Chapter 4:
Without missing a beat, Hanna moved her hand under Spencer's chin and gently raised her head until brown locked with blue. "You're here Spence."
A fluttering feeling rushed through her gut, but she quickly shook off the feeling without much thought.
"Am I?" She questioned with a whisper, pulling her head away from Hanna's touch. "Because I don't feel like I am Hanna." Spencer moved off the bed and began to pace. "The Spencer Hastings from that park all those years ago and the Spencer Hastings in this room right now are two very different people."
Hanna shifted on the bed so her legs now hung off the edge and mocked a shocked expression. "Wait, you mean to tell me that the nerdy know it all that I used to hang out with all those years ago isn't the same girl who is standing in front of me right now?"
Spencer cracked a small smile as she half rolled her eyes. "Hanna, this isn't funny, I'm being serious."
"So am I!" She laughed and hopped off the bed to pull her friend into a hug. "Look, all kidding aside I understand how you're feeling Spence." Hanna leaned back from the embrace just slightly. "And I can honestly tell you that you are not the only one who is feeling this way, I'm pretty sure we all are but none of us are brave enough to admit it."
Spencer opened her mouth to counter the blonde's statement but instead nodded her head in agreement to save herself the trouble of having to explain the inner workings of her mind.
Hanna displayed one more big smile as she pulled Spencer back in for a hug. "We are all here for you Spence."
"Thanks Han."
The girls broke apart a few seconds later. "Are you hungry?" Hanna asked while taking a step back towards the doorway.
As on cue, a low growl emitted from Spencer's stomach causing both girls to laugh. "Starving, I haven't had anything since lunch."
"I thought as much, c'mon I got a surprise downstairs for you." Hanna said with a smile before disappearing from the room.
"You know I hate surprises!" Spencer called after her, still holding her spot. When she got no response from Hanna, she let out a small huff before exiting her room and making her way downstairs.
Stepping to the lower landing of the stairs, she turned her head to face her living room and had to grip the railing just a tad harder as she looked at the scene below her.
Hanna, as well as Aria and Emily, were sitting on her couch surrounded by different containers of food from all their favorite places.
"Surprise." Hanna said with a huge grin as she shifted over on the couch and patted the open spot next to her. "Now hurry your ass down here so we can eat!"
Spencer took a few extra seconds to watch as her friends began passing around plates and share a laugh before she walked down the remaining steps.
"I can't believe you guys put this all together." She remarked with a smile as she took the plate of food that Aria held out for her.
"Hanna really put it together," Emily said popped a piece of chicken into her mouth. "Aria and I just picked up the food."
Hanna quickly shrugged. "No need to make a big deal out of it. You actually gave us an excuse to get together for a sleep over, so really, you should be thanking yourself."
Spencer let out a small chuckle. "Well, whatever the true reason for this get together, thank you for thinking of it."
"You're welcome." Hanna said flashing a big smile. "Now, are we ready to get this sleep over started or what?" She asked as she reached behind the couch, pulling up one bottle of vodka and another of rum.
The other three girls let out a loud cheer as they each held out their cups for their blonde friend to fill. "Where did you score the bottles Han?" Emily asked as she took a small sip from her cup.
"Caleb." She said as she took a huge gulp from her own cup before quickly adding more vodka into it. "So whose turn is it to pick the movie?"
"Mine." Aria said jumping up from the couch and hurried her way to the stack of DVDs that sat on the floor in front of the TV. "Anyone have a request?" She asked.
"No chick-flicks." Hanna called out.
"Second that." Spencer chimed in with a raise of her cup. "I vote for a comedy or horror film."
"I'm fine with either choice," Emily said as she leaned back against the cushion. "Surprise us Ar."
Aria picked up two different DVDs, quickly scanned over both before opening one and placing it into the player. With a smirk on her face, she raced back to the couch, hopping down with a bounce next to Emily.
"What did you pick?" Hanna asked as she watched Spencer use the remote to turn on the TV and set it to the right screen to watch the film.
"A comedy," She said while pulling her legs up underneath her body. "I figured we could all use some more laughter in our lives."
Emily and Hanna agreed with her while Spencer just shot back the rest of her drink in one gulp before reaching for one of the bottles for a refill.
"Easy there Spencer," Aria laughed. "We have all night, pace yourself."
Spencer let a small smile slip but never stopped her hand from pouring the alcohol into her cup. "I will."
She could feel Hanna's eyes on her, but she refused to give in and meet the blondes stare. She knew that second she did, her guilt from earlier would find a way into her mind and her plan of drinking her problems away most likely wouldn't happen.
"Good, now let's get this night started!" Reaching over to the side table, Aria flipped off the light switch before reaching over and grabbing the remote and pressing play.
After watching two movies and finishing off the two bottles that Hanna brought over, the girls decided it was time to head upstairs and get ready for bed.
Each of the girls took turns using Spencer's bathroom to change into their sleeping clothes before settling together on her bed.
Spencer pulled one of her pillows tight to her chest as she watched her three friends huddled together near the end of her bed laughing at an article in one of Hanna's magazines. With her buzz and confidence starting to wind down, she knew that now was the time to talk to her friends about her troubles. Well, one of them at least. She quickly thought.
Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep breath and gave herself a mental count down before speaking. "Guys, I need to tell you something really important." She said as she opened her eyes and watched as her friends quickly focus their attention in her direction.
"Is everything okay Spence?" Emily asked as she let the magazine fall from the bed to the floor.
Biting her lower lip, she shook her head slightly, telling herself not to cry. "I got rejection letters from all the schools I applied too."
In less than a second, Spencer had three pairs of arms wrapping her up in a group hug. "It's going to be okay Spence," Emily whispered. "We will all do everything we can to make sure you have a school that loves you before fall semester starts."
"Where? The Ivy league schools don't want me, what makes you think any other school will?" She questioned while pulling back from the group.
"You are Spencer Hastings," Hanna's soft voice said breaking the small lap of silence that fell over the girls. "Everyone wants you and if they don't to hell with them." She flashed a grin in Spencer's direction. "Tomorrow we can spend the day helping you fill out new applications." She added, earning nods from both Emily and Aria as well.
"I'm touched guys, I really am, but seriously you don't have to waste a Saturday helping me go through college forms."
"Well too bad Hastings." Aria said proudly, sporting a huge grin. "We are and tomorrow night, we are going out dancing. Emily and Paige were just telling me about this new club that opened in Philly; we should totally hit it up."
Emily started nodding her head in agreement until her mind caught up with her friend's words and she quickly changed to shaking her head. "Wait Aria, it's not the same kind of club that you think it is."
"Well, what kind of club is it?" Aria questioned with an eyebrow raised.
"Oh my god, it's a lesbian club!" Hanna shouted cutting off Emily with a clap of her hands and a smirk on her face. "We are so going to this club!"
"Uh, Hanna, in case you may have forgotten, you are not gay." Spencer said. "And neither are we." She added while pointing to Aria and herself.
"Like that makes a difference." She said with a wave of her hand. "Look, you need this Spence. So for one night; let loose, have some fun and just stop worrying."
"I hate to say this, but she has a point." Emily voiced and earned surprised looks from the other girls.
"Really Em, you are supposed to be against this." Spencer muttered as she hugged her pillow a bit tighter to her chest.
"And normally I would be but she is right, you need to get out and just relax Spence."
"Because going to a gay night club is such a great way to relax. What happens if some girl starts flirting with me or wants to dance or buy me a drink? What am I supposed to do then? I don't think I can pretend to be gay and lead some poor girl on thinking she has a chance."
"Okay, so what if I had a way that you wouldn't have to worry about other girls hitting on you, would you go?" Hanna asked.
"Depends, tell me what it is first."
Hanna let out a laugh. "Nope, agree or you will never know."
Spencer let out a deep sigh while rolling her eyes. "Fine, you win. I will still go to the night club no matter what crazy idea you have floating around in your head."
Aria and Emily giggled at the mocked hurt expression that crossed Hanna's face. "Just tell her Han, I really want to hear this plan before I pass out." Aria said as she moved off the bed and started walking to Spencer's closet grabbing the extra blankets and pillows for the floor.
"Okay, so my plan is, we all go together, this way no girl will be hitting on any of us."
"I don't get it," Spencer raised an eyebrow and looked over at Emily who was sporting the same look of confusion.
"And they say I'm blonde." Hanna muttered to herself with a small headshake. "We go as couples."
"Couples?"
"Yes, couples." Hanna smiled.
"Okay, and who exactly is paired with whom?" Spencer questioned.
"Oh, that's easy. Emily is with Aria and you are with me."
"Wait," Aria's voice cut in before Spencer or Emily had a chance to speak. "Why do you get to be with Spencer and not Emily or me?" She asked as she dropped the pillows to the floor and moved back towards the bed.
"Because you two are actually in relationships, so it makes more sense to pair up the single girl with the only other single person in our group."
Spencer who had been looking down at her hands shot her head up when Hanna mentioned to herself as single. "You and Caleb broke up?"
"His loss," Hanna said with a wave of her hand and a big smile on her face.
Emily and Aria once again quickly moved to hug their friend with words of comfort while Spencer remained frozen in her spot, her eyes scanning her friend's face for any sign of her true feelings and it didn't take long to find it.
Spencer noticed a look of pain in her friend's blue eyes when they finally connected but just as quick as she saw it, it disappeared and was hidden behind Hanna's wall, a wall she knew all too familiar herself. Maintaining the eye contact, she mouthed a quick 'I'm sorry' with an apologetic smile, earning a small nod in response from the blonde.
A few more minutes passed before the girls decided to call it a night. Emily, Aria and Hanna all got ready on the floor, readjusting their blankets and pillows as Spencer got up and turned off the light.
Retreating to her bed once more, she laid down hugging a pillow to her chest and waited for sleep to take over her mind.
As the minutes passed, Spencer knew that sleep was once again going to be hard to achieve so she slowly sat up and slipped from her bed. Being careful as to not wake her friends, she grabbed her laptop from her desk and quietly left her room to head downstairs.
Settling down on the couch, she opened her laptop and logged into her account. After checking her e-mails, she opened up her internet browser and started bookmarking colleges far away from Rosewood.
Bing.
A small box popped up on the side of her screen indicating that she had received an instant message. Who is up at this hour? She thought as she looked down at her watch to see that it was close to 3 in the morning.
Moving the cursor to the box, she clicked accept and instantly smiled at reading the user name on the message.
BrainsOverBeauty22: Hey All-star :), I was hoping you would log on tonight. How was your day?
Spencer quickly typed back in response.
EternalMisery18: Hey, you know one of these nights you are going to have to explain the nickname All-star right? ;)
BrainsOverBeauty22: One of these nights, sure..So you didn't answer my question, that bad?
EternalMisery18: Another rejection letter added to my ever-growing pile, I can hear the disappointment from my parents now. :( I really don't know what I'm going to do, no school wants me, not after they look at my records and read about my drug problem.
BrainsOverBeauty22: Past drug problem, they can't hold that against you and if they do, I'm sure your parents will just sue them. ;p
EternalMisery18: I'm sure they would try and win but even if they did, there is no way in hell I would go to that school. I want to do this on my own, without my parent's power or money getting involved for once.
BrainsOverBeauty22: And you wonder why I call you All-star. :)
A huge smile lit up Spencer's face; she couldn't believe a complete stranger was making her feel this good about a crappy situation.
EternalMisery18: How is it you always manage to put a smile on my face by just saying a few nice words?
BrainsOverBeauty22: Talent mostly. ;) Haha. But being serious, I'm just speaking the truth. I know we have only been talking a few months and we have never actually met, but I know from what you write that you are wicked smart, a great athlete, a great friend and super brave. In my book, that means all-star.
Suddenly, the smile on Spencer's face disappeared. Her eyes locked on the word from her mysterious friend.
Brave.
EternalMisery18: I'm sorry. I have to go.
Without waiting for a reply, Spencer quickly logged off her messenger account and slammed her screen shut.
"I'm not brave at all. I'm a fucking coward." She whispered to herself as she placed her laptop onto the coffee table in front of her. "I can't even admit the truth to my family or friends but I can spill my guts to a complete stranger? How is that brave." She continued her whispered rant as she felt her eyes begin to water and a few tears escape down her cheek.
But the moment only lasted a few seconds.
"No," She said harshly, suddenly standing from the couch. "I am not going to cry over this, not anymore. I'm done feeling guilty." Using both hands to wipe her eyes, she started towards the stairs towards her room.
Quietly, she entered her room and slid back into her bed after checking to make sure her three best friends were still sleeping. Staring up at the ceiling and listening to the soft snoring from one of the girls, Spencer let her mind re-visit the last few messages from her cyber-friend and after a few minutes of thinking, she made a promise.
Before the day ends, I will tell the girls the truth about me. She thought, pausing for a moment when she heard movement from the floor. I just hope it doesn't ruin our friendship. Turning onto her side, she reached over for her spare pillow and hugged it to her chest as she closed her eyes, finally letting the long over-due sleep take over her body.
