Past Pain.

Chapter 4.

"Please," he begged, his voice breaking as his own emotions overwhelmed him, "please, let me in Donna, I know something's not right, let me help you."

The pain in his voice hit a nerve with her, she crumbled under his worried gaze, "It was a long time ago," she began, swallowing hard, "Something bad happened to me."

Harvey grimaced, squeezing her hand a little tighter, he'd expected as much, "Okay," he whispered, placing a hand on her forehead to check for a fever, feeling the cold sweat that had formed on her face, "but first," he swept her up into his arms, cradling her close to him as he stood up, "I want to get you warmed up and relaxed, then we can stay up all night talking if we have to."

He placed her tentatively on the sofa, reaching behind her for the furry throw and wrapping it round her shoulders, he walked to the kitchen, brewing them a mug of hot chocolate each and returning to the sofa, carrying a small box of tissues under his arm. He smiled reassuringly at her as she accepted the mug, taking a long sip, some of the colour beginning to return to her cheeks. He sat down next to her, reaching a protective arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder.

After a minute or two, she stirred, "I don't know where to start," she said quietly, "I don't know how to-" her voice shook, she bit her lip to stop it quivering.

"Shh, it's okay," he comforted, tracing soothing patterns on her back, "you can start whenever you're ready, I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded, taking another small sip of her hot chocolate, and letting out a deep breath.

"It was coming to the end of my last year in Yale, I was doing my Bachelors in Theatre and I'd just finished my exams, I was getting ready to move into the city, but my apartment wouldn't be ready for another two weeks, so I decided to stay living on campus until then."

Harvey nodded, urging her to continue, giving her shoulder an encouraging squeeze.

"A couple weeks before then, I'd met this guy, he'd been flirting with me for a while, and he asked me out a couple of times, we went out to lunch once, but I put off going on an actual date until the exams had ended."

She clutched at the blanket, taking a deep breath before continuing, "I ran into him one day in the courtyard, he asked me out again, but I said it didn't make much sense for us to start dating now, he was staying on at Yale for another two years to finish his degree, I was heading to live in the city, it just didn't make sense. But he was very… persuasive, and eventually I agreed to go to drinks with him – as friends…"

Donna gave herself one last glance over in the mirror that hung by her door as she left the apartment, her hair fell in loose fiery curls, her make up was immaculate as always, the soft brown tones of her eye shadow matched perfectly with her pale pink dress. She applied one more layer of lipstick, and locked the door to her dorm room, placing her keys and phone inside her sparkly clutch purse.

She walked the short distance across the street to the bar where they had agreed to meet, a regular spot for Yale students, and on a Friday night, it was sure to be busy, and when she arrived, her suspicions were proven true, the bar was crowded with students celebrating an end to their exams, many already intoxicated despite the fact that it was just after 8 o'clock. Her eyes scanned the room until they landed on his, unmissable green eyes. He was sitting at the bar, at the corner nearest the door. He looked up from his already half empty drink as she approached, shooting her an alluring smile.

"Hi Red," he greeted, gesturing to the empty stool next to him, "you look hot."

She smirked, a small laugh escaping her throat, "thanks, you don't look half bad yourself."

He signalled the bar tender, ordering a round of drinks, a martini for Donna and another beer for himself. The evening slipped away from them quickly, chatting about everything, from exams to future plans. Donna couldn't recall exactly when, but at some point, that night in the bar, his eyes shifted from shining and kind, to dangerous and compelling.

They were finishing up on what must have been their fourth or fifth round of drinks, Donna could definitely feel the liquor going to her head, her feet tingled in a familiar way, her eye lids grew gradually heavier. She stole a glance at her watch, her eyebrows arching as she saw it had just passed eleven. She was about to begin her goodbye, when he jumped in, cutting her off just as she opened her mouth.

"I've had a lot of fun tonight," he said, scooting closer to her on his bar stool, his head titled to the side in a sultry manner, "I'm really glad we did this."

"Me too," she replied, giving him a warm smile, "but I really should be-"

"So what do you say," he interrupted again, placing a cold hand on her knee, "we go somewhere more private?" His hand beginning an intruding caress, moving slowly under her skirt.

"I don't-" she stammered, slightly caught off guard by his sudden change of character, "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested in you like that."

Donna was sure she saw a flicker of irritation behind his burning green eyes, "what's the matter?" He asked nonchalantly, his hand never stopping as he leaned closer, so his lips brushed her jaw, "am I not good enough for you?"

"It's not that I just-" she straightened up, distancing her face from his, and placing a hand on his intruding one, "I'm just not- I'm not r-really.." she slurred, trying her best to concentrate on forming a coherent sentence, but her mind was foggy, she could almost feel the toxic alcohol coursing through her veins.

Her head began to spin, the room around her growing slightly distorted, with great effort, she pushed his offending hand from her inner thigh, promptly pulling the hem of her dress down, "I n-need to go… home."

"Fine," He gave sigh, standing up and offering her his hand, "I'll walk you home."

She wanted to push his hand away, storm out of the bar and march home her self, but in her current state, she felt she was in no position to refuse the help. She reluctantly took his hand, allowing him to pull her to her feet, wrapping an arm around her waist to steady her.

As he led her through the partying crowds of college students, she noticed how each one of their faces seemed blurred, her legs felt weak in her heels, she felt, almost removed from her body, nothing felt real.

Something wasn't right, she had been drunk before, she had had more to drink on other occasions than she'd had tonight, and had still been able to stand. Dread began brewing in the pit of her stomach, as they exited the bar, heading across the street, "D-did, y-you put some…thing in m-my dri-"

"Shh," he hushed, tightening his uncomfortable grip around her waist, "don't worry, we're almost there."

But the world around her was quickly fading, she could feel her eye lids dropping, as she slipped out of consciousness, "ple-please d-don't…"

But her words were lost, as everything went black.

She became aware of her other senses, before she regained sight. She was lying down, on something soft – a bed, it was hard to breathe, she felt a crushing weight above her, something gripped her wrists – someone, with a sickening lurch of her stomach, she realised, her underwear was missing.

The realisation alone, caused her eyes, to fly open, those piercing green eyes bore into her own, before lunging down wards, his lips invading the soft skin of her neck. She felt an unmistakable sense of panic rising in her throat, as she gasped, struggling for air.

"Please," she began to cry, feeling the presence of his waist between her legs, "no, please don't-" she tried to move, she struggled under his harsh grip, her mind telling her to fight, to run, but her body was non-responsive.

"Just relax Red," he crooned into her ear, causing her to recoil in disgust.

"N-no no" she whispered, in between strangled cries, she could feel her self slipping again, her eyes longing to close, her head spun furiously, the last thing she remembers, is the sickening sound as her dress ripped before her eyelashes fluttered as she finally succumbed to the darkness.

"When I woke up again, he was gone," Donna sniffled, wiping a few silent tears from her cheeks, "it was morning, I could barely remember anything – apart from the pain, everything hurt, I didn't know what to do. I was to scared to go to the police, I couldn't remember much and I had been drinking so I didn't think anyone would believe me."

"I got up, and showered, trying to get rid of the feeling of him from my skin, it was early in the morning five or six am, but when I was on the way back to my dorm room from the showers, I ran into a girl I knew, Lisa, who lived in my dorm block. We weren't very close, but she saw - she saw the marks on my skin, and started asking questions, and well – I just broke down, I started babbling on, blurting it all out. She was kind to me, took me back to her room and helped me calm down, but someone must have over heard us in the corridor, because rumours spread like wildfire."

"Some people were saying I was asking for it, that I was stupid to get drunk, that I should have been more careful. It hurt, but I didn't care so much, I was leaving in a few days, I wouldn't have to face it for much longer. But most of the rumours were about him, people were saying it wasn't the first time, that he'd done it before, I ruined his 'golden boy' reputation. As far as I know, he transferred to another school."

"I tried my best to forget about it, when I moved to the city I buried the few memories I had of that night. I never dealt with it properly. I would have dreams - nightmares, from time to time, but I hadn't had one in years until the other night. Now they won't stop-" she broke down again, quiet sobs racking her chest. Harvey wrapped his arms around her tightly, nuzzling his face into her hair as she cried, he hadn't said a word since she started her story, listening intently from beginning to end, though his insides burned with rage and sadness.

When her cries eventually began to subside, Harvey broke the silence, "I'm so so sorry." He whispered, fighting the emotions he could feel rising in his own throat, willing himself not to let the tears that prickled in his eyes fall, "I wish you'd told me sooner."

"I should have." She replied, turning to face him, "I should have told you years ago, but I was scared, I didn't want to have to relive it, I thought it was better to bury it, act like it never happened, but I was wrong, it only made things worse."

"It's going to be okay now," he replied, placing a kiss on her forehead, "you don't have to be scared anymore-"

"But I am scared!" She burst out, sitting back from him slightly, "I know I'm Donna, I'm supposed to be strong and brave – but I'm only human," she took a shaky breath, "and when I woke up in the hospital the other night, I didn't know where I was or what had happened, and that scared me all over again, it feels just like before! I feel helpless because I'm desperate to remember, even though I know that those memories might cause me more pain, the uncertainty is the most terrifying thing to me."

"I understand," Harvey soothed, continuing his comforting caress on her back, "I just want to help, I'll do anything."

"I don't want to talk anymore," she admitted, "just hold me."

She melted into him, pressing the side of her face to his chest, allowing the steady beating of his heart to lull her off to sleep, as he wrapped a protective arm around her body. When he finally heard her breathing deepen and even out, he gently picked up her sleeping form, carrying her into the bed room and laying down next to her under the covers. Donna slept peacefully that night, comforted by his presence, and the knowledge that she no longer had to carry the weight of a secret she'd kept for years alone, now, after years of suffering, she finally had help.

But Harvey barely slept, haunted by the images his imagination created as he replayed her tale over and over in his head. His mind whirled as he attempted to connect the dots, between past and present, between what had happened all those years ago, and what had happened just two days before. He had a feeling there was more to this story, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it.

XXX

To be continued.

I have so exams coming up, so I may not get the chance to update for the next week or two! Thanks for reading as always, please leave a review and let me know what you think! X