Yep. 11:28 at night. Well, at least you're going to get something, but I don't know the quality, as I was at a party since four PM yesterday. Anyway. *crosses fingers for a simple song and no Flyleaf*

Hoo, boy. It's the "stalker song". Ugh. (ask BlackObsidianThunder if you're dreadfully curious)

This Close - Flyleaf.

I have no freaking idea what I'm going to do. Oh, yay.

...k. Let's try this. It's an older Etcetera than we typically go with. So, Cettie's P.O.V.

(hell, let's bump up everyone's typical age)

Wow. I must have suicide on the brain recently. No, I'm not going to commit suicide. I'll warn you guys before I go do something like that... xD

(this has... Suggestions? Is that the word? References to sexual abuse? Whatever.)


Had a dream that fire fell through an opening in the sky.

Jemima. Electra. Those two knew, they knew nothing good would come of it. I should have listened to them.

I've worshipped the Rum Tum Tugger since I was a tiny kit. That's no secret to anyone. But us Jellicles age strange - once we're at a certain spot, our aging slows dramatically.

So, I now was about the same age as Tugger.

He asked me out. I said yes, of course. Electra automatically warned me against it, told me tales Demeter had told her of Bombalurina, who had long since moved on from him. Jemima always has her forebodings, her hesitations.

Someone warned me of this hell, and I spit in her naive eye.

I'd kind of told both of them to get lost. Electra had shook her head, and retreated. We haven't exchanged words in days. Jemima was a stray, so she hadn't even been in the Junkyard for a while. She only comes when she pleases.

Tugger used me. The only tom I'd idolled, the tom I'd followed since I was a young, stupid kit. Well, obviously, I'm still stupid and naive.

I wasn't sure of my identity anymore. He took even that from me. I keep wondering if somehow I look different, but I guess not. Since no one called him on it, no one notices that I'm not really there under the facade. I'm sure Jemima would, if she would return to the 'Yard, but then she wouldn't notice a rat if it sat right on her paws. That's how Jemima works, I suppose.

No one heard the messages I'd hidden in my words. It's like I was merely a spirit amongst normal cats.

With the voice of the dead, I'm screaming,
I don't know who I am anymore.


I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I'm following Tugger. Tracking his every move, every gesture.

His arm around Cassandra. The steady glare at Bombalurina over Exotica's head. I'm not noticed. My coat is dirty enough too, I guess, that I blend in with the earth. But it's still like I'm just a presence, nonexistent to the others. Electra had a knowing look on her face once when my gaze strayed from Tugger to her. I quickly trained my gaze away.

Night falls. There's a silver crescent of a moon in the sky.

I can't return to my den another night, knowing I'll still only be a shadow the next day. My closest friends won't look at me. Victoria was experiencing her own problems. Demeter was trying to keep her sister on her feet. Who did I have left? Boring Jennyanydots? Jellylorum, who's main concern was her father?

No one.

I broke through the gates. Alonzo cried after me, "Cettie! Get back here!" But he didn't run. Actually, at least he noticed me, to his credit.

But no one ran after me. I was still foolish little Etcetera in their minds. Just a kitten who wanted a little adventure in the real world, not in the Jellicle make-believe fantasy where nothing goes wrong. Grizabella knew what she was doing when she left as a Glamour cat. The only thing she did wrong? She didn't make it out there. You can't be a Glamour cat while eating scraps and rotting food in the streets.

But I'm not a Glamour cat. Instead, I head to the bridge, knowing I wouldn't make it another day like this.

I'm at the wall. Sadly enough, there are claw marks at the edge. As if some poor bloke decided jumping would be a good idea and then changed his mind. I wonder, vaguely, if he made it. Most likely not.

But there's no return, no doubt in my mind.

I picture Tugger in my mind once more. Then out of nowhere, there are a pair of light blue eyes looking back at me.

Jemima materializes out of the shadows.

I crouch on the wall, running my claw over the rough concrete surface, keenly aware of the crashing water below, longing only for that.

I whisper to her, "With the voice of the dead... I'm screaming."

And I fall backwards, over the edge, heading towards the black waves below. I close my eyes, happy to know I won't have to suffer through another day again.

"Cettie! No!" That's what I hear before I am sucked under the blissful water.

My last thoughts are of the Rum Tum Tugger.

I've been looking in your window, I've been dressing in your clothes.
I've been walking dead, watching you, long enough to know I can't go on.


[A/N] Finished time: 12:27 AM. I do this for you. Even though the quality is probably crap. I have a pool party later today, and hopefully I'll be able to get day 5 up later today.

(rofl. My sister read the first author's note over my shoulder when I saved it -don't question my family. But we were supposedly watching a movie together. Which is why they should take our phones and laptops when they want us to bond- and she said, "Wait - sick of Flyleaf? WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?)

Goodnight.