with his keys and they dropped to the ground. Ennis bent down to collect them and pressed them gently into the other man's hand, "Relax." He muttered, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I can't." He replied, "This is huge."
"I know."
He managed to open the door and Ennis followed him inside the spacious living room, "Nice place." He mumbled.
"Yeah, thanks." He sighed, there were no sounds coming from anywhere in the house and he was unspeakably relieved, "Lureen mustn't be home."
"Maybe I'll wait in the car." Ennis shifted his weight nervously and shuffled his feet.
"Ennis Del Mar, if you leave me in this house by myself, I swear to God I'll take back everything I ever said stay here and be miserable with Lureen."
Ennis let out a snort, "You wouldn't."
Jack's face dropped and his eyes pleaded with him, "Please, I need you with me to do this."
Ennis nodded once and hummed. They sat down on the sofa, both men took off their hats and Jack leant his head on Ennis's shoulder. The blonde man lay his hat on the sofa next to him and covered Jack's hand on his leg with his own. Jack sighed. He knew Lureen would have to be home soon if she was going to get Bobby back to school on time. As if on cue, he heard keys in the door. He stood and tried to steel himself. His wife came through the door looking perfect as ever, her blonde hair in a high bun on top of her head with some curls framing her face. Her blouse was immaculately pressed and her shoes shined. She was struggling with a large bag of groceries. Ennis stepped forward like a gentleman to help her but Jack put out his arm to stop him, "Bobby," He said to the teenager standing behind his mother, "Take those bags off your mama and put away the groceries."
"But Daddy, I wanted to watch some television before I have to go out again."
"Bobby…" Lureen's tone was threatening and so Bobby took the bag with a huff and as the three adults took their seats in the lounge, they could hear the slamming of cupboards and of food on counters, "Who is this?" Lureen said, narrowing her eyes at Ennis as if she already knew what was going to happen. Ennis averted his eyes and looked down at his scuffed, dirty old boots next to Jack's neatly shined ones. He and Lureen matched and he felt so out of place.
"Ennis. You know, my fishin' buddy."
"Ma'am." Ennis didn't look up.
Lureen sighed, "So why is Ennis Del Mar on the couch with my husband. Do y'all need money or somethin', 'cause you know I'd have to ask daddy before I could give you any cash."
"We don't need money." Jack said, "Lureen, neither of us are happy in this marriage."
"I'm plenty happy, Jack." Ennis could hear just from the sound of her voice that she was beginning to panic.
"Plenty happy ain't good enough for me." He said quietly, looking up at her through his long eyelashes, "We could have our marriage over the phone."
"It's not down to me if you won't touch me." She said.
"Lureen, every time I try you make up some excuse for why you don't want me to touch you. Oh, I have a headache, I have PMS…" He fiddled with the brim of his hat, "You know as well as I do that this is headed nowhere fast."
Her shoulders drooped, "And why did Ennis have to be here for you to tell me this?" She asked, her voice quiet and both men knew that she already knew, "Are you two…" She trailed off.
Jack nodded slowly, "Yeah."
She stood up and began to pace the living room, "Wow. Just… Wow. I shoulda known, right? This was all so obvious."
"I'm sorry Lureen."
She turned to him, her eyes suddenly hard and cold, "Get out." She was trying not to cry but Ennis could see the tears in her eyes.
"Now hold on a minute." He said, deciding to intervene, "None'a this's Jack's fault."
"So it's yours?" She glared at him and Jack glanced sideways at the taller man, his heart swelling with gratitude that he would step in and try to help him.
"It's neither. Jack'n me… We got a thing that don't got reins. It's been outta control. Now we're tryin' to stop havin' the people we care about involved," He took a breath to consider what he was saying, "I don't have anyone that this was hurtin' anymore and my Alma, she knows, and we hurt her and I'm awful sorry for that. So now we're doin' this we hadda tell you, Lureen." He looked down at his feet, "I sure am sorry."
Lureen dropped back down into her chair, "How long has this been goin' on for?"
"We met up on Brokeback in 1963." Jack said quietly.
Lureen let out a breath; "You've been with him longer than you've been with me." A tear snaked its way down her porcelain skin, and Jack slowly walked over to her and perched himself on the arm of the chair.
"I'm so sorry."
She looked up at him, into his eyes, "Me too, Jack."
Ennis stayed until Jack and Lureen had to leave to go to Bobby's presentation and then he took Jack's truck and drove it back to the hotel. He felt sorry for Jack; He and Lureen had talked and were at a point where they could be civil to each other at least until they parted ways again. They'd agreed that when Ennis and Jack were set up in a house (something Ennis was worried would never happen) that Bobby would come up once a month for a weekend to visit. Jack had tried to fight for more, but Lureen had been worried about him being in an environment with "queers". She'd spat the word out like it tasted nasty in her mouth and he noticed that every time she said it, Jack's shoulders dropped further and further. He'd just wanted to take him into his arms and protect him.
He contemplated his feelings towards Jack. He felt protective to the extent he'd only ever felt towards his daughters. He thought that if anyone every tried to hurt him, he'd kill them. He knew that the other man didn't need as much protecting as Ennis wanted to give him; Jack appeared soft on the outside but on the inside, he was tougher than he looked. Funny, Ennis thought, it was the other way around with him.
Ennis fell asleep to the light of the black and white television and didn't wake up until Jack was curled up next to him, already asleep.
