Guardian Angel
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"Hey Angel, or… Roxas, whatever your name is, where are you taking me?! What's going-?"
I'm interrupted by a palm covering my mouth.
"Hush," the Angel says, then pauses, his mysterious glowing eyes never closing to blink as he stares in mine. "Don't question. Just trust. Okay?" He removes his hand from my mouth, only to use it to grip my wrist and pull me along again.
The whole concept of this "guardian angel" is too unbelievable to be true.
I mean, if this person is really what he says he is, then where has this "Angel" been all my life? Where was he when I was crying every day for six weeks straight? Where was he when I was so lonely that I felt cramped by my own thoughts?
And is telling me that I had something to live for, after I was beaten by someone, really all he can do for me? All that he can do to help me? Is by telling me a few encouraging words his idea of support? After all the hell I've been through in my life?
Because if it is, then I don't want to be under his "guardianship", or whatever it is.
Why is it just now that he decides to show up—at night, might I add—and make a not-so-extravagant greeting to me?
So, I've concluded that the only reasonable explanation to this seemingly inexplicable phenomenon is:
I'm dreaming. Again.
Why else would he be the same person from my previous dream? And in that field… I must've been delusional when I heard his voice.
But, still… Why does this all feel so real?
"Two sea-salt ice creams please," the Angel suddenly says when we go inside some type of 50s style, vintage, retro-looking ice cream shop. In fact, everything looks 50s style, vintage, and retro-looking in this city. "Oh, and one for the Miss, too." He looks at me with a shining smile on his face.
The ice cream man sets three tall glasses on his side of the shiny, black, red, & white, metal counter that matches the color of the bar stools that we sit in, and begins the process of serving us.
"Ahh, this brings back memories. You're lucky, ice cream dates used to be a special treat back in this time. And in the present, they don't even have this flavor anymore."
"So… we went back in time, just so you could get ice cream?"
"Well… we're not necessarily back in time; we're just in a projection of some of my old memories."
"Are you even going to answer my question from earlier?"
"Hm. I guess you're right. We did come here for that, after all." He presses his lips together and smiles with a small sense of content. "Xion, think of life as a card game. It's not always about winning, but simply, about learning.
"Learning… It's an ironic concept, really. Anytime you gain knowledge, it only leads to wanting to learn more, then once you gain that knowledge, you start asking more questions; you never truly know anything. You just learn that there's more to learn…" He mumbles the last part, then takes in a deep breath and smiles again. "So, Xion, take it from me, someone who's had a chance to learn a handful of things in his lifetime…"
"Here's ya three creams, kiddos. Eat 'em before they melt." The ice cream man hands us our bowls filled with an icy, aquamarine substance and shiny silver spoons dug inside.
The Angel thanks the man, then turns to me to speak again, but not after indulging in a scoop of the treat for himself. "The hands we've both been dealt in our lives, Xion… Well, have not exactly been the easiest to play with. But, you see, I've watched you for almost your whole life. I've seen what you've gone through. And now that I can actually converse with you and you can see me, I can finally tell you that you can't just give up when the going gets tough."
"Angel… You can't possibly know what it feels like to know, personally, what I've gone through, though, and how I've felt internally. How can you give me such offensive advice?"
"Xion… You're right. I don't know personally how you've felt, because I'm not you, but that doesn't mean I don't know what it feels like to be at the verge of breaking. Believe me; my whole family was murdered in front of my eyes. I was the last to survive until the man had murdered me."
Wait, what? "Your family was murdered… in front of your eyes?" That isn't exactly the way to drop that kind of news on someone.
I quickly avert my gaze and stare down at my ice cream. The first stage of melting begins to become evident with its sparkly light blue crystals turning into small dew drops that glide down the rest of the ice cream's surface.
He looks at me. Through all of this, his cheery emotions never have faded, his eyes not at all losing their eerie luminosity. A smile spreads on his face out from ear to ear. "Aw, come on, don't be sad, Xion!" He wraps an arm around my shoulder. "Where's that dire passion and anger you had with me just earlier? Don't lose that now because of what I just said. It's just a piece of advice to show you that you can't throw around phrases like 'What's the point of living?' without ever knowing when you truly have nothing to live for."
I swallow a small lump in my throat. How do I reply to this?
"And plus… It's not like I even know them anymore. I mean, I know they were once my parents, but I don't even have any close ties to them now. All of my emotions from the past don't really reach me anymore."
"But Roxas, still..."
He drops his arm from around me. "Come on, Xion. Really, it's fine. I couldn't care that my family and I died now if I tried!" He sighs. "All I know is, after I died, I appeared at some type of light source. It could have been anything, really. Then I saw these… images of you, Xion. You were just a little girl. 6, 7 years old, maybe. Going to your first foster home. You know, the Matthews household."
I remember living in that temporary home, brushing off the fact that I was actually 5, instead of 7.
"You seemed so happy then. You didn't sweat the small stuff, and when something really bad did happen to you, you still stayed smiling. And when I saw those images of you, I felt... I dunno, I felt transformed. I wasn't the same Roxas as before I died. Once I realized that, I was a different... being. Then… I guess you could say I was knocked back down to Earth, and ended up being next to you. My past memories were still with me, but they meant little to nothing to me. All that mattered was this new feeling, and this mysterious little girl that I was next to. As your life went by—I watched. Ever since your journey started—I was there. And I could see how your smile began to disappear as the years went by, until it never showed up again at all. At first, I couldn't do anything to help you when you needed it. But, the more I got used to this experience, the more subtle influences I could have on your life. And, for some reason, when it rained, I had the strongest connection with you..."
Oh. That explains... a lot.
"...Then, finally today, when you turned 15—the same age as me—"
How did I forget that today was even my birthday? Well… it's not like birthdays have always been joyous events for me anyway. Maybe this boy's changing that.
"—our connection was complete. Now, I can talk and interact with you. And, if I want to, with others. But, only when you're around of course."
"Roxas..." I'm almost without words. "That's amazing."
"Yeah. It is, isn't it?"
"So... how did you figure this entire thing out? Did all of these instructions and information just suddenly come to you, or what?"
"Well, no. Not exactly. I did have a lot of questions eventually. Not all of them have been answered, but the ones that have been answered—the answers did just 'suddenly come to me'. Some in different ways."
I nod in agreement, also urging him to keep going on.
Roxas looks lost for a second, but then realizes what I was doing. "Oh, well, like, for example, I wondered if I would stay immortal forever; if I'd have to see you grow old and die. But, as you kept growing older—and closer to my age—I kept feeling these small pulses and changes in my heart. Occasionally, I would feel a full-on heartbeat! And oh how good it'd felt, having that small chance of hope of life beating inside me! And then, when I was finally able to complete our connection with you today, my heart had completely started beating! The life force had come back—almost like I was re-birthed all over again! Oh, Xion! It was wonderful! It took me a while to get used to it, but I eventually got the hang of the rhythm. It felt so wonderful. And it was then when I realized I was never truly immortal… it was just that my heart was waiting for yours... in order to start beating again." I could see his tan face start to get a little color on his cheeks, making it look like a peach.
"... Almost… almost as if we're literal soul mates?" I ask, not looking Roxas but still hiding my inevitable blush.
I can feel him slowly turn his head to face me. "Yeah, I guess you could think of it that way."
I smile, though all of this seems too good to be true.
But then why am I starting to believe it?
"I didn't want to say anything, or reveal myself earlier to you today, since you were around Naminé and all your classmates at school, so I waited for the perfect time, which obviously was when you finished showering and were about to go to bed."
"You know, for an angel, you sure don't act like one."
"Stereotypes… They're a funny thing, aren't they?"
"I guess so." Another question has been sort of gnawing at me, so I decide that this is the time to ask it. ""Are there more of… You?"
He hesitates. "...That's one of my unanswered questions." The Angel's smile goes away for a moment as he looks outside of the big glass window at the vibrant sunset. But, almost as if it were always there, the smile snaps back onto his face. "Just remember to cherish life, Xion. Don't ever use an excuse to stop living. If there's only one thing I can teach you, only one piece of advice I can shed my spectacular supernatural wisdom on, it's that."
"But… If I do die, then I'll be turned into an Angel, with wonderful magical powers to protect the innocent?"
I can tell this question sort of phases him.
"Hmm, who knows? Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is… There's a reason why you were the one I appeared next to that day, so don't think I'll let you die off so easy, now."
This whole big idea just brings up dozens of more questions, but all can do is choose the one most crucial to the moment at hand. "So then… where do we go from here?"
He stands up from his stool and takes the last bite of his second ice cream. "Well, first, we need to get back to present Sunset Hill. And then... after that I guess we'll just have to see what the next hand Life will deal."
