Bruce shouts in frustration and slams the wrench down on his worktable. His stress levels are at an all-time high and he can't seem to get his latest gadget working.

"Might I suggest some chamomile tea?" Alfred says drily, appearing over Bruce's shoulder. He's carrying a mug of tea and a stack of Gotham's weekly papers and magazines.

"Funny, Alfred," Bruce rolls his eyes, feeling like a petulant teenager. "You know I hate chamomile."

"One day you'll try it and realize that I have been right all these years," Alfred brushes off his hands and crosses his arms.

"Alfred," Bruce looks up at his de facto father and smiles, "you already know that you're right about everything. Why should I embarrass myself and admit it out loud?"

Alfred takes a sip of his own tea, "Humor me, Master Bruce."

Bruce smirks as he begins to flip through the stack of papers Alfred brought down. They sit in companionable silence for a while, Bruce occasionally passing over a section of the paper that would interest Alfred.

Alfred is happily reading the arts section of the Gotham Times when the peaceful silence is broken.

"What the fuck is this?"

Alfred's head snaps up to see Bruce brandishing a glossy tabloid. The older man raises an eyebrow.

Bruce jumps up from his seat, brow furrowed and hands waving in the air.

"Romance?" He shouts, "This is what they focus on? A fabricated romance with Diana? The city is doing better than it's ever been and I get a cover because I smiled with a ... with Diana?"

Alfred smiles to himself before schooling his features into a deadpan look, "Master Bruce, it's a tabloid. They're not known for investigative journalism."

Bruce scowls, "I knew this was a mistake. I shouldn't have brought her in. I'm not broody and I'm not in a relationship with Diana. I barely like her."

Privately, Alfred believes the man doth protest too much. Out loud, he says, "Miss Diana has been a ray of light around here, Master Bruce. It most certainly was not a mistake to bring her into the fold."

"I'm not beaming either," Bruce crosses his arms defiantly.

"Of course not," Alfred says, just a shade of patronization in his tone. In fact, he'd never seen Bruce smile as much as he did when Diana Prince was around. Never.

Bruce growls at the offending cover, wadding it up into a ball and flinging it at the opposite wall. Alfred sighs. He really thought the appearance of Diana Price would be a good thing for Bruce.

"How do they get away with publishing false stories, Alfred?" Bruce frowns.

"It's a tabloid, Master Bruce," Alfred says drily, "they publish what will garner the most attention. You're no stranger to Gotham Weekly. I seem to recall a period of time where you were on the cover or on the inside pages every week."

Alfred knows he's baiting his charge, but he can't quite help himself.

Sure enough, Bruce's face darkens, "That's different, Alfred. That's Bruce Wayne."

"Forgive me, sir," Alfred says, "but I was under the impression that you are Bruce Wayne. All of this third person has an old man like me confused."

Bruce scoffs, "Old, my ass. You know what I mean, Alfred. Those covers and features didn't count. They were...meaningless."

Alfred remains silent, hoping Bruce will continue to elaborate. The butler is rewarded for his silence.

"I don't want Diana to think that I had something to do with this," Bruce runs a hand through his hair. "She's...she doesn't deserve to be connected to playboy Bruce Wayne."

"I think, Master Bruce, that Miss Diana knows exactly what she's getting into," Alfred chuckles.

Bruce sinks down to sit in his chair and rests his head in his hands. He groans.

"What am I getting myself into, Alfred?"

Alfred rises from his seat and claps Bruce on the shoulder, "Master Bruce, pardon my French, but I don't think you have a damn clue. Miss Diana is quite the verbal sparring partner."

With a final, significant look, Alfred leaves Bruce to his gadgetry.

Bruce calls after Alfred, "Can I buy Gotham Weekly?"


A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for the little delay, I started law school on Monday (!) so I've been a little crazy. But that was also the point of backlogging a few fics so I could post a little bit easier in the beginning.

Anyway, this one is sort of from Alsc on Ao3. She wanted to see Bruce and/or Alfred's response to the magazine cover Lois showed Diana in the last chapter. I thought that would be a fun chapter, so here we go.

Bruce and Alfred are most definitely out of character in this one, but ya know, I'm still practicing. So any and all constructive criticism is very much welcome. :)