A/N: Holy-too-many-updates. I'm at Toyota getting my car serviced, and their wi-fi isn't working (bitches), so I'm doing the next best thing. This will be... well, it's not as though I haven't gone through excessive updating phases before.

I couldn't decide which story warranted my attention more, but since I wrote the update for Learning How to Live 4 hours ago (I wrote it at 5:30 in the morning during a nasty bout of insomnia... which never passed... I've now officially been awake for 24 hours), I figured Bella'd want to speak up.

In retrospect, I'm rather proud of my last chapter. I just re-read it, something I rarely do, and I kind of love it, actually. Hopefully this one will be just as good... though I think Bella is going to talk to Edward and I don't see that going very well. Let me know what you think? My insecurity is getting worse, so after you read please review.

I don't own this. If I did, I'd be buying a 2010 Prius instead of servicing a 2005 Corolla.

Chapter Four

Fucking teachers and fucking roll call. It's like they get off on it. I know it's the first day and I know they're obligated to do it, but they're not going to learn our names anyway so does it really matter? It's torture. It's the rack. It's water boarding. It's bamboo shoots under your fingernails. Because they're going to call his goddamn name. I just know they are. And he's going to answer in that stupid voice of his. And I'm going to have a meltdown. All over roll call. Fuck school. I'm dropping out.

"Edward Cullen?"

"Here."

Asshole.

Still, in spite of the roll call and the fact that my savior turned tormenter was sitting a mere two desks away from me, the period passed in a moderately uneventful fashion. Angela passed me notes, keeping away from the topic of a certain copper-haired demi-god and sticking to safer, more amusing subjects, like the length of Jessica Stanley's mini-skirt... or lack thereof. She kept me in silent giggles for the bulk of the class, and the more I giggled the less I wanted to cry, and for that I was deeply grateful. Occasionally, my lip would begin to quiver or my posture would tense and she would just know and that's when a new scrap of paper would appear to distract me.

Angela rules.

But then the bell rang and reality hit me. Because fourth period had just ended. And seniors have lunch after fourth period. And he was a senior and so was I. And how the fuck long am I supposed to be able to keep this up?!

"Let's go, kid," Angie intoned, linking her arm once more in mine and marching us resolutely towards the cafeteria.

Let's go. It was turning into our mantra. Let's go.

We met up with Ben along the way, and he quickly moved to my other side, snaking his arm through my free one in a surprising gesture of support. I had never spoken to him much outside of hanging-out with Angela, and his little show of loyalty to me came as a total shock. Angela beamed at him from her place on my right, and we walked into the lunchroom together, my fragile nerves buffered by the brilliant, caring, wonderful friends on either side of me.

I can do this.

I can do this.

We moved into the lunch line and Angela practically had to threaten physical violence to get me to take any food. In the interest of avoiding a scene, I grabbed an apple and a tea and was strangely reminded of those early days at school all those months ago. Those days when the trouble started. And just like that I was thinking about him again. Because unwanted memories have the uncanny ability to attach and associate themselves to everything. Because the last person you want to think about is always the first person who pops into your head. Because life sucks and then you die... and even then the suckage probably isn't over.

"So," Angela began after dropping down into her usual seat at our table, looking at me over tented fingers and quirking an eyebrow like only she can, "how's your day going, Bells?"

Ben froze, his slice of pizza halfway to his open mouth.

I sat there and looked at her for a full minute, trying to figure out if I was going to burst into tears or burst out laughing. After a heated internal debate, I chose the latter. Cause the former sucks.

"Well, Angela, it's funny you should ask me that," I began thoughtfully, picking up my apple and turning it over in my hands, examining the glowing red skin. "After giving this much thought and carefully weighing my options, I've come to a decision."

"Well?" Ben asked worriedly, wondering where this was going. Wondering if normal Bella was back or if he was about to be introduced to the crazy, hysterical Bella that Angela had told him about.

"Due to today's... developments... I've decided that I should..."

Angie and Ben both leaned forward expectantly, Angie with a smile quirking her lips and Ben with a worried frown. They were like yin and yang. It was kind of adorable.

"... buy a new stereo system for the truck."

Angela merely widened her smile at that, clearly proud of me for taking the non-quivering-mass-of-jelly role after such a turbulent morning. Once she caught the look on her boyfriend's face, though, she dissolved into hysterical laughter, dropping her head onto her arms and shaking uncontrollably. It only took me a moment to catch up to her, wrapping my arms around my torso and clutching my sides, trying to rub away the stitch that had appeared when my spastic breathing had become too much for my body. And still Ben sat, dumbfounded, looking at the two girls who now occupied a good deal of his time, and probably wondering if we'd skipped our meds this morning.

"You guys are fucking nuts," he muttered, taking an exaggerated bite of the pizza that he had neglected to await my response and shaking his head.

"Oh, baby, you love me anyway," Angela managed, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek and playfully tousle his hair.

"Of course he does, Angie. You're a hot bitch," I smiled, wiping the first tears of the day that had nothing to do with Edward from my eyes and giving my best friend an appraising look.

"Damn straight," Ben chirped, his mouth full of pepperoni and cheese, as he dropped his slice and drew his arm around her shoulders.

There was more kissing then, and I suddenly became very interested in my apple again, giving them a moment before the awkward throat clearing would begin.

"Hey, guys, did you see who's back?"

Oh, hell. I forgot about the people we sit with. Fucking Jessica Stanley and her fucking mouth.

"You mean the Cullens?" Mike Newton asked, sitting down next to Ben as Jess took a seat next to me.

"Mhmmm."

"I wonder why they're back?"

"I dunno. I mean, doctor daddy only took a leave of absence. Remember?"

"Did he? I don't remember that."

"He did," Jess nodded knowingly, looking around the room for a moment before muttering, almost to herself, "I wonder where they are?"

"Who?" Lauren Mallory asked, practically dragging Tyler behind her as she arranged herself demurely next to Jessica.

"The Cullens," Mike answered, shoving a handful of fries in his mouth.

"Oh yeah. I think he's in the parking lot. I don't know where she is," Lauren supplied, perking up once everyone's attention turned to her at this new piece of information.

"The parking lot? Why's Edward Cullen in the parking lot?" Jess asked.

"I dunno. I saw him sitting in his car when we were coming back."

"Coming back from what?"

"Oh... um... Tyler was just, ah... um... he was helping me with something. In his van," Lauren rushed, seemingly torn between proud and embarrassed. But he sluttish confession had served a purpose, relocating Jessica's inquiries from one piece of gossip to a newer, juicier, fresher one. No more Cullen talk. For now.

I brought my hands under the table, rubbing them up and down my thighs, trying to think. Or not think. The whole sitting in a stupor thing wasn't working for me, though. And then Angela caught my eye and leaned in, whispering the best and worst advice she's ever given me.

"If he's alone, I think you should go talk to him."

And, so help me god, my jaw detached itself from my skull and landed somewhere under the table.

"Ben might have a point, Angie. You're fucking insane."

She gave me a look. Angela has a series of looks, all reserved for me and all with different meanings. And this one was her shut-your-mouth-and-listen-to-what-I'm-saying-because-you-know-I'm-right-even-though-it-makes-you-uncomfortable look. Yeah. It's a long look.

"Isabella Swan, I know you're having a bad day and I know you're worried it's just going to get worse. I know that you're within five minutes of losing your sanity and ripping your hair out, and I know that you're torn between knocking that boy down and kissing him senseless and backing over him with your truck, but if you don't talk to him soon, you're going to spontaneously combust, and, dammit, Bells, fire doesn't match your outfit."

She sat back, looking at me smugly and crossing her arms, daring me to tell her she was wrong. And she wasn't. Well, she was, but she wasn't. She was... fuck it. It was too scary. I wasn't going to talk to him. Today or ever again.

I shook my head, my eyes trained on the table, drawing my lower lip between my teeth and biting it. Hard.

And then there was a flurry of motion next to me and my backpack was being thrust rudely into my arms and I was being dragged up by my shoulders and hauled towards the door.

"Excuse Bella and me for a moment, guys," Angela called over her shoulder to our rather stunned table. "We need to have a meeting."

And then we were out the doors and outside and she spun me around and backed me into the wall, jamming her finger into my chest and shooting daggers through her eyes.

"Now you listen to me, Swan," she barked, glaring at me. I had never seen Angela mad or frustrated before. I'm not gonna lie. It's a little bit terrifying. "You are not this person. Maybe you used to be, but you're not now. Who are you and what did you do with my best friend? Huh? Cause I'd like to talk to her. This... this coward standing in front of me isn't you, Bella. It's not you. Now, I love you like a sister. Hell, I love you more than I'd love a sister. But I will not sit next to you and hold your hand and pat you on the back while you take the easy way out. You knew that boy for a week. A fucking week. And I understand how you felt about him, and I understand how confusing it was, and I understand that something happened that day that he said goodbye that you're never going to tell me about and I realize that it's fucking you up inside. But he's alone right now and, if you're every going to address this, now is as good a time as any to do it. There are three classes left today and you don't know how many of them he'll be in. Do you really want this to continue? This terror? Man up, Bella. Go talk to him. Get some answers. Knowing can't feel nearly as bad as not knowing, can it?"

And she stood there, breathing heavily, moving her hands to my shoulders and forcing me to meet her eyes. She shook me gently. Once. Twice.

"You can do this, Bella," she said in a softer tone. "And you'll be better for it. Because even if it sucks. Even if it's the worst feeling on earth and your heart breaks, you still did it. You were the brave one. You made the first move. You were the bigger person, Bells. That's what you are. You're the bigger person."

And I looked at her, nodding, understanding, but not wanting to move. Because listening to her yell at me was one thing. Agreeing with her was one thing. But walking away, walking towards potential heartbreak and humiliation on purpose. You'd have to be a masochist. I'd have to be a masochist.

Angie ran her hands through my hair, smoothing it for me, arranging it on my shoulders, and produced some lip gloss from her bag, applying it to my startled lips before I could even utter the first word of protest.

"You're beautiful. And amazing. And you'll be great. Really, Bells. Now go kick his ass."

And with a last squeeze of my shoulders and a pat on my back, she shoved me towards the path that led to the student lot. And I walked. And walked. And walked. And the lot grew nearer. And I could see the silver Volvo. And, yes, I could see a figure sitting inside it, growing larger and clearer with every step. He was sitting in the driver's seat, his head leaned back against the gray leather headrest, his eyes closed. His lips were moving ever so slightly. He was either singing or talking to himself.

And then I was standing in front of the car, looking right at him, and his eyes were still closed and he was so relaxed and fuck if he wasn't more amazing when he was relaxed. And I didn't want to take that from him. And my feet moved to turn around and walk me back to the cafeteria, but the disappointment I would inevitably see in my best friend's eyes made me pause. Made me stay where I was. And I walked to the passenger door. And it looked unlocked. So I opened it. And I dropped down into the seat before he said a word. Before I could lose my nerve. And his hands twitched where they rested in his lap and his lips moved ever-so-slowly and his eyes stayed closed, and I closed the door, closing myself into a rather confined space with the one person on earth I was afraid of above all others.

And he didn't move for a moment. Didn't acknowledge that the door to his car had been opened and someone had gotten in without any invitation. And I wondered if he'd thought I was Alice. I wondered if this was a mistake. And then...

"Isabella Marie Swan."

He said my name as though he had chosen it for me himself. He said my name as though he was the first person to ever say it. He pronounced every syllable with care, and it rolled of his tongue like silk across velvet. And then he said something else. Something impossible. Something I had been hoping for and terrified of. Three simple words. Stupid, really, but with so much promise. So much potential. So much...

"I missed you."

A/N: This isn't that long but I'm ending it there. Took a total turn. I'm kind of happy about it and kind of worried I just screwed myself. But here you go. I'm still at Toyota and they're still dicking around with my car, so I think I'm going to crawl into Edward's head for a bit. I'll see you over at Learning How to Live in a few hours or so.

Review, please. They make me write faster.