Sora flicked his lighter to life with shaking fingers, bringing his cigarette up to an equally trembling mouth as he stared blankly at the wall ahead of him. Kairi was the only other person awake in the house and she was wandering around the rooms, cleaning up here and there whenever she felt compelled to. Sora had asked her if she needed any help but she'd flapped her hand at him dismissively and grumbled something to herself as she shuffled off. The faint sound of her padded feet on hardwood swirled around Sora and mixed with the swarm of thoughts clouding his aching brain. The brunet sighed at leaned his head back, banging it against the wall, and slid down slowly until his butt rested on the cool floor. He wiggled his toes and took a drag off his cigarette as he pressed back against the wall and listened to the distant sounds of plastic cups being crushed and thrown away.
He'd fucked up. He honestly hadn't meant to say anything about his past to Roxas; he felt especially shitty because they were just getting to know each other. He didn't remember Roxas' reaction as he had been drunk and his head was a jumble of gooey pain and sticky words. He couldn't remember his words exactly, but he knew that he had said something and fuck; he knew that he'd scared Roxas off. And to think, he'd really liked this one. Roxas was sweet and funny and a fantastic kisser and he was better than anyone Sora had ever been interested in before. Sora sighed out a plume of smoke into the bathroom he was holed up in and followed the drifting grey substance with his eyes as it dispersed in the air after lingering for a moment. There was the sound of footsteps from somewhere in the house that were heavier than Kairi's and he assumed that people were finally waking up. He decided to sit in the bathroom for a little while longer.
Roxas really was a great kisser though, Sora pondered as he slapped his feet up and down against the black and white tiles of the floor. The amount of tongue had been absolutely perfect and positively wonderful. He had tasted of peaches and Sora's smoke and the brunet lamented the lack of Roxas-flavored spit in his mouth. There had been a few moments, after the kiss, that Roxas' taste lingering on his tingling lips and danced on his tongue. Sora found himself unconsciously licking his lips, lit cigarette dangling from his still shaky hands. This was a monumental fuck up. Sora groaned and ground his cigarette out against a tile, dropping the butt into a trashcan and sweeping any ashes that he flicked off into his hands and brushing them into the plastic bag. He pulled himself up using the sink and steadied his swaying body against it, regretting the amount of alcohol he consumed last night instantly.
It's just that he'd been having kind of a hard time recently. Roxas was great and sweet and at every turn Sora wanted to blurt out the horrid, grimy details of his shitty past just so he didn't have to hide it anymore. School was fine and home life was fine, but the nightmares had come back and they were filled with a lurking black shadow and a voice growling his name. The brunet's own shrieks echoed in his ears as he turned the tap on and watched the water gush out. The pipes groaned and rumbled behind the wall and Sora considered jumping in the shower and cleansing his body of memories. With a brief look in the mirror (dark circles, ratty hair, sickly skin), Sora decided that yes, a shower was in order, and he quickly turned the faucet off, forgetting why he turned it on in the first place as he adjusted the shower knobs to get the water temperature just right.
As he showered, Sora let his brain shut down slightly. He hummed to himself and refused to think, sighing as his headache seemed to wash down the drain with the circling water. The press of his fingers to his temple felt heavenly and Sora groaned quietly, shutting his eyes as the sudsy water trickled down his face in rivulets. He let all thoughts of Him and of Roxas melt out of his head as he listened to the sound of water on tile and leaned into the feel of it pelting against the skin of his back. Kairi's shower was considerably smaller than his own and he missed the spaciousness of his bathroom back home for a second before shaking himself and telling himself to be grateful for the things he had. Suddenly there came a knock at the door and Sora jolted out of his meditative state, accidentally flinging the bottle of body washed previously clenched between his fingers across the shower, where it landed with a loud clatter.
"Sora? It's Roxas." Sora's heart fluttered in his chest and his breath stuttered for a second, eyes widening and hands trembling once more. He gulped, took a calming breath, and then another for good luck before answering. He hoped this wasn't goodbye.
"Yeah?" There was the sound of feet shuffling around and Sora strained to hear anything more over the rush of water against his ear. He contemplated shutting it off, but that would seem slightly off as he wasn't finished with his shower, and he bent over to grab the body wash. He clicked open the cap, waiting for a response, and poured the sweet-smelling gel onto the nearest luffa, which just so happened to be bright pink. Great.
"Uhh…" Roxas began quite elegantly. "Could we talk? After your shower of course." Oh shit. Sora's heart halted then sunk deep in his chest. It felt like there was something stuck in his throat as he nodded before realizing that the blond teen couldn't see him.
"Sure, Roxas." His voice was a quiet whisper and he worried for a second that Roxas couldn't hear him before his floated through the door once more to tell the showering brunet that he would be waiting in the living room and then there was the sound of retreating footsteps. Sora finished washing himself with nervous fingers and a trembling body. His bones felt like they were vibrating and it was getting hard to breathe so Sora switched the scalding water off with a twist of his wrist. He leaned his wet back against the wet shower wall, feeling the press of cooled droplets of water against his heated skin and he tried to regulate his breathing. Having a panic attack just because a boy wanted to talk with him was one-hundred percent not okay.
He slid slightly against the floor as he stepped out of the shower and tiled his body off. The towel was coarse and not at all soft, yet Sora enjoyed the scratchiness against his soft skin. He averted his eyes from the scars littering his tan skin like stars and pulled the clothes he wore the previous day onto his body. Water dripped from the ends of his wild hair and stained the back of his shirt and his shoulders in slow streams. Heart pounding and breathing labored, Sora hung up the towel and made his way to the white door. The knob was a dull gold, worn by years of use, and the urge to polish it rose up in his body and crashed over him like a wave. Sora understood that this was his way of avoiding any conversation he might have with Roxas, and he refused the compelling voice in his brain talking about the scum and germs coating the door knob in a coat of grime. Sora shut his eyes and grabbed the round, golden object firmly, and twisted it sharply.
The noise the door made when it opened was horrendous, and the Southern teen was suddenly shockingly aware that the rest of the house was covered in a blanket of silence. There was no indication of other life and Sora found himself wondering how long he had really been in the bathroom for. His phone said the time was 10:30 in the morning, but he was unsure of the time he had untangled himself from Roxas' furnace-hot embrace and stumbled to the nearest bathroom. He hadn't thrown up (a great feat), only smoked a few cigarettes and then showered. Maybe he'd been lost in thought for longer than it felt like, Sora pondered to himself as he ran fingertips along the light yellow walls. The stairs creaked and groaned under his feet and Sora frowned at them as he attempted to walk down them with any semblance of grace.
The door to Kairi's bedroom squeaked open and out came Demyx, hauling a yawning Zexion behind him and into the recently evacuated bathroom. Demyx's skin appeared to be tinged green and the door had only been shut for a moment before the sounds of retching squeezed under the crack of the door and into the eery silence of the empty hallway. There was some murmuring that Sora couldn't make out, and he assumed it was Zexion comforting the tall blond as much as he could. Continuing down the stairs, Sora listened for any other sounds and heard only the faint noise of the television. It was some kind of news show, and when Sora's bare foot hit the hardwood flooring with a muffled swishing of air, there was a loud noise like gunshots and the rustling of clothes moving with someone else.
He scooted himself closer, attempting to calm his thudding heart and wipe the sweat from his palms on the legs of his pants. The sharp, loud noises halted and abruptly and then the sound of a laugh track filled the air around Sora's static-filled head. He assumed it came from a change in channels and then he was in the doorway of the living room with Roxas seated in a comfortable reclining chair. His back was to Sora and the brunet watched the bobbing of messy blond locks as Roxas moved his head around before he took a deep breath and steadily walked forward. His crush must have heard the sounds of his arrival because he turned around and smiled in that subdued way of his, motioning for Sora to sit on the couch.
"I figured I'd entertain myself while you were finishing up," He said, fumbling with the remote in his pale hands. "but then the news was covering a murder and I don't want to deal with that shit so I changed it to How I Met Your Mother. If that's okay." Roxas looked at Sora, blue eyes startlingly clear. All Sora could do was nod. The words he wanted to say were getting trapped at the back of his throat, sticking to the roof of his mouth. His tongue felt thick and dry and too big for his mouth as Roxas continued to look at him with that calculating stare of his. Sora's heart was dueling with itself between soaring into his throat and sinking in his stomach and there was a queasiness that had nothing to do with alcohol burning through his body.
"So… Whatcha wanna talk about?" Sora found himself saying, pronouncing the words with a careful slowness. He refused to let his nervousness be known like that. No stuttering today. Roxas seemed to relax and he settled back into the plush cushions he was seated on.
"It's about last night." Fuck.
Sora laughed nervously, avoiding Roxas' gaze as he settled his eyes on the flat screen TV in front of him. The characters on it were sitting at a booth in what appeared to be a bar and the blond one was enthusiastically talking about something that Sora couldn't make out as Roxas lowered the volume of the television. "What about last night? I can't seem to recall an awful lot." Sora said, not entirely a lie, as the scene on the screen changed to the blond man in bed with a random woman. Roxas sighed and there was a clicking sound before the screen went completely black with a hushed buzz.
"You said some stuff." The words floated around in Sora's head and everything felt like it was turning in slow motion. Where the hell was Kairi?
"Ah. Yeah." Sora spoke quietly, the words dribbling from his lips like molasses. His eyes weren't focused on one thing and they most definitely were not on Roxas. The sound of a deep sigh reached his ears, and then Roxas was sitting next to Sora, hand on his lower back.
"Who said that stuff to you?" Roxas' tone was worried, and Sora dropped his head, staring at his toes pressed flat against the dark wood. The skin was white and a hysterical laugh was bubbling up in his throat. He swallowed it down, letting himself slump forward as blurred memories flashed before his eyes. He wasn't sure what he was seeing anymore.
"I don't wanna talk 'bout it, Roxy." The hand on his back moved up and down and the blond made a contemplative continued to stare brokenly at the floor, feeling himself shutting down as the silence of the room settled over his body. He felt heavy and his ears were ringing and he couldn't breathe and shit. He was going to fuck things up even more if he had an attack right now. A pale hand gripped his chin lightly and turned his face to the side. He found himself staring directly into Roxas' face and Sora admired the flawlessness of his skin.
"Hey," Roxas was quiet and he spoke gently, as if speaking to a frightened animal. "That's okay we can save this for another time. Don't freak out on me." Sora snorted and muttered "too late" under his breath which made the blond chuckle and release his face. Instantly Sora missed the warm touch of those fingers against his skin and he longed for them to be everywhere. Roxas lifted the remote and turned the TV back on, laughing softly at something on the screen. Sora couldn't tears his eyes away from the blond's face. His fingers itched and there was the aching in his bones, every particle of his being, that surfaced when he found something he wanted to paint. And this he wanted to paint so badly.
The sunlight was filtering in through the large window on the other side of the room and it hit Roxas' face perfectly, highlighting his hair and turning it into the most dazzling shade of gold. His eyes were a cornflower blue, clear and heavy and light as he snickered at the TV. Sora's own eyes were a bother and he didn't consider them spectacularly attractive; who looked for a partner with two different colored eyes? But Roxas'... They were beautiful. Sora could stare at them all day. His crush bit his bottom lip and pulled it into his mouth to suck on and Sora thought he might die on the spot. Any previous feelings of trepidation and anxiety were gone as he focused intently on the gorgeous blond seated next to him.
"Can I paint you?" The words tumbled from Sora's lips before he could stop them and Roxas turned to face him, blinking and looking completely startled.
"Me?" He questioned, pointing to himself with the remote and Sora felt his face flush furiously as he fully realized what he'd just said. He shook his head and jolted from his seat on the couch. "Forget I said anything; it was a stupid idea. Just you know, ha ha. Silly Sora." The brunet made to walk away, cheeks burning and shame boiling in his gut when a hand shot out and grabbed at his wrist.
"No nononono! It's fine, Sora, really! I was just shocked is all. I mean, you're paintings are gorgeous and I'm flattered. I'd love to." Roxas' face was slightly red as well and Sora felt the tension melt from his bones. Maybe he hadn't fucked up as badly as he thought.
"No Roxas, sit there. Not there." Roxas groaned and shuffled slightly to the left, grimacing at the feel of his shirt sticking to his body from the humid air. Fuck Georgia weather, he decided. The wet feel of the air filled his lungs and stuck like a rock, making his body feel heavy. He just felt gross overall and wanted to hop in the shower for a nice, cool, relaxing moment. But Sora had insisted that he paint Roxas outside, with those bright eyes and eager smile, and Roxas couldn't find it in his heart to refuse the boy. So here he was, sitting on a bench in Sora's sunny back yard, surrounded by flowers of every kind and color. The flowers themselves had begun to wrap around the legs of the bench and Roxas felt them brush against his legs as he shuffled around slightly per Sora's instructions. The grass tickled his bare feet and he wiggled his toes, scrunching them around and enjoying the soft and rough combination of textures.
Sora look breathtakingly adorable. He was wearing paint-covered overalls that were rolled up slightly to accommodate his slight stature, and the short-sleeve shirt underneath it just screamed out Southern charm. His eyes were scrunched up in intense concentration and his tongue was poking out of his mouth slightly as he squeezed paints from a tube expertly onto a pallet. Roxas seemed to have shifted into the right spot because he got a nod and a brilliant smile from Sora that made Roxas' knees weak. He was glad Sora had chosen for him to sit down.
"Alright! I'm gonna start paintin' now, so try not to move too much, okay?" Roxas nodded and he got another beaming smile that halted his heart and stole his breath. Roxas reckoned that the sun rose every morning just to see Sora smile.
Roxas settled back into the bench, his hands clasped in his lap and a relaxed expression on his face as he stared forward. There was a tiny brown bird hopping around in the grass and Roxas smiled as it chirped loudly and summoned a few other birds to it. They all waddled and hopped around each other in circles until they were near his feet and the blond wriggled his toes, laughing quietly as the birds halted stared curiously at his appendages. They cocked their heads one way and then the other way rapidly, blinking and chirping quietly to each other. Their feathers ruffled slightly in the wind and Roxas was drawn to how cute and tiny they were, all happy and loud, without a care in the world. The scent of flowers floated on the breeze and Roxas breathed it in; it was a curious mixture of sweet and earthy that clung to the air and sat in his nostrils. It wasn't unpleasant and Roxas continued to breathe in deeply.
Soon enough the gross feeling brought on by the humidity was forgotten and Roxas was content to enjoy the feeling of the sun on his face and listen to the noise around him. The stroke of Sora's paint brush was quiet and methodical, and the blond was amused by the soft mumblings and hurried rustle of clothes that floated to his ears on the breeze every so often. He wished that he could turn and look at Sora, observe the minute changes in his expression as he painted, watch the motion of his hand and wrist as he colored every little detail, as he captured every single thing. Roxas found that he could probably sit around like this all day, with the sun warming his skin and the soft sound of grass whispering and the fluttering of flower petals in the air. At one point a duck came waddling through the grass and Sora stopped painting to feed it and send it on it's way.
Everything felt great.
Initially Roxas worried that he might get bored and fall asleep, but as the time passed and the birds chirped and Roxas daydreamed and let his worries float away to the sound of Sora's humming, he was actually disappointed as Sora stated that he'd finished.
"Now, mind you, it's not totally finished, but I figured that you'd been sittin' out here for a long while and might want some lemonade or sweet tea. I make it all fresh." Roxas thought that sounded lovely.
"That sounds great, Sora. Can I see the painting?" Sora flushed lightly and Roxas smiled to himself as he stood up, stretching and groaning as his bones popped back into their correct places.
"Why of course you can, how rude of me! Come here and tell me what you think!" Sora ushered him over with an urgent wave of the hand and Roxas strolled over to his side slowly, revelling in Sora's beauty. The brunet was slightly sweaty and his hair was a disheveled mess. There were new streaks of paint coloring his clothes and, Roxas smirked, on his face. His hands were covered in it as well and the pallet was a surprisingly gorgeous mixture of messy paints. Sora smiled at him softly and gently grabbed his shoulders, positioning his body in front of the painting for optimal viewing. It was stunning.
The colors were bright and vivid, with the sun streaming through Roxas' hair and turning it into the most beautiful golden hue. The flowers were delicate and so finely detailed that Roxas breathed out a shaky sigh. He was floored by Sora's talent. He'd managed to capture the way the grass danced playfully in the wind and the small birds hopping around in the grass. The cluster of trees in the background were lit from the top, the sun glinting off the leaves. In the foreground was Roxas, on his wooden bench, and he was smiling. The small brunet had managed to capture Roxas' state of mind and body in a painting and the blond was in awe. He turned to Sora, who was watching his reactions with expectant eyes. He looked nervous and excited all at once and Roxas had the overwhelming urge to bundle him up in his arms and never let him go.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Sora," Roxas began, voice shaking as he examined the texture of the paint on the canvas and the brushstrokes he could still hear in his head. "this is amazing."
Sora blushed and smiled happily up at the blond. "I'm glad you think so, Roxy. That means a lot." His expression was softer now, though the blush remained, and Roxas counted the number of freckles on his tanned skin as the sun beamed directly on him. Sora's was looking up at him through thick lashes, and his smile was small and genuine. Roxas felt like someone was putting his emotions through a blender as Sora continued to look at him with that tender and fond expression that threatened to steal Roxas' heart.
Roxas brought his hand up and cupped Sora's face gently, running his thumb back and forth under the brunet's eye as he stared at him in wonderment. "Sora, you're so talented. This is so gorgeous. I can't find the right words to say, but I hope you get what I mean." Roxas was frustrated with his inability to speak correctly as he looked at the petite teen who had already taken his heart. Sora smiled and nodded, placing his smaller hand around Roxas' larger one. His eyes looked wet and his smile was filled to the bursting with so much gratitude that it made Roxas breathless.
Wordlessly, Sora grabbed his painting and easel and began to walk back to his house, motioning for Roxas to follow. The blond trailed behind him slightly, taking in the setting sun over the awesome mansion and how small Sora looked next to it. When Sora made it to the door connecting to his kitchen, he halted and waited for Roxas, closing his eyes and breathing in the air in deep breaths. The two made their way into the huge room and Roxas sat himself on the counter of the island as Sora put his painting on the easel and scooched it out of the way.
"So, lemonade, sweet tea, water, Coke? Whaddya want?" The brunet teen face Roxas with his hands on his hips and Roxas smiled, feeling content and perfect and like nothing in the world could bring him down right now.
"Some of lemonade, I suppose."
"Great! I love lemonade like you wouldn't believe, Roxy. I reckon most of us Southern folks do though. But sweet tea will always have a place in my heart. Just like Coke and Red Bull." Sora chattered as he rummaged in the fridge for a mason jar of lemonade, which he handed to Roxas with a grin. Roxas snorted. "Sora, you have enough energy for three people. You don't need an energy drink." Sora huffed and pouted, sticking his tongue out and making Roxas chuckle.
"You're just jealous!"
"Of what?" Roxas raised an eyebrow, smirked as he sipped the refreshing liquid. He rolled it around in his mouth and found himself pleasantly surprised at the nice taste.
"Just… You know… Stuff!" Sora waved his arms in the air and Roxas laughed, choking slightly on the sweet lemonade.
"Sure, Sora, sure." The brunet stuck his tongue out and shuffled around the kitchen, getting out ingredients for what Roxas could assume was going to be dinner. He'd gotten his mom to agree to let him have a sleepover with Sora and he was thrilled, especially since he really wanted to try and tell Sora about his past and everything tonight. He didn't feel right keeping things a secret from the other boy and he had a sneaking suspicion that it might help Sora open up to him so he decided to open up. Sora deserved to know, and Roxas never doubted for a second that he could trust the spiky-haired narcoleptic.
"Hey, Sora?" Roxas asked tentatively, a slight tremble barely noticeable in his voice.
"Yeah, Roxy?
"I… I have something to tell you."
A/N:
hey guys. wow long time no see? I'm so sorry about that honestly. also sorry for this kind of filler chapter. there will be stuff happening soon, I promise. I have reasons for not updating and they're kind of boring. I guess life happened? my girlfriend and I broke up and then school shit all over my free time and then I was on vacation, and then I had no internet for an entire month. so, yeah. but I'm back! and I'm here to stay, as long as you'll have me. stuff will happen soon, I swear. as always, reviews are adored. see ya later!
