rewinddd haha yes these have like no continuity but hey, neither does glee. ooo burn. anyway, this song..everytime i hear it this is what i think of. THE SCRIPT! one of my favorite bands :) this one was actually pretty easy to write. i just channeled santana and typed out all my frustrations when i watched that scene.

/watch?v=gYehN7mWMyU

"I love him too."

Santana remembers gaping in disbelief, and everything going downhill from there. Those four words had stabbed her in the chest, and it hurt more than anything she could have imagined.

Brittany tried to console her, but all Santana could hear were those words, over and over, rejecting her, and she pushed Brittany off of her, walking away before she completely broke down.

She had thought it would work out. She wasn't exactly an optimist, but she supposed everyone had a little romantic part of them that believed true love would always find a way. Must have been brought on by those years of Disney movies Brittany had forced her to watch. Brittany. God. She was so stupid. So naïve.

She had honestly believed if she faced the truth and came clean to Brittany, everything would be better. There were a lot of scenarios that she had pictured as outcomes, but none of them involved Brittany choosing Artie over her.

She had poured out her soul to Brittany. It was so hard to work up the courage to do it, but she thought it would be worth it. Brittany had convinced her maybe things could be better with their honest feelings for each other out there. And what did Brittany's honest feelings turn out to be?

That she loved him too?

That she couldn't break up with him?

Because it wouldn't be right?

So she would just choose to break Santana's heart instead?

Santana has never remembered feeling worse in her life. She wanted to punch Artie in the face, handicapped be damned. She wanted to go back to Brittany and shake some logic into her. She felt to urge to kick everything in sight but at the same time she felt like she wanted to sink into a hole somewhere and just be left alone to die.

She wanted to cry, but she didn't want to care, but she wanted to care so much, but she didn't want to cry. She wanted to make Brittany feel as bad as she had made her feel, so she had sent her a half hearted insult about her "fluidity" that she was actually proud of coming up with so fast on the spot, but she wanted Brittany to be happy and she thinks the reason the rejection hurt so much was that Brittany pretty much said she could be happy without Santana. She wanted to not have these feelings for Brittany, she wanted to have them for a boy, but actually she didn't want to have these feelings at all for anyone. It was better when it didn't involve eye contact for sure. Things would never hurt this much if she had stuck to her own mantra.

But Brittany was the only person who could make her feel truly happy at all, and she didn't want it but wanted it at the same time. Without Brittany she would just be the cold, calculating bitch she was born to be, and sometimes she just wanted to be that bitch and be left in peace with no feelings, but Brittany would always mess that up for her and she wanted Brittany to. She wanted everything so much and so bad, she was starting to sound like Rachel fucking Berry, and she didn't even have the emotional capacity to care right now because the only thing she could care about was being rejected, time after time again.

It didn't matter who it was with, she was always left behind.

Finn picked the stupid dwarf over her. "I didn't feel anything. Because it didn't mean anything."

The stupid dwarf told her off in front of the entire club and no one stood up for her. "The only job you're going to have is working on a pole."

She thought she would always have Puck, but even he would rather be with the rhinoceros. "I'm not your man."

And the rhinoceros had the guts to call her out. "Actually you're just a bitch."

Sam was only with her to get back at Quinn, and she couldn't blame him. She knew he would always love Quinn more.

And Quinn, despite being her closest friend after Brittany, would sell her out without a second thought for her position as a head cheerleader. Although Santana didn't actually blame her for that one; she probably would have done the same if not worse for that prized spot on top. If the reason hadn't been because of her boob job that she only got because of her insecurities, she would actually have admired Quinn's conniving ways.

In the end, all she wanted was to be someone's first choice for once.

And she didn't think it was possible, but Brittany had hurt her more than all of those other people combined because she knew Santana. She could take it from them because she knew she was cruel and manipulative towards them, but Brittany had seen the best of Santana and still chose some dweeb who didn't even have properly working legs over her.

How pathetic was she? It felt like her life was falling apart and her insecurities were eating her alive.

Santana, despite her tough exterior, was desperately vulnerable inside. And Brittany had cut her where she would bleed the most.