OK, so it took me a bit longer to flesh this one out, mainly because there isn't a lot of Clexa interraction in 2x08. So I've made the decision to sort of skip that one. The beginning of this chapter will give Clarke and Lexa's thoughts on everything with Finn, but then we move forward with the alliance. Like I mentioned before, I don't want to drag anything out so, without further ado.
You bleed for nothing Clarke.
Clarke takes a seat, not even trying to find a chair or stool, just lowering herself to wherever she can.
You can't stop this.
She couldn't. She didn't. She actually furthered it. Became a direct catalyst, the reason he died. In more ways than one.
Finn is guilty.
Clarke shakes her head again, trying to get the feel of warm blood out of her mind, until she looks down and realizes, it's still on her hands.
Then he dies for you.
She begins to shake violently, the rush of warm tears springing to her eyes, but then it's warm tears and warm blood and it's all too much and she attempts to get rid of at least one thing.
She finds a damp cloth and tries to get the remaining source of Finn's life off her hands, but it proves difficult. The blood still feels too warm and her hands are too shaky and the cloth is too dry and her vision is too spotty and her breath is too short and she feels the panic attack too late before older hands settle over hers, stopping her from tearing at her skin.
Abby looks at her and her eyes hold all the sympathy there is left on the planet and she can't take it. "They would've tortured him. I had to." She breaks. "I had- I had to." Her mother pulls her into an embrace and she feels her heart come apart even more. Her thoughts jumble and mix between reason and disarray, grief and sacrifice, until she can't make heads or tails of anything and all she can think of is one thing.
"What did I do?"
Lexa sends away the last of her disgruntled soldiers, including a fuming Indra, and takes a shuddering breath of night air. After dealing with the outrage of Clarke's actions and giving commands to her warriors, she finally allowed her thoughts to drift to her friend.
Obviously, Lexa knew Clarke cared for Finn, and him, for her, but it honestly broke her heart to think of the sacrifice she had just made. She herself was still deeply troubled by Costia's untimely end, but at least she could say that she wasn't entirely responsible for the girl's death. Yes, the Ice Nation had taken Costia because of her title as Commander, but she was not the one to cut off her lovers head. Clarke was now directly responsible for the end of Finn's life. She would see him die over and over, feel the life drain from his body, over and over.
Lexa had seen many despicable, inhumane things in her time, but if given the choice, she couldn't honestly say that she would've, or could've, ended Costia's life to save her from Queen Nia's torture, and for that, Lexa knew Clarke just might be stronger than her.
An untimely sense of pride swelled in her at her old friend's actions. This, the girl who use to be afraid of the dark and barely strong enough to lift her own book bag, had just sacrificed the one she loved for an alliance and a chance to save her people. Well Lexa certainly wouldn't deny her that.
She quickly gathered Gustus and Indra and went in search of Clarke.
Clarke pushed back her emotions as Lexa and her gaurds entered the tent. She quickly placed on her leader mask and turned her attention to Lexa.
"Blood has answered blood." Clarke holds in a shiver as she clenches her fist, where Finn's dried blood still stains her skin. "Some on my side say that's not enough. They wanted the murderer to suffer as our tradition demands." She hears the words, but she can't comprehend them, can't understand why this wouldn't be enough. Nothing could be more painful, short of ripping her heart out of her chest and dancing on it, although it feels like that's what's already happened. "But they do not know that your suffering will be worse. What you did tonight will haunt you until the end of your days." Both the young leaders feel the words seep into every atom in their bodies and know it to be true. Both of them try their hardest to remain emotionless as Lexa watches Clarke's head bow.
"Still, there will be restitution." Lexa's eyes don't leave Clarke's as she speaks. "The body will be given to the people of TonDc. Murderer and murdered joined by fire. Only then can we have peace."
She attempts to reign in her anger as Kane and Abby dispute her orders with Indra, as if either of them have a shred of human decency in their bodies, but Clarke cuts in and all of Lexa's attention goes to her.
"We'll do it." Clarke breathes through the words. "But when its over, we talk about how to get our people out of Mount Weather." Her eyes pierce into Lexa's. "All of our people."
Lexa tries not to let her discomfort show at Clarke's mistrust. "We want the same things Clarke."
"Good, when do we leave?"
"Now." Lexa rises preparing to leave and give Clarke some space. "Choose your attendants."
Clarke watches Lexa leave and is immediately approached by her mother. "Clarke, you don't have to do this."
She takes in a ragged breath as she speaks. "Yes, I do. If this truce doesnt hold," she swallows around the bile in her throat "I killed Finn for nothing." And that can't happen. She won't let his death be in vain, won't allow herself to be haunted by not only his death, but those of all of her friends and family.
She exits and Abby attempts to go after her, but is stopped by Kane. "Clarke's right. We have to do this. Peace with the Grounders is the only way we'll survive."
"Oh, I don't think they know what peace is."
"The Commander does. Abby," and his eyes bore into her own "Lexa does. She's not just a Grounder, remember?"
"She's a child, Marcus!" She allows the frustration to spill over in her voice. "Their being lead by a child! A damaged one at that! Who has been taught God knows what since she's been here! We can't trust her!"
"Wrong Abby. She stopped being a child the day we took that from her." Abby steps back at the force of Kane's words. "The day we sent her here. Just like Clarke stopped being a child when we sent the 100." Abby's eyes watered at that. Her pile of mistakes finally coming back to bite her in the-
"If there's anyone that we should trust now," he slowly backed away towards the exit of the tent "it's them."
Clarke tries to focus as she stands beside the pyre, trying desperately not to cry. She hears the Commander speak, hears Lincoln translate, but all she can think about is warm blood.
She sees him everywhere, can't shake his ghost from her no matter how hard she tries, but she can't focus on that. Instead she looks for something else to focus on. Anything else.
Her refuge comes in the form of a torch being held her way as she registers that her name has been called. All eyes are on her, waiting for her to accept the flame and she steps hesitantly up on the stand, taking the torch.
She meets Lexa's stare for a moment, feeling the confidence Lexa attempts to give her. She stares at the flame, feels it's warmth on her.
Warm blood. Warm blood. Warm blood.
Then he's there again. Pushing her to end it. To light the fire and set his soul free. Clarke touches the torch to the wood and finds something to say, all the words she can't or won't say, jumbling in her head, until she comes up with something that will most certainly do.
"Yu gonplei ste odon." She feels the shocked stares on her, especially Lexa's and she accepts that it was the right thing to say.
She and Lexa step down from their perches and she lights the rest of the pyre. They all stand and watch it burn, slowly peeling off until there's nothing left but the two leaders and a pile of ash. Clarke slowly looks towards Lexa as she begins to speak.
"I lost somone special to me too." Lexa swallows as she forces the words out. "Her name was Costia." Lexa feels Clarke's eyes on her and uses the attention to push forward. "She was captured by the Ice Nation whose queen believed she knew my secrets." The sadness threatened to fill her once more, but she knew she had to keep going. For Clarke.
"Because she was mine... they tortured her. Killed her. Cut off her head." Clarke tried to contain the horrified expression, but still looked towards Lexa with concern.
"I'm sorry." That shakes Lexa, almost drains her resolve, but she continues, shakily.
"I thought I'd never get over the pain, but I did."
"How?" Clarke asked. How could she get over it? How could she stop seeing him? How could she stop wishing she could take his place?
"By recognizing it for what it is." Lexa looked directly at Clarke "weakness."
"What is? Love?" Lexa felt the word float from the blue of Clarke's eyes and flutter around her heart, but she quickly swatted it away and nodded curtly. "So you just stopped caring? About everyone?" Again Lexa felt the flutter, but she just nodded again. "I could never do that." Clarke averted her gaze back toward the ash, then looked to Lexa again. "There was a time that I would think you couldn't either."
"Well that time has passed." Lexa said through gritted teeth. "We're not children anymore Clarke. We do what we must to survive. And if you allow this weakness to continue, then you put the people you care about in danger." She looks toward Clarke "and the pain will never go away."
Clarke finally meets Lexa's gaze and tries to find any trace of the best friend she once had, who would've held her through this and promised her that it would be OK.
All she saw was Heda. "The dead are gone Clarke. The living are hungry." And then she's gone and Clarke trades the blankness of the Commander's eyes for the blackness of the smoke and ash in front of her.
The dining hall's air is strained, but not entirely callous. Clarke takes her position and the others do the same. Kane offers Lexa their gift and the girl almost chuckles at Kane's explanation, like she doesn't know what the liquid is already, but she supposes she's not supposed to know and keeps up appearances.
When its time for Clarke and her to drink together, she gives a formal toast. "Tonight, we celebrate our new found piece. Tomorrow, we plan our war." Her eyes focus on Clarke's "To those we have lost. And to those we shall soon find." To those we have already found. she adds in her head and goes to drink.
Gustus convulsing and falling out is certainly not what she expects to come of her toast, but its all she now cares about. She hears the words poison, the sky people being seized, but she focuses on Nyko.
"Don't let him die." Indra orders the search as Gustus is being removed from the room and she can't control her anger as she hears Clarke plead their innocence. "Gustus warned me about you, but I didn't listen." She hadn't. There had been so many signs, showing her that this Clarke was not the one she remembered, she couldn't be trusted. She had been a fool. Betrayed by another Griffin.
"Lexa, please-"
"Tell me something, Clarke. When you plunged a knife into the heart of the boy you loved, did you not wish that it was mine?"
Clarke shook her head without even thinking about it. "No! Lexa... I would never hurt you." The weight of Clarke's statement physically hurt, but then she heard one of her warriors call her name. The poison had been found on Raven.
Predictable. It had been revenge. Just, not from Clarke. Well now I feel like a jerk. Still, Raven and Clarke protested, still pleaded their innocence, and Lexa couldn't stop hearing Clarke's words over and over in her head. Too much noise!
"No sky person leaves this room!" Lexa found the phrase strange, considering she was striding out the gates, but she continued on to make sure Gustus would be OK, while she knew that the alliance would not be.
Clarke couldn't breathe, didn't want to breathe. She couldn't save Finn, couldn't save the alliance, couldn't save Raven. Why was she even here?
She saw him again. The worst possible time, in the middle of the worst possible week and he's here. Just staring at her. With his, literally, dead eyes.
"Say something." She seethed. All ghost Finn did was look towards the discarded cup on the floor. Great, he was taunting her. Oh well, maybe she deserved it. Trying to celebrate peace with the ones who stole so many of her people's lives with a feast and a bottle of freshly made, uncorked moonshine.
How pathetic. How absolutely, positively, fucking-
Wait a minute.
Her eyes widened as it came to her. "It wasn't in the bottle." Thank you, ghost Finn. Clarke bounded upstairs, towards the screams of agony. I can save Raven. I can save the alliance.
Clarke strode purposefully past her group and to Nyko. She resisted the attempts at trying to stop her and retrieved the bottle of alcohol.
"One of your people tried to kill you Lexa, not one of mine." she uncorked the bottle "I can prove it." She lifted the container to her lips and Lexa's heart dropped.
"Clarke!" But it was too late. She waited for the choking to come, the agony, but it never dead. Clarke stood tall as ever. "Explain."
"The poison wasn't in the bottle. It was in the cup." Lexa thought about Clarke's explanation. It made sense. No one had been in possession of the bottle once it was poured except Nyko. The healer was sympathetic towards the skai kru, but he wouldn't blatantly her, or his people. So, the poison wasn't in the bottle. And whoever put it in the cup had to have the time an access. Skai kru had neither. Clarke was right.
"A trick, Heda. Do not be fooled." Lexa wanted so badly to listen to her trustee, but the reasoning was there. And she could see no trace of a lie in Clarke's eyes.
Suddenly, Bellamy spoke. "It was you." She followed his gaze to Gustus and almost scoffed. "He tested the cup. He searched Raven."
"Gustus would never harm me." And that's why she couldn't accept this. All Gustus had ever done was protect her. He would never try to kill her. He had no reason to. She trusted him.
"You weren't the target. The alliance was." Now that... actually made sense. But Lexa didn't want it to. It couldn't be.
"We didn't do this, and you know it." She did know it, now more than ever. The skai kru needed her, needed this alliance. But she also couldn't fathom what that would mean.
She turned hesitantly towards her guard and questioned him. "You've been accused Gustus. Speak true." She tilted her chin. This would be OK. Gustus would explain. He'd prove his innocence. He would never-
"This alliance would cost you your life, Heda." No. No, no,no. "I could not let that happen." It was true. He had admitted his guilt in front of everyone. All of his warnings about skai kru, all the accusals that she had thrown at Clarke, because of him. Her judgement had failed her again and the life of someone else she cared about would be over because of it.
But still, she was Heda. She had a duty to her people. "This treachery will cost you yours. Put him on the tree." Her stare never wavered from his eyes, even as she felt Clarke's gaze all over her. Her eyes remained on her former guard until it was time for her to end his life.
"Be strong." Lexa eyes hands tremored as the familiar words came back to her. She briefly remembered a time of being an outcast, getting her ass handed to her in natblida training, the other children calling her names in Trigedasleng that she couldn't understand. The glimmering eyes of a broad warrior, helping her up off the ground when she fell or was put there. "Be strong, little natblida. One day, you will rule this land and all who inhabit it." Her choice of him as her personal guard wasn't exactly and unbiased one, but now she thinks that maybe it should've been. Maybe, she could've spared his life.
"Yu gonplei ste odon." Lexa shifted her arms and plunged the sword into Gustus' heart, holding back tears. She removed it as swiftly as possible and clenched her hands her Sword, trying to remain stoic, and failing. The similarities didn't escape her and she quickly thought back to Clarke as her eyes connected with the girl's for the first time since before this started.
Shortly after Gustus' body was removed from the tree, everyone spread their own ways. Lexa stepped away to get some air, off to the side of the village, where she could finally let a few treacherous tears slip free.
She wasn't completely surprised when she heard footsteps coming her way. "Hey." She turned to meet Clarke's eyes. "You alright?" No, hell no. Lexa certainly was not. But Heda had to be. "He betrayed you, Lexa. He had to be punished."
Lexa chuckled humorlessly at that and returned to her earlier thoughts. "I'm sorry Clarke." She waited until she had the girl's attention. "For earlier. I was so hard on you about your feelings for Finn. Truth is it's easy to call someone weak when you aren't the one with blood on your hands." Lexa gripped the handle of her sword instinctively.
"There's no need to apologize. You were right." Lexa's eyebrows raised at that. "I allowed my emotions to get in the way earlier and figured out the poison too late. One of my people was hurt and I can't let that happen again." Clarke shoved the last of her feelings inside the vault and recited her new mantra. "Love is weakness."
Lexa tried not to show her surprise. The phrase, she was used to, but not hearing from Clarke's lips. This was a girl who gave up months upon months of her time just to make sure that Lexa always had a friend, that there was always someone there for her after treatments. The words didn't match who Clarke was.
"Hey, guys!" Lexa watched Clarke walk towards her people and turned to go talk to her own, still wondering if she had made the right decision ever telling Clarke that phrase.
Alright! So this is super long. And the future ones may also be. I'm trying to keep the events of each episode to one chapter for the most part. I hope you guys enjoyed that little snippet into Grounder life for Lexa. I'm trying to save that particular story line until we get to Polis, but there's definitely a chance that it'll arise before that. Also got to finally see Abby and Kane acknowledge Lexa, even if for the moment. In the show, we never get an Abby/Lexa confrontation moment, but I am most definitely planning one for this fic. As of now, I'm doing it like the show did, little bits of information coming to light amidst the chaos, until it all reaches a head. Someone also mentioned this fic being written a lot like the show, and that is noted, but we are diverging little by little. We have so many things that are still yet to be revealed so for now, a lot of it is just character thoughts. But anyway. I cannot tell you how happy writing this makes me, and I hope it makes you just as happy reading it! Thanks again.
