I've said it before and I'll say it again, Mr. Zwingli can suck my ass. What kind of sick bastard assigns three hours of homework? When will physics ever be useful enough to justify this much homework? Why the fuck do all the practice problems relate to guns in some way? Fuck this.

I heard the front door slam open. Oh joy, Feli was back. He was spending more and more time with his bitch and hadn't even so much as given me a 'oh thanks Lovi you're the best big brother ever!' In weeks. Not that I missed his pansy ass or anything. I just missed being praised and appreciated as the awesome big brother that I am.

I could hear Feli charging up the stairs. You know, for a shrimp he can sure make some damn noise. He's like the human personification of a sugar rush.

"Lovi! You won't believe it! Ludwig asked me out!" Feli shouted as he collapsed on my bed (which I was still fucking laying you bitch).

"You mean you weren't already fucking that bastard?" I exclaimed as I tried in vain to shove Feli off of me.

"What? Me and Ludwig are just friends. Oops- were just friends!" He burst into giggles. Goddamn that German bastard. He turned my brother into a teenage girl. I shoved Feli onto the floor while he was distracted.

"Good for you. Go have fun with your bitch. Leave me here to rot in lonely misery. See if I care." I tried not to sound bitter, but let's be honest, I'm probably more bitter than a shot of espresso at this point. Weren't my teenage years supposed to be the best time of my life? Because at this point, it feels like a fucking rom-com where I'm not even the main character. Fuck their clichéd love story.

"Lovi... Come on Lovi. I'm not gonna ignore you just because I have a boyfriend now. You're my super cool big brother! Hey Lovi, are you listening? Helloooo-"

"Shut up! I heard you. And you already ignore me." I swatted his hand away from where he had been poking me.

"I'm sorry Lovi! Hey, why don't we spend time together right now? Grandpa said he would be out until really late tonight. Why don't we make some dinner and watch mafia movies? Does that sound fun?" He was giving me his puppy dog eyes. Fuck.


"So is there anyone that you have a crush on?" Feli said as he nudged me in the arm. I tried to ignore him and focus on the movie but that little fucker was persistent.

"No! And stop distracting me damn it! If you don't I'll shove your dinner plate down your throat!" I snapped at him. He only continued to smile at me. A lifetime of living with me had made him immune to my threats and insults.

"Are you sure," he smiled sneakily," that there isn't anyone? Because I might have found some really interesting letters in your desk when I was searching for your laptop..." THAT LITTLE FUCKER.

"YOU WERE IN MY DESK? WHY WOULD A LAPTOP BE IN MY DESK? THERE WEREN'T ANY LETTERS. YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND." I screeched in an effort to drown out the truth with screaming (which might seem like a useless method, but I assure you it has its uses).

Feli just laughed. "There's no need to hide it Lovi! I think that the letters are really sweet! Whoever wrote them really has a thing for you!" He sounded too damn happy. This is why I hate romantics. Even so, his weird excitement did calm me down a little.

"I don't even know who it is! If they don't have the balls to tell me to my face, then they aren't worth my time." I tried my best to act nonchalant about it. The letters had actually kind of grown on me. Not in a good way! They were just... flattering, I guess. That doesn't mean I actually care about the person who wrote them though!

Feli just smiled at me knowingly and turned back to the movie. Wait... Did he know something? There's no way. Who would be stupid enough to tell my brother a secret? Then again...

"Feli, you know something about this don't you?" I asked suspiciously.

"What? I could never hide anything from you!" He said in mock surprise. He was such a shitty liar.

"Bullshit. Who is it?" I demanded.

"No one! I told you, I don't know anything!" He looked kinda panicky. I better show mercy and let him off the hook. He would give himself a heart attack if it meant keeping someone else's secret. Damn his good nature.

I turned back toward the TV. Feli let out a sigh of relief. He thought that he was safe. But one day, when he was least expecting it, I would make him tell me. That is, if I don't find the bastard myself first.


Today can die a horrible excruciating death. Not only did I fall asleep on the couch (fuck Feli for suggesting a movie night on a Sunday) but we were also out of coffee this morning. I was trying to stay fucking optimistic by looking forward to the secret admirer letter, but fate just had to take a shit on anything that gave me a semblance of happiness. There wasn't a fucking letter today. So, to recap, I was tired, caffeine deprived, and angry at the stupid bastard for not giving me a letter. He probably ran out of nice things to say about me. Fuck my life.

I trudged to Physics. Oh fuck. I was going to have to talk to the annoying handsome bastard. Uuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. If he tried to talk to me, then I would kick him in the balls. I usually reserved that punishment for people who had especially wronged me, but today I didn't give a fuck. I was willing to punch anyone who looked at me wrong.

I entered the classroom and sat down at my desk without bothering to glance around at my classmates. If I made eye contact with one of them they might try to say hello, and that would end badly for everyone.

I was just about to lay my head down for a little nap (it was worth risking detention) when I saw the stupid Spanish bastard waltz in. He was laughing and talking to someone, but quickly said goodbye when he saw me. Even though I was giving him obvious death glares, he still approached me without a care in the world.

"Hello Lovi! How are you today? You don't look so good…" he said as he finally caught on to my less-than-sunny mood. He laid his arms and head on my desk just like he did most mornings.

"Don't say a fucking word. I am in an even worse mood than normal, so you can just go fuck yourself." I mustered up one last glare before closing my eyes and resting my chin in my hand.

"Aw, Lovi what's wrong? You can tell me anything." I was about to reply with something witty and insulting, but changed my mind at the last second. Antonio had a very determined look in his eye and from what I knew about him, he was probably serious about his offer. Oh well, its not like telling him could make it any worse.

"Last night me and Feli had a movie night and fell asleep on the couch. Not only did I get a bad kink in my neck, but Feli fell asleep on my legs, which means that I had to wake him up before I could get up. That kid could sleep through an earthquake, I swear to god! And when i finally got him up and went to get my morning coffee, I couldn't find any! Grandpa forgot to go grocery shopping again, which means I have to drive by the store after school and pick up some damn coffee because my grandpa is just as stupid as Feli is! Then when I got to school-" my voice had been getting steadily more agitated, but I stopped. Did I really want to tell him about my secret admirer? It was kind of corny and a bit embarrassing.

"What happened when you got to school Lovi? If it's something embarrassing, like falling on your face or something, then I promise that I won't laugh." Oh fuck, he looked really earnest. Now I had no choice but to tell him.

"Well… for the last week some bastard has been leaving me anonymous love letters in my locker. There's been a letter each day, but there wasn't one today. I mean, it's not like I like them or anything, but… oh fuck it. They were really flattering and sweet and now I'm worried that that stupid bastard ran out of nice shit to say. And I'm kind of pissed." i sighed and avoided Antonio's eyes.

"Hey Lovi, I'm sure that there is another reason why you didn't get a note today. Maybe your admirer just didn't want you to feel overwhelmed or couldn't get to your locker this morning. I'm sure he still thinks you're amazing. Why wouldn't he? You're super cool!" He was giving me a huge smile.

"What do you know? Bastard." I pushed him lightly and couldn't quite hide my smile.


Today wasn't turning out to be too bad. The Spanish bastard made me lunch and it wasn't to bad. In English we just watched The Great Gatsby. Mr. Zwingli even forgot to take up my (uncompleted) homework. That never happens.

I quickly rushed to my locker to drop off my textbooks. I didn't want to miss the bus because then I would have to ask Alfred for a ride, and that alone would be enough to ruin my mood again.

My locker wouldn't open because it was a stupid whore that could suck my dick. As soon as I got it open I unconsciously scanned the avalanche for a white letter, which was stupid because the letters never came in the afterno- oh fuck. There was a motherfucking letter. I dove for it, scattering my old school papers all over the hallway. I quickly shoved my books and as many papers as I could back into my locker before sprinting towards the bus exit.


After I was safely on the bus (Which I just barely caught), I opened the letter.

Dear Lovi,

I'm so sorry for not giving you a letter this morning. A friend of mine told me that my constant declarations of love might be making you uncomfortable. I know now that they were wrong. I noticed that today you looked really sad, and another friend of mine told me that it was because you were disappointed that you didn't get a letter.

I love everything about you. I will never run out of things to love about you. You're funny and witty and fearless, in a way. Not in a "I'm gonna go get into lots of fights" way, but in a way that you don't care what others think about you. You aren't afraid to tell people the truth or to let them know your opinion. You act like you don't need people and don't care if you're alone, but I know that that isn't true. No one can be alone forever. We all need a friend sometimes. Even if you never come to love me like I love you, I just hope that I can be that friend for you.

Forever Full of Love,

Your Secret Admirer

Stupid bastard. I don't need a friend. And I don't need their damn letters. I do just fine on my own. But maybe it would be nice… No. You're Lovino Vargas for god's sake! You don't need some pussy bastard to be your friend. No matter how good it sounds. You can do this. Just throw away all the letters when you get home and don't look back.

Although, that's easier said than done, even for me.