AN: Thanks for the encouraging reviews.

The Ultimate Survival Guide

31. Do not die

a. Reckless behaviour will not be tolerated.

b. No matter the situation.

- You are not to stop breathing.

32. Hiking requires a good pair of shoes

- Call me idealistic, but I consider reaching our meadow without your breaking a leg - or on a more optimistic note: twisting an ankle - a reasonable goal.

33. Don't go near ventilators

a. Your scent would drive any sane vampire insane

- I'm rather attached to you.

b. There is no doubt in my mind that at least one of your body parts would end up in the sweeps.

34. Stay away from newborns

Definition of the word newborn: a young and reckless vampire.

a. They do not deserve our compassion.

- If we battle them, you are not to interfere.

b. Laws agreed upon at the Geneva Convention do not apply to newborn vampires.

- If any of these creatures had been present at the Geneva Convention, they would have tried to drink the blood of every single person in the room.

35. Wearing French Lingerie is prohibited

a. It does not help your case any.

- I'd rather you stop trying. This is not to say it would work if you were to keep wearing it.

36. Stick to a reasonable sound limit on your iPod.

a. Your body is not to get injured.

b. Ears are part of your body.

c. Loud music hurts your ears.

- Draw your own conclusions.

37. Beware of dogs

Dogs are known to be loyal, but not all of them are tame.

* Many people in the VS got attacked by these animals in 2008. Twenty-three of these attacks were fatal.

a. All dogs are to be avoided.

- And yes, this includes your werewolf friends.

38. Do not shock yourself with a defibrillator

- It would be just like you to think said object is a flat-iron and turn it on.

To be on the safe side, flat-irons are off-limits as well.

- Charlie is perfectly capable of ironing his own clothes.

39. Fast-food is to be avoided at all costs

a. I will never forgive myself if you die because of cancer.

- Read rule 31 for my sub-argument.

b. It is unhealthy - and you are one of the purest people I ever met.

40. Do not lose any sleep over me

- I am serious, Bella.

a. I promise I will be with you every night.

b. I promise looking at me during the day-time is as interesting as it is during the late hours.

- You are starting to look like a vampire yourself, what with the rings under your eyes.

TBC...