Episode Two, Part Two: A Fashion-Challenged, Freckled Albino

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Disclaimer:

We own nothing and we make no money out of this. Try to sue us if you like, you're more likely to give us money out of pity once you've seen the state of our bank accounts.

Warnings:

If you've read all the previous chapters and still haven't figured out that this story features homosexual themes in abundance, you are quite clearly retarded. Sorry to break the news.

Authors' Notes:

Yay! Here's the second part of Episode Two! As always, Harry and Blaise were played by Thorion, while Heidi wrote Ron as well as a delightfully uke Draco. Enjoy! Episode Three will be quite a while in coming, but it will once again focus on Harry and Draco; we definitely won't abandon our dear drama queens, never fear!

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Ron Weasley

The next day, oblivious to Blaise's misery in the dungeons, found Ron happily getting ready for his perfect Hogsmeade date. He had been occupying the bathroom for the last two hours, all the while belting out Celestina Warbeck's 'A Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love'. He was now preening in front of the mirror, very satisfied with the result. His Blaisey should be more than thrilled about this he thought with satisfaction, maybe he'd even put out at the end of the day. Ron reminded himself that he was a chivalrous Gryffindor, of course. He had scared his Blaisey with his passion in the library the other day; he would not make the same mistake today. He had been owling beautiful love poems to his baby all week long - now if that wasn't being a gentleman Ron didn't know what was. Spelling them to read the poems to his Blaisey-Waisey while dancing had been a stroke of genious, even if he did say so himself.

Ooh, I need to brush my teeth, Ron reminded himself. Now that would've been a terrible mistake. He did want a nice, minty breath when he kissed his Blaiseyboo after all.

"Oh, come and stir my cauldron
And if you do it right
I'll boil you up some hot, strong love
To keep you warm tonight"

Ron bellowed out between brushing his teeth, totally ignoring Harry banging on the bathroom door and yelling at him to get out already.

He took one last check in the full view mirror to make sure everything was perfect:

Shoes polished, check.
Jeans pressed, check.
Clean shirt, check.
Orange tie, check.
Brand new tweed jacket with suade collar, check.
Teeth brushed, check.
Hair bleached platinum blond... check.

Satisfied, Ron stepped out of the bathroom and glared at Harry. "Bloody hell, Harry" he scolded his best friend. "Can't a person get ready for his Hogsmeade date in peace without you trying to bang the door down and wake the dead? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go down to the dungeons and pick up my Blaisey. Take a lesson from me, Harry, don't keep the love of your life with roses on top waiting - it's simply bad taste" Ron finished and skipped out of the dorms towards the dungeons and his Blaisey, a heavy scent of cologne in his wake.

Harry Potter

Harry was starting to get rather frustrated; he had been banging on the bathroom door for what seemed like half an eternity, and Ron still refused to let him in. What the hell had gotten into him? Normally, he needed five minutes to shower and that was it. And why, dear Circe, was he singing a Celestina Warbeck song, of all godforsaken things on this earth?! Didn't he hate her, if only for the fact that his mother liked her? Harry was getting rather worried.

Just when he was seriously considering whether he should blast open the door to check on Ron, his friend finally emerged from the bathroom.

Harry did a double-take.

No, actually, make that a triple-take. Or an infinity-take. Yes, definately an infinity-take. Some slight, Hermione-like part of Harry's brain protested feebly that there was no such thing, but it was studiously ignored.

Ron was hardly recognizable: For one thing, he was wearing clean, well-pressed clothes; but sadly, that was the only positive aspect of his new look. The hideous tweed jacket which he was wearing covered an atrocious orange tie which really should have clashed horribly with Ron's ginger hair, but wasn't because the oaf had gone and dyed it platinum blonde.

What in the name of all holy undead underpants was all this about?

As Ron exclaimed something about Hogsmeade date, dungeons, Blaisey, and love of his life, all Harry could do was stand and goggle at him. It wasn't until his usually stiff friend had practically skipped out of the dormitory that he was spurred back into action.

Something was very wrong, and Harry was going to find out what. Remembering Ron's earlier words, he rushed off in the direction of the dungeons. Maybe he could catch up with Ron before he embarassed himself, but either way, that public danger Blaise had some explaining to do.

Draco Malfoy

Draco had woken up with a cold that day and was now pulled away from his pity-party on the softest couch in the common room by an ungodly racket outside the entrance. There was shouting and banging, and he could swear he heard some terribly off-key singing in between. Well, nobody would be able to wallow in their misery in this dreadful noise. And since it was such a beautiful day outside, and a Hogsmeade Weekend, the Slytherin quarters was totally empty. Sans himself, who was waiting for Harry to come visit, and Blaise, who had behaved really weird these last days and who was currently hiding in his bed with the drapes shut. So now Draco had to endure the tedious task of answering the door himself, like he was some kind of house elf. The sacrifices one has to make, Draco thought with a dramatic sigh as he shuffled towards the entrance while dragging a blanket behind him, tissues scattering everywhere. He was wearing his comfort clothes; a pair of low riding grey sweatpants, a tight red t-shirt with a gold letter 'H' on the front, and a pair of fluffy lion slippers. He was feeling quite under the weather today after all, not at all his pleasant and cheery self; and he planned to complain incessantly to Harry about the fact when he arrived.

Little could have prepared Draco for the sight that attacked his eyes when he opened the portrait to the entrance. Is that Ronald Weasley? Why is he grinning like an idiot? Sweet Merlin, what is he wearing? Is that an orange tie? Honestly, Weasley should know by now that orange clashes horribly with that red ha- ...wait a minute! Insert blinking and eye rubbing here. Nope, didn't help one bit. It's still blonde!! And not only blonde, it's like platinum blonde with sort of a sick orange tinge to it. Draco, who had never thought anything could look more horrible on Weasley than the red hair, had been sadly mistaken. Here was one blonde who definitely wasn't going to have more fun than the average guy.

Weasley didn't even wait for Draco to open his mouth, he simply pushed past him and kept shouting for his... what was that he was saying? Bwaiseybottom? Just as Ron was disappearing straight towards Draco's dorms, as if he knew the place like the back of his hand, Harry came running through the entrance. Draco sniffled through his red, blocked nose, tapped his foot impatiently and looked up at his boyfriend.

"Harry, love" he said in a raspy voice. "Can you tell me what, exactly, Weasley is doing in my sleeping quarters, why he looks like a fashion-challenged, freckled albino and why he's singing like a tortured banshee? And what the hell is a bwaiseybottom?" He sniffed once more for dramatic effect.

Harry Potter

It was a very out-of-breath Harry who finally reached the Slytherin common room, just in time to glimpse a whirl of painfully out-of-place blond hair and orange tie disappearing towards the sixth year dormitories. Before he could continue his pursuit of Ron however, he found himself face to face with a rather disgruntled-looking Draco.

"Harry, love... Can you tell me what, exactly, Weasley is doing in my sleeping quarters, why he looks like a fashion challenged, freckled albino and why he's singing like a tortured banshee? And what the hell is a bwaiseybottom?"

At this point, Harry's brain stopped working. Ron's suspicious behaviour was bad enough, but what with Draco turning up looking all adorable in Gryffindor colours, yet quite obviously a bit under the weather, annoyed, and on top of it all talking about bwaiseybottoms... It was simply too much. There's only so much the Saviour of the Wizarding World can take, after all.

"Guh", he managed.

Draco raised a single, elegant eyebrow. Harry struggled to explain.

"Gah", he elaborated, gesturing wildly, "Goh!"

Dammit, this wasn't working! Harry closed his eyes and did his best not to picture the way Draco's t-shirt clung to his perfect torso. His boyfriend was ill, for God's sake, he shouldn't be thinking of ravishing him! Besides, Ron needed their help right now. He focussed, and finally managed to get the words out.

"I think Zabini hexed Ron to make him fall in love with him, somehow. Maybe he wants revenge for the entrance hall incident, and he's trying to hurt me by confunding my friends or something. I don't know. Either way, we need to rescue Ron, come on!"

And with that, Harry started off in the direction of the dormitories, having decided that it was best to act quickly, before he gave in to the temptation and ravished Draco, after all.

Draco Malfoy

Draco pinched the bridge of his nose. He did so not need all this drama right now. If anybody should be causing a drama here it was him - he was the one being ill after all, he thought indignantly. Nevertheless, if clearing up this mess was what it would take to allow him to go back to his pity-party on the couch and receive some Harry-loving while he was at it, he'd better follow Harry and help sort it out somehow. He sniffled dramatically and shuffled after his boyfriend, still dragging his blanket behind him.

When they reached the dormitories they were met by a fairly amusing sight; Weasley had his arms firmly around Blaise's waist trying to drag him with him, the latter was holding on to the bedpost for dear life, screaming something about nutcase bleached Gryffindors and not being anybody's bwaiseybottom. Whereupon Weasley responded in a gooey voice that he loved it when Blaise was playing hard to get and didn't he like his new look, he had dyed his hair especially for him, hadn't he said that he preferred blondes? All the while with that glazed over look on his face.

If he didn't have such a splitting headache he would laugh himself silly, Draco thought.

But the racket was becoming too much for Draco's fragile head - poor Harry was now trying to pry Weasley away from Blaise and screaming too. Draco walked determinedly over to his bedside table and picked up his wand. When he returned to the three-headed troll by Blaise's bedpost, he pointed it first at Weasley and then at Blaise; "Petrificus Totalis!" They both went totally rigid, arms at their sides, and fell on their backs, leaving Harry free of his struggles.

"Now, finally some peace and quiet" Draco said with relief. "What I don't understand is why Blaise would dose Weasley of all people up with the Amortentia Love Potion." Draco's potion expertise enabled him to instantly recognize the symptons of that particular potion, the strongest one on the market. "For one thing, he always said he'd rather kiss a blast-ended screwt than a Weasley. And secondly, it's a highly dangerous potion, he'd be in real trouble if anybody found out he'd been brewing it inside the school grounds" he said in a thoughtful voice, while scratching his head with his wand and looking at Harry with a puzzled expression on his face.

Harry Potter

Harry had the good grace to look slightly abashed when he realized that his screaming had been giving Draco a headache. He did tend to get rather carried away easily, and his rashness prevented thoughts like 'simply petrify them instead of throwing yourself in their midst, prying at Ron while he's hanging onto Zabini like a grindylow, and screaming your head off' from entering his brain in the heat of the moment.

"What I don't understand is why Blaise would dose Weasley of all people up with the Amortentia Love Potion. He always said he'd rather kiss a blast-ended screwt than a Weasley," Draco was saying.

Harry glared at the petrified Blaise. "Amortentia, you say? I have no idea how or why he did it, but I'm sure he was up to no good," he huffed, "Poor Ron's been over the moon ever since the day I was late for Quidditch practise, remember? Dunno if that helps..." Harry knew that Draco was the school's potions expert; if anyone could figure out all this, it was him.

Draco Malfoy

"Poor Ron's been over the moon ever since the day I was late for Quidditch practise, remember? Dunno if that helps..."

Draco got a hard look in his eyes as he walked over to where the petrified Blaise was laying. "You!" he screamed at his 'friend' while poking his wand into Blaise's chest. "The day you came over at the Gryffindor table, 'apologizing' for your behaviour. You sneaked that blasted love potion into my pumpkin juice, didn't you? But guess what 'Bwaiseybottom', I never got a chance to drink that juice - Ron drank it instead, being his usual ill-mannered self."

Harry Potter

"You sneaked that blasted love potion into my pumpkin juice, didn't you? But guess what 'Bwaiseybottom', I never got a chance to drink that juice - Ron drank it instead, being his usual ill-mannered self."

Draco looked absolutely livid, but that was nothing compared to Harry. In fact, the scene bore disturbing resemblance to a certain entrance hall incident. Harry felt his eyes narrow to slits, felt his wand jump into his hand and the air crackle around him in furious energy. He should have finished off Blaise completely, he just knew it. Well, this time there would be no--

Draco's hand on his chest stopped his advance; his boyfriend ran a calming hand over Harry's cheek. "Put down your wand, love," Draco said sweetly, "Let me deal with him; I don't want my boyfriend to land himself in Azkaban. And I swear to Merlin I'll make him sorry he was ever born even without hexing him."

Though initially sceptic, Harry lowered his wand and felt the worst bout of rage pass. And as Draco turned back to Blaise and began screaming, he reflected that Blaise wasn't getting off easy, after all.

Draco Malfoy

Having calmed his boyfriend and thus prevented Blaise from getting himself killed, Draco turned back to his former friend. The serene mask that he had managed to put up while dealing with Harry instantly vanished; all his fury was back in an instant.

"You bastard!", he screamed, "All this to get in my pants? I thought you were my friend, at least you used to be. We've known each other since our mothers made us wear matching sailor suits, for Merlin's sake." Draco was so angry now he had a hard time suppressing his tears.

"You know the hell I've been living in at home the last years better than anybody, and now that I'm finally happy you want to tear that down? Why would you do such a thing, Blaise? Just to get another notch in your bedpost? A trophy? Something to gloat about?" Draco wiped away his angry tears with the back of his hand as he spoke. "Do you honestly fathom what would've happened if I'd actually drunk that potion? Do you?" Blaise could do nothing in his petrified state other than stare wide-eyed at Draco, but he surely heard every word. And Draco was by no means finished, it all seemed to bubble to the surface. "I tell you what would've happened, Blaise dear. I would've thrown myself at your feet, you would've fucked me on every available surface, and the next day you'd have thrown me away like a used piece of trash, and me and Harry would have been history. Then of course you would've gloated about it to half the school, and next you know I'd have been known as the new Hogwarts slut. That's what would've happened!" Draco screamed at Blaise. "And with all the shit I've had to deal with my whole life, you just thought you'd put the proverbial icing on the cake? It's not enough that my last name ensures that most doors be slammed in my face for the rest of my life, nooo, let's add 'slut' to the equation!" he said with voice dripping of sarcasm.

"I don't know if I'll ever forgive you for this, Blaise. I know you have a shitty life yourself; with that bitchy, selfcentered mother you always complain about and an armada of step fathers, your morals are bound to be fucked up. But you have some serious apologizing to do, not only to me, but to Weasley too" Draco said dejectedly and nodded in Ron's direction. "And if you try to hit on me again, I swear I'll rat on you to professor Snape about brewing an illegal potion. Or I'll give Harry free reign to hex you into next century." Draco finished his tirade, went over to his boyfriend and buried his face in his chest, exhausted and embarrassed about the crying.

Blaise Zabini

As Draco turned away to bury his face in Potter's chest, Blaise felt a tinge of regret. He honestly hadn't thought about the consequences which a love potion would entail for Draco's longterm relationship. Maybe he was just a little bit centered on sex. But that was just his insatiable libido talking; not his fault now, was it?

Either way, between his traumatizing experience with a lovestruck Weasley, the fury in those dreadful green eyes of Potter's - a fury which had cost him several days in the hospital only a short while ago, Blaise reminded himself - and Draco's speech, he decided with a heavy heart that it really would be for the better if he gave up on Draco. Him and Potter did somehow belong together, Blaise had to grudgingly agree...

Some of his regret must have shown in his eyes, for Potter raised his wand and un-petrified him before turning his attention back to Draco. Blaise scrambled to his feet and scarpered.

He was Blaise 'Playboy' Zabini, and damned if he let one single failed conquest get at him; there were plenty more fish in the sea, after all. Maybe he would go and write a few love owls right now, in fact. He rather felt like chatting up that feisty brainkitten Granger...

Draco Malfoy

A couple of hours later, Draco had finally finished brewing the antidote for the Amortentia Love Potion. It was fairly easy to brew and he'd had all the ingredients he needed in his potions storage in his cupboard. Weasley was still petrified - Harry had wanted to lift the spell, but Draco had reminded him that Ron was still under the influence of the very strong potion. If he was un-petrified he'd just go running after Blaise, or worse, start up with that godawful singing again. Harry had to agree with him on that and had only levitated Ron up into Zabini's bed so he'd be a bit more comfortable.

"I still don't get why you couldn't just levitate him back to Gryffindor Tower and have Granger do this. I mean, I know I am an absolute genious with potions, but I'm fairly sure she would've managed just fine too. This is seriously destroying all the plans I had for the day. I mean, just look at my nails, I haven't even had the time to do my manicure today," Draco complained and pointed a perfectly manicured finger in Harry's direction. "And do you realize that you haven't even kissed me today?" he asked, his voice quivering a bit. "And don't just sit there fussing over Weasley, make yourself useful and do something about his hair colour. It hurts my eyes, I need sunglasses just to look in his direction," he added with distaste.

He carefully lifted a beetle out of a jar, used his silver knife to squeeze it flat and made sure all the juice went into the potion who was currently bubbling in his cauldron. He stirred it two times and the potion took on a light yellow colour and the smell of rotten peaches. Perfect; it was done. Draco took out a vial and filled it with the antidote. Hmm, he had a thought; what if some godforsaken soul tried to dose his Harry up with that love potion? A finished antidote would sure come in handy. He pulled out three more vials, filled and corked them. Better safe than sorry.

"Here you go," Draco said and walked over to Harry who was sitting on a chair at Weasley's bedside. "You know, the only two good things that came out of this is that my cold seems to have disappeared, and I have Weasley teasing material enough to last the rest of the school year," he said, feeling very self-satisfied all of a sudden. He held the vial out, just out of Harry's reach, "I'll trade you this for a kiss," he said with a smirk and batted his eyelashes at his boyfriend.

Harry Potter

Harry had been sitting by Ron's bedside, pretending to care for his friend while actually watching Draco from the corner of his eye. He wasn't about to tell his boyfriend, but the reason he had asked him to brew the potion rather than Hermione was that Draco had the delightful habit of wiggling his arse in a frightfully cute manner while stirring potions. And right now, Harry had a prime seat to watch and imagine the wonderous things he would do to that arse later.

Whoever said Harry Potter didn't have a Slytherin side?

"And don't just sit there fussing over Weasley, make yourself useful and do something about his hair colour. It hurts my eyes, I need sunglasses just to look in his direction"

He had to admit, his blonde really did have a point about Ron's newly aquired hair colour. Why on earth hadn't he thought of this himself? Being around Draco seriously messed with his normally highly functioning brain, Harry decided. It came from being so horny all the time, especially when the git had the nerve to walk around looking all adorable and sexy in that tight shirt and those too-cute slippers.

He pulled out his wand from his back pocket, waved it in the direction of Ron's head and cast the proper spell. Ron's hair gradually changed back to the usual red colour. One wouldn't have thought so, but it was a vast improvement. "You'll be right as rain soon, Ron" he said to his friend. "You'll be completely humiliated and embarrassed, but at least you'll be your normal, straight self. I kinda think I prefer you that way, buddy."

When Draco had finally completed the potion and came to Harry's side bearing a vial of light yellow liquid and demanding a kiss in exchange, Harry settled for only a quick peck on his boyfriend's lips, knowing that anything else would have him on top of Draco before you could say 'natural blond'. And with Ron lying next to them, petrified but conscious of his surroundings, this was definitely not a good idea.

Instead, Harry turned his attention back to Ron. Holding his mouth open with one hand, he let the antidote trickle down his friend's throat before setting aside the empty vial, grabbing his wand and un-petrifying Ron. As the latter sat up, looking slightly confused, Harry held his breath. The moment of truth had arrived...

Draco Malfoy

Draco was a bit huffy; what a sorry excuse for a kiss his boyfriend has offered - one might think Harry wasn't lucky enough to be dating the most gorgeous guy in school! But then he saw the clear lust in Harry's eyes and felt immensely better. Hotness was surely coming his way, just as soon as Weasley got his arse out of the Slytherin dorms.

Ron was now sitting bolt upright in bed, looking very confused. Well, nothing new about that, he thought. But he noticed that the glazeness of Ron's eyes slowly disappeared - his antidote had worked then. No big surprise considering who had brewed the thing, he thought smugly.

"Well, well. Welcome back to the land of the normal living, Weasley" Draco teased, his patented smirk in place. "Now, for the next time, could you please up your singing material a little? I mean, come on, Celestina Warbeck? Even my mother turns off the wireless when she's on," Draco added with a smirk. "I'm sorry to say though, your Bwaiseybottom has left the building for the time being, but if you want I'm sure you could leave some beautiful love poems at his bedside table." Draco snickered, while Ron groaned and buried his face in his hands...

Ron Weasley

Ron was embarrassed. No, strike that, he was beyond embarrassed. Embarrassed would be a huge step up right now. Oh he was going to kick some Zabini ass the next time he saw him. Except Ron really hoped he never laid eyes on that worm again, like ever. Oh. My. God! He had kissed the bastard, and touched and groped and licked... eww! And the nicknames, the goddamn nicknames. Ron felt nauseous just thinking about it.

It didn't help one iota that Malfoy the Menace was obviously enjoying himself way too much over this. Oh no, he had to mention the poems. Ron had forgotten about that for a second. It all came back to him now... Blaisey Blaisey, you drive me crazy... Shit! Where was Hermione with her timeturner when you needed her? Ron groaned and buried his face in his hands. This was simply not happening - now he had to endure endless teasing from the Ferret as well. The world was a very, very unfair place, Ron decided and hung his head in shame.

But then his face lit up in a huge, earsplitting grin; "Oi! Malfoy, you evil Slytherin git! Are those fluffy lion slippers?!"

And with Draco now almost as embarrassed as he himself had been, Ron left the dungeons, his laughter heard all the way back to Gryffindor Tower. Thank Merlin, there was still some justice in this world.

Draco Malfoy

Draco could have kicked himself for not remembering the slippers. Damn, he should have taken them off before reviving Weasley; no one apart from Harry was meant to even know they existed, and now the news would be all over school. His reputation would be ruined. Draco moaned in desperation.

He got over it fast though. Being ravashed by the Saviour of the Wizarding World required his full attention, after all. But for some peculiar reason, Harry had insisted that he keep the lion slippers on...

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The End of Episode Two

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