Harry never mentioned Draco's random insults, that he still threw at him in the hallways, when they were alone. He knew what Draco would say. That it was a front, and he had to do it. What bothered Harry was that it was the other way around. Draco had to spend time with him, and the insults were real. He noticed that things had changed though and that Draco was doing it more out of habit. The words did not hold the spiteful tone he was used to hearing.

He would catch Draco looking at him funny from across the great hall during meals. It was not the longing look of a lover, but one of obvious confusion. Sometimes he wished it were the first. That would have been bad, though. Someone would notice that. No one noticed their disappearances and that Harry was grateful for. Harry wasn't sure how far he should take this. Since "the incident" as he called it to himself, he never spoke of it out loud, they had not gone past kissing.

The first time Harry undid his belt, Draco tensed obviously frighten. It caused Harry's stomach to twist so he started to undo his own trousers instead.

This didn't help Draco relax at all.

They never really talked, but there was nothing they could talk about either. Harry was too afraid that if they did he would have to Obliviate Draco again, or they'd fight. It would be more likely that they would fight. Harry did not want to think about why he did not want to fight with Draco either.

When he tried to put his hand down Draco's pants, Draco stopped him and pulled back.

'Wait,' Draco said.

Harry sighed and sat back as Draco thought of what to say.

'I'm not ready.' He winced after he said it.

That was nothing compared to what they had already done. Draco looked as though he were about to apologise, so Harry cut him off.

'It's okay. I'm not trying to push you.' Harry pulled Draco close to him again and started to kiss his neck right behind his ear. 'We don't have to do what we did before.' Harry groaned as he squeezed Draco tighter against him. 'I just want to touch you.'

He slid his hand down again and under Draco's pants until it came into contact with his skin. Draco gasped, though if it was from pleasure or fear Harry was unsure.

After a couple minutes fumbling, it was definitely pleasure, and he could tell Draco was already close to coming. Draco slipped his hand into Harry's pants. It did not take much for either of them at that point. Somehow in the midst of everything, Harry had found his way on top of Draco. He stared down into his eyes, and Draco slowly got uncomfortable with the situation.

'You're really beautiful,' Harry said, hoping to get Draco's thoughts away from whatever had started bothering him again. Harry sighed to himself when it didn't work, and then he knew that Draco was feeling guilty. He wanted to tell Harry the truth again. The last time this happened, Harry had to erase it, and it shouldn't have bothered him that much.

It did, though.

Draco had seemed real, and Harry knew that they had a moment. Then he lost it. Or rather he stole it from Draco. He wanted to give it back. He loved that he knew more about Draco than anyone else. It was just not enough. Draco needed to know that Harry knew more about him than anyone else.

'I could fall in love with you,' Harry said, and then forced Draco into a passionate kiss before he could protest or even begin to feel guilty about his mission. It was not the same as the first moment they'd shared, but he got to keep that one. It was safe.


Their last meeting before their Christmas break was tense. It seemed they both wanted to talk, but neither knew how to start a conversation with the other.

'What're you doing for Christmas?' Draco asked first.

Harry had shrugged before he answered. 'Spending it with the Weasley's like always.' They had not mentioned the idea of Christmas since they had run into each other at the shop. 'You?'

'Home,' Draco said. 'We used to go to France to visit my father's cousins, but with everything.'

'Yea,' Harry agreed not wanting him to continue with that train of thought. The war was a bad subject no matter how he looked at it. 'So what kind of things do Slytherins normally get each other?' Harry laughed. 'I can't even picture attempting to shop for Goyle or Pansy.'

Draco smirked. 'Crabbe and Goyle are easy; anything that they can eat works well.'

Harry laughed. Of course.

'I did make the mistake of getting them books one year.' Draco rolled his eyes at the memory.

'Ron's a little like them I guess. He likes food, but he enjoys a good Quidditch book as well.' Harry moved closer and pulled Draco in between his legs. They got into the habit of spending their time on the bed instead of the couch. It had more room and was more comfortable. Harry was leaning against the headboard with Draco's back against his chest.

'Pansy is also surprisingly easy,' Draco said. 'Anything from another country will do. She's never been outside of Scottland, so it makes her feel incredibly exotic to own things from around the world. Blaise is the difficult one. He's like me. We already have everything that we want - material wise.' He mused that thought for a while. 'I can't think of anything that I've really wanted in years.'

'Material or at all?'

'Material, there're a lot of things I want.' Draco sighed and leaned further into Harry, letting his head fall back against Harry and turning his face into his neck inhaling his scent. 'Just nothing that can be bought.'

'Like what?' Harry whispered as he tried to look down at Draco. It put his neck in an awkward angle.

Draco looked back up but left his head on Harry's shoulder while he remained silent contemplating it.

'My father to be home,' he said first; it was the most obvious. Harry could have thought of that himself. 'To hear the words, "I love you" and believe them, or to be able to trust someone and not wonder how they are going to use everything I say against me somehow.'

Harry hadn't expected Draco to pour his soul out to him, but Draco was staring off into the distance, more like he was just thinking aloud than actually talking to Harry.

'I used to beg my parents for a sibling when I was really young. That's when they introduced me to Crabbe and Goyle. Goyle's my cousin, and I knew him, but we hadn't spent time together outside of Christmas holidays before then.' Draco closed his eyes and turned his face back into Harry's neck. 'I'd like someone that wanted to spend time with me without getting paid for it.'

Harry stiffened as he thought over everything he was saying. 'You don't actually believe that your dad pays them to be your friends do you?' Harry pushed Draco back so that he could look at his face.

'I know he does.' Draco waved it off as if it was nothing important. 'They have to be nice to me no matter what I do them. Pansy is just the same only she doesn't get money. She's hoping that our parents will arrange a marriage between us.'

Harry was confused then. Why did she bother with Draco at all? Why not just suck up to his parents?

'If it looks like where friends then they'll think they're doing me a favour. It doesn't matter, anyway. I'm bent and wouldn't like who they picked no matter what.'

Harry was extraordinary relieved to find out that. It didn't mean he was attracted to Harry, but Harry being a bloke probably made the situation easier. He had figured that he must have been bisexual, or he would not have done everything that they already had. Yet, he had tried to get out of it in the beginning and did say that he could hold a grudge.

'I'm not sure really what to call Blaise. He is more of an acquaintance. We talk, but just like Pansy I can't trust him. I enjoy spending time with him more than the others, though.'

'Why?'

'He can hold an intelligent conversation, and since he wants nothing from me is completely honest with me. He's the only person that insults me.'

'So you like him because he insults you?' Harry shook his head in confusion that anyone could think like that. Then he thought about all the things that Draco had said about him over the years. There were plenty of people that were much more pathetic than Harry, but he did not bother antagonising them all.

'It's messed up, I know. It's just I can tell he cares about me more than they do. If he didn't, he wouldn't waste his breath. You know?' It seemed to make perfect sense to Draco.

'By insulting you?'

Draco nodded.

'He's not the one that cares the most about you.' Harry looked down at his hands. 'You already have most of those things you said that wanted.'

Draco looked up at him confused then. Harry wrapped his arms around him and kissed his neck then held him tight as he whispered,

'I love you.'

'No.' Draco started shaking. 'No, no, no.'

Harry knew that he had to shut Draco up, or he would have to erase that moment too. He did as he normally did and shoved his tongue in his mouth when he opened it to talk. Draco tried to push him off, but Harry was stronger than him and was going to get his way. When he finally allowed Draco to breathe, Draco started talking and did not let Harry stop him.

'Promise me that you won't try to save me,' Draco said sternly.

'No,' Harry said forcefully. 'I will never promise that.'

'Harry, you have to. Believe me, I can take care of myself.'

'Draco, I love you.' He felt like he was about to cry, but then Draco did.

It was completely silent, but Harry was staring right at him so there was no way he could miss it.

'Everyone I love is in danger because I love them, and I refuse to let anything happen to you.'

Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

'No!' Harry yelled as Draco opened his mouth. 'We're not going to lose this.' He was frustrated with the entire situation. He wanted the sweet moments with him, but they needed the cold version of him to preserve them. 'So just shut up!'

It worked Draco was stunned and glared up at Harry. He refused to talk for the rest of the night as Harry held him and would kiss him in random places. Never on the mouth, though, because Draco was mad and he knew that he wouldn't kiss him back even if he were letting Harry hold him. And that would have hurt too much.


'Harry!' Ginny called up the stairs at the Burrow Christmas morning. 'It's time to open the presents and Ron said we can't start without you.'

He had been awake for hours but pretended to be asleep so that he could have a few moments alone. Ron always complained about the mass of people that he lived with, but Harry had always enjoyed their company. It kept him busy so that he did not have time to think about the less pleasant things in life.

'I'll be right down,' Harry called back as he finished pulling his shirt over his head. That break helped Harry understand Ron's need for privacy that he complained about all the time. He had a lot to think about, which was impossible when constantly surrounded by people. If he was quiet too long, they bugged him about it so he spent a lot of time pretending to sleep or going for walks. That didn't seem to bother them as much.

When he got downstairs, they were all gathered together in the living room. He wondered what Draco was doing then. Which was what he had spent most of his time doing that week. He pictured his family sitting together much like the Weasley's were except all stiff and formal. The thought made him want to laugh.

He sat by Ron on the couch then Ginny sat next to him. He thought nothing of that at first. It was not until they were midway through opening presents that he noticed she kept brushing his arm with hers. It was easy to not notice while everyone was shuffling around, but it seemed that she got impatient with his lack of acknowledgment. The last time she slowly drug her arm against his and then back again.

He definitely noticed that.

When he turned to give her a curious look, she smiled at him. After that he jumped up out of his seat, he began mumbling something about a drink so he could escape to the kitchen.

He had never given her any reason to believe that he would like her like that, had he?

It was a conscious decision to never flirt with anyone. He didn't want them to get hurt. While he got and gulped a glass of water down, he racked his brain as to what he could have done to prompt this. When he came up with nothing, he just stood there and tried to figure out what to do. Which of course took too long and Ginny had come to look for him.

'Hey,' she said as she walked across the kitchen towards him. He had no idea how he had not seen it coming. It was not like she hid the fact she liked him, but she had never been so forward before. If he could really consider a brush of her arm forward, which of course he did.

'Hey,' he mumbled then turned to refill his glass once more.

She mistook his nervousness as a sign that he was also interested in her. Really who wouldn't have thought the same in that situation? She reached out to touch his arm once more his reflexes swatted it away.

Before she could voice her confusion, Harry confronted her, 'Aren't you with Dean?'

'That hasn't really been going well.'

That was news to him; they'd seemed fine when they were snogging in the back booth of Hogshead just before the holidays. 'We're on a break right now. It might be indefinite.'

'I'm, um ...' He almost had let "I'm in love with someone else" out. Then thought better of that one. Which also ruled out "I'm seeing someone" being that both of those would have raised questions he wasn't ready to handle at that point. 'You know how I've been distance lately?'

She didn't even have to think about that. 'Yes,' she said the hopefulness obvious in her voice.

'Well,' Harry continued. 'I've been thinking….'