The next day at work I spun around in my swivel chair, waiting for Grace to come back in from wherever she went. I didn▓t pay much attention to her words while her lips were moving, they were too beautiful to have my concentration broken. I was hungry so I went and opened Grace▓s desk drawer, where she kept all of the cookies and junk food. I picked out some Oreos and sat back down at my desk.

Where was she?

I looked at the clock and only about 20 minutes had passed. What was I going to do until she came back? I needed SOMETHING to pass all of this time. I opened every drawer in my desk, hoping to find something mildly entertaining.

My drawers were pretty empty every since Jack and Grace came and cleaned out all of my ⌠snacks■.

I pulled the top of my drawer out and saw a little baggy of cocaine that they forgot to remove. It was tempting but I put it back in its little hiding place. The door opened and I slammed the drawer shut. It was Will. ⌠Hey honey,■ I said trying to sound inconspicuous. ⌠Hey Kare, where▓s Grace?■

⌠Oh she went out to get..something┘shoes? I don▓t know. She▓ll be back in a little. Why what▓s up?■

Hey sighed. ⌠Nothing really, just was wondering if she wanted to catch dinner with me, she is always here so late these days.■

I nodded. I then wondered why they never came and asked if they wanted me to catch dinner with them. Probably because they thought I wouldn▓t want to.

⌠Well, Will, Grace seemed pretty crazy all day, and I don▓t mean like usual, I mean like busy.■ He laughed. ⌠So if you want, I▓ll keep you company. My last break was almost five minutes ago!■

He smiled at me and said, ⌠I▓d love for you to keep me company, Karen.■

I grabbed my things and we were out the door.

We sat down at a dimly lit pizza parlor.

We talked about small things and work and other mundane facts. But then he sat back and was quiet for a minute. ⌠Karen, there is something I have to tell you.■

I didn▓t know what to expect. Maybe another crazy accusation of being in love with his sexless wife. ⌠I don▓t know how to put this delicately, so I▓m just going to say it.■ he exhaled deeply.

⌠Karen, I▓m in love with you.■

What did he say? He▓s insane. Did he have to much wine?

⌠I▓m not insane, I didn▓t have too much wine┘although that helps┘I mean it Karen. Ever since I met you, there▓s something about you that just makes my heart race. I can▓t explain it. You walk into a room and I just smile.■

I can▓t believe I▓m hearing this. He was always so mean to me!

⌠I know I was always mean to you, I know you were at the butt of many of my lame jokes, but I was just trying to distract myself from how much I cared about you.■

⌠Oh, well I▓m glad it made you feel better, because it made me feel like shit.■ I told him bluntly. ⌠God Karen, I▓m so sorry, I didn▓t know what I was doing.■

He looked down. He wouldn▓t look me in the eye. ⌠When I heard what had happened to you, you have no idea the feeling I got in the pit of my stomach. I couldn▓t imagine life without you, even if we▓re not together the way I▓ve always wanted.■

He shook his head and looked at me desperately.

⌠Have you ever lost someone you thought you couldn▓t live without?■

I felt tears coming. Uncontrollably.

⌠Look, Karen, the only reason I see you looking at Grace, is because I▓m always looking at you.■

I was shocked I didn▓t know what to say. ⌠Uh, excuse me,■ I got up and made it to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and stared at myself a minute. Who was I?

I snuck out the back door. I went to the manse. I couldn▓t go back to Will and Grace▓s. Not now.

The sky had been cloudy all day but it started to drizzle as I fumbled for my keys.

Thunder rumbled as I threw my purse on the counter.

Some maids came in at once laughing. They saw me and said, ⌠Mrs. Walker, um, I didn▓t know you were coming home today,■

They expected me to yell at them. I just shook my head and said, ⌠well, I am.■

I didn▓t feel like yelling. I felt like freaking out. I went upstairs and tossed my coat on the chair. I rubbed my hands on my face and breathed deeply. My breathing got harder. What did he say to me? I▓m dreaming. I▓m dreaming. Why won▓t I wake up. This is a big deal. No its not. Its not a big deal, everything will be okay. I▓ll just tell him I can▓t. I can▓t, right? No I couldn▓t I?

Ugh all of these thoughts aren▓t doing me any good. I have to calm down I have to calm down.

I go to the medicine cabinet and see emptiness. No it can▓t be empty. I need something to calm me down.

I remember Jack and Grace threw all of my souvenirs away. I remember that. I also remember that hit of cocaine in my desk drawer at work. Yeah, that▓s what I can do. I won▓t get addicted. Just one hit to calm me down that▓s all I need. That will be okay.

I grab my coat and hurry downstairs. ⌠Miss Karen you▓re leaving so soon?■ says one of the maids. I just grab my keys, ⌠yeah,■ I say and I leave. I shut the door behind me.

I grab a cab and tell him where to go. He isn▓t going fast enough. ⌠Can you hurry? I▓m kind of in a rush.■ I tell him. ⌠I▓m goin as fast as I can lady,■ he snaps back at me.

I get out of the cab and go up the elevator. I grab the right key eventually and push it into the lock and shove the door open.

My shaking hands open the desk drawer and I pour the powder on a piece of paper and make it into a line with my credit card. I take two hits and look up to see Grace leaning on the door frame to the swatch room.

⌠Grace. What are you doing here?■ I say frantically.

Grace laughs a little, ⌠I▓d ask you the same question if it weren▓t so obvious what you were here for.■ She shook her head at me.

I felt terrible.

⌠Grace I can explain, I just,■ I didn▓t know how to finish that sentence.

⌠Karen, I don▓t know what I▓m supposed to do with you. I really don▓t. We get you clean, we let you move in we do all of this stuff for you. We want you to get better, we want you to be clean, but do you? Because it seems like you could care less.■

⌠Grace, please don▓t give up on me.■

⌠You▓re giving up on yourself.■

⌠I love you,■ I say unintentionally.

⌠I love you too, but Kare,■ ⌠No Grace, I love you. I▓m, I▓m in love with you Gracie.■ She looks at me. I try to read her expression but its hard. I can▓t tell whether she is mad, sad, or relieved? I don▓t know. I am quiet. I mean, what do you say after something like that? ▒I like your shoes?▓ No┘ I▓m just quiet.

⌠Karen┘I don▓t know what to say to that. I mean, I▓m straight, and┘you are too, right? I mean, we can▓t do something like that. I love our friendship. I don▓t think I▓m willing to sacrifice that.■

She gave the ▒I like you, but,▓ speech. I was used to it. I had given it plenty of times. It sucks to be on the receiving end. I stood up and headed for the door. I had nothing else to say. ⌠Karen don▓t go,■ she says. But I just put my arm up implying that I needed to be left alone. I walked out the door and slammed it behind me.

I went back to the manse. I REALLY couldn▓t go back to Will and Grace▓s now. The maids weren▓t in to greet me at the kitchen this time. I started crying. Why did I say that to her? Oh my god, that was so fucking stupid. I knew what her answer was going to be.

I go upstairs and I stop. ⌠Will?■

Will is sitting on my chair in my room. ⌠Karen, where did you go? I was worried!■ he says. I don▓t say anything. My hair is wet. It is still raining outside. I just walk up to him and kiss him.

He is surprised at first but then he kisses back┘