"Being with you feels perfect," Lea said quietly, reminding Darren of the sentiments that she had expressed on the night of their hookup.
Darren stared at her like the dork he was; astonished that a girl as incredible as Lea would even have had sex with him, let alone describe it all as perfect.
"B-but you're getting back with Theo." He spoke resolutely. There was no question of her decision, in his mind at least.
Lea was going to answer with a solid 'no.' Even if her feelings with Darren were confusing, it didn't mean that she could get back together with an ex who she was positive that she was over. As much as she missed being in a steady relationship, and as much as that relationship had meant to her, it was over for her. She was about to answer, until a sound resonating from the door of the choir room caused her to leave Darren's eyes and snap to the source of the sound.
There it was.
There was the barrier.
"Hey – Lea?" he spoke, leaning against the doorframe hesitantly, a bit shy about intruding on Lea and Darren, whose physical distance was the only thing that could still categorize them as 'friends.'
"Theo! I… Hey," Lea stuttered, trying not to be too surprised, even though what the fuck was he doing here?
Darren shifted his weight and cleared his throat, looking down and debating whether it was more awkward to stay and third-wheel until they would inevitably leave together, or leave and imply that he was only comfortable being with Lea when she was alone. Trapped.
"Sorry, uh… Hey, Darren!" Theo attempted to include Darren, even if just for a second. Even though he was clueless to what they had been talking about, he could read that the situation was uncomfortable.
"Sorry to come inside," he continued. "You just weren't responding to my texts and it's like, 5:30." Theo checked his watch to make sure. "I told you I'd pick you up at 5:00? You said yes to dinner." The decrescendo in the volume of his voice sent a surge of guilt through Lea. She hadn't realized that she had been so involved in her conversation with Darren even before turning off her phone, that she had somehow agreed to a dinner with him without even processing it.
Lea forced her eyes to stay staring at the floor, occasionally allowing them the privilege of flicking up to meet Darren's. "Y-yeah, I remember," she pretended, as Theo watched her watch Darren. Although he still hadn't picked up on the full reality of the position he'd put himself in, he suddenly felt like the odd one out. Like he was the one who should be leaving, rather than Darren. Surges of jealousy, more powerful in the shorter boy, ran through Darren and Theo as they both attempted to size up the situation. Theo walked to her and wrapped a protective arm around his ex-girlfriend's waist as his resolve changed from 'take Lea on a date to talk about things,' to 'take Lea away from Darren and make her mine again.' Lea allowed herself to be drawn into Theo's side as she gazed, almost apologetically at Darren.
"Ready to go then, baby?" Theo intentionally called her by a pet name, trying to assert his position. His was, after all, higher than Darren's.
"Yeah," she responded, looking up and smiling at Theo as she spoke.
Lea knew, before she did it, that it would be an action that would cause Darren hurt, and give Theo false hope. But she needed to make Theo think that she was just as invested in them as he was, or else if she decided to end it completely the door to friendship might close. If her and Theo ended badly, that pressure would just be put on her and Darren, provided that they do end up in a relationship. As much as she knew she'd regret it for a billion different reasons, she had to do it.
Lea cuddled in a little closer to him, tightening his arm around her, before leaning up to nuzzle against his neck. Just as she had hoped, Theo turned his head to smile at her, and Darren stared, cringing in jealousy. Her face was now only an inch or two away from Theo's and she closed the distance, pressing her lips against his in a deep, but soft kiss.
Darren quietly walked out.
Theo acted like the perfect gentleman that night. He pulled out her chair for her, paid for everything, ordered all of her favourite foods, wine, kissed her cheek, trying his absolute best to earn her back. The kiss showed that he at least had a chance.
Lea, on the other hand, did her best to remain interested and answer his questions with kindness. Their conversation was civilized and , albeit a bit sad. The night ended with a kiss on the cheek and a mutual hug before they parted ways. Hopping out of the cab at her apartment, the sight she saw made her jump, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
"Darren..?" she eyed him as he sat on her steps, his cheeks, ears, and nose red from cold. His spirits somehow managed to soar and plummet upon seeing her. It was like seeing your beautiful, one-of-a-kind dream girl – and then remembering that her dream boy is somebody different.
"Lea," he responded, standing up and licking his lips once, immediately regretting it when the wind hit him that much more harshly.
"Wh-what are you doing here?"
"How was your date?"
His question answered hers, and he was too desperate to know the answer to waste time with unimportant things like why he should be on her doorstep at…
"Darren, it's almost 10:30," she said quietly as she approached him on the steps, only 2 below him.
"Y-You kissed him," he stuttered out, hanging his head.
Oh. "I broke up with him. Officially." Lea offered him a small smile, hoping that his mood would lift with her announcement. The breakup would have come on its own, even if Darren weren't in the picture – and to some, that might make it seem like he wasn't even a part in the equation of Lea's love life. But it's not true at all. He may not be a part of the equation, but in Lea's mind, he may as well be the answer to it now. The mess of her and Theo resolves into the comfort of Darren.
"You kissed him, Lea. In front of me. Wh-Why?"
He shook his head, but it was redundant. Lea could hear the hurt and it transferred into her, feeling the anticipated regret wash over her, mingled with shame and so many apologies.
"I-I had to make him know that I cared about him so that he'd understand my intentions weren't to hurt him, even if we broke up…" It sounded stupid when she said it like that.
"Hurt… Hurt him? Care about him?"
It was definitely stupid. "A-and I figured that if we ended up in a relationship I wouldn't want pressure from a bad breakup to end up putting pressure… on us," Lea answered quietly, another small smile in her voice. She was ready to be an 'us', now. All that she was waiting for was him to realize that so they can cut to the part where they kiss and then cuddle together all night until they fall asleep. Now, Darren wasn't so sure. He was positive that this was his dream girl, standing right in front of him and making excuses for her mistakes, but he wasn't sure of whether or not the mistakes were ones that he could learn to handle.
"And this isn't pressure, Lea?"
"I'm sorry… It made a lot more sense when we were back on set and it was confusing with both of you there, and it was a bad choice. I just have a lot on my mind, I'm sure you get that."
"No, Lea, I don't get that," he said desperately. "I can't have a lot on my mind because there's only one thing that can hold my attention for any length of time and that's you. Everything else leads to you, everything else is you, and when I start thinking about you I can't stop. You're on my mind, and you're on the top of everything no matter what else happens. And you have no idea how I wish I could change that, because then I have to watch you kissing somebody else in front of me and I can't take things like that, Lea. Then that… that fucking image is just embedded in my brains and I can't get it out…"
"I-I'm sorry," Lea repeated, taking a step towards him. He was only vaguely aware of how frequently he used her name while speaking, but he was fully conscious that her name was his favourite word. "Really, I am. The kiss was… was ridiculous, but I made sure that it's not going to happen again. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I wasn't even thinking about what it would mean at the time. I was just trying to see how it would maybe help you and I down the road. P-Please."
"Please what, Lea?" his voice softened. They were only a foot apart and Darren didn't dare step closer. For his own sake, though, he couldn't manage to step back. The girl in front of him somehow managed to muster enough confidence to ask him for what she truly wanted.
"Please, if you… If you let me kiss you, I can prove to you that I care."
Lea's voice came out practically in a whisper, shuffling her feet a tiny bit further so her body was mere inches from where she wanted it to be – wrapped up in his. Darren couldn't break the eye contact if he tried. It was too powerful and it held far more weight than his own will. He wanted to kiss her, he really, really wanted to. Not an on-set kiss, not a drunk kiss, just an honest kiss because those were the best kinds. The kisses that helped make discoveries. The one's that built faith, that forged promises, that helped make up for the vows that were broken. But he couldn't. Not yet. They had gone all the way, but that was with the help of a whole lot of wine. This kiss would be the one that would mark the start of something, and he didn't want it to be when he was still upset over her kissing a different guy only 5 hours earlier.
"I-I can't. I'll see you tomorrow." Darren made a quick exit, scurrying back down her steps with his hands in his pockets as he took the cab that she had just gotten out of. Lea sighed and rubbed her eyes as he glanced at her through the tinted windows. It took her a second to realize that she could still see him for a few seconds before the driver took him home, and she watched him give his address. He turned back to look at her and felt a surge of guilt at how abruptly and nearly silently he had left her, but they had made progress. Still, the nervous look on her face didn't quiet Darren's guilt at all and he nodded at her, sending a small smile through the glass. A sigh of relief washed over her as she smiled back softly, adding a small wave. They were somehow okay.
