engulfed in flames
Rukia walked out of her apartment door and found herself face to face with none other than the formidable Nanao.
She wasn't one to be easily startled, especially as of late. She's been looking lifeless. Robotic even.
How ironic.
"Abarai-san?" Nanao began, though a bit uneasily. "Is there something wrong? Didn't you just get off from work an hour ago?"
Rukia attempted to smile, but it turned out into a slight grimace. "I'm meeting some of my coworkers for dinner. That and I think I need some air."
In all honesty though, it was summer. So summer air would have been equally toxic since it somewhat defeated the purpose; however, Rukia knew she had to get out of her apartment. Work was getting hectic. Home life was hectic. The home space suddenly seemed smaller, threatening to swallow her into an alternate dimension. He was making her feel frenetic. She felt herself drowning within the world of chaos.
Is this how you apply chaos theory into the personal? And then to feel the after effects of the consequences as systems and one's behaviors begin to unravel and change? Hmm…
Nanao nodded, in both pity and understanding. Fortunately, she didn't really understand Rukia's dilemma as Rukia wasn't able to comprehend it herself.
That and perhaps because she chose to remain ignorant about her inner – true? – self.
"I see. I was about to invite you to Kyōraku-sama's apartment since he's having a Friday night dinner party of some sort. Don't worry, Abarai-san, he's providing all of the nourishments." Nanao laughed as she attempted to cheer Rukia up, but she immediately frowned as she saw Rukia forcing a smile just to pacify her.
Nanao pondered what was wrong with Rukia. Maybe she was missing her husband? He's been absent much more than usual. Again, she felt an enormous amount of sadness for Rukia.
Rukia tried her best to move her currently immobile face to produce a genuine smile, but she most likely failed. "Thank you, Ise-san. Maybe another time? I've been busy at work and my colleagues decided it was time to have a night off. So I'm off to see them. Please send Kyōraku-san my apologies. I'll be sure to make it next time, hopefully."
Nanao nodded sympathetically. "Of course, Abarai-san. Just have fun. I'm worried about you."
Rukia managed a small smile this time. Nanao was always so kind to her. "Thanks and likewise. Have a good night."
With those words Rukia left.
Nanao entered Shunsui's large apartment (really, it was a condo) after bidding Rukia good night and ignored his innuendos, which were not only uncivilized but immaturely lame as well.
She was a bit stupefied when she noticed Ichigo sitting next to Shunsui as the flirty, older man was trying to get the younger man to drink more sake. Ichigo rarely left his apartment, especially when he found out that Rukia was either at work or decided to stay in for the night. The two, as Nanao keenly observed, seemed to have a strong camaraderie and it was quite visible when one notices the smallest details. He was comfortable with her; while Rukia was a bit reserved and guarded with strangers – and friends for that matter – she also seemed comfortable with him.
Did he accept the invitation because he thought Rukia would show up?
It was like Shunsui to interrupt her analytical thoughts.
"Nanao-chan! You finally came!" Shunsui slurred. "I was dying of loneliness without you!"
Nanao coughed and hid her blush by pushing her glasses forward. "Quit being dramatic. You're sitting with Kurosaki-kun and Lisa-chan, I doubt you're lonely, let alone dying."
Shunsui smiled. "Ah! My Nanao-chan knows me best! Are we missing a person?" He looked around for someone.
As did Ichigo.
"No, Abarai-san went out to meet with her colleagues. She won't be joining us tonight," Nanao replied.
She then directed her gaze to an oblivious Ichigo.
And mentally rolled her eyes.
"She goes out with friends looking like that? Dressed even more than the nines?" Lisa questioned.
Ichigo's brain was processing the question.
.
.
.
Rukia met up with two of her colleagues from the IT Group and best friends: Matsumoto Rangiku and Hinamori Momo.
The trio met up at the underground jazz bar that she and Ichigo had frequented in the past and just as Rukia sat down, the two immediately noticed her new diamond stud earrings.
"Good god! The shine on them are blinding my eyes!" Rangiku exclaimed and for a dramatized effect, she covered her eyes. "The shine of the bling is too real; it hurts."
Rukia rolled her eyes. "Rangiku-san, don't be dramatic."
"But 'tis true, Rukia-chan! Those are some major stones! Did Renji buy them for you? I don't think it's your anniversary, is it? I mean I was drunk during your wedding as your bridesmaid, but I remember it being sometime in the fall? Or was it winter? Whatever, you get my point."
Regardless of her initial thoughts about said bling-stones, Rukia smiled. A genuine this time. Rangiku, in many extreme cases, was able to get her out of her inner turmoil.
"Awww! Rukia-chan, Renji-kun is so sweet! He must really miss you," Momo chimed.
Rukia unconsciously touched her right earring and sighed, remembering the events that occurred an hour before.
.
.
Rukia was sitting in her office, scratching Chappy's ears as she was looking over the past and current projects that the IT Group were working on. She had an hour to spare before she had to meet up with Momo and Rangiku so she might as well try to remain productive.
Her doorbell rang.
And once again, the offensive doorbell angered and frightened Chappy, making the poor white cat scramble away to another safe haven.
Rukia sighed and trekked to the door, opening it and was greeted by an employee at Tokyo Post. He asked her to sign for an express package and handed her a small black box that was addressed to her yet there was no return address.
Rukia thanked the employee and closed her door.
Observing the box, she hesitantly opened it and found a pair of expensive, sparkly earrings.
She sighed.
Her iPhone buzzed.
She saw the caller's name, sighed, and hit the 'Accept' button. "Hey Renji. Everything okay?"
…
Rukia listened to her husband as she held the box storing the earrings in one hand. She wasn't sure what to think of the gift. He knew she never really cared for such lavish gifts. Sure, hi-tech technology she adored – a major privilege – but such pricey earrings?
She also knew that Renji wasn't one to surprise her with such gifts.
So what was on his mind?
"That's good. Glad you and Nii-sama were able to handle the business contract smoothly. I hope your French didn't make you a laughing stock in Paris," Rukia joked. Well, attempted to.
…
"Yes, I received the earrings. They…are…nice looking?"
…
"Yeah? I'm just wondering why you decided to buy me earrings. Randomly might I add."
He was getting agitated, she could tell. "I just wanted to know. And we both know that you rarely buy me jewelry since I don't wear them all that much."
…
"No, I didn't say you were trying to – quote - 'maintain me with gifts to keep me.' You're the one that assumed that, Renji."
…
"Don't be presumptuous."
…
"Excuse me?"
…
"And may I ask why you're involving Kurosaki-kun in our current argument? What does he have to do with anything?"
…
"As I've told you before, Renji, he and I are friends."
…
Listening to Renji rant about her 'relationship' with Ichigo was stressing her out. Though she might have some underlying feelings for Ichigo, she also knew that these feelings were stirring because they were perhaps opposites – foils – to each other that made their 'relationship' odd to 'outsiders.'
She was also hyperaware of the fact that she was mildly attracted to him and while she was guilty for having such thoughts, she would never do anything to betray Renji and risk their marriage.
Then again, those were just temporary feelings that were seeping in. Feelings can halt.
Positively controllable.
…
"You can think whatever suits your insecure ego, Renji. But I will also tell you that he and I are neighbors, friends. And married people, yes, exclusively humans because I won't speak for other nonhuman entities, can remain as friends. Platonic relationships can exist. They do exist."
…
Sighing she continued, "I know, Renji. If it's obvious that there's chemistry between us, then fine. But chemistry also carries over to friends."
…
"Perhaps you are thinking too much, Renji."
…
".."
…
"Yes, I love you too, Renji."
.
.
"Earth to Rukia-chan! My god Momo! It finally happened! Rukia finally revealed to us that she's not a human!" Rangiku dramatically wailed.
"Oh be quiet, Rangiku-san!" Momo playfully admonished. "Rukia-chan, you're a human, right? It's totally fine if you're not. You're still the coolest person here."
Rukia finally blinked, an indication that she had heard the ridiculous yet fun accusations. "Greetings, earthlings. I come in peace."
Though Rukia was being lame and monotonous, it worked for Rangiku and Momo as the two nearly fell out of their chairs.
After wiping her eyes, Rangiku continued, "Really, what's wrong Rukia-chan? I mean we're just basically saying Renji has mighty fine taste in jewelry. It's not unusual since his fashion is a bit, uh, interesting in his line of work, but to each to their own. I guess…"
Momo looked at Rukia said, "You probably miss him, don't you, Rukia-chan? Don't worry. A month goes by quickly. He'll return to you before you know it!"
Rukia half smiled and thanked her friends.
Rangiku turned her attention to Momo. "You're the one to speak, Momo. Taichou has been attending conferences after conferences and I bet you Skype him or have phone se…eh? What's wrong, Momo?"
Rukia focused on Momo and noticed that her eyes were downcast. "Is everything alright Momo? Something happen?"
Guilt was written all over her face.
Momo began shaking and tears were dropping onto the table. Rukia and Rangiku immediately looked at each other in concern – and surprise. Momo was maybe the happiest person on the planet. A gross exaggeration, but it could be true.
Squeezing her shoulder, Rangiku asked, "What's wrong Momo? Something happened between you and Taichou? Is it the distance? Like you told Rukia-chan, he'll return to you."
Tears were still falling and Momo stammered, "I've…be..been…I've…been…Shiro…"
Rukia gave her a glass of water and Rangiku informed her to take her time to coherently tell them everything.
Momo hiccupped and finally revealed her own inner guilt that was eating her alive: "I've been cheating on Shiro…"
The happy atmosphere moments ago suddenly changed. Not only a pin drop could interrupt the tense silence that was currently engulfing the three.
Rangiku suddenly shouted, "You what?! How could you?! It's none of my business, but Taichou loves you, really loves you! How could you do that?! To him?! He doesn't deserve it!"
Momo cried harder. "I can't really justify it, Rangiku-san. It just happened."
Rangiku's eyes then turned to slits – never had Rukia seen her best friend angrier than this very moment. "Momo, you've been married to Taichou for what? Six years? And you've known each other for what? Since childhood? Why throw that all away for a night of fuck and fun?!"
Momo, again, cried harder. "You don't understand…"
Rangiku was about to say more, but Rukia stopped her.
"Rangiku-san, please stop making a scene. You're only aggravating the situation." Rukia once more focused her gaze to Momo. "Momo? You made that choice and I'm sure you understand the consequences. Rangiku-san was harsh, but try to understand her standpoint, she and Hitsugaya-kun are really close."
Momo nodded. "Yes, I understand. As I've told you, it just happened…between me and Aizen Sōsuke…"
"Aizen! As in yours and Taichou's former professor, Rukia-chan?!" Rangiku exclaimed.
Rukia simply nodded and Momo confirmed by nodding.
Rukia wanted to get behind the psychology behind the choice and action, but hesitated. That and she did not want to pry – it wasn't her nature to.
"Like I said, Rangiku-san, it happened. There was a mutual attraction between us when we first met. As Shiro's absence was recurring, he and I met up and we slept with each other. I knew it was a mistake, but I couldn't control myself. Although I wanted to stop it, I couldn't and so I kept coming to him," Momo miserably revealed.
So this is now normalized behavior? To renounce one's marital vows to practice polygamy without notifying the other spouse? Guilt: the power to crush one's soul.
Rukia frowned as she was reflecting.
Rangiku tightened her hand around her glass of beer. "Momo, you need to tell Taichou and if you want to stay with him, then you need to stop seeing Aizen. Or if you want to leave Taichou, then leave him. It's also fair to give Taichou a choice once you tell him. It's not fair to Taichou, you, or Aizen."
Momo looked down. "Aizen-sama ended it last night. He told me he was getting married in a month."
The trio went quiet. No one dared uttered a word although there was a lot to be said.
Rukia, however, thought, "A lot can happen in a month. I need to put this in perspective as the consequences are too severe. For everyone."
What she told Renji earlier had to be placed in the backburner, just to police her own feelings. The guilt of cheating was powerful enough to crush a person and she didn't want that power to crush Renji, Orihime, and Ichigo.
Rukia sighed as she tried to comfort her friend.
Guilt also never fails to burn you alive.
.
.
.
Three nights later, Ichigo next saw Rukia walking from a restaurant with her friend as she bid her farewell – or so he assumes. He also noticed that her friend was as short as her – to which he chuckled – but it also looked like the friend was crying.
Rukia walked in his direction, but she wasn't aware that he was right there, in front of her.
Ichigo felt a bit hurt that she wasn't even aware of his presence as he was right in front of her. She simply walked passed him without any acknowledgement. It wasn't her fault, but the pain of being ignored lingered.
Hesitantly he called out to her, "Abarai-san?"
He saw how her body froze immediately. It was as if she were glued to that very spot.
Ichigo slowly walked up to her as she turned around.
"Good evening, Kurosaki-kun," Rukia greeted.
He could tell she was nervous. But he wasn't sure why.
He also knew his heart was palpitating at seeing her. Again.
Finally.
"Ah, likewise. I haven't seen you around lately. Everything okay with you…with Abarai?" Ichigo had to force the last part out.
Rukia nodded. "Yes, all is well. And you? How's the flagship restaurant going? And how is Kurosaki-san acclimating in Vietnam?"
Ichigo frowned. "Yeah, it's just been busy with the restaurant and stuff. I'm planning the menu and I'm hoping the crew is ready to open it in a week or two." He stared at Rukia. "You're planning to come to my grand opening still, right?"
Rukia didn't answer.
Ichigo suddenly remembered. "And Orihime is fine. She's fallen in love with the street food there. She wants to visit there together sometime."
Rukia nodded again. She just wanted to return home and rest. She's been exhausted. About everything. And she was cognizant of the fact that she evaded the question about being present at his restaurant's grand opening.
It was intentional.
"Well, it's nice running into you, Kurosaki-kun. Have a good rest of the evening," Rukia droned. Honestly, she was running out of things to say, which wasn't normal. She was not normal as of late.
Before she was able to leave him, Ichigo asked, "Abarai-san, is it too imposing to ask if you would like to have a cup of coffee with me?"
His voice sounded wishful.
"Kurosaki-kun…I don't…"
"A cup of joe at my restaurant. You'll be the first person…friend….to see the interior. Isn't that a good incentive to go? I mean 'great bragging rights,' right?" Ichigo smirked, hoping she would really come. He just wanted to be in her company. Like that time at the underground jazz bar.
Rukia looked at him as if trying to decipher both his eyes and what he was thinking. Rigidly, she agreed.
His smirk became a half smile.
And the two walked side by side, though in awkward silence.
.
.
.
Rukia was nervously stirring her coffee with a wooden spoon. She had to admit that Ichigo's sense of interior décor was brilliant. That or she was used to such hipsterish interior when she visited the States, but his building, the exterior, the interior, to his utensils were almost fashionably decided. Well, Ichigo did have a punkish, street/hipster fashion vibe, much like her husband so it was no surprise that their décor conveniently matched their aesthetics in fashion.
The mere thought of her husband made her stop thinking about Ichigo and his fashionable methods of choosing materials.
She opted to continue stirring her and staring at the teak wood coffee cup.
The current atmosphere was awkward. Politely awkward even. They hadn't really spoken much either. She was too engrossed with her stirring as he was smoking (again) and taking sips of his coffee.
After taking another sip of his coffee, Ichigo put his cup back down onto the wooden saucer. "Abarai-san, I'm going to be blunt, so do forgive me. Is there a reason why you've been avoiding me?"
Rukia stopped stirring as if his question triggered something. Emotionally. For most of the night, her eyes were focused on her coffee cup, it contents as it was swirling upon the combined friction between her fingers and the spoon. Not once had she maintained eye contact with him ever since they entered his dimly lit, not yet opened restaurant.
She bit the inside of her left cheek, unsure how to respond to him. Because to her, it was ridiculous and she wanted to keep in within the deep pits of an abyss. Meaning her heart.
"Did I do something that might have offended you?" he probed. "If that's the case, I'm sorry."
He sounded genuine, as if he didn't mean to do anything that might have placed her in the current predicament.
But it was my own fault for allowing myself there in the first place. It has nothing to do with Kurosaki-kun.
She shook her head. "I do apologize, Kurosaki-kun. You didn't do anything wrong. I've been in a funk lately and wanted to be alone. If I was being standoffish to you, then again, I apologize." She then bowed her head.
Ichigo knew she wasn't telling him everything, and that was her right; so he decided to respect her decision.
It was simple, really. He respected her and would give her the space she needed. But he also missed talking to her.
Ichigo nodded as he placed his cigarette in an ashtray and wiped any ashes that had fallen onto the wooden tables.
Rukia couldn't help but roll her eyes. "You do know that the stench of cigarettes are strong, yes? Your restaurant will reek of smoke by the time you open it."
Ichigo bit back a smile. Her off-putting yet signature sarcasm was back. "Not if I air the place out."
"Right. By opening the doors during the night? People are going to be looting," Rukia sassed.
It was his turn to roll his eyes, but he enjoyed their comfortable banter.
He then asked, "Are you hungry, Abarai-san? I can whip us a quick meal?"
"Depends. Are you charging me for after hour specials?" she quipped.
"No, but the stipulation: you come to my grand opening."
.
Ichigo brought out a tray of soba noodles, pan fried dumplings, and iced water.
"Is this what I get from a James Beard winner? Aren't you like an artistic chef or something? There's not a drop of color in the food. Talk about false advertisement," Rukia joked.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm pulling out the guns for the grand opening. Be grateful that I'm feeding you for free," Ichigo contested.
The duo ate in silence. But it was apparent that Rukia used her sarcasm to mask how uncomfortable she was.
Ichigo seemed to have noticed this and after swallowing he decided to ask her if they could meet up with each other more. He would really appreciate her being his tour guide.
Rukia stilled her chopsticks. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Kurosaki-kun."
"Why?" he demanded, albeit hotly.
Rukia, once again, was at loss for words. "Um, society's perceptions?" She hoped he was able to understand the 'full context' of her vague answer. Even she was unable to say the word. It was as if the word was a scarlet word. A taboo.
Ichigo knew what she was alluding to, for he had been contemplating the same thing. It truly was a dilemma, but he knew it wouldn't be anything risky if they didn't want it to be. Operative word: if. They were both adults, capable of controlling and handling themselves.
"Abarai-san," he began, "if you're afraid that people will think of this as an affair, which I'm assuming is the case, then don't worry. Two married people are allowed to be friends. It doesn't have to be anything else. Platonic relationships do exist you know."
Rukia looked at him straight in the eye. That forbidden word suddenly hitting her with full force. It showed. Now, she was quite ashamed of herself. "I'm sorry, Kurosaki-kun."
Ichigo wanted to touch her hand and squeeze it for reassurance but that would have contradicting everything he had said earlier. "Don't apologize. I just want to spend time with you. As friends. If that's okay with you."
Rukia smiled. Traces of dilemma, though, still existed, were greatly reduced and she was able to sigh in relief. "Yes, absolutely. As friends. Thank you, Kurosaki-kun."
They spent the rest of the night together talking as friends again.
.
.
.
A week later, Zangetsu opened to the public.
And as promised, Rukia, even though she made last minute reservations, came with Rangiku.
Ichigo smiled as he saw her from their open-spaced kitchen as she sat down.
"Oh wow, look at this place! Amazing! Thanks for inviting me, Rukia-chan. You're the best boss-friend one could ever have," Rangiku bellowed.
"Yes, and don't you forget that. And apparently, I favor you, Rangiku-san," Rukia airily replied. "Ayasegawa Yumichikia and Madarame Ikkaku have been complaining."
Rangiku snorted as Rukia tittered while shaking her head over what Rangiku was telling her. It was something about how refracting lightbulbs and narcissistic featherheads were not great assets to anything in life.
At that moment, Ichigo walked towards their table. Upon arrival, he asked if they wanted to try the tasting menu in the next room or order from the menu.
Rukia smiled at him and was gifted with his signature half smile, half smirk. Ichigo looked rather cool: no chef's jacket because according to him, they were nothing more than laboratory-like coats that were worn to distinguish one's "authority in a kitchen/restaurant" from waiters, customers, and the like.
Instead, Ichigo wore a highly fashionable blue apron that looked custom made and tailored, a denim jean casual shirt with black skinnies, and black boots.
"Oh my…are you the owner and chef of Zangetsu?" Rangiku asked, a bit surprised even. She wasn't sure why, it was most likely the striking orange hair. And then she knew it: he was the famous up and coming chef who was innovative when it came to food!
"Yeah, I am," Ichigo replied, eyes never leaving Rukia's face, though she was looking at the menu, trying to decide whether they should opt for the tasting menu in the next room. "Thanks for coming."
Before Rukia was about to respond to him, Rangiku exclaimed, "Of course! My boss-friend here invited me to come! And I can't believe I get to meet such a high profiled chef." She then noticed the spatial "energy" changing and was hit with an epiphany. "Rukia-chan! Do you know the Kurosaki Ichigo?! Why didn't tell me?" she wailed.
Rukia cocked an eyebrow. "Because you didn't ask?"
Rangiku started wailing.
Ichigo looked at her as if she were crazy and bit back a snort when he saw Rukia trying not to laugh at her poor friend's predicament.
"Abarai-san?" he asked again. "What will it be today?"
Rukia looked at the menu once more and directed her gaze at Rangiku to see what she should like, but she was still dramatically crying, gaining the attention of another chef with the number '69' tattooed on his cheek. She rolled her eyes and looked at Ichigo once more, who gave her a knowing smirk. "Let's go with the tasting menu. It seems very ambitious and hyperseasonal. Are you changing the menus daily?"
Ichigo bit back a smile as he was quite charmed with Rukia; she really was keen and observant. "You could say that. It's just a trial and error. We're trying to see what works and what doesn't. You know, kind of like your research projects. We're trying to optimize everything here. From ingredients to the experience."
After a few more words were exchanged, Ichigo led Rukia and Rangiku to the tasting menu room, where they enjoyed several small, pretty plates.
And each time plates were cleared and/or new plates arrived, Ichigo made sure to be present to explain the food. And to banter with Rukia.
.
.
.
"So, who's the petite tattoo girl?" Hirako Shinji, Ichigo's sous chef asked. "You two seem to know each other well. Really well, I might add. Thought you just moved to Tokyo a month ago?"
Ichigo and Shinji were sitting on a bench outside of the restaurant, sharing a few bottles of beer for celebratory purposes. It was after 2am, most of the other chefs and waiters were long gone after a successful grand opening.
"She's my neighbor and friend," Ichigo said. And Shinji saw that he was being deliberately vague but didn't pry further.
Instead he said, "I see. So you don't mind if I've fallen in love with her?"
"She's married, Shinji."
"Yeah, but do you remember that, Ichigo?"
Ichigo remained silent for several seconds and he had an urge for a cigarette as his stress levels were increasing again.
"Of course I do. Don't assume anything, Shinji."
"Just checking."
.
.
.
A week later, Ichigo invited Rukia to his restaurant during after hours to test his "artefactual products." He had a kitchen lab upstairs and wanted her to come up for a session of tasting and feedback. And so they could catch up.
Rukia was observing Ichigo in awe at his rather graceful movements. For such a gruff looking person, he sure was elegant when it came to cooking and handling food. He must have respected the ingredients too much.
She silently snorted.
Ichigo decided to break the ice. "So tell me. Do you have other aspirations aside from the IT Group?"
"Sure," Rukia responded.
Ichigo waited for Rukia to elaborate.
When she didn't, which wasn't surprising as she always found an excuse to test his patience, he asked, "Wanna elaborate on that?"
Rukia popped a piece of "watermelon steak" into her mouth, savoring the lasting effects of the taste and coolness of the "steak" and the answered, "No, not really."
"Come on, Abarai-san…"
Rukia finally conceded, pitying the chef. "Fine, fine. I've always wished I can perhaps publish a short, science fiction manga/novel. Hashtag life goals."
Ichigo blinked, unsure if what she was revealing was truth or fiction. "Really?" Doubt was evident in his voice.
Rukia gave him a bland look. "Food is an art form, so don't judge."
Ichigo raised his eyes in defeat and then offered her a spoon of liquid pea sphere as a peace offering.
She harrumphed at him, but because the pea sphere looked exquisite, she accepted it anyway.
Ichigo rolled his eyes. "So why a manga artist? Childhood dream?"
Rukia stared at the delicate spoon of food as if she didn't want do devour such beauty; she ultimately ate it anyway. Food was meant to be eaten. She nodded in approval and savored the taste, complimenting Ichigo in the process. "Yes, you can say that. I've always liked to draw and try to come up with unconventional storylines."
Ichigo processed Rukia's words as if trying to decode her. "Oh I see. So you want to be like those convoluted sci fi manga artists, writers? I guess that's fitting. You're what they describe a hi-tech genius. It all makes sense."
Rukia laughed. "My reasoning of wanting to do something doesn't necessarily equate logic. It's the story that needs to make sense for continuity purposes. I wouldn't want readers flipping out because the story line doesn't flow, you know?"
"I wouldn't know," Ichigo deadpanned.
Rukia scowled at him.
"So what would be the story?" Ichigo asked. He just wanted the night to last a bit longer; plus, the conversation was getting interesting, especially since Rukia barely talked about her personal life.
"I thought you knew it was going to be within the science fiction genre? What else do you need to know?" Rukia deadpanned, firing back at him.
It was his turn to scowl.
Rukia smirked; she got him. "Okay, fine. I'll be concise: a love story set in the future, where technology has completely blurred life and death and organic and inorganic. I would like to examine and provide commentary on how the concepts of emotions, feelings, and I guess love are conceptualized in the near future. Say about fifty years from now. Or, is the Internet a platform for love? As such, how does that change what one would ascribe as human relationships between humans."
The room was silent as Ichigo was once more processing the information Rukia just disclosed. He stopped mixing and stirring and looked at her, seriously. "Not a bad premise. If you make it more like a futuristic Shakespearian story, I'd read it."
Rukia cackled, which annoyed Ichigo. Why couldn't someone like him appreciate the beauty that was Shakespeare?
"I'm serious. If you don't mind my art skills, we can write the story and draw the panels. You know, a friend project."
Rukia stopped cackling and looked at him, thoughtfully. "I'd like that."
They smiled at each other.
.
.
.
On a Saturday afternoon, Rukia found herself trapped in Ichigo's apartment.
After midnight, Ichigo invited Rukia to his apartment to work on their manga project, titled: 3027.
It was just a tentative title until they thought of something worthy of the Shogakukan Manga Award.
The title was an uninspiring attempt to combine their respective ages, but it seemed to work, so they left it as is.
Temporarily.
Since the IT Group wasn't open on the weekends, Rukia decided to make character designs and storyboards for possible story arcs.
They worked for five hours, two of which consisted of them discussing their own professional projects and it was a time to catch up with each other.
Then they dozed off in Ichigo's guest room until the afternoon, but it was a knock that woke them up.
Shunsui knocked on Ichigo's door and asked if the 'usual crew' could have another progressive dinner party around 8pm.
Ichigo was nervous, but he had to appear calm for Rukia's sake, who hid herself in his and Orihime's room. "You've had like four parties this in the past two weeks, Kyōraku-san. It's the middle of the month. Don't you think it's time for a break?"
Shunsui – a person that had a non-fading smile – laughed. "Oh, Kurosaki-kun! Every day is a party! My parents partied and merrily drank 24/7 in the 60s. I'm just trying to keep their tradition! If it's not much, we would like you to open your apartment for the main course. And as usual, you can plan the menu!"
Ichigo scowled. Were people this invasive during the swinging 60s?
"But I'll be at work today from 4pm until closing…" Ichigo reasoned.
"It's fine. Just keep your apartment open! It's safe in this neighborhood!" Shunsui assured.
Ichigo sighed. There was no way out of this. "Fine, but please, stay out of the bedrooms. That's the least you all can do for invading my space while I'm not present."
Shunsui whistled. "Of course! I know the room is off limits. Wink, wink. Thanks, Kurosaki-kun! And don't worry about the main course. We'll order pizza or something!"
Ichigo stared at his landlord in disbelief. "Then why do I have to open my door if I'm not going to cook anything?!"
"It's called a progressive dinner party for some reason. Who knows? I might hire a personal chef tonight for the occasion. Oh, no offense to you, Kurosaki-kun!"
With that, Shunsui went on his merry way.
Ichigo sighed.
And that was how Rukia found herself unable to leave. She was pretty sure Nanao has been noticing her absence lately. She was too observant for her own good.
"I can hear them laughing across the hall. They're starting earlier than usual," Ichigo noted.
Rukia nodded. "I can't even get back to my apartment. Knowing some of their traditionalist views, it would look suspicious if I walked out of your apartment. I don't want rumors starting. I'm so sorry, Chappy."
Ichigo clenched his jaw and tensely said, "But we're not doing anything wrong."
"We know that, but they don't. Once words spread through the grapevine, it becomes almost paparazzi-like, uncontrollable and too many self-justifications are used, making one appear guilty. I don't want that for us. Or for our spouses."
Ichigo nodded tensely. "Fine, but the only thing I can think of is for you to stay in here until I return. Can you manage for about eight or so hours?"
"I'll be fine, Kurosaki-kun. I'll most likely read or sleep. No worries. I don't snore."
Although she knew the severity of the situation, she tried to maintain her humor. Ichigo, on the other hand, seemed like he was in a sour mood.
"Fine. I'll leave some water and some food in here, but you won't be able to use the bathroom. Halls are thinly veiled."
"Understood."
.
.
Around 1am, Ichigo rushed home to his apartment and saw that the party was still drinking and playing poker. Though he could tell Nanao looked irritated.
Shunsui asked if he wanted to join the party since they planned to drink all the beer and then return to their apartments, but Ichigo respectfully declined, citing that he was tired from work.
He tried to appear as normal as he could, even as he held two bags full of food.
Nanao's eyes followed Ichigo's form the whole time, but Ichigo didn't notice.
Once Ichigo entered the room, he found Rukia reading one of his books.
Ichigo placed a finger on his lips, informing her to be quiet and turned on his iPod player. Music began to play and the two began to talk and eat.
He was asking her if she was alright. She answered yes.
She was trying to fight the guilt of being in another couple's room, as if ashamed. And he could tell.
.
.
The party finally ended at 5am. Shunsui, as usual, got too drunk and had to be carried by Ukitake and Nanao.
Rukia finally entered her apartment at 5:30am. And her body felt sore from remaining inactive for so long.
Chappy meowed and ran to her.
Rukia picked her up.
And noticed how heavy her heart felt.
.
.
.
Ichigo slept in on Sunday since the restaurant was closed, but his phone woke him up.
He looked at who the caller was: Orihime.
Sighing, Ichigo picked up. "Hey Orihime. How's everything?"
…
"That's good. Too hot over there? Is the weather affecting you?"
…
"Cool. Sounds good."
…
…
"Oh…so you're staying an extra two weeks?"
…
"Orihime, it's okay. Like I said, work comes first for us."
…
"I'm sorry?"
…
"Orihime, I've told you many times. Kuchiki-san and I are just friends."
…
Ichigo sat up as he listened to his wife interrogating him about his and Rukia's relationship. If one could label it as such. For all he knew, Rukia only wanted his friendship, which he respected. But if he was more honest with himself, there were times where he inwardly wished he had met Rukia earlier. Perhaps their futures would have been different. Much different than the present.
He was also cognizant of the fact that he was technically in a non-physical, emotional affair, though it was one-sided.
It was also unrequited.
On his part. And he knew it wasn't right to wish for more.
And he definitely knew it wasn't fair to Renji or Orihime.
"Orihime…"
…
…
"Orihime, I don't understand…she isn't threatening what we have. We're married."
…
"Orihime, I'm not going to say it again. She isn't instigating anything. We happen to be friends and neighbors and have mutual interests. That's why we talk. People can talk to each other."
…
"No, it's okay…don't apologize."
…
"Yeah…I understand…"
…
"Yeah. I love you too. See you soon. Bye."
The call ended and for what might be the first time, Ichigo felt a burning desire.
And the weight that came with it.
.
.
.
Rukia was in the elevator with Nanao, who was lecturing her about how affairs ruin lives and that she was didn't want to be disappointed by Rukia, who she held in the highest regard.
She wasn't sure why she was being lectured in the first place, but people assume.
She also knew that she was right: people were quick to make assumptions when two married people were closely acquainted with each other. That's how society was scripted. It was scripted by people. And the people before them.
She finally had enough. And she was tired of feeding herself with lies, but she didn't want to feed into what Nanao was telling her. It would have proven Nanao's point.
And if she appeared too defensive, she might look guilty to others. Again, that's how society seem to box people. It wasn't fair, but she was emotionally drained.
The elevator doors opened.
She only thanked Nanao coldly and left the elevators.
"Abarai-san, I didn't mean to be harsh, but if neighbors caught wind of this, it will spread like a wildfire. And you won't be able to stop the damage."
Rukia considered her words and without turning she said, "Then that's perhaps the direct outcome of what people created. A culture of damaging words."
.
.
.
Rukia informed Ichigo about Nanao's lecture and the two decided that if Nanao was making such accusations, then perhaps they should meet up at a more private location, even if everything was professional between them.
And innocent.
But people always assume the worst in other people. It was as if it was ingrained to the human psyche.
Rukia mentioned that she owned a condo outside of Tokyo – it was really another research lab where she was able to test things in a more remote space.
The two decided to meet there to work on their manga/story.
As Rukia drove them to her condo, Ichigo's hand accidentally brushed her hand. The sensation was different from when they first shook hands with each other. The spark they felt intensified even more.
Rukia chose to ignore it while Ichigo pondered about it.
For the next week, the two regularly met up every other day, usually around midnight, to work on their project.
They began to feel comfortable with each other and revealed sides to them that no one else knew.
Things not even their spouses knew.
It was the exact moment that Ichigo and Rukia knew things were changing.
And Rukia needed it to stop.
.
.
.
On a Friday night, Rukia and Rangiku went to a theater that was honoring Jean Luc Godard's films. They opted to watch Masculin Féminin and one line haunted Rukia for the rest of the night.
"To be faithful is to act like time didn't exist."
But time did exist for her. For them. For others.
And she thought as the ending credits were rolling, "Time has me in handcuffs."
.
.
.
Ichigo was stressed out. It wasn't because of the kitchen, but because Rukia, once again, was ignoring him.
She was presently absent from his life.
He was resolute in his final decision, even it felt cold and brash.
And whispered, "It's time to progress."
.
.
.
Two nights later, Ichigo saw Rukia walking to her car.
"Abarai-san!" he called.
The clacking of her cognac penny loafers stopped and she slowly turned around to face him as if expecting this very moment.
Ichigo jogged up to her. "I haven't seen you around lately. Work?"
Rukia breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps she was reading the situation wrong. "Yes work and I've been going to the movies with my friend. I needed some time."
Away from you.
Ichigo frowned. His eyebrows furrowed. "Abarai-san, another chef from Seattle asked me if I wanted to help him open up a gastronomic restaurant there. We would be partners…I'll be spending the next three months there. And if all goes well, I'll be traveling back and forth. This is a big opportunity for me."
Rukia smiled. It was a tense smile. "Congratulations, Kurosaki-kun. It is a great opportunity. When will you be leaving?"
"Tomorrow," he simply replied.
"Oh…"
"And I was wondering if you would come with me."
Rukia's eyes widened and stared at him in shock, as if she couldn't believe he just verbally announced that to her.
…
"Abarai-san, I'm…"
Rukia immediately tip-toed and used her hands to cover his mouth, effectively halting him from saying those words.
This was perhaps the most intimate they've ever been.
"Please don't say those words, Kurosaki-kun. They're binding. You'll regret them."
He stared into her eyes with wide eyes. Her violet orbs were glassy. It was the closest thing he's ever seen her to crying.
He shook his head and tenderly pried her hands away from his mouth.
And said those forbidden words.
They stood there, face-to-face with each other, not knowing what the next words would be.
Rukia had to muster up her calmest face to respond to him. "I didn't think we would fall in love with each other."
Ichigo bitterly smiled. "It just happens. We thought we were able to be in control, but these feelings are able to creep in. The Shins said 'caring is creepy,' but it's really the feelings. Feelings are frightening things; they're hard to control. We're ignorant to believe we could control anything, when in reality, we never were capable enough to suppress anything in the first place."
"Kurosaki-kun," Rukia began. "I'm not going to leave Renji."
"I know," Ichigo simply responded. "I just wanted to let you know how I felt. I'm glad it wasn't unrequited."
He handed her a plane ticket. "But if you do change your mind…I know you said you won't leave your husband…but I'll be waiting at your condo. And I think Orihime deserves better than someone like me. And perhaps you made the right choice. I'm leaving my wife…who knows if I'll do the same…to you…"
"…Kurosaki-kun…"
Ichigo shook his head. His heart was breaking, but he needed to be strong for her. He always – will always – respect her. "Abarai-san, let's end this…this mature, almost platonic affair tonight."
Rukia stepped forward.
And for the next several minutes she cried on Ichigo's shoulder as he held her tightly.
.
Ichigo's hands tightly held onto Rukia's as she drove them back to their apartment complex in silence. Both desperately wishing that, for once, time could just stand still for them.
The song that was softly playing had haunting lyrics that seemed fitting for the two.
Let me hold your hand once more
The person I've loved…
Will love…
And never loved…
.
.
.
The IT Group was in a middle of a meeting, discussing current and future projects as well as budgets. There was also an announcement that Caltech was interested in hiring one of the researchers at IT as a visiting professor for three years.
But Rukia didn't hear anything as her eyes were glued on the clock.
Time: noon.
He was leaving at 3pm, but she wasn't sure which airline it was.
She wasn't sure what she was going to do.
Trying to refocus on the meeting, Rukia began jotting down notes.
That ended up becoming scribbles.
.
.
.
Ichigo was smoking a cigarette outside of her condo. He checked his phone.
Time: 1:25pm.
Ichigo smiled. It was painful, but it was perhaps the best choice for her.
He wasn't a good person.
But that self-reflection still didn't ease the pain in his heart.
He knew she was going to haunt his memories.
Forever.
And he wouldn't have it any other way. It was his choice. He would always be happy that they've met, even under these controversial circumstances.
.
.
.
Time: 3:03pm.
Rukia sits on the bed of her condo, allowing a lone tear to roll down her right cheek.
And soon streams of tears fell down as she realized that time never waited.
Life doesn't wait for anyone.
People never waited. Feelings fracture.
.
.
.
and she realized that she was left behind, being burned alive.
End notes:
I understand the Momo-Aizen affair is a trope, especially in the fanfiction community; however, it was fitting. And I thought there were only two more parts to this story, but no. I have the epilogue figured out, but I think I will add in one more part, consisting mostly of Ichigo's perspectives. The song was based on a song that I poorly translated.
And what I am tired of reading two: "Renji and Rukia were childhood friends, knew each other a long time; ergo, they belong together." On the same token, "Inoue was in love with Ichigo forever; ergo, they belong together." Yes, perhaps within the realms of Disney fairy tales. Realistically speaking? Not likely. Oh wait, did Bleach become a fairy tale for happily ever afters (a la Inoue and Renji)? I continuously read how heartbroken Renji and Inoue would be if they didn't end up with Rukia or Ichigo. I think it's quite interesting how fans are projecting Inoue's and Renji's desires when throughout the manga both of their eventual spouses never romantically responded to them. It's like their desires take precedent over Ichigo's and Rukia's feelings, which Kubo never really clearly conveyed.
What I am tired of reading three: "IchiRuki fans are delusional and selectively chose to interpret and read the non-canon poems, color spreads, filler episodes." Much apologies, but it's quite possible had the ending been different – and quite presumptuous of me to assert this – other fans of the other pairing(s) would have created a similar debate/stirring of sorts. So again, please stop the condescending and patronizing comments. It is fine to gloat because that's a part of shipping wars, but is it too much to ask some/one to maintain some perspective? And this is coming from a person who couldn't care less about pairings because ultimately, stories and characters are written through one's perspective and the story itself will most likely be "reclaimed" by other readings/people. Re-imagining is a "trending" practice for that very reason. Isn't that why fanfiction exists? For fans to reclaim elements of the story and characters based on how they've interpreted and, again, re-imagined the ending?
