Title: Muse
Author: RebelRebelMonster
Summary: "I'm afraid, Sarah, dear, that you have no choice in the matter," replied Jareth, eyes twinkling. He lounged back in his armchair and casually pulled a crystal from thin air. It danced between his fingertips. "The Labyrinth—and I—have chosen you. You are, in every sense of the word, our muse."
Genre: Romance/Drama
Disclaimer: I don't own Labyrinth—thanks, Jim Henson and Co., for this compelling story.
A/N: Hey all, thanks for your feedback and reviews for chapter 3! Here is chapter 4, which is thankfully a bit longer. I hope you like it! Not to sound like totally lame, but I could use some positive news...I just had a long week that culminated in my boyfriend's grandma passing away and me getting laid off from my job. Ugh. Plenty of time to write, though, right? Anyway, no more distractions! Read on to Chapter 4...
Chapter 4
City of Delusion
Can I believe
When I don't trust
All your theories
Turn to dust
I choose to hide
From the all seeing eye
Destroy this City of Delusion
Break these walls down…
("City of Delusion", Black Holes and Revelations, Muse)
The next morning, Sarah was rudely awakened by two small female goblins prodding and poking her.
"Wake up!" crowed the one on her left, a short plump little thing with a mess of ginger hair.
"I've never seen a human so lazy!" cried the one to her right, grabbing Sarah's arm and pulling with surprising strength. She was taller than her companion, reaching nearly to Sarah's waist, and had black hair to match her coal-black eyes. Both were old and weathered, with faces that looked as if they were carved out of wood—a feature customary of many goblins Sarah had come in contact with.
Sarah groaned, snatching her arm back from the black-haired one, and sat up. She had been right in thinking she wouldn't get much sleep; she couldn't have drifted off more than four hours prior. Glaring, she paid no attention to the little female goblins and slowly got out of bed.
"Too slow, little human!" shouted the first goblin.
"I'm going as fast as humanly possible at this hour," Sarah mumbled, expecting them not to hear her.
To her immense surprise, both clucked at her and ushered her into the bathroom. Before she knew what was happening they were prying off her clothes and forcing her into the tub, exclaiming how late she was. Sarah didn't have the strength to care, she just let herself be picked and fussed over.
After the fastest wash of her life (she had enough time to be amused by how you brushed your teeth in the Underground) and being stuffed into a pretty green dress that perfectly matched her eyes (though the bodice was a bit low-cut for Sarah's modest taste), she was being towed out of her room by the two little goblins to who-knows-where.
After a series of dizzying staircases leading downward, Sarah was led through another set of large oak doors just past Jareth's throne room. An enormous table, with room for at least 100 place settings, stretched the length of the long, high-ceilinged hall. At the end of the table sat Jareth eating breakfast, a grand fireplace crackling directly behind him.
At her entrance, the Goblin King looked up from his eggs, his lips curling into a mischievous grin.
"Sarah," he murmured, inclining his head toward her, "Best get some breakfast, my dear."
Sarah hesitated. He was being much too…cordial. She knew he was still angry with her, and didn't care one jot. She was still angry with him.
Noticing that her goblin caretakers had vanished, Sarah set her mouth into a firm line and made her way to sit next to Jareth's immediate right at the head of the table. Before them, a variety of breakfast foods sat waiting.
Jareth watched Sarah take every step, and his eyes didn't leave her until she had settled herself in her seat and begun to take a helping of eggs and some toast.
"Eat up, Sarah," Jareth remarked, "You will need your strength."
"Will I?" asked Sarah, pausing her eating to take a sip of juice, trying to act as though his pleasure at her discomfort didn't bother her in the least.
"Oh yes," continued Jareth, "You will be going through a foreign part of the Labyrinth today. You did not venture there on your last visit. So young then, it seemed hideously cruel to spoil you so soon. Had it not been for your brazen manner last night, I would've thought you were still too young to go there. Of course, your sentiments have proven me mistaken."
Jareth raised his glass to her before drinking the rest of its contents. Sarah glared at him and bit back the tirade she wanted to hurl his way. So this was her punishment, was it? Her punishment for telling him exactly what he didn't want to hear. Well, he could try and scare her all he wanted, she would get through this part of the Labyrinth or die trying.
And she knew he didn't want her dead.
Upon her finishing her breakfast, Jareth stood, and to Sarah's shock, pulled her chair out for her and offered her his hand. Reluctantly Sarah took it and allowed him to pull her up gracefully.
"You do look very well today, Sarah," he purred, pulling her close to him, "Regal, in fact."
Just as Sarah was going to push herself free of him, she felt the transportation magic begin to take hold. She found herself burying her face into his chest, not wanting to see the popping lights as she knew they moved through space and time to where he was planning on depositing her. She could hear him chuckle as time both seemed to speed up and halt; colors burned and paled around her as they became no more than ghosts. She closed her eyes, and they were there.
Her eyes flickered open. They had moved past walls of glittering stone within the Labyrinth and made it to the dense hedge mazes. Before them was a large, rusty wooden door with a gleaming brass knocker and doorknob, placed in the center of the green path they stood in. Around the edge of the wood were gleaming runes and symbols Sarah had no hope of reading.
Just as Sarah was about to ask Jareth what was so frightening about a door, she realized she was still being held in his arms. Eyes wide, she looked up to see a strange look on his face, and hastily pushed him away from her. He let her go easily, the strange look gone. Sarah wondered if she had imagined it.
Striding forward, Jareth smirked, gesturing to the door with a flourish.
"The entrance to the Dream Roads, Sarah," he drawled, "You will follow the path only, and you will remember this: the way out is what you wish for."
"What I wish for?" she asked skeptically.
"Yes," Jareth said softly, turning the brass door handle, "What your heart desires most."
He opened the door and leaned back against the green hedge next to it, arms folded smugly across his chest. With a satisfied smirk, he beckoned for her to walk through it. Sarah narrowed her eyes at him before marching forward through the door and into the sunlight.
Sarah had to shield her eyes for a minute before she could see. Eyes adjusting to the light, she peered around. She felt her heart constrict with painful pleasure, and her spirit soared with joy. She was in the park near her parents' house! Her face broke into a giant smile and she spun around in a circle, laughing without a thought. She was home! She threw her arms and face up to the sky-
The sky was purple.
Sarah froze. The sky was a deep, rich, unnatural violet, and there were no clouds, only a bright orange sun, whose warmth kissed her face pleasantly. She definitely had never seen a purple, cloudless sky on Earth; least of all one that resembled a drawing from one of her kindergarteners.
Sarah bit her lip, holding back the tears of frustration that threatened to fall. Seriously, when had she gotten so weepy? She had been foolish, thoughtless for a moment, and now the crushing reality hurt her insides.
She was still in the Labyrinth, of course…now it was just showing her what she wanted to see. It was foolish of her to abandon her sense, even for just a moment. She had witnessed the Labyrinth recreate things that were familiar to her before; how could she have so readily forgotten the trash lady and her bedroom? This time was no different.
But what harm could come from her wanting to be home? Jareth had said to stay to the path. What was the path?
Sarah looked down at her feet, but there was no trail of breadcrumbs to guide her. She looked around the park, instantly noticing the changes from the real one and this copy. There were no daisies by the pond back home, and the colors here were brighter, more vibrant. Combined with the purple sky, she felt like she had walked into a dream
Well I have, Sarah thought, my own dream.
Well, if this was her dream, then she knew where she wanted to go. She wanted to go home. At that encouraging thought, Sarah broke into a sprint towards the house she had lived in as a child.
Sarah reached her old Victorian out of breath, and then jumped the last step to her doorstep. Looking down, she briefly noticed that her clothes had changed; she was wearing jeans and a green blouse. She pushed open the unlocked door, allowing herself a small smile at the seemingly familiar smell, and sidled into the kitchen. Her jaw dropped as soon as she stepped inside.
"Sarah, baby, you're home!" beamed an older, breathtaking woman with long dark hair just like Sarah's from the kitchen counter.
"Mom?" Sarah choked, halting immediately. What was her mother doing here?
Linda Williams frowned at her daughter for a split-second, and then regained her radiant smile. She was chopping vegetables for a salad.
"Who else would it be, honey?" she asked, chuckling, "Your father should be home any minute, do you want to set the table for dinner?"
"Um, sure," Sarah said, still unable to tear her eyes away from her mother. As Sarah grabbed forks and knives from the proper drawer, her mind reeled. Her mother had left her father years ago…why was she here now?
Suddenly, it dawned on her. This was her dream; it wasn't real. She had often dreamt that her mother had never left…and here, she hadn't.
Sarah was pulled from her reverie by the sound of her father coming in through the front door. As he walked into the kitchen, he grinned at his daughter and made to kiss his wife. Sarah watched in awe as her father planted a sweet kiss on her giggling mother. She had long lost hope of ever seeing that happen again.
"Sarah?" asked her father quizzically, giving her a strange look from his position next to her mother. "Is something wrong?"
"Er, no," said Sarah quickly, setting the last place at the table, "You two are just so…affectionate, is all."
"Oh, Sarah," laughed her mother, flushing, "Quit being too observant. It's time to eat, anyway. Honey, why did you set four places?"
Caught off-guard, Sarah looked down at the table. She had set four places. One for her, her dad, her mother, and…Toby.
Toby.
Sarah froze. It felt as if someone had just pulled all of her organs out through her stomach and she was empty inside; cold.
"Sarah?" asked her father, peering at her with concern.
Sarah didn't hear him. In this world, in this dream where her mother and father still loved each other, her brother Toby didn't exist.
She had wished her brother away again.
Sarah felt hot tears roll down her cheeks. This couldn't be. She loved Toby—he was the only person in her world that loved her back. In the real world, her mother barely spoke to her, and her father and Karen were just as put off by her as everyone else. But Toby…
Toby couldn't not exist.
"Sarah, are you all right?" asked her father worriedly, letting go of his wife to rush over to his daughter. Sarah heard him this time, and looked up at him with watery eyes.
"The fourth place is for Toby," she said quietly, testing him. Toby had to exist in her dreams. He had to.
"Sweetheart," said her father, his brow furrowed in confusion, "Who is Toby?"
Sarah's world spun. She felt dangerously close to falling down, but her father reached out and grabbed her. She heard him continue to ask her what was wrong, growing more panicked after each exclamation. Tears clouded her vision. All she really felt in addition to blind panic were her father's nails digging into her arm.
"You don't know Toby," she whispered, "You don't know your own son."
Her father abruptly stopped speaking and stared at her as if she was insane; ironically enough, he finally looked like her father in the real world actually might. Sarah furiously wiped away the tears obscuring her sight and pushed her father away from her, bolting for the door. The last sounds she heard were her parents calling for her to come back.
Sarah didn't go back. She kept running, barely seeing where she was going. She moved from her yard to the familiar streets of her hometown, the bright sun burning the back of her neck, the heavy feeling of guilt and selfishness weighing her down. It felt as if a large piece of iron was lodged between her heart and her stomach. How could she keep falling for everything the Labyrinth threw at her? Had she grown so weak?
After a few minutes of pointless running, not paying attention to where she was going, Sarah fell, wheezing, to the ground. She landed on her hands and knees, and for the second time she noticed her attire had changed—this time, into jeans, a long-sleeve gray top and one of her favorite hooded jackets.
"Sarah, are you all right?"
Sarah looked up at the sound of her name and gasped.
Walking towards her was her old roommate, Emily, a concerned look on her face. Emily was a tall, athletic girl, sort of abrasive but otherwise friendly, with dirty blonde hair that fell to her shoulders and gray-blue eyes. She was walking towards her with a backpack slung over one arm, the other extended toward Sarah.
Sarah stared up at Emily in shock. Emily and her had started out friendly enough their freshman year living together, but in the short space of two months, Emily had begun to avoid her, finally going so far as to request that Sarah be moved to live in a single. She had complained of strange nightmares and had told her that she was better off "living alone" for the time being. Two days later she had moved in with another girl from the soccer team.
Sarah had been hurt, of course, but after a few more months had passed by, she grew used to the way people grew to act around her. Knowing a possible reason now why everyone felt uneasy around her (and possibly identifying the source of Emily's odd nightmares), it blew her mind to see Emily standing in front of her, offering her help.
"Yes," said Sarah slowly, pulling herself to her feet. Emily frowned as Sarah didn't take her offered hand.
"You sure?" asked Emily, "I was wondering where you ran off to, James has been waiting for us for half an hour! Did you forget we were all going to study together this afternoon?"
Sarah's eyes grew wider and she glanced around. She was no longer in the quiet streets of her hometown, but back in Boston on campus. Looking around at the usually comforting brick buildings, Sarah felt nauseous. The landscape changes were too sudden—she wasn't used to dreaming while awake, or traveling through dreams so rapidly.
The buildings seemed distorted, almost in ruin, as if they were decaying from age around them. Once again, the colors here were more vibrant than they were in reality, and Sarah noticed that the season had changed: the reds, oranges, and browns dotting Boston U's campus indicated that it was now autumn instead of summer.
"Yeah, I guess I did," said Sarah slowly, unnerved by Emily's calculating stare. "Who's James?" Sarah asked.
"What?" asked Emily incredulously, chuckling, "Did you hit your head when you fell, Sarah? Come on, he's waiting."
Before Sarah could mumble a "no", Emily grabbed her arm and pulled her onward towards the library. Clearly, Emily didn't notice that their whole campus looked like it was about to collapse.
"You have such a weird sense of humor, Sarah," Emily commented, "Pretending not to know your own boyfriend."
"What?" asked Sarah loudly as they entered the double doors leading to the library. Emily glared at her and pressed a finger to her lips, leading her to the right in the direction of the group study room. Sarah had never been inside, having always studied alone; she sucked in a breath as she entered, though it turned out to be relatively normal—a little room filled with cozy armchairs and tables for groups to sit at, though it was much darker than outside. She felt claustrophobic, like it was some sort of personal dungeon.
Emily lead her to a table near the back, where a tall young man with platinum blonde hair falling into dark gray eyes sat waiting for them. Sarah's jaw dropped. Emily didn't mean James Bennett?
At the suggestive look on James' face, though, Sarah concluded that Emily did. James Bennett was a year older than Sarah and Emily, and had been the highlight of Sarah's fantasies for a few months when she had begun at Boston. He was the perfect candidate for a crush: in addition to his good looks, he was intelligent and popular throughout campus.
He had even asked her out. After a few days together, however, he had dumped her for no discernable reason. Less than a week later, she had seen him walking across campus, arm in arm with another girl. By then, Sarah was used to disappointment, but she was still struck hard—in those days it seemed that no one would ever be interested in knowing her. Either way, it was nothing short of bizarre seeing him here, in this dream of hers, along with Emily, looking at her the way she had always wanted him to, however brief their involvement had been. Her stomach suddenly seemed full of butterflies, silly as it was.
What was worse was that all of that pain, all of that hurt—all of that loneliness apparently had nothing to do with who she truly was. She was finally starting to come to terms with what she had, for so long, denied…and understand why it had been that way. It didn't have to do entirely with who she was, but whom she had made the mistake of entangling with.
The butterflies turned into angry snakes in her stomach as she steadily grew more and more furious at these revelations. She frowned.
"Sarah, babe, is something wrong?" asked James, leaning to kiss her on her cheek. Shocked, Sarah froze for a moment, but then shook her head no and sat down at the table with her two companions. Both pulled out literature texts, but Sarah stared blankly at them.
"I forgot my books," she said lamely. Both of them looked at her with odd expressions, but Sarah shrugged, not knowing what else to do. As her two companions struck up a conversation, Sarah listened carefully, curious.
"I found her down over by Marsh Plaza," said Emily, glancing at Sarah.
"You shouldn't disappear on us like that," said James, taking Sarah's hand in his and smiling at her. Sarah nearly jumped at his touch and felt her cheeks grow warm.
"Seriously, he's right," said Emily, concerned, "You gave us a scare. I know it's only just past three, but it's a big campus, and seeing as we hadn't heard from you since yesterday...you just never know, Sarah."
Sarah looked over at Emily, who was watching her carefully. She felt strangely touched, but something was off. Sarah felt a pang in her heart as she once again forced herself back to reality—the care and concern in these two people's eyes wasn't genuine. It wasn't real. The Labyrinth was recreating two people Sarah remembered, had wanted to befriend and love, from her own life…and done it for her. It was magic at its cruelest, mocking her, making her realize that this dream wasn't real, and never would be.
These two copies weren't the real Emily and James. She didn't know the real Emily and James, not really.
But she had obviously wished she did.
Sarah felt her eyes well up with tears again. Though her heart ached with longing to stay with them, to bask in their familiarity and simultaneous foreignness, she just couldn't lie so thoroughly to herself.
"Sarah?" asked James, rubbing his thumb over her palm. Tears leaked from Sarah's eyes and she bit her lip, ignoring the alarmed looks from the friend and lover she never had or would have. She stood, dropping James's hand from hers, who looked at her in surprise. His handsome face showed deep concern. The magic was well done, after all.
"I have to go," Sarah whispered, "Goodbye."
Without another word, Sarah spun on her heel and ran away again, bursting out of the group study room and then out of the library (noticing but choosing to ignore the evil looks from the illusions around her), and running into darkness.
Streaking across the campus, Sarah felt more than saw the illusion fade away this time, as the landscape grew darker and darker. She couldn't see where she was going, but she knew she was running the right way. The change didn't shock or scare her this time because she had learned what Jareth had wanted to teach her by feeding her her lost dreams—that she was alone, and by her own doing. Always alone.
He said he could be cruel.
Sarah slowed. She was in a narrow passageway now, still dark, but she could still see a familiar stone staircase at the end of the corridor. She reached the staircase, catching her breath for a moment, and then became to climb.
It took her shorter than she expected. After a few minutes, she reached the top, and looked in horror at a dizzyingly familiar scene that made her sick to her stomach.
There she was, perched precariously on the edge of reason. She was in Jareth's Escher room again—the disorienting staircases just as absurdly placed as she remembered, meant to confuse and trick her from finding what she was supposed to find. But there was no Toby this time. He existed safely Aboveground because of her, Sarah reminded herself. So what she supposed to look for? A door, an exit?
Sarah decided to go left, down a staircase and up another, and peered over the edge of the stair she was standing on, wanting to judge the distance. She nearly jumped out of her skin as she was thrown back into the nightmare of nine years ago.
Jareth, in all his black, sinister glory, stood beneath her, opposite her, defying gravity. Sarah's stomach lurched as he smirked at her cruelly, opening his mouth to speak.
How you turned my world, you precious thing…
He flew over her, weightless, and then appeared through another doorway. Sarah tried her best to ignore him, searching for Toby. If Jareth was here in her dream, then it had to be a repeat of what had transpired years ago. She had wanted so desperately to save Toby then—surely it had to be same?
You starve and near exhaust me…
He appeared behind her then, the hair standing upright on the back of her neck told her as much; she felt him there, and she turned reluctantly, heart racing, as she knew what happened next. He walked towards her slowly, and then through her as if she was no more than vapor.
Everything I've done I've done for you…
She turned to watch him, unable to stop herself from repeating what she had done the last time she had been here. She was too curious; too eager to find a change so she could understand where the way out was. His face twisted with an unfamiliar emotion as he continued.
I move the stars for no one.
He dropped beneath her again and she ran thoughtlessly through the doorway to her right, hearing his voice echo behind her.
You run so long, you run so far…
She reached another teetering edge, and he was there.
Your eyes can be so cruel.
For some reason, she couldn't look away from those strange eyes. He held up a crystal, sneering.
Just as I can be so cruel.
He threw the crystal away from them, and Sarah's breathing quickened. She tore her eyes away from Jareth, searching…she knew this part…Toby was there, he had to be, he was the one who Jareth had thrown the crystal to…
Oh, I do believe in you…
He wasn't there.
Toby wasn't there.
Where was he?
"Toby?" Sarah cried out pleadingly.
Yes I do…
Sarah felt her feet moving, felt herself sprinting in mindless directions, away from the sensuous voice ringing in her ears towards what she knew in her heart wasn't there.
She searched for Toby anyway. He was the way out of this delusion in her memory, in her dream.
Live without the sunlight…
Her legs felt shaky, but she kept moving. The voice scared her, because she knew who it belonged to.
Love without your heartbeat…
Sarah stumbled, but drew herself back up, and made the mistake of turning in the wrong direction. She was no longer staring in the direction she thought Toby must be in, instead, her eyes had met Jareth's.
I can't live within you.
He appraised her coldly, his eyes clouded with a burning question that Sarah felt she could not answer. She realized then, suddenly, forcefully, painfully that her baby brother truly wasn't there. This was not a repeat of her dream. This was a copy, yes, recreated by the Labyrinth, but the copy had been altered the same as the others, and what she had once wanted was not the same as it had been. The only person there besides herself was Jareth.
The way out is what you wish for…what your heart desires most.
Sarah took a step back, and felt her foot reach the edge of the top stair she stood on.
Amazingly, she kept her balance. Her eyes had not left Jareth's, and in that single moment she realized she was half an inch from falling, one way or the other. She made a choice.
She turned her back on him.
Jumping off the edge of the stair, she wished with all of her heart that her baby brother was still waiting for her at the bottom.
As she fell, a tortured growl pierced the air around her and she heard the sound of shattering glass.
.
...
.
A/N: Well, that's Chapter 4! Here comes my usual plea for reviews! Haha, seriously, you'd make my day. Oh, that reminds me, thanks to everyone who reviewed last time. To tmwillson3, thanks! The whole story was sort of inspired by one song (coming chapter 10), and then kind of spiraled from there. And to UndergroundDaydreams, thanks as well - I completely agree, I don't think Jareth should be ever totally figured out; and I can tell you that in this story, he won't be, not completely (at the very least, not for a while - but I wouldn't presume to know everything about the fair Goblin King, regardless, haha). Again, thanks all for your reviews, follows, and favorites!
