I walked around school like a zombie the following day. I hadn't slept much. I'd spent the night thinking about how I'd inadvertently clued Jay in on everything that was going on. If he had suspicions, I knew it couldn't be long before the word got back to Spin.
Jay, annoying as he could be, was right for once. Spinner probably wouldn't be very forgiving if he found out I was keeping this from him. The only thing running through my mind was how he hadn't even thought twice about replacing Peter in Studz. Peter messed up once and was completely shut out in a matter of days. It'd take him about five minutes to replace me at the Dot. It would probably take even less to replace me as a friend.
When I wasn't torturing myself with trying to predict at what moment Spin would kick me to the curb, I was torturing myself trying to figure out exactly what Jay meant when he said Spinner is grateful for me. Is it because of the night he got shot? Or is it something more? Did he like the fact that I had spent months smitten with him? Is it some sort of ego boost to keep me around? Or is he just glad we're friends, in the simplest sense? Did it even matter?
Yeah, I guess it matters. There have been times in this last year where Spin was the only person I could even count on. Sure, he fired me once, but I sort of deserved it. Plus, he'd been there for me when I had some of my lowest times. When the entire school had turned against me because of some juvenile FaceRange group, Spin understood why I couldn't come to work. If lost him as a friend, the only person I would have to fall back on was that yo-yo Anya.
It's crazy how one thing can weigh on your mind so much. I hadn't been able to focus on schoolwork. I had barely put a thought into what I was wearing. Worst of all, I hadn't made fun of a Niner in days. I'd turned into one of those lame chicks who let their entire world be rocked by some guy. I'm just not good with secrets. This scandal had really buried my whole aura.
When Jane showed up at my locker before class, I did all I could to leave the zombie version of myself to the wayside.
"Holly J! I have some big babysitting bucks for you!" she said enthusiastically. It was weird. I had never seen Jane do enthusiasm until I found out her secret. It's like she was trying to placate me with exclamation points or something.
"Cool. Thanks, Jane," I said as she handed me a twenty. I forced a smile.
"Hey, I know things were weird yesterday, but I didn't realize you and Declan were still hanging out. It kind of caught me off-guard," I continued. Jane's lips tightened and I could tell she was starting to get annoyed.
"It's not hanging out. It's homework," she replied coldly.
"It doesn't matter what it is. You told me you wouldn't see him anymore," I said, standing my ground.
"I'm not seeing him and I don't need you keeping tabs on me."
"You came into my place of work. It's hardly keeping tabs."
"Don't get weird on me about this, Holly J. You're the one who told me to stay with Spin in the first place!"
"I'm weird? You're the one who got weird. I only said to stick with Spin because I thought you weren't going to see Declan anymore."
"Stop saying it like that!"
"Like what, Jane?"
"Like I'm seeing Decs. I'm not. It's just school stuff."
"Cute nickname," I shot back.
"We? Are no longer discussing this. I've gotta go. I can't do lunch today. Just forget everything, Holly J. I know you pine for my boyfriend, but this has nothing to do with you."
Before I could get another word in, Jane was halfway down the hall.
"Darkside love affair, out of time and in a rush."
