THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUAL CONTENT. IT IS VERY MUCH NSFW.

A/N: HIYA! Sorry about this long ass wait ahaha but migraine turned into the flu and then well my laptop decided it no longer wanted to do its job and well it got a corrupted hard drive so I had to replace that...long story short...my luck sucks and I am so sorry but well! Here is chapter 4 hope you all enjoy it!

-Ang


Images and words swam and circled through Regina's mind, twisting around her until she couldn't breathe, until she was numb and scared…so scared. She could feel her magic creating almost a dome around her and Kiara while it hummed through the room, it made the ground below her rumble and glass crack in the window frames.

She felt herself losing control the moment Emma's words registered in her mind, while voices taunted and memories wrapped around her, squeezing tightly around her heart.

"This was a mistake."

"Love is weakness"

"Stupid girl."

"I found my real mom."

"You're a monster."

"You're incapable of love."

"This was a mistake."

She laid there on the floor, derisive words tearing her mind to shreds like a lion tearing into its prey.

Her skin felt like it was left bare, her soul exposed to the evil parts of her mind, clawing into her and dragging her down that dark hole she had lived in for so long…the only place she had ever felt safe because nothing could hurt her when she was there…when she was guarded and angry, when she had a steel wall of rage built up around her to keep all emotions in and all pain out…where she could curl up behind and hide, block away the trauma she would suffer at her husband's hands.

The voice she had once thought belonged to the Evil Queen slithering in her ear, whispering, consoling, begging her to let it protect her…but she now knows it hadn't been her other half, it's always been her own inner voice, one that was created long ago when she was just a child and her mother struck her for the first time, a voice that took over when Daniel was killed, when she was forced to marry the king…a voice that took hold as the Evil Queen, and even after they split it still resided in Regina, a voice, a fractured part of her mind built to protect her, there, never really lost, waiting until it got to be too much and Regina just needed to breathe…when it was like welcoming home an old friend, like a blanket wrapped around her, telling her she would be okay. But Regina knew better, knows now that sure, it hurt less when she let go, when she let that part of her mind take the reins for just a little bit…but in the end, it brought nothing but misery to everyone…herself included.

So she clenched her fists, the pain of her nails digging into her palm centring her enough for her to get enough energy to send herself somewhere she could be safe, that's all she did, she thought of safety, and she was taken away.


"Regina!" She heard a voice yell, Kiara's barks filling the space for a moment, before quieting. "Regina, what's wrong?" She felt a hand on her arm and she opened her eyes to meet the striking blue eyes of her sister's, "Are you hurt?"

She slowly shook her head, feeling her magic start to dissipate around her, looking around them before locking back on Zelena. "I-I can't b-breathe."

"It's okay, I got you," Zelena whispered, laying down on her living room floor and wrapping herself protectively around Regina, holding her tightly. "Just breathe, Regina. In and out." Regina sucked in a sudden unsteady breath, letting it out a few moments later when she felt Kiara press herself into Regina's front.

After nearly a half hour Regina was calm again, her magic steadily humming through her veins but no longer oozing out of her pores, surrounding her in a protective shield.

"What happened?"

Regina pulled out of Zelena's hold, sitting up on the hardwood floor of the farmhouse, hugging her legs to her chest protectively. "That's a long story…"

Zelena sat up as well, crossing her legs as she watched Regina carefully. "I got time…Robin's with Margot and Alice…I got all day."

Regina eyed her suspiciously, "I don't even know where to begin…"

"The beginning is usually a good start," Zelena smirked, Regina rolled her eyes at her before using the back of her hand to wipe away her tears.

"But which beginning…"

"What?"

"The beginning of what triggered today? or the beginning of…well, everything."

"I don't need the history of how the universe was created, just what's upset you."

Regina smiled slightly at that, "Emma."

"What did that idiot do now?! Do I gotta threaten her again?! I tried to be nice but now looks like I'll have to threaten death!"

Regina shook her head, "Emma did nothing wrong…I guess, technically, this is my fault…"

"What?"

Regina let out a long sigh, "Emma thinks –and I guess Snow too– they think that Hope is my daughter…" Zelena blinked slowly, "Zelena? You okay?"

"Yeah, just…give me a sec…I'm trying to wrap my head around where the surprise is." Regina slapped her arm and Zelena pouted, "Ow! Hey! Sorry, it's just…Regina, that girl is literally a spitting image of you, the only thing she got from Emma was that damn chin."

Regina frowned, "I wouldn't say obvious…"

"Okay, so the kid's yours, what's the big deal? You and Emma are in love, you already got two kids, now you got your third little magic baby and you two can just, move in and raise her and be happy."

"It's not that easy, Zelena…"

"Why the hell not?"

Regina looked at her with sad eyes, "She hurt me…"

"Yes, I know, but you two are working on that…right?"

Regina nodded, resting her chin on her knees.

"So what else is there?"

Regina closed her eyes and after a couple of minutes of silence finally decided to confide in her sister "I'm scared…"

"Of what?" Zelena asked softly, recognizing how difficult it was for Regina to be so vulnerable.

"That she'll think I'm a mistake again…"

"When has she ever thought that?"

Regina looked away, tears rolling down her one cheek and the other rolling over the bridge of her nose and dropping onto the hardwood floor below them. "The night it happened."

"Oh…" Zelena reached out, placing her hand comfortingly on her arm. "What happened?"

Regina looked back at her, eyes shimmering with tears. "Well it all started a few months before Henry sent for Emma, Hook, and I…she and Hook had gotten into another argument and like always she came to me looking for comfort…"


She was busy filling out paperwork when her office door flew open, her head shooting up to see Emma storming in, "He's such an asshole! Why did you let me marry him?!"

Regina arched a brow, looking Emma over before looking to the door that just slammed shut. "I do explicitly remember telling you you were too good for him…"

Emma glared, moving to drop onto one of the couches, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chest as she pouted. "Well, you probably should have just hit me over the head or sprayed me with water until I listened."

"I'll remember that for next time…" she drawled, placing her pen on her desk as she leaned back in her chair, turning it to face Emma, her legs crossing and her arms resting on the arms of the chair. "What did the pirate do this time? Forget to change the coffee filter? Try to beg you to be his perfect little housewife again? Buy you that top?" She finished, her mouth curling in disgust as she looked over Emma's wardrobe, the floral pattern on her sleeve covered arms uglier than the stuff she had cursed into Snow's wardrobe.

"Har Har."

"You really have to stop letting him dress you, dear. I know I poked fun at your wardrobe before but this…this is a tragedy."

"You're such a snob!" Emma yelled, tossing the pillow at Regina but she stopped it midair, with the flick of her fingers, her displeasure at the action shown in the quirk of a perfect eyebrow as she made it reappear on the couch. "He just keeps acting like he runs the damn place…he does know I'm the sheriff, right? He knows that means I'm the boss…doesn't he?"

"Like I know, dear, I don't have morning tea with the man to discuss what little knowledge he has in that teeny tiny brain of his."

Emma snorted, "If I see him anytime soon I'm worried I'll punch him."

"Oh? Well, why don't I give him a ring? I've been dying for some good entertainment recently…there's just nothing good on TV anymore."

"You are such an asshole."

"Mmm…" Regina hummed, rolling her chair back behind her desk and picking up her pen. "If you like we can go get a drink later, unwind a bit, you can tell me all the annoying things about the pirate…don't leave anything out."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." Regina glanced up, offering her an affectionate smile, "We can go as soon as I finish my paperwork."

Emma pouted, looking at the small pile, "Fine…"

Regina looked back down, twisting her wrist making a stack of paperwork appear in front of Emma, "And while you wait you might as well finish yours as well."

Emma let out a long sigh, "Evil…"

"Do your paperwork, Swan, or else we're never going to get that drink."

Emma pouted, "I need a–" she started as a pen materialized on top of the stack of paperwork, Emma stared at it for a few moments before muttering, "Thanks."


It was a quarter after seven when they finally finished their paperwork. Regina stood from her desk and stretched her arms over her head, turning to look at Emma with a raised brow as she watched her pull her shirt over her head, leaving her in just a black tank top and her dark jeans. "Ready to go?"

"Yup!" popping the P at the end of the word as she smiled proudly at Regina.

Regina shook her head with a roll of her eyes as she grabbed her purse from the bottom drawer of her desk and headed toward the door without a final word, knowing Emma was following by the sound of her short heeled boots against the wood floors.

"How do you walk so fast in those things?!" she panted when Regina turned to wait for her at the entrance of the stairwell.

"With the poise and composure of a queen," she smirked, Emma snorting at the distant memory.

"Smartass."

Regina just walked down the stairs, leading them out to her car, ignoring Emma's flailing gestures at the bug parked much closer as she unlocked her Mercedes, waiting patiently in the driver's seat as Emma stormed over to her, sliding into her seat and pouting the whole drive to Aesop's Tables.

"Stop acting like a child."

"I am not!" Regina arched a brow and Emma's pout deepened just furthering her point. "I thought we were supposed to be having a fun night out to cheer me up?"

"Well, we can get on that after you get out of the car and stop pouting."

"Why are you my best friend?"

Regina rolled her eyes, throwing open the car door as she drawled, "Would you believe me if I told you I ask myself that very question every day?"

"Asshole!" Emma called out after her, Regina's dark laughter filling the area, turning to stare into the car impatiently waiting for Emma to exit the vehicle. "Alright, let's go," Emma said as soon as the car door slammed behind her, Regina grinning proudly as she spun on her heels, leading the way into the bar.

They found a booth in the back, where people couldn't easily spot them, Regina signalled to the bartender that they needed drinks while she watched Emma carefully. "What did he do this time?"

Emma let out a long sigh, "What didn't he do?"

"What can I get you, ladies?"

"a glass of your best red, your best beer on tap..." She trailed off, lips pursed as she watched Emma for a second, "also tequila, and keep them coming," never taking her eyes off the blonde.

"Coming right up," he said before he made himself scarce once more, Regina leaning forward on the table to give Emma her full attention as she waited for her to say something…open up perhaps.

It was after two rounds that Emma finally exclaimed, "He's such a misogynistic prick," while tossing her lime into the empty shot glass.

"Tell me something I don't already know, dear."

Emma glared but a smile still curled on her lips, and then she just went off, ranting about this and that, Regina silently ordering them drinks whenever they ran out. Her foot accidentally brushed Emma's leg when she uncrossed her legs somewhere around their fifth…maybe sixth round, she lost track when her focus accidentally slipped to Emma's defined muscles instead of focusing on Hook's less than satisfactory performance in the bedroom.

"Sorry," she husked, a faint blush on her cheeks, raising her arm to request four shots to distract from her slip up.

"No worries…"

Regina downed one of the shots as soon as it was placed on the table, already requesting another before the man even had the chance to leave the table. "I can't say I'm surprised he can't please you, he's a very…rudimentary lover."

"Ah gross, I don't wanna know!" Emma grimaced, downing two shots in quick succession, Regina rolling her eyes at her as she waved her off.

"That reminds me…I've been working on a truth serum…"

"A truth serum? What for?!"

"To forget your mother's birthday party, of course…I'm still having nightmares over all that pink."

Emma snorted on a laugh, "Can you make it two?"

"Of course, dear…the less traumatic things for you to remember the better…I'd offer to remove your memories of the pirate but…"

Emma laughed again, leaning back in the booth, looking as a bottle was placed on the table, both women arching a brow before breaking out in giggles, Regina quickly stifled the sound with her hand but her eyes still sparkled with mirth.

"I think he got tired of making the trip."

"It would appear to be that way, my dear."

Emma smiled at her, that weird affectionate smile of hers that always made Regina's stomach twist in excitement; Regina was so mesmerized by Emma once again that when a shy foot suddenly brushed against her calf she actually jumped; but Emma acted like she didn't even notice what she was doing, and just kept talking… though when Regina tuned back into the conversation, Emma was no longer complaining about the pirate, instead she was reminiscing about the year they had first met.

"You were intimidating…but like in the sexiest way."

Regina's eyes widened comically, "What?"

"You can't tell me you didn't notice I was like totally hot for you!"

"I–" She stopped when Emma's foot brushed over her bare skin again, Regina wondered in the back of her mind when Emma had removed her shoe and sock. "I didn't not notice…" Regina smirked at the memories that flooded her mind, "You were very obvious in your staring…still are…" she added as she caught Emma's gaze focused down her shirt.

"Mmm, what can I say, you're very distracting…"

"A-as are you…" She stuttered as Emma's toe traced up the inside of her leg to her knee then back down.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes, you were the first person to actually defy me in 28 years…it was…invigorating."

"That all?" Emma pouted slightly as she leaned forward in the booth, Regina's eyes dropped down to her hand which was now resting against her forearm.

"Maddening too," Regina smirked at the annoyance that flickered over Emma's features, happy to gain the upper hand for a second, leaning forward in the booth she husked just for Emma to hear. "I must admit I had more than one fantasy about taking you up against my apple tree when you cut it down…or over my desk…" Regina hummed thoughtfully, "or dragging you to my bedroom and making you beg for release…"

Emma's eyes were wide but her mouth wider, her foot pausing in its teasing as she stared at Regina for a few long seconds, she took a quick shot of tequila and poured them both one more, whispering, "me too," a moment later, making Regina the one flabbergasted this time.

Regina downed the shot, looking around the bar, her knee hitting the top of the table when she felt Emma's toes brush against the back of her thigh, her mind clouding as the tequila buzzed through her veins, her legs falling open slightly when Emma's foot brushed up the inside of her calves again, her eyes falling closed as Emma's foot brushed the inside of her thighs dipping just under her skirt before moving back down her legs again. Regina utterly transfixed as her alcohol-addled brain tried to figure out what was happening and how they went from Emma ranting about the pirate to playing footsie under the table in a crowded bar.

"Let's dance."

"What?" Regina blinked, her lip falling from between her teeth as she uttered the word.

"Let's dance," Emma giggled, tangling her fingers with Regina's and tugging insistently on her hand, Regina blinked slowly at her all while she let Emma drag her out of the booth toward the little section by the jukebox and instantly pulled Regina so they were standing almost nose to nose. "Loosen up, Madam Mayor."

Regina blinked, her whole body on fire where Emma's was pressed against her, Emma waved a hand to change the song, as Regina swayed slightly on her feet from all the booze, but it was only a few seconds before she began to relax, dancing with Emma, their hands remained linked as Emma pulled their arms back and forth, bouncing around the space and Regina felt laughter bubbling out of her as Emma spun her around, their fingers dancing in each other's grip.

Regina's hand brushed over Emma's arm, their fingers linking together then falling away, Regina turning away from Emma, swaying her hips to the music surrounding them, a large gasp escaping her lungs as Emma's fingers brushed over her hips, gripping them tightly before pulling her against her, their bodies moulding together and Regina's movements only paused for a second before she ground her hips back into Emma's pelvis.

Emma moaned in her ear, her hands grazing up over Regina's sides, teasing before gripping her hips once more, chills running down her back and sides as Regina's hands moved to Emma's, leaning her head back against Emma's temple, their hips swaying together tantalizingly. Regina swore she must have imagined lips brushing against her neck, but after a few seconds when she felt it again, this time a little firmer, a hum of approval left her mouth and urged Emma on, making her kisses bolder. Regina's hands moved behind her to tangle in Emma's hair while she moved her head more to the side to grant Emma more access, Emma's hands teasing up her sides again making her stomach twist in pleasure.

"Em-ma…" she gasped when Emma nipped and sucked at a particularly sensitive spot on her neck, Emma moaned against her skin, sucking on her pulse point and a faint voice in Regina's head told her there would be a hickey if Emma didn't stop soon, but in all honesty, she didn't care, her hands just held tighter and her hips ground harder into her, getting another moan from the blonde.

Emma boldly kissed her way up to her ear nipping and sucking on her earlobe, "You taste so good…" Regina spun in her arms suddenly, their eyes meeting in a desperate gaze, Regina's hand tangling in Emma's before she pulled her toward the back door, the door barely shutting before Emma backed her into the wall and locked their lips in a heated kiss that Regina returned without a second thought.

Emma's tongue slipped into Regina's mouth, moaning at the taste of her, as Regina's hands moved up to grip into Emma's hair again, pulling her impossibly closer to her as Emma's thigh slipped between her legs, pressing into her center sending a shock of arousal through her.

Emma gripped her hips, pulling away from the kiss to start kissing down Regina's neck again, Regina's head lulled back against the cold brick wall that was slowly warming against her overly heated skin. "Oh gods…" She gasped when her hips unconsciously rolled against Emma's thigh, moaning against the sensations buzzing through her body. Emma hurriedly tugged her shirt out from her skirt, fingers brushing over Regina's belly while she nipped on her collarbone before kissing down her chest to press open mouth kisses on the tops of her breasts and in between her cleavage. Emma moved her fingers to unbutton Regina's blouse while Regina's moved to the rhythm of Emma's hips, gripping tightly as she grinded against her again, indistinct, breathy moans leaving her mouth at once.

Emma moved her shirt to the side to fully reveal one of her breasts, leaving wet kisses across her skin before pausing, Regina found her watching her quizzically and she moaned out a small, "please," not having enough frame of mind to even be embarrassed about begging. Emma gripped Regina's thighs, slipping her hands under the hem of her skirt neither really caring as the material bunched up higher on Regina's hips, her hips bucking as a loud moan ripped through her.

Regina was teetering embarrassingly close but she didn't care, her hands slipped under Emma's tank top, moving toward her hard abdomen pressing against Emma's abs, caressing the warm skin under her fingers.

"Fuck…" Emma moaned against her chest, as Regina's fingers teased at her waistband, "God yes…"

Regina didn't need anything else, her fingers nimbly unbuttoning her pants and slipping into her panty line pausing as Emma kissed back up her neck, burrowing into Emma's neck and peppering it in kisses as she slipped her fingers into Emma's panties, moaning when she felt her wetness coat her fingers, she traced through her folds as Emma continued to pant into her neck, hands gripping Regina's still moving hips tightly. Regina's body trembled when the pressure hit just right, slipping her fingers down to Emma's entrance and pausing for consent which was given in a low please against her skin before Emma started kissing her neck again, sucking and biting down when Regina at once thrust two fingers into her, Regina's body quivered as a moan left her mouth at the fascinating sensation of being inside her.

She started a quick rhythm, their hips moving in perfect sync, Regina felt her inevitable orgasm climbing nearer and nearer, a powerful buzzing sensation travelling over her skin, her free hand moved to Emma's hair to pull her into another deep kiss, her hand gripping the back of Emma's neck. As she moaned into Emma's mouth her body convulsed and that weird buzzing sensation that had been building exploded out of her in a wave, her fingers tingled and Emma moaned with her, Regina pulling away from the kiss to burrow her face in Emma's neck, peppering kisses wherever she could reach as she tried to focus more on getting Emma over the edge, her palm pressing into Emma's clit as she kept thrusting, curling her fingers up to find her G-spot, moving them in a come-hither motion, feeling Emma's walls grip around her fingers after a bit longer, Regina nipping her jaw playfully, Emma moaned into her neck and then her body froze, her walls squeezing her fingers tightly as she moaned Regina's name against her neck.

She slowly eased her out of her orgasm, combing her fingers through her hair and peppering loving kisses against her neck and jaw over and over again.

"Emma…" She sighed, contently, slipping her fingers out of Emma's pants and nuzzling into Emma's neck, pulling back after a few minutes, pressing her forehead against Emma's as the blondes grip loosened on her thighs, Regina's hand moving to stroke her cheek affectionately. "Emma…" Emma's eyes finally opened to meet hers, a soft dopey smile on her features and Regina leaned forward, brushing their lips together lightly, the kiss slow and almost loving before she pulled away a few moments later. "Hi…" she husked, nuzzling her nose with Emma's.

"Regina…" Emma breathed unsteadily, sobering at once and slowly getting back into reality, Emma's eyes widened in horror at the realization of what she had just done…what they had just done, and tore herself from Regina's body at once, her eyes taking in Regina's dishevelled appearance.

"Emma?" She asked uncertain, fear flashing in her eyes as she reached out for Emma again but missing her hand for she stepped away, Regina's lower lip wobbling slightly as she self-consciously righted her clothes before wrapping her arms around herself. "Emma, please…" She pleaded, meeting Emma's panicked eyes.

Emma shook her head, looking away from Regina, "This shouldn't have happened…"

Regina's heart cracked in her chest at those words, pushing off the wall and reaching out for her, "Emma, please…don't–" her hand fell through the air as Emma stepped away again, shaking her head, looking away from Regina missing the tears that were welling in her eyes.

"This was a mistake…" Emma said, "I…I need to go…home…"

"Emma! Please! We need to talk!"

"Not right now…I can't…"

"Ple-ase," Her voice broke and Emma looked at her with sorrowful eyes.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…I'm sorry, this was a mistake…" She said, brushing off Regina's hand again as she fled out of the alley.

"Emma, please! Don't go! Please…Emma…" She sobbed trying to chance after her but her limbs were too weak so she leaned back against the wall, hugging her arms tightly around herself as her body shook, after a while she found enough energy to teleport herself home, into her bed where she curled up and sobbed for god knows how long, only getting up because she needed to shower, to scrub tonight's events from her skin, her skin red and tender by the time she finished in the shower, sobbing herself to sleep in nothing but a towel body trembling…the feeling of being used twisting in her gut making her cry harder…she loved her…but Emma just saw her as a mistake…she was a mistake…always a mistake.


"Wait!" Regina rolled her eyes as Zelena dramatically rose her hand to silence her, "You two…had sex, for the first time, against a bloody wall?! What the fuck, Regina!"

Regina grimaced, looking down at the mug of tea in her hands as she kicked her bare feet against the counters in Zelena's kitchen. "It wasn't my finest hour…"

"I'll fucking say! You've been dreaming about that moment for like over a decade and you just…fuck her against a wall!"

"Technically I was against the wall."

Zelena rolled her eyes at her sister's bravado, seeing the hurt and shame she still held so close to her chest. "To be honest I'm surprised you two made it as long as you did…I totally thought you fucked during the road trip at least."

Regina shrugged, taking a sip of her tea, "Yes, well, we have…had…rules to stop us, which is why we all got our own rooms," she pursed her lips, "We did have a close call but back then we had Henry as a buffer…"

"What kind of rules? Wait! Is that why you two always stood so far apart?! And why Snow and I were always an awkward third wheel to your non-date dates?!"

Regina laughed awkwardly, leaping off the counter and moving back to Zelena's living room now that her sister was done making her own tea. "Yes, I guess you could say that…"

"Imagine having unspoken rules with your "best friend" to stop yourselves from fucking each other's brains out…"

"Zelena…"

"I know, you love her and it was more than sex for you…but the absolute insanity of it all is still rather fascinating."

"I'd be more inclined to call it depressing."

"That too I guess," Zelena smiled affectionately at Regina as she curled up in the corner of the couch. "You do know she loves you too, right?"

Regina laughed bitterly, "I don't know about that, Zel…"

"That girl is head over heels in love with you…which is only further proven by the fact you two managed to make a baby together…which is some true love type shit right there."

Regina shrugged again, "Even then it's hard to trust her with my heart again after everything…she shattered it into a million pieces without trying…I don't want to feel that way ever again…"

Zelena reached forward, placing her hand on Regina's wrist, "But you're breaking your heart by guarding yourself from a chance at true happiness with the woman you love…"

Regina met Zelena's eyes, tears shimmering in brown eyes before they rolled down her cheeks, Regina not bothering to wipe them away as she confessed, "It's hard, Zel…I can't…" Regina shook her head, "She hurt me more than anyone else ever has…and not because she left…but because she used me…she used me and tossed me away and I've never felt more like a piece of garbage…like a mistake than I did in that moment."

"Oh, Regina…" Zelena put their mugs of tea on the table before she gathered Regina in a tight hug, the brunette falling apart in her arms once again, clutching to the back of Zelena's top as she sobbed, the memories of what followed that fateful evening playing out in her mind as clearly as when they had happened.


Regina woke in the late morning, brows furrowed in confusion when she couldn't quite understand what was happening, and why her alarm wasn't blaring in her ears and making the already throbbing headache worse and then it hit her like a freight train, her heart plummeting into the pit of her stomach again and the odd feeling to throw up and cry took over.

Staring across her bedroom at her reflection in the vanity mirror, eyes scanning over her nude body and a trembling hand raised up to run her finger over a very defined hickey on her left breast, a tear rolling down her cheek as she remembered what a mess she had made out of everything the night before. Curling back up on top of her blankets and towel she let sorrow take over for a few more minutes before she forced herself out of bed to get ready for the day, cursing Emma Swan the whole time at the multiple hickeys she had left behind and nearly breaking her sink from how hard she gripped onto it to stop herself from crying more, slowly finding her anger and the mask she hasn't used in years to shield herself from everything for the rest of the day, nearly losing it as she was leaving when she realized that not only had she left her phone and purse at the bar but that they also had forgotten to pay their tab…so she was left with the humiliating task of going back to that place after everything.


The day was hard, not because she had a lot of work…no, because she barely had any which meant there was little she could do to distract herself from the memories of the night before, constantly catching herself playing with the neck of her turtleneck or tracing absentmindedly of the hickey she knew resided so perfectly over her broken heart.

And if she were honest with herself she'd say she was surprised when Emma called to see if they were still up for lunch that day, and if she were of sound mind she would have said she was busy with work but she knew Emma would still know she was lying even over the phone so she agreed, she met her for lunch at Granny's like they do every Thursday…a routine they started after Henry left just so they knew the other was okay and now…she was seated in another booth across from Emma Swan just a mere 12 hours after they had sex…after Emma said she was a mistake…after she went back home, to her husband and Regina used that anger to keep herself from breaking down at any moment but she realized that when sitting across from Emma looking awkward and beautiful and just as troubled as her…it was dangerous…because she loved her, with her whole soul that she wondered how she ever thought Robin was her soulmate…but because of that the hurt she was feeling was something she wasn't used to because she never ever thought Emma would use her for her body like everyone else has always done and yet…

"So David keeps complaining about our coffee maker, says it's as old as me which…stopped being funny like 8 years ago…"

Regina tried to smile, it was pained, her eyes vacant as her hand pulled and tugged at the turtleneck, sure that it was restricting her breathing, slowly choking her because the only other explanation was that there was a lump of sadness in her throat slowly trying to kill her.

"Regina?"

She blinked, Emma's worried expression coming into focus, "What? Sorry…I just have a bit of a headache…"

"I-it's okay…" Emma bit her lips, looking around the busy diner before finally for the first time that afternoon meeting Regina's eyes, Regina hoped that they weren't red from crying or filled with tears…because that lump in her throat was almost painful and her eyes stung from all the crying she did the night before and again this morning and… "Do you wanna go back to your office? It'd be quieter…"

"Together?" Regina almost yelped, eyes wide wondering how Emma was so okay, wondering if she had forgotten what had happened last night.

"I…" Emma looked at her mug of cocoa, shrugging slightly as she whispered. "If you want…my erm bug is still parked there so I could use the ride to go get it I guess…"

Regina nodded, tugging at her turtleneck again, "Sure, I'll drive you over but I should probably get back to work…the town won't run itself."

"At least not anymore," Emma joked and it felt normal for a second, their eyes meeting after Regina finished rolling hers, both their eyes sparkled with humour and Regina felt her heart clench in her chest and so she forced her eyes away.

"You're paying though, I had to cover our tab from last night so the least you can do is buy me lunch."

"O-of course…" Emma looked like she was just punched and it was then Regina knew she remembered what happened, her eyes following Emma as she slipped out of the booth to go pay at the counter, Regina subtly reaching up to brush away a tear that escaped, cursing herself for getting soft…for trusting…for exposing her heart so idiotically…to a married woman nonetheless. "You ready to go?"

She jumped, turning her head quickly to look at Emma before she nodded, grabbing her purse and standing from the booth, not looking back as she strutted out of the diner, chin held high giving off more Mayor Mills than she had in years.


"You didn't have to walk me into my office, Swan, I am more than capable."

"I know…I just…" Emma toed the tile of the hallway as Regina unlocked her office door, "Can we talk?"

Regina looked back at her, eyes wide and an eyebrow quirked, "About?" She tried calmly but even she could hear the distress in her voice.

"About last night…"

Regina pursed her lips, turning to look back at her office door as she turned the handle slowly, pushing it open as her heart skipped and clenched in its now permanent spot in the pit of her stomach. "Of course…" she said as she stepped in the room, staring at her desk as she moved to sit in it.

"Are you okay?" Emma asked as soon as she closed the door behind her with a quiet click.

Regina spun around, wrapping her arms across her chest, "Of course."

"Regina…"

She met her eyes in a flash, Emma looking considerably more troubled than she had in the diner. "I…" She shook her head at herself…how could she even begin to explain just how not okay she was? She unfolded her arms, left hand falling to her stomach while her right one moved to tug and fiddle with her turtleneck again.

"Reg–"

"I'm thinking."

"About?"

Regina met her eyes again, heartbreak and furry flashing in them for a split second before it faded away to nothingness. "Can't we just…forget it happened? Get on with our lives…we were drunk…and like you said, it was a mistake."

"Regina…"

"I can't, Emma! Please, just…" She shook her head, leaning on the edge of her desk. "I'm tired, I'm hungover, and my head is killing me…can't we just do this another day?"

"Y-yeah…I guess…"

Regina nodded, standing up and gesturing to her closed office door, "Now if you don't mind I have work to do."

"Regina…" Emma's lower lip wobbled slightly.

"I'll see you later, Emma."

"Right…" Emma shuffled on her feet, taking a half a step forward before she stopped, shaking her head at herself before she whispered, "I'm sorry…" making a beeline out the door before Regina could even respond.

Regina collapsed back against her desk as soon as her office door clicked shut, running her hands over her face to try and rid the stinging in her eyes but it was no use, the tears poured from her eyes on their own accord, Regina finally just deciding to go home for the rest of the day.


It was a week since the incident, she saw Emma a handful of times since then and every second hurt because it was like a constant reminder of what she couldn't have, what she had lost, it almost hurt more than watching Emma marry the pirate because now when she looked at Emma she remembered that night, how it had felt, how she had tasted, the sounds she made quietly in her ear, how she had kissed her…kissed like nobody has ever kissed Regina before, sure it started rough and hungry but that last kiss…that last one was slow and gentle and at the time she swore it had been filled with love but it couldn't be…because Emma had gone back to him…she went back and Regina was just a drunken mistake…forced to watch her with another walking openly down the street hand in hand, kissing in front of Granny's one morning that Regina had to teleport home because she couldn't keep the heart-wrenching sobs at bay.

It was now a week, a week and Regina was still reminded of that day every time she saw her reflection, every time she looked down at her body and saw those fading hickeys, a constant reminder of it all and her heart still ached like it hadn't in a while…still craves Emma like she never thought possible. It was a week from hell but Regina was determined to just power through it, pretend they never had sex, pretend that she doesn't still feel the ghosting of Emma's lips over hers, on her body, pretend that her body doesn't sing and tingle and scream out for just the smallest of touches when Emma's so much as in the same room…how when they're alone she's scared that she won't be able to control herself anymore and she'll grab Emma and kiss her like never before…just pretend that she hasn't cried almost every day this week because of this…because she was a mistake, she was just a quick desperate fuck…nothing more and…that hurt more than anything else.

She wished she could just avoid Emma today, if she could just avoid her she might be able to make it but she wasn't that lucky, no, because today was the town council meeting and so she had to see Emma, had to sit next to Emma in the tight round table where their legs always brushed and her scent invaded Regina's nostrils and…it was too much…being so close to her after such a short time but she had to.

Like she knew would happen about halfway through the meeting Regina's leg brushed against Emma's when she crossed them, a quiet gasp leaving Emma's mouth yanking Regina out of her daydreaming to stare at her, their eyes locking and Regina found it impossible to look away, mouthing sorry to her to not interrupt the person speaking, their words a distant chattering as she stared at Emma so close again, her finger moving to run over the hickey on her chest thoughtfully, Emma's eyes moving from her lips to follow her hand, eyes locked on it until someone coughed, Regina and Emma both jumping before turning back to whoever was speaking. Regina's hands moving into her lap under the table, fiddling with her fingers to stop herself from focusing on the twisting feeling in her gut, although this time instead of heartbreak it was the familiar feeling of arousal.

Emma's leg started shaking under the table and without thinking Regina moved her hand to Emma's knee to stop it, both of them freezing, Regina's brain shutting down at the feeling of Emma under her hands once again, even if it were through tight jeans, the warmth radiating through them was still almost intoxicating. Emma's hand moved to hers, grabbing it and she glanced over because Emma lifted it a centimetre off her thigh before she stopped, a small sigh leaving her mouth and she just held on, and Regina didn't know what to do…and even if she did she couldn't build up the energy to remove her hand, not even when Emma started playing with her fingers under the table, her eyes drooping shut for a few moments, her heart soaring in her chest even as her brain yelled at her…warned her that she was just going to be hurt in the end but it was so nice to feel her touch again after a whole week…she was worried she could never survive without Emma's touch…the only thing that could ever really soothe her.

Both of them jumped, their hands tearing away from each other's when Snow announced the meeting was over, their focus shooting to the clock that sat across from Snow to see that not only was the meeting over but that it ran nearly 30 minutes late, everyone obviously hoping Regina would notice eventually but when she didn't Snow brought it upon herself to make that fact known.

"Yes, that will be it for this month, everyone," She pushed her chair back, standing up and running her hands over her thighs, "You're all excused, have a good evening everybody."

Everybody nodded, collecting their papers and heading out, quiet chatter and rustling filled the room as everyone moved about. But Emma stayed sitting, gazing up at Regina as she was bent over the table collecting files from the other council members and organizing her own papers from the meeting, smiling as everyone wished her goodnight, and before they knew it the room was quiet and it was just them, Regina unable to ignore the eyes burning into her.

"You're staring," she stated, turning and hugging the files to her chest as she looked down into Emma's lust filled eyes.

"Why do you keep wearing turtlenecks? It's like 80 degrees out." Emma questioned and Regina blinked slowly, shaking her head at Emma after a few seconds and walking toward the large double doors.

"I think you know why, dear."

Emma followed after her, "No, I don't."

"Are you really that dense?"

Emma frowned, keeping up with her step for step as they turned toward Regina's office, neither of them noticing they were just going to seclude themselves more. "How am I being dense?"

"Jesus Christ, Swan!" Regina growled, throwing open her office door and storming in, slamming her files loudly on her desk before she spun around. "Because you left hickeys, very large visible hickeys on my neck and chest!"

"Oh…" Emma breathed, her eyes dropping to look down at her body.

"I wish I could wear anything else but then everyone would see these!" Regina yelled yanking the sweater over her head and Emma couldn't stop herself from moving closer, from stopping her eyes from staring at Regina standing before her in just a bra, and before she even realized what she was doing she was tracing her finger across the hickey on Regina's breast, staring at the slowly fading but still obvious mark on her otherwise perfect skin.

Regina let out a shuddering breath, eyes falling shut as Emma traced down to the one between her breasts then up and across her chest to the ones on her neck, one on her collarbone, in the crook of her neck, her pulse point, and then lastly almost at the back of her neck, Emma's touch was gentle and Regina was shocked when a low moan left her mouth when Emma's nail accidentally scraped over her skin, the sound snapping them back to their senses and they flung apart, Regina pulling her shirt tight against her chest as she hit the back of her desk and Emma stood in the middle of the room with wide eyes that were still glued on Regina.

"E-Emma…" Regina's voice was small and broken again like it was that night, Emma's eyes moving up her face to lock on her eyes, Regina looking away almost instantly to hide the pain she knew was clearly reflected in her eyes.

"Regina…I…" Regina looked up at her, Emma's lower lip wobbling, shaking her head she confessed, "I can't do this…it hurts to look at you…"

Regina's eyes widened, filling with tears instantly as she took a step toward her, "Emma please, don't do this…" forgetting about being topless as she reached out to her, her hand just brushing Emma's shoulder when she took another step away, eyes firmly planted on the floor in shame.

"I-it might be easier if we don't see each other for a while…"

"Please, don't walk away again! We can make it through this, we just need time."

"I can't, Regina…every time I look at you I crave your touch…and it hurts…everything hurts when I look at you…I just…" Emma shook her head, stepping back, "I don't trust myself around you right now…I'm so sorry…"

"Please, don't walk away," Regina's lower lip wobbled as she tried to lock eyes with Emma. "You're my best friend…I can't lose you too."

Emma finally met her eyes again, taking a step toward her, hand reaching out toward Regina before it dropped away, their eyes locking as Emma whispered, "You're not losing me I just need some space…"

"How much?"

"What?"

"How much space?"

"Until it doesn't hurt anymore."

A tear escaped Regina's eye and before she could brush it away Emma did, their eyes locked on each other's as Regina whispered, "It's always going to hurt, Emma…"

"I'm sorry, Regina…" Emma ducked her head, tears shimmering in her eyes making them turn a shade of blue before she pressed a lingering kiss to Regina's forehead, stepping back as she whispered, "I'm so sorry," one more time before she slipped out of the office, Regina collapsing to the floor in violent heartbreaking sobs, her body trembling as she gripped tightly onto her shirt, swearing to never let Emma hurt her like this again…to never bare her soul to her, to risk her heart so carelessly.


And it would be almost two months before they were alone in the same room together again, Regina not expecting the panicked phone call she received that morning but as soon as she heard Emma's distraught voice on the phone, sobbing as she said, "Regina, I think I'm pregnant." She didn't even think twice as she rushed out of her house to pick up four pregnancy tests before teleporting to Emma's door and holding up the bag when an agitated Emma finally answered.

"Only one way to find out." She said as she walked past her, heading toward the stairs and following closely behind Emma up to the main bathroom, sitting with her on the edge of the bathtub as she guzzled down multiple glasses of water and pacing outside the bathroom while she peed on the sticks and then waited with her some more, this time Emma sitting on the lid of the toilet and Regina on the edge of the tub, holding her hands tightly in hers as they waited for the timer to go off and they could find out. "It's going to be okay, darling…"

Emma pulled her hand away to wipe away the tears on her cheeks, "This can't be happening…we're always so safe…"

"Accidents happen…"

Emma looked her in the eyes, "He's my husband…I know I should be ecstatic about this…"

"Just because you're married doesn't mean you need to be…it's okay to be scared, Emma, I sure was…"

Emma's eyes widened in horror, "You…when? What happened?" Regina shrugged, slipping her hands from Emma's but Emma snatched them back up. "You can tell me anything."

A tear rolled down Regina's face, "It was almost a year after I married the king…I had realized I missed my cycle and was very ill, there was only one answer, and the news that I was with child…his child…after he had…" Regina shook her head, "I sobbed for days, I couldn't fathom having a part of that man growing in me so I got a spell book from Rumple and I made a potion that would terminate the pregnancy, and…I didn't regret it for a minute especially after my mother showed back up with a fake Robin Hood and a wish for me to make her an heir for her to control like she controlled me…but then…" she pulled one hand away from Emma's to wipe away her tears. "I used the same book I got from him to make a potion that would leave me barren…"

"Regina…" Emma's eyes were wide as she gripped tightly onto Regina's hand.

"I regretted doing that, I thought I had lost any chance to be a mother, I felt so empty as the potion worked its way through me, but I couldn't let my mother hurt anyone else…"

"Then you adopted Henry."

Regina smiled widely, her tear filled eyes filling with love, "Then I got Henry and he was my everything, my whole heart the moment I held him in my arms…it was hard for a bit but…I wouldn't change anything if it meant I never got to be his mom…I'm so grateful that this world…that you, gave me that."

Emma smiled at her, "I'm happy I could give you that too…"

Regina squeezed her hands again as the timer went off, "No matter what, it'll be okay, Emma."

"I'm scared."

"That's okay," Regina let go of Emma's hand to turn off the timer before taking it again, "Take your time."

"I wish–" Emma cut herself off, shaking her head at the thoughts, "just, don't let go."

"I won't, I'll be right here the whole time, dear." Emma nodded, slipping her hand from Regina while the other one linked her fingers with Regina's squeezing tightly as she looked down at the test, a sob breaking out of her throat, Regina gripping onto her hand tightly while the other tucked hair behind Emma's ear before she brushed away her tears. "It's going to be okay…"

"I'm…I'm pregnant…I'm having a baby…"

"If you want to."

Emma locked eyes with Regina, the thought travelling through her mind for a second but she shook her head. "I want to…I…Killian will be so happy."

Regina flashed her a broken smile, "I'm sure he will."

Emma dropped her forehead to Regina's, "it's just anxieties, I'll be fine…"

"I know you will…" Regina sighed, cupping Emma's cheek, "I'm so happy for you, Emma…"

"Thank you…" Emma sniffled, "But uh, could you just stay with me a bit longer?"

"Always…"

"Thank you, Regina…"

Regina's lips curled in a pained smile, brushing the still flowing tears from Emma's cheek she whispered, "It's okay to still be scared." And in a matter of seconds, Emma started sobbing again, the two of them sitting exactly where they were for what had to be hours.


A/N2: thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!

Take care,
Ang