Chapter 4. Harmless Thoughts...Or Not.

I'm looking back at the campsite I had just abandoned. "I have to go on/
I stated to no one in particular. "I'm gonna miss that boy, though. I wonder if Orichimaru could help me get him back. He is part of the mission…" I stupidly think aloud.

You see, the mission is to track down Orichimaru, and get him to help us catch the three tailed demon. I don't think it'd actually work, but Tobi, oh Tobi, he did, he actually said he knew it would. But now I have to go back to headquarters, get Sasori, then continue the mission. Sasori's gonna be so annoyed, and leader is gonna want to kill me. Although Sasori may be pleased that Tobi's out of the picture, since Sasori always thought telling Tobi my secret was a mistake.

'Cause my secret is really big, not even leader knows it. I'm really a chick, well the bottom half of me is anyway. I'm good at keeping it secret, and Tobi he would never tell, because we're in love. Now I'm not even acting like myself. Well, I'll get Tobi back; I'll find a way, hm.

I need him back, he completes me. I need to feel his arms around me. An image of us together flashes into my mind. His mask is off, as well as the bandage usually around his right eye, his arms are around my waist, he stands behind me, my hands are in his hair, his face nestled in my neck, my eyes closed in joy, a laugh escaping my lips as he kisses my neck making his way to my ear where he whispers, "I love you." The image dissolves as I gasp, Ireally truly felt that. Soon I am crying with my face in my hands.

That night I've gotten halfway back to headquarters. I set our things down, I need to make camp, this will be the first time I've done it without Tobi in over a year. But I can do it, hm. I'll even do it better than he would. I look for wood and easily find plenty, but how do I set it up, I forgot he always does it for me and lights it. I finally get the fire set up and lit. Then I grab what I think is my pack and open it. On top of everything there's a picture of us, I fall into that day. We had just gone on a successful mission; we had flown over the small village blowing up and burning everything in sight after we got the scrolls we were after. There we stood on one of my giant birds, smiling, looking at each other in a way that meant we'd have more fun that night, arms around each other.

I feel something really hot on my foot and open my eyes with a moan of pain, a piece of the fire wood had fallen over and hit my foot. I quickly move it away and back into the fire. I hug the picture, then set it down next to me, looking in the pack again I find a clay heart that I made for him. I remember it well, again I fall into a memory. This time I'm in my room, sitting on my bed with a board rolling out the clay. I slowly mold the clay into a heart shape, I kiss it and imprint a key hole in it. I then get up and look for Itachi around the house that is headquarters, I want him to cook the clay so I can give it to Tobi. Finally after looking around for over an hour and barely avoiding getting caught by Tobi several times, I find Itachi and barely convince him to fire it. Itachi glares at me and teases me asking if it's for Sasori. I told him to mind his own business and to just do his fire thing. Well, I get the heart cooked and then that night as Tobi and I sit hidden in a tree, me in his lap, I pull out the heart and key and give them to him. You should see the look on his face, well I wish I could, but he has his mask on, but the look in his eye, and the crinkle next to his eye tells me everything. He hugs me close, and then holds me in front of him he tells me that he loves it and that he loves me. I hear a twig snap, and I bolt back to the present. I look up and see someone standing in front of me.

He looks down at me, with his wide brown eyes, and his blood red hair, and his unaged face. Sasori no Danna looks down at me with those unwavering eyes of his that I just can't meet just now, "Brat, where'd that boy go to? He leave you? Figures I never trusted him." He says to me.

I gaze up at him with watering eyes. "He's dead." I say simply. Danna's eyes widen more, if that's even possible, and he sits down beside me. He puts his arms around me and pulls me in close, and then he looks down at me and asks what happened. I tell him my Danna my sad tale, he looks shocked but soon recovers, and says he'll help me get through this. I tell him about the mission to Orichimaru's and my plan to revive my Kohai.

"You want to do what?" Sasori gasps after I tell him my plan. I calmly repeat myself. "I don't know if we can do that, but we'll need the body just in case. I might know a way, but we'll need a life for a life." He tells me. He pulls me into him again and squeezes tight for a second.

That night I sleep wrapped in my Danna's loving embrace. I cry myself to sleep still; Sasori pulls me into his cloak and wraps it around us. "Deidara-kun, it'll get better. We'll find a way to get him back; I know how you feel about this. I just can't stand to see you so hurt." Danna croons into my ears, my arms around his neck, my face nuzzled in his neck. I slowly fall asleep as Danna whispers comforts into my ears. I dream that I am held by Tobi, as we lay in a patch of grass hidden in some bushes. I feel his lips caress mine, his hair so soft beneath my fingers, his hands gently grasping me by my waist. I gasp as he turns and whispers in my ear, "Deidara-kun, time to wake up." My eyes shoot open, as I extend a hand tentatively to my lips, I can still feel his loving touch on my lips, his tender grip on my waist. I look up and see my Danna standing there, his hand held out to me, an offering of assistance.

After I get up and have a quick breakfast with Danna, we set out to go to Tobi's and I's last campsite to get his body. "Deidara-kun, I know this will be hard to do, but we must." Danna says as we are traveling.