A/N: If you go back to the Allegiances within the next few minutes, you will see that two apprentices, Daisypaw and Ashpaw, have been taken out. That's because...well, in the initial writing process, I was adding a ton of apprentices to my allegiances, because I like to put a bunch of characters in and edit out...and I forgot to take them out. Sorry about that.
Special thanks to the lovely Leran (bunnyrave1) for being the beta for this chapter.
Please, please, PLEASE remember, I prefer to hear from everyone at warriorsworldofgray (dot) blogspot (dot) com!
Also remember that chapters come out first on there, not here.
Chapter Four: The Determinator
Shadowkit wasn't a very heavy sleeper, that was for sure. But that didn't stop his surprise when he felt a nose prod his side, sending a shock wave of pain into his mid-back. He jolted up, suppressing a yelp of pain, as he heard a cat whisper his name. "Shadowkit, dear, it's time to get up. Hurry, now."
Opening his eyes at the urgency of his mother's voice, he stood up awkwardly, trying not to put pressure on the side where a long claw-scratch had coursed from his spine to his shoulder. And Oakfoot wasn't even trying, he remembered, thinking of how the she-cat had fought so weakly, as if she was avoiding hurting them. Beside him, he saw Mudkit shake her fur, her green eyes bleary from being awoken.
"What's going on, mother?" Shadowkit asked, looking up at Lilytail. His mother was glancing out of the nursery into the dawn-lit camp, her eyes dark. She looked like she hadn't slept all night, and knowing his mother, that was not a far-off assumption to make. "Mother?"
Lilytail took a deep breath and leaned close to her kits. Mudkit seemed to have woken up more in the span of that few moments, and was now watching their mother intently. "Kits, I'm afraid we've had a rather serious tragedy."
"What do you mean?" Mudkit asked. "Did WindClan attack in the night to get back at us? Are we in big trouble?" Shadowkit saw his sister crouch down in fear out of the corner of his eye. I think we would have been woken for that, He thought, but that didn't stop the worry that was beginning to compress his heart. What's going on?
"No, dear, it wasn't that," Lilytail said, though the warmth that her voice usually held was all but gone in the place of deep sorrow. "Mudkit, Shadowkit...I'm afraid, early this morning, Birchkit died."
Shadowkit felt his heart drop. "What?"
Mudkit pressed up against him. "H-he died? But...but how? He was only knocked out!" Her voice had risen to a cracked squeak. "I...I don't-" She broke off into a whimper, and Shadowkit wrapped his tail around her weakly.
"Mudkit, I'm so sorry...I know he was your friend." She curled around her kits, though Shadowkit couldn't get any warmth from his mother's fur. He was too shocked. This can't be happening. He can't be dead. It's not right! "He was so young...Willowkit will need some help getting over this..."
Shadowkit was having trouble grasping the idea that he would never see his friend again. "This isn't right..." He let his head fall, staring at his paws. Lilytail licked his head, but he didn't find it as comforting as he used to.
"Icepaw is bringing his body out for a vigil. I wanted to let you know so that you could say goodbye to him." Shadowkit nodded, standing up weakly and padding towards the entrance. Mudkit lagged behind, her tail dragging the ground. He heard Lilytail get out of her nest to follow.
Shadowkit stepped into the half-lit clearing, and saw as Icepaw, the medicine cat apprentice, gently laid Birchkit's body in the center of the clearing. He looked down at the body that once belonged to his rival and friend, and let out a choked sob. His body had been cleaned of the blood, but his back was snapped like a branch in the brambles of ShadowClan's camp. He wanted to vomit at the sight, but his legs gave out on him first, and he sunk into a crouch next to the empty shell of a body that once housed Birchkit.
Mudkit was curled next to his head, shivering with sorrow. Lilytail hung back, though Shadowkit could see her watching the kits before she stood up and pressed her nose to Birchkit's motionless body.
After what seemed like moons laying there next to the corpse of his friend, a terrible thought struck Shadowkit, and his throat closed up a bit. He looked up at Lilytail and asked, "What's going to happen to Willowkit? What is she going to do without her brother? What if she doesn't want to become an apprentice anymore?"
Lilytail shook her head. "Willowkit is strong. I think she'll be fine in the long run. But maybe she could use some company, if you two want to go visit her in the medicine cat's den. Though," she added as Mudkit looked up, lowering her voice gently, "it would be a good idea if you checked in on Sagekit, too. She probably needs a friend now."
Shadowkit nodded, giving Birchkit's body one last glance before padding over to the medicine cat den with Mudkit following at his heels, her paws scraping along the dusty floor of the camp.
It was darker in there than it had been in the nursery; the only thing that Shadowkit was able to make out in the shadows were the forms of cats and vague pelt colors; the light grays of Icepaw and Willowkit, as well as the latter's parents, the brown of Quailspots, and the blob of darker grays that were Sootblaze and Sagekit.
As they entered, Quailspots looked up from where she had been sorting herbs. "Mudkit, Shadowkit." She sounded weary. "Please, come here. Let me check on you before you visit with your friends." Reluctantly, Shadowkit shuffled across the den, where Quailspots flicked her tail. "I'll let Icepaw take a look at you, Shadowkit. Mudkit, come here."
Sighing, Shadowkit padded over to Icepaw as his sister approached the Medicine cat. The apprentice was hunched over a pile of some flowers with bright yellow petals. Icepaw flicked one ear as Shadowkit approached, and he grudgingly sat down and waited for the light gray apprentice to get things going.
There was a slight breeze beside him as Icepaw spun around with some of the flower stems in his jaws. "Hi," he said around the plants. Shadowkit twitched his whiskers in greeting. "All right, then. Let me see your shoulder."
Shadowkit turned his back to Icepaw, and felt him begin to pull his fur away from the long claw-mark on his back. "Hmm. It's healing up nicely, that's for sure." Icepaw's voice was still hard to understand because of the stems. "But I'm going to add some more marigold juices. This'll sting, so be ready."
"Right," Shadowkit said, preparing himself. But just a moment too soon, Icepaw spat the juices onto his cut, and he couldn't bite back a hiss. He tensed himself as the medicine cat apprentice spat again and again, and the burning tingle became less intense each time.
"All right," Icepaw said, flicking Shadowkit with his tail, "You're free to go. Good luck." All too eagerly, Shadowkit stood up and padded over to where Mudkit, her wrenched claw treated, was waiting for him.
"What should we do?" Mudkit whispered. "Should we split up?"
Shadowkit thought for a moment, and remembered Sagekit's awkward attempt to cheer him up the day before. "Yes. You go ahead and talk to Willowkit. I'll go see Sagekit." His sister nodded, and he padded straight ahead to where Sootblaze and Sagekit lay, and for a moment, he thought that the little gray kit was dead too, from how still she lay.
"Sagekit?" She did not respond. She could still be sleeping... He took a step closer and said, "Sagekit, when you wake up...Birchkit is dead, and-"
"I know," Sagekit's voice interjected, cold and quiet. Shadowkit blinked in surprise at the sudden change of character in the normally-timid gray tabby kit. "What do you want?"
Shadowkit flicked his tail, wishing he hadn't come. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He winced in anticipation of another stinging response.
Instead, there was no noise aside from the shifting of the bedding as Sagekit turned to face him. Surprisingly, Sootblaze was still sleeping, but he could have been awake well into the night to make sure that his daughter was out of the danger zone. Sagekit looked at him full on, and he had to stifle a gasp at half of her face; it was so torn and raw, ripped at by fangs that he could barely tell that the two halves formed a whole.
She was watching him now, her expression guarded and ears pointed toward the outside of her face. "I mean..." He searched for the words, but Sagekit's silence was making it difficult. The gray tabby just nodded, and he saw something flash in her eyes, but it was gone before he could see what it was. Sagekit flicked her tail, as if asking him to leave. "Uh. Alright then."
He shuffled across the den to where Willowkit was speaking with Mudkit. Birchkit's sister was laying with her head on her paws. Mudkit turned to him when he arrived. "Any luck?"
"Nothing." He admitted. Willowkit looked vaguely confused despite the raw pain in her amber eyes, and Shadowkit continued. "She was...cold. It was like she was angry or something."
Mudkit gave him a worried look before returning to the conversation she was having with Willowkit. "It's not your fault, and your parents DON'T blame you. I'm certain of it." Shadowkit guessed they were talking about the patrol; it HAD been Willowkit's idea...
"It doesn't matter, anyway. WindClan was the one that killed him. I'll get back at that Pikepelt one of these days." Willowkit was glaring at the side of the den now, and the look in her eyes suggested she was imagining tearing the gray tom apart at this moment. Shadowkit shuddered, but despite the grief and fear he felt, he couldn't help but admire her conviction.
Mudkit nodded. "Just wait till we're apprentices though, okay?"
"Right." With that, Willowkit curled back up, draping her tail over her ripped muzzle.
Shadowkit and Mudkit exchanged a glance, and reluctantly, he headed towards the exit with his sister. But before he could leave, a voice from behind him said his name, and he whipped around to see Sootblaze.
Before he could ask what he was doing, Sootblaze said, "I want to thank you for trying to help Sagekit and Willowkit." Shadowkit, surprised at the sudden praise, nodded. "They have their families for the grief now, but they'll need friends like you and Mudkit later." The dark gray tabby flicked his tail, and whisked up to go back to where Sagekit appeared to be sleeping. "You best get some rest."
Shadowkit stumbled out of the den and right into Mudkit. Lilytail had come to the medicine cats' den, but she and Mudkit were stopped outside as their mother and another cat exchanged glances across the clearing. The other cat, a dark brown tabby tom, flicked his tail, and padded out of the tunnel. Lilytail sighed, and Mudkit bowed her head.
Shadowkit, however, didn't feel anything resembling sorrow. Bitterness welled up where his grief for Birchkit had been, and he felt his fur start to rise on end. He spat on the ground, stalking towards the nursery.
"Shadowkit, wait!" He reluctantly stopped, lashing his tail back and forth. Mudkit padded forward slowly, and pressed her face to his uninjured shoulder. "Don't be mad now," she whimpered. "He'll pay attention someday."
Shadowkit nodded absently, feeling his anger ebb, but couldn't help but notice Lilytail's doubtful expression. Why him? Why did he have to be our father? As if she heard the question, Lilytail sighed and ushered the siblings back towards the nursery with her tail. They passed Hawkstorm on the way out. She must have been relieved, what with Sootblaze taking care of Sagekit.
Mudkit and Shadowkit laid down silently next to each other as their mother curled up on their nest. For a few heartbeats, there was nothing but silence, until Mudkit asked, "Will Eagleflight ever care, mother?"
Lilytail sighed. "I'm not sure, Mudkit. I promise you two," She gazed at them seriously, "That I never ONCE wanted this for my kits. I wanted him to be a father that you could respect and look up to, not one that was distant...but sometimes, that's just the way it works. You know that; your friend Adderpaw's father, Heronfrost, was never very close to him. Fathers have never had any obligation to their kits."
Shadowkit flattened his ears, feeling his claws unsheathe themselves. "Why do Sootblaze and Wrenstripe stick around, then?" Mudkit asked. Shadowkit winced at the mention of Birchkit's father. Yet Mudkit had asked this question many times before, seemingly never satisfied with whatever answer she got.
"Because every cat is very different. In every respect, including parenting, different cats have different ways to go about what happens in their lives."
Shadowkit released his hold on the nursery floor, looking down as memories of his friend and the pain of his passing mixed up with the continual edge of his father's negligence. "I don't ever want to be like that. It's like... abandoning responsibility."
Lilytail purred quietly. "That's a good way to think of it if you want a mate to stick around. However," she suddenly became serious, and Shadowkit looked up. "You have to learn to appreciate what you have, especially in light of such a tragedy. Just be glad that you have each other, and don't have to deal with the loss of a sibling, o-or a kit..." Lilytail trailed off, her voice shaking, and Shadowkit and Mudkit closer. "I-I'm just glad that you're okay..."
Shadowkit sat, stunned, as his mother licked each of their heads in turn. We really could have died out there. Despite the situation, he had forced the idea of what danger they had been in to the depths of his mind. Oh, StarClan... "W-we didn't mean to worry you," he said, "We just wanted to..."
"I'm sorry, mother," Mudkit whimpered, curling closer. "We didn't want this to happen..."
"I know you didn't." Lilytail laid her chin on the top of their heads. Mudkit had begun to shake with sobs, and Shadowkit felt himself trembling along. "But I was so, so scared for you."
Shadowkit pressed himself closer into his mother's fur. If she was this scared, how could Willowkit's parents possibly feel? He sobbed raggedly. He didn't even get to be an apprentice with us. Birchkit...why did this have to happen to you? I always thought you were so strong...I thought you were so brave... "M-mother..." Lilytail looked down at him. "I-I want to be s-strong and brave like Birchkit was..."
"Oh, Shadowkit..." He felt his mother's tail wrap around him. "You don't have anything to prove."
"I don't want to prove," Shadowkit said, pulling away from his mother and sister as he searched for the words. "I want to honor my fallen friend." Mudkit looked at him, surprised, and Lilytail's eyes suddenly became sad again, and he allowed himself to be pulled back in.
You hear that, Birchkit? He thought, hoping his thoughts would reach his friend in StarClan. It's a promise now.
A/N: ...My friends say I write depressing things :c
I'm very sorry about the wait for this chapter. I have a LOT of things going on, between school and other writing projects and art projects.
But I hope that any of you that like Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's will be willing to read a LONG fanfic that I plan to write later on~~
