It's a strange feeling, talking to someone in the dark. In a way it brings this freedom. It's not necessary to pay attention to your facial or body features. They are hidden safely in the dark. There's only a voice and that makes it very intimate at the same time. You pay attention to every detail. The cracks and intonation. What words they emphasize. The dark is a place where secrets come out.

"Killian, I have to thank you again. Your gift is breathtaking." Emma is already laying covered by the blankets when he gets into the bed. The opposite side of course. The light goes out. His gift has received a better reception than he ever could have wished. Since the moment he spotted it at the antiquarian's, he could only picture it in her blond locks and tonight that came true.
"You really need to stop thanking me, Emma. You are very welcome."
"It's really amazing." Killian doesn't need to see her to know a smile is on her face.
"You want to hear the story behind it?" He feels the bed move. Emma turns to face him, he thinks. It's confirmed when her voice is very near to him.
"There's a story?" she asks, full of curiosity.
"Aye. You know about my mum. How she died when I was a wee lad?" He hears her nod through the rustling of the pillow. "She used to tell me and Liam bedtime stories. There was only one person who could tell them with so much vivacity and that was my mother." He doesn't remember much of his mother but her face, pulling the strangest faces, is something that he hopes he never forgets. "She always chose old, folkloric legends, that she knew by heart. She wanted us to retain them and tell them to our own children. My grandfather was Irish and he told my mum the best tales. My favorite story was one she heard of him. About the children of Lir. They were turned into swans by their stepmother, as usual. Nearly 900 years later, after roaming three different lakes, they were turned back by the tolling of a church bell. Seeing the pin through the glass, well, it made me think of it." He runs his finger over the silver around his thumb. Another reminder of the tale. A ring his grandfather left him, his family is very keen on heirlooms. On the inside four swans are engraved. It started out as a tribute to his mother and her family and after knowing Emma, it has become one for her as well. Not that he will ever forget how much he loves her but it can't hurt to be reminded of it. Her hand finds his and tenderly squeezes.
"I love it even more now." She yawns. "Wow, I'm tired. I think I'm going to sleep. Good night, Killian. Thank you for an amazing day." She turns her head to the other side and takes a deep breath. He looks at the ceiling. Pointlessly. There nothing to see, the room is completely dark.

"Swan?"
"I'm sleeping." she says. Maybe he shouldn't.
"Just let her sleep, Killian" he thinks. "Now is not the time." He considers it. He really does, but it's all becoming too much. He can't keep it to himself anymore, she needs to know. This is long overdue.
"I need to tell you something." Emma sighs. The darkness is pierced by the bed light and she turns towards him.
"Go for it. But quickly." He blanks. The words he had prepared, their order and meaning have all vanished out of his mind. The illuminated room and her green eyes, staring at him paralyzes him. "Killian, come on." Emma's impatient but she is also tired. Procrastinating won't do any good. He fills his lungs with air and starts.
"I'm in love with you. I know that it makes this situation completely not okay. I wasn't going to tell you but then I talked with Tina and she made me realize that I had to." He glances at her.
"Tina knows? You told Tina before you told me?" That's the first thing she says.
"Emma, that's totally besides the point. Did you hear what I said?" Emma lifts the bedcovers off of her and plants her feet on the ground.
"What? That you're in love with me? Or the fact that you feel regretful tricking me into this. Oh god, I should've never agreed to this." She is facing the wall, her back turned towards him. Her hands come up and cover her face. "How long?"
"Emma, it doesn't matter." He doesn't want to tell her because then he has to admit all of his feelings to her. How he fell for her right from the beginning.
"How does it not, Killian? Please, do tell me, because I only see reasons why it could matter." Emma spins and is looking at him again. Her pajamas give the move some sort of comedic air. If he didn't know better, he'd laugh with them. Her face clearly shows that laughing is out of the question. Killian's still lying in the bed. He decides to get up.
"I-" He can't say anything.
"How long have you been in love with me?" The volume of the conversation elevates. At least with her.
"Since the incident." She shakes her head. Her feet take one step back every two or three movements.
"Fuck! I need to go." Killian can't let her leave. Not like this. He circles the bed and grabs her hand.
"Emma, please."
"Killian. Let. Me. Go."
He instantly releases her hand.
"I'm sorry." But it comes too late. She has already left the room.


Six years. He has been in love with her for six fucking years.

She's standing outside. Emma can't be in the same building as he is. Her breaths follow quickly but there isn't enough air. The pure mountain air isn't enough anymore. It feels as if she was hit by something. When someone dies that way, they call it blunt force trauma. A great speed and a grave injury leading to death. She isn't dead, but it still feels like that. She can't return, not now. What is she going to do? In her haste, she was able to grab her purse. In there she has her phone and wallet. Should she call David or Mary Margaret and ask them to come find her? She'd be forced to be with him. Killian. Emma feels relieved that his affection is equal to hers but she also feels betrayed. She doesn't want to hate him for what he did because that would be extremely hypocritical. She's uncertain of what is supposed to happen now. Her phone is ready to call anyone, she just needs to decide who. Her shaking fingers choose a number. The call is picked up after 5 rings.
"Hello?"
Relief and guilt are added to the mixture of emotions in her body.
She starts crying. Every tear that rolls down her cheek is angrily wiped away. She doesn't want to cry but there are just so many emotions going through her at the moment that she sees no other option. She drowning and every time it looks like she's nearing the surface, a wave comes and drags her back.
"Emma? Are you okay?" The voice is worried. She sobs again.
"I'm fine. Forget that I called. Sorry I woke you" She tries to collect herself.
"I won't. You clearly aren't fine. Why are you crying, there's no need for tears." She shivers. Her ugly pajamas aren't really helping in the cold.
"I just need to get away from here."
"I'll be there in five." The call stops.

It isn't even five minutes, she timed it, before she sees two lights heading towards her. She opens the door and sees Olaf's smiling face.
"Thank you so much!" She has to keep herself from beginning to cry again. "Anywhere is better than here."
"I'll take you home." She longs for nothing more than her own bed and her collection of heartbreak songs lying next to her stereo. She has that nice bottle of white wine she was saving and those delicious chocolate truffles that were sold for some charity. Home never sounded so seducing. But she can't make him drive all the way there. It way too far.
"Olaf, no. It's Christmas. I already woke you and practically summoned you here. I don't want to ruin your holiday anymore." The tears are back.
"Emma, love is putting someone else's needs before yours. Now get in the car. We have a long drive ahead."
"I don't know how I can ever thank you." It doesn't take him long to think of an answer.
"I like warm hugs." Emma laughs. She must look terrible with her red puffy eyes.


He calls and calls. Each and every time he is greeted by her voicemail.
"What did you do, Killian?"
"I told her something. I told her the truth. I am in love with her." The secret is out. Killian Jones is in love with Emma Swan.
"We all know that." The shock he was expecting on their faces is not present. Not in the slightest bit. It's nine in the morning and he still hasn't heard anything from Emma. It's been 7 hours since their argument and he has no idea where she is. It could be that she's in the nearby town, sleeping in a bed and breakfast but she could also be lying frozen in the snow somewhere. Who knows.
"You do?"
"Of course. We have eyes! Why do you think we kept warning you both. Because of this." Mary Margaret says. "The whole fake thing." Maybe they should have listened. He definitely should have listened. Ingrid walks in with a box with groceries. She takes in the worried faces and David on the phone and immediately sets down the carton.
"Is something wrong? What happened?"
"Emma has gone missing." Graham says.
The woman is already distressed by the news shared with her and he's only going to aggravate her with what he has to say. Killian knows now is the time to profess everything
"Ingrid, I need to admit something. Emma and I, we're not really in a relationship." Ingrid eyes widen.
"But." For the first time she has a loss for words. "You two were-" Killian shakes his head. Ingrid is confused, anyone can see that. Her hand covers her mouth. "Oh no. And that's why Emma left." Tears start to well up in her eyes. "I pushed you, I assumed too much." Killian has to intervene before she is lost to the weeping.
"No, no. It was one hundred percent my fault. I lied and I pulled everyone in my stupid tale. Emma, all of you. I have caused so much trouble. I get it if you all despise me. I sure do right now." He absolutely does. If he hadn't tried to convince Emma, if he had just come clean to Cruella, they wouldn't have to go through what they are experiencing now.
"Killian, you need to find Emma! She couldn't have gotten far without a car." Ingrid says when she has regained her calm.
"That driver." Tina remembers. "The one with the blond, white-ish hair. I can't think of his name."
"Olaf." Ingrid helps Tina.
"She must've called him."
"That doesn't help." David says. "She could already be on a plane right now." His call ended the same way as the others did and he walks back to the rest. Theo opens his arms in order for his father to take him.
"No." Killian knows that Emma would never take a plane. She was alright with his touch to calm her down the previous flight but she wouldn't do it again alone. "She'd go by car."
"I'll call Olaf." Ingrid gets the phone and dials the driver's number.
"What do I do when we get word that Emma is all right? She doesn't want me, do I just leave her alone?"
"I don't get how you two can be so oblivious." Mary Margaret's voice rises.
"Easy, honey." David tries to calm her down. Mary Margaret who loses her temper, talk about a unique event.
"I know, David, but this has been going on for far too long. You both love each other!" A crease appears on Killian's forehead.
"What do you mean?"
"Mate, how have you not noticed?" Graham says.
Everyone in the room looks at him and Killian feels like a complete fool. Even Theo seems to be aware of his and Emma's feelings for each other.
"I just talked with Olaf and he says that he dropped Emma off nearly two hours ago in Storybrooke. She was looking exhausted, emotionally and physically, but besides that she was okay." Killian runs his hand through his hair. He will never forgive himself for putting Emma through this.
"That's good to hear." David cradles and kisses Theo's head. Killian can't tell what his next move should be.
"What now?" He consults the people standing in the room, the people he trusts.
"Now you go." Tina says and Graham adds:
"We all go."
Mary Margaret nods.
"We can't continue this vacation without her. It wouldn't be the same."
"But it's Boxing Day. How are we even getting on a flight?" Killian asks. Ingrid's hand comes up his shoulder.
"I'll take care of it. Don't you worry about it."

And she does. Within 20 minutes two cars are lined up before the gate, ready to take them to Emma. Killian packed all of his belongings and all of Emma's things as well. He put her gifts on top and he kept the silver clasp with himself. He didn't want to see it damaged. All of the luggage has been put in the cars and the time for goodbyes has come.
"Ingrid, I don't think we can ever repay for all that you've done. I'm so very sorry for the abrupt end to our stay."
"Your presence was more than enough. The only thing I want is for you and Emma to solve things and maybe come back someday." She smiles and Killian sees no other possibility than to hug the woman with everything he has got. Everyone takes their turn thanking Ingrid and Mary Margaret and they even exchange numbers to share the best recipes.
"Mate, would you be okay with me stealing the place next to your wife?" He asks David. He has a lot to discuss with Mary Margaret. Killian knows Emma so well but he's undecided about what actions he should take. Mary Margaret is the only one who might know Emma better than he does. Hopefully she can provide some guidance.
"Alright with me. I'll go sit with Graham and Tina."
"Thank you." He walks towards the car with Theo and his mother in it.
"Are you joining us?" She asks when he opens the door and the two become visible.
"I am if I may." He waits until Mary Margaret answers.
"Of course. Sweetie, look uncle Killian is driving with us." The boy utters an exciting yelp and Killian laughs. Leave it to him to make him forget his worries for a split second.

"You are sure you don't mind me separating your family?"
"Killian." She glances at him. "We're all family. Do you want to talk about Emma?" He nods. "What is it you're worrying about?"
"To be quite frank, if she'll ever forgive me. What I did was terrible and she unmistakably suffered. I know I don't want to lose her. Just as long she'll have me, in whatever way she'd like, I'll be content."
"That is quite a profession of love." Mary Margaret looks impressed.
"It shouldn't come as a surprise considering you all apparently knew."
"You weren't entirely subtle. It's the way you look at Emma and she looks at you. It's the look of pure, unadulterated true love." When she says that, Killian gradually understands. According to Mary Margaret, Emma's feelings for him are of the same profoundness as his. Talking to Emma has never been this important.
"Is she ever going to forgive me?" He wants an earnest answer. Killian doesn't want to receive any false hope.
"I'm certain that the reason why she ran away wasn't even because of the hoax. At most a little part. It was because what she felt and the confirmation that you felt it too. It scared her and so she ran. It's what she does. Or used to do. It's been awhile since anything has freaked her out to that point. Now you just need to show her that there's nothing to be afraid of."


The numbers on the clock show that it's just past noon and Emma still feels like shit. She didn't sleep once the entire car ride and when Olaf dropped her off, and after giving him a warm embrace, she closed the curtains and got into bed. When she reaches her bathroom, she discovers that she looks like shit too. Still wearing her pink and zebra print pajamas, hair a complete mess, her eyes puffy and red patches of skin on her neck. She looks like a train wreck, she feels guilty. Incredibly guilty. Emma just left without leaving her friends any hint or message where she was going. It will be hard to explain why she decided to get out of there but it has been almost 12 hours since she left and they haven't heard anything from her. She turns on her phone. Right after Olaf picked her up, she shut it off. She knew that she was going to receive calls from Killian and Emma didn't want that. As soon as she taps her pin code, the calls flood in. There are a total of 32 missed calls. 11 from Killian, 7 from Mary Margaret, 6 from David, she got 4 from Graham and four more from an unknown number. Probably Ingrid or Tina's one. There are also several voicemail messages. Emma puts her thumb against her lips. Should she listen to them? She stares at the screen.

"Emma, I know I went over the line and I'm sorry." Killian's voice says when she presses the phone icon. Another one starts playing after the beep.

"Hi, Emma. Please answer. This silence is deafening. I'll make it up to you. I am so very sorry."

"Emma, come on. Just let me know you're okay." A stern statement. The little outburst is over and his voice becomes softer. "I already miss you." After 8 messages from Killian, it's Mary Margaret's turn.

"Emma, I don't know what happened but Killian has been up for the entire night and he'd surely appreciate it if you replied."

"Come on, Emma. Respond. Give some sign of life." Then Killian's voice returns. It brings tears to Emma's eyes. He sounds so incredibly distraught.

"We're all worried sick about you, Emma. Let us know you're okay. It doesn't have to be me, any of us will do. Just answer, please." She stops the call, she can't handle more. Emma needs to let them know she's okay but not by calling one of her friends. They'll be so mad and she can't take anything else. She could try calling back the unknown number. It would be good if it was Tina's and even better if she got a hold of Ingrid. Those are the best people she can call right now. They're with the rest and they don't know Emma well enough to give her a hard time.

"Hello?" Ingrid's composed voice answers the call.
"Hi Ingrid. It's Emma."
"Emma, dear. We were so worried."
"I'm very sorry I left without telling you and I ruined the entire vacation. I wanted to say that and also that I'm okay and I'm back in Storybrooke. Could you tell my friends that?"
"Oh, but they're not here anymore." Ingrid says. Emma frowns her eyebrows.
"They're not?"
"They're on their way to you."
"All of them?"
Ingrid hums
"Yes."
"When did they leave?" She needs to know how much margin she has before they are in Storybrooke.
"Two hours ago."
"Thank you, Ingrid." Her eyes go back to the clock. "I'll definitely call you back some time later."
"You do that and take care of yourself, Emma."
"I will." The only question now is how. If they left two hours ago, she still has about three or four hours to do... what exactly? The only thing she really needs to do is send a message that she's alright and her friends will be happy with that, won't they? There's no need to come all the way to her apartment to check how she is if she says that she's fine. She can just send Graham and David a text. They'll tell the rest.


"David says he just received a text from Emma that says and I quote: I'm home, safe. Please don't worry about me, I'm fine. Just need some time, I guess. Emma." Mary Margaret reads the text she received from her husband.
"I shouldn't go, should I?" If she needs time, the plan he and Mary Margaret came up with is not going to work. At all. It would be a total catastrophe.
"What are you saying? Of course you are."
"Mary Margaret, she just said-"
"Emma has gotten enough time. I love the girl to pieces but she's not getting more time than she already had. I've known her long enough to know that time is not going to help. You need to go there immediately and talk it out." Mary Margaret leaves no room for dispute. "Maybe not immediately but after eating something because I'm very hungry." Mary Margaret smiles at him and Killian smiles back. Even if Mary Margaret and he don't go as far back as David and he or aren't as close as he is with Emma, he's still very lucky to be able to call her a friend.
"Sounds good to me."

He wants nothing more than to get in his bed and sleep. He worried the entire night over Emma's disappearance and just spent 5 hours in a car, he's exhausted. But there are more important matters than sleep at the moment. Emma for instance. He's standing before her door, thinking of the best way to handle this. The one he chose last night (is it only that long ago? It feels like an eternity) was a poor one. Killian has to make sure this one is better. He reaches in his back pocket. It's still there. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. His hand knocks on the door. His heart is racing. This moment is going to be decisive for the rest of his life. She doesn't open the door but speaks through it. It seems that she's not surprised by his visit.

"Killian, I said I needed time." Emma says. She most likely looked through the small looking hole in the wood.
"I know."
"Great." It signals the end of the conversation. She isn't opening the door but he needs to see her.
"Emma, wait. Can I come in for a second?"

It's silent for a while and Killian fears that she already left but eventually the door reveals the inside of her flat and Emma. Hair put up in a loose bun. Wearing an oversized sweater.

Killian has list of moments where seeing Emma entirely changes his emotions. There is the first time they met and their first real talk. The moment where he finally saw her after three months at Neverland and all the love for her returned with an even greater quantity. Emma, gorgeously dressed, dancing with him. The list goes on and he adds today, the second the relief washes over him that she is indeed alright.

They walk to her living room and she turns around, notifying him he needs to say what he needs to say.
"I'm not asking for atonement for what I did. I just want to make sure you are indeed alright. I understand if you never want to see me again. I deserve it. I did something so idiotic and I wish I could take it back." Emma flinches but it's so fast that Killian isn't even sure it happened. "I'll go. I just want to give you this." His hand goes to his back pocket and takes the box out. "You forgot it and I know how much you liked it. I'm afraid I forgot your luggage in the car but I'm sure Mary Margaret will keep them safe for you." He lays the black square in her open hand and she closes her fingers around it. "Goodbye, Emma." This is a complete disaster. He's walking away from her. The love of his life. She didn't forgive him. She barely even talked. He wants to believe that they can go back to being friends but he just can't see how. Mary Margaret was clearly wrong. Emma's feelings aren't the same. The doorknob is grabbed by his hand and he opens the door. Killian wants to turn around so badly. He wants to see her. It may be the last time that she'd let him but he doesn't. He keeps his gaze right in front of him and closes the door. He clenches his jaw. His five fingers are joined together in a fist. He can't make himself leave the hallway.

"Killian, wait!" As soon as he hears her voice, he turns around. Emma's facial expression has completely changed. The indifference is completely gone and hurt filled its place. Her green eyes have a watery edge.
"You regret saying you loved me?" As soon as the words leave her mouth, Killian approaches her.
"No! Unquestionably not, Emma." She looks relieved. That's a good sign. "Ignoring the bad outcome, saying I loved you was one of the best choices I made. I regret persuading you to pretend we're together. I didn't do it with bad intentions. I'm a firm believer in good form. I just got swept away by my feelings during the act." She glances away from him.
"I'm sorry for what I did." Killian creases his forehead.
"What are you saying sorry for? I am the one who needs to apologize."
"I've had some time to think about everything that happened the last 24 hours. The worst part is that I wasn't even that mad at you for not telling the truth." The tears are threatening to spill over. "I feel so guilty. I brought you and everyone so much worry. Just because I was too stubborn to stay. Too afraid of the situation. During the stay I just kept wishing that it could be real, that we could be real but that wasn't possible because you didn't love me. And then you told me you did and suddenly everything became real. I just freaked out and I didn't know what to do and so I ran. Apparently that's the only thing I'm good at." She wipes her freshly fallen tears off the apple of her cheek. "I really regret it. I was planning on staying in my apartment for an indefinite time. That way I wasn't going to be confronted with your hate."
"Emma, why would you think we hate you? I told them what happened and they understand." He wants to take her in his arms and let no room for any feeling besides love but he can't yet. She has to say it.
"And you? Do you hate me?"
"No! Of course not. I love you, Emma Swan. No matter what you've done."
"Okay, good. Because I love you too." There it was. Or there they were. The four words Killian has waited four years on. Ever since he realized that she had his heart since the beginning. He walks towards her and takes her face in his hands. They stand there. Breathing each other in, foreheads pressed against one and another. Green irises drowning in blue ones and a pair of blue eyes getting lost in green.
"Can you forgive me?" she whispers.
"Emma, my love, there's nothing to forgive. I do love you." Emma smiles, her cheeks still wet with warm drops. Killian takes one of his hands off her face and intertwines it with hers. "I don't think I'll get used to saying I love you."
"I won't either." Emma goes to stand on her tiptoes and kisses him. It's the first time Killian is kissing her. For real. When he did last times he didn't know he had already captured her heart for a while. They lost so many time being so blind. If they acted sooner on it, it would most definitely have spared them some heartache. It all happened and there's nothing to do about it. It took them some time but they are together, at last. The kiss began as a soft one, a tender one but it's turning into a passionate one fast. Their tongues collide again and again and Emma moans. Killian breaks the kiss apart.

"Swan, don't take this the wrong way, I love kissing you but maybe we can do it in a more private place?" They are standing pressed against each other and the hallway's wall. An elderly lady is walking in the hall, taking in the scene before her and shaking her head. She mutters something about young people these days and disappears into her flat. Emma laughs and Killian, more because of her enamouring smile and out of pure happiness, starts chuckling as well.
"Let's."

She opens the door to her apartment, their hands still connected and they walk in. He has been in Emma's flat enough times to know that she's leading him towards the bedroom. Killian steps over Emma's colorful pajamas from last night and goes sit on the bed. Emma starts kissing him again and puts her hands around his. Her legs do the same behind his back. They are both heavily breathing and Emma fiddles with his jumper. Their lips lose each other when the garment is lifted over his head by her, but they are soon reunited. They are both panting when Killian breaks them apart, once again.
"Emma, this is going to sound so out of place and possibly out of character. Definitely right now. It's just that I've not slept for a long time and the only thing I can think of right now is laying my head down and sleeping." Emma can't contain herself and her laugh bubbles out of her. He doesn't mind, it's a gorgeous sound. She unlinks her legs from behind him and gets of his lap. She pushes him down and lies next to him in the bed. "Do you mind?" Killian asks. She shakes her head.
"You're tired. We have more than enough time to do more enjoyable activities." Emma grins and winks at him."And also, it's sleeping. You really think I'm going to say no to that?"


She's lying in bed with Killian. They're facing each other and she looks up at his face. She had seen the scars that the lack of sleep and the worry had given him the moment she opened the door. Emma was expecting an angry Killian, who was going to tell her she had to leave him alone because she treated him like crap but on the contrary: he came to make sure she was okay, to tell her he would leave her alone. He loves her. He has been in love with her for over six years. Emma isn't sure when it happened for her. In a way, it's always been like this. Killian held her back to go forward with anyone else. Walsh never got an invitation for dinner with the group because of Killian. Because of him sitting at that table. She was considering Walsh's proposal even when he hadn't come to dinner. Killian was gone and she didn't know if anyone was going to love her like Walsh did. She had feelings for him but they weren't comparable to those she felt for Killian. Who was she to decline the proposal of someone who loved her and for whom she cared? Killian left to Maryland, she had to get used to life without him. Emma has never been happier about the whole Walsh fiasco. Imagine she accepted his proposal, life would be extremely different. She would have to pretend Killian Jones didn't own her heart. She doesn't anymore. She smiles to herself. They love each other. Emma traces the scar on his left cheek with her free hand. The marks of the sleep deprivation are vanishing under Emma's gaze.
"I love you." she whispers to a sleeping Killian. She moves her body closer to him and closes her eyes as well. She knows she'll wake up with her hand linked with Killian but this time, it will not scare her. It will put her at ease.

A/N: The ending is cute, isn't it ;) The next chapter is the last one of this fic and the epilogue, so we are nearing the end. You can expect it in a week or so. As always reviews are very beloved by me.