Sometimes Yuuri would wonder if anyone at work would even notice if he was not there. He sat at his desk, softly banging his head on his desk hating every minute there. His coworkers were boring, the office was plain, his job was tedious. He knew that if he left, they would just get someone else with a degree to fill his spot. Nothing about the job was special or meaningful. Nor what he had planned. He did not even personalize his desk. He had his laptop, his messenger bag, and his tea mug. His other coworkers had their desks littered in pictures drawn by their kids, family photos, pet photos, special mugs claiming 'World's Best' something.

Yuuri looked down at his mug. An old college one. Probably the most personal thing he kept at work. His boss always told him he could bring things in for his desk, to feel more at home. Yuuri got a pen cup and some generic pens at the store. He had files on his desk and he kept them somewhat neat and would just work. Not at this moment, no, he was still banging his head lightly on his desk. Curious if were he to get up and just leave, whether they would even realize it? He was sure they would by the deadline of the project, when he did not promptly turn in his work.

This was not how he had planned his life. Being almost 27, stuck in a job he loathed and living back home tucked away in a tiny apartment near his parents. He knew there was something more for him, but what? That was what he did not know. He felt he was walking through motions but he was not living. This was not living. Where was the excitement? Where was the adventure?

He had one friend at work. Another guy around his age, but he worked on the other side of the building. They would meet up for lunch and complain about how much they hate their jobs. It made things easier and gave him something to look forward to at least while at work. Most of the time he sat watching the clock, waiting for the evening to come. Normally he would go by the church or to his mother's for dinner.

Banging his head even harder on his desk, he saw just how truly sad his life was. A dead end job, dinner at his mother's, and a crush on his priest. Groaning he sat up, and then realized that though he had been banging his head on his desk for quite some time, no one had seemed to notice. He shook his head, grabbing his mug and heading to the break room. Maybe a cup of tea would help.

Back at his desk, his mother called to confirm if he was stopping by for dinner. It was not one of the nights he would go work at the church so he agreed. He did love the time he spent with his parents for the years he was away; he truly had missed them. His sister had gone off and married and was pregnant with her first child, and his parents were over the moon. His mother would ask him when was he going to settle down and raise a family. He did not have the heart to tell her that would never happen.

Pulling up at his mother's that evening after work, he saw an unfamiliar car in the driveway. Groaning immediately he knew what that meant. He was about to back out the driveway and just go home when his mother came out waving at him. Plastering a smile on his face, he turned off the car and got out, hugging his mother.

"Mother what have you done?"

"Why Yuuri, whatever do you mean?"

"Mother, I see another car in the driveway…"

"Oh that is just a friend Yuuri, now come, I want you to meet her!"

And there is was. Yuuri groaned. "Mother… Again?"

"Yuuri now stop it. She is a nice pretty girl from church. I invited her to dinner. Now come be nice." His mother pulled him into the house.

As they walked into the kitchen, Yuuri saw a girl with long brown hair standing by the counter sipping on tea.

"Yuuri, this is Sara. You probably know her from church. Sara, my son Yuuri."

Yuuri looked over to the girl. She was pretty, he had to give her that. Violet eyes, long brown hair, curves where they should be. He knew she was very attractive, and he knew he should feel lucky she was there smiling at him in his mother's kitchen, no matter how odd the situation was. He held his hand out and greeted her kindly.

"I am going to go watch the news while the dinner sets. Why don't you two talk." His mother winked at him and he felt like groaning, but he knew better not too. So Yuuri smiled and went to make a cup of tea himself.

"So Yuuri, your mother tells me you are an accountant."

"Yes, what do you do?"

"Oh I am a teacher at the elementary school."

Of course she was. Yuuri could already see his mother planning their wedding. Here he was the accountant, her the teacher. He chuckled softly and she looked at him.

"Oh sorry, was just thinking… never mind. So um… tell me about yourself then." He figured since she was here he might as well be nice. His mother said they had about an hour or so before dinner would be ready. She said Yuuri should take Sara out to the orchards and show her around. He plastered the smile to his face, the smile that never did quite reach his eyes, and walked her outside.

They walked down the line of trees, the wind blowing and the flowers more so in bloom than the last time he was out there. He figured it was easy to talk about which tree was what, and the orchard. It was easier than talking about himself. She seemed to really be listening to everything he said. As the wind would blow, her dress would dance around her thighs, and Yuuri knew if he was attracted to her, this would be driving him crazy.

He was showing her a tree he used to climb as a kid and she got to giggling. "Oh Yuuri. You should always climb trees! When you stop climbing trees it truly means you have grown up! Come on!" She had grabbed the branch and started to lift her leg. Yuuri thought this was odd as she was wearing a dress but she smiled at him and hopped on the branch. He had to laugh for a moment and he grabbed the branch as well climbing up.

They sat in the tree, watching out around them in the orchard. Birds flying by and insects buzzing. It was actually all too perfect. The only problem was, he wasn't here with who he wanted to be there with. He knew most guys would fight and claw to be where he was with a beautiful girl next to him. A girl who he realized was sitting all too close to him all of a sudden on the branch with her head on his shoulder.

"You could really lose yourself out here, couldn't you Yuuri?" He nodded. He used to lose himself all the time in the orchard as a child. He knew exactly what she meant. She lifted her head and looked him, her eyes were mesmerizing, he had to admit that. "I am glad your mother invited me Yuuri, I've seen you at church… I wanted to get to know you…" She brushed his hair behind his ear. "I see you in church, you always seem so happy and smiling. I would like to get to know you better Yuuri."

Yuuri was not sure what to say; normally he just went to dates then just would not call them for another date. This woman here was interested in him, and out in the orchard with him. Reminded him of the night he had Father Victor out in the orchard with him. Thinking of it now, that was who he would rather be out here with.

They chatted some more and then got down and headed back to the house, figuring dinner was almost ready. They were laughing as they got to the back door when it swung open and he saw Father Victor smiling at them both. "Oh Yuuri! Sara! Lovely you are back. Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes!"

Sara smiled and tightened her hold on Yuuri's arm, smiling. "Oh Father Vic! So good to see you! What brings you here?" As they walked in, Sara let go of his arm and then promptly hooked her arm back through his once they were back in the kitchen.

"Well I was at the store, getting something for dinner, when I ran into Yuuri's father. He said he could not allow me to go home and eat a TV dinner when we all know Yuuri's mother is the best cook in town!" He was smiling widely and Yuuri was captivated. Those aqua eyes always seemed alive and bright. He did not know how the man did it. Even in simple clothing, he was stunning. He felt himself drawn into those eyes, then the tug on his arm snapped him back to reality. Sara was pulling him into the dining room.

They sat on one side of the table, as his mother and Father Victor sat on the other side and his father at the head. The dinner was amazing and they all kept a polite conversation. Sara really was a sweet girl, and very easy to get along with. He did realize this. He did not feel stiff and uncomfortable – but he also knew he felt no attraction toward her, regardless how beautiful she was.

"Yuuri, did you know Sara and her brother both do a lot of work with the youth groups at church?" his mother was telling him.

This caused Sara and his mother to talk about different things that were going on, and his mother volunteering him to help.

"Oh the Yard Sale Saturday? Yes! Yuuri, I am sure you wouldn't mind helping Sara setup, now would you?" his mother asked.

He could feel those aqua eyes set on him and he shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, I could help. No problem." Sara smiled, as did his mother and Father Victor.

"Yuuri, that is great. I will be there as well. Our youth group has an amazing set of young adults and even better leaders. This will be exciting." Father Victor replied. That smile again, those eyes. He looked over and saw Sara smiling over at him as well and she had taken her hand and placed it on top of his. When he looked back over to Father Victor, he saw the smile was gone, and his eyes fixed on their hands.

After dinner Sara wanted to go back out to the orchards. Of course his mother sent them right on outside. The sun was low and if he did not know better, it was romantic. Sara was a ball of chatter and was flipping her hair and smiling the best she could. Yuuri really did think it was cute, just that was all.

They worked their way halfway through the orchard before Sara stopped and started to fiddle with the flowers on a branch and was looking at Yuuri. He could find himself wishing her eyes were aqua and not violet. Wishing she were taller… wishing she was someone else. He tried to push those thoughts out of his head as he knew it was hopeless. She was easy to talk with, and comfortable to be around. She would loop her arm in his as they walked. When they walked their way back, before exiting the orchards, she got on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

"Yuuri, I had a lot of fun tonight. I always hate these things when my parents try to set me up… but I didn't tonight." She was blushing and looking down at her sandals. Yuuri did have a good night, though he wish he could feel something more. She was very beautiful, maybe if he tried hard enough…. No no, that was not fair to her.

"Can I see you again Yuuri?"

Without thought he nodded as inside his head was screaming NO. Sara smiled at him and they made plans for dinner in a few nights before the yard sale.


Of all the times to be invited to dinner. Father Victor was thrilled to have run into Mr. Katsuki, and even more thrilled when he was invited to dinner. Mrs. Katsuki was hands down one of the best cooks in town, and invites there were golden. Being as it was a not a night Yuuri came by to work on the books, he was also hoping he would be there.

When he got to their house, he parked on the street as there were already other cars in the driveway. He was noticed an extra car and he knew exactly whose it was. He felt like just leaving right then and there, but that since Mr. Katsuki had invited him, it would seem odd if he just left. Grabbing the bottle of wine, he went up to the front door with Mr. Katsuki and went inside.

"Oh Father Victor! So lovely to see you!" She took the wine then leaned over to kiss her husband hello.

"Yes dear, he was buying a pitiful frozen dinner at the store, I could not let him leave with that."

"Yes yes, you are right. And I am glad you are here! Father Victor, Yuuri took Sara out to the orchards, you are more than welcome to sit with Toshiya as he watches the news."

"That sounds perfect. Thank you."

"Would you like tea or wine, Father Victor?"

"Wine will be good."

They went to settle in the sitting room and his mind was being drawn to Yuuri. He knew exactly why Sara was here. She was a beautiful single woman in the church. Her and her brother did a lot of work with the youth, and he was sure Sara and Yuuri's parents set this all up. Sara was a beautiful girl and full of life. She was an elementary school teacher, lived quietly and was always willing to volunteer at church. If there was someone Father Victor would set up with Yuuri, it would be her.

Though he did not want that. Secretly he did not. He would not allow himself to admit it, but it was eating at him. Knowing he was in the house, watching news, While Yuuri and Sara were out in the orchard. He drank his glass of wine too quickly and decided a cup of tea was in order; he did not want to drink too much.

In the kitchen while the water was heating, he could see two figures working their way back towards the house. As they got closer, he could see the laughter and smiles. It was good seeing Yuuri like that, and though something nagged at him, he tried to ignore it. He continued to watch them come up the hill to the back door and before he could stop himself, he was opening the door for them, trying his damnedest to make his smile genuine. Somehow Sara could not keep herself from wrapping her arm around Yuuri's the entire time.

He could not tell you what was made for dinner; he ate but he could not taste it. He could not tell you most of the conversation had. He could tell you Sara would continue to pat Yuuri's hand, rub his shoulder and look over at him smiling. Father Victor knew he would need to pray over this. He should not be feeling this way, he should not be having these thoughts. He could feel the guilt building in him, but he could feel his anger build on top of it. He could feel the jealousy stirring inside and the lust swirl and meet. He was feeling too many things at once and thought he was going to just lose it right there during dinner.

Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body [is] not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. ( 1 Corinthians 6:13)

He knew he had to get out of there. After dinner he helped clear out the dishes and he watched as Yuri and Sara go back outside to walk. He stood at the kitchen window as the two started their journey down to the orchard when he saw Yuuri turn and lock eyes with him. Yuuri gave him a sad smile then turned back focusing ahead of him.

As much as he wanted to leave, he did not want to be rude, so he accepted tea and sat with the Katsukis and chatted a bit after dinner. Father Victor was curious how long Yuuri would stay out in the orchard with Sara, but he also knew he did not want to think too hard about it. Yuuri would be at the church office tomorrow, then they had the youth group's yard sale. He knew Sara would be at the yard sale too, but he knew the youth would be pulling her in a million directions.

After an hour, Father Victor thought that was reasonable timing to excuse himself and head home. Go home to his quiet, lonely cabin in the woods. Go home and not think about Yuuri in the orchard with Sara. Go home and pray to the Lord over the feelings he is having. He just needed to go home.

He sat in his living room reading and listening to music. His bottle wine now long empty and he was feeling the weight of the day. He had prayed over his thoughts, he had done Rosaries, yet he still was not feeling better. He continued to pray, pray that he would stop having these feelings, pray he would be able to just go back to leading his parish, and pray he could get Yuuri out of his mind.

That night Yuuri riddled his dreams. He was out in the orchard again. Though in his dreams, he was brave enough to lean in and kiss Yuuri. In his dream Yuuri had wrapped his arms around him, welcoming the kiss and moaning into it. In his dream he could feel Yuuri pressed tightly against him, his body trembling and warm. In his dreams he was not a priest.

He woke up to his cock hard and his body covered in sweat. Fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right. Groaning he threw his shirt off and fell back on the pillows. This was not good. Not good at all. Sighing heavily, he looked up to the ceiling and just did not know what to do anymore. He was fine before all this. He never questioned anything about his choices. The minute he laid eyes on Yuuri, it all changed. He questioned everything in his life.

How in the world was he going to get through tomorrow?

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ( Colossians 3:5)


Yuuri would be coming by that evening. He felt nervous and giddy at all the same time. He felt shame for looking forward to it so much. He knew from everything in his learning, from his Holy Orders, that everything in his mind right now was sinful. He could not help but think of how Yuuri looked in the moonlight, under the orchard tree, in the kitchen that evening, even sitting in his office going over numbers.

Pulling out his rosary, fingers moving over the beads, doing ten beads in a row, five in a loop. Concentrating, the prayer was not working. His thoughts still went to Yuuri each time. Those eyes, full of innocence and wonder, staring at him.

He groaned and set the rosary down. It was his past lover's rosary he was carrying around. It almost made him feel guilty, but keeping it close by reminded him why he did what he did. It reminded him his oath and love for God.

Then there was Sara in the mix now. Sure, they had just met, but it seemed as if they were hitting it off well. Why wouldn't they? Yuuri was an amazing guy, Sara was a charming woman. They would be perfect together. They had a lot in common and if they hung out more, they could really hit it off. This made him feel sick. The thought of Yuuri with someone else. Hugging them, kissing them… he stopped that train of thought immediately.

Struggling with what to do, he sat back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. He had not slept well the night before, his dreams being riddled with Yuuri. Those eyes, his smile and laugh. Remembering the evening in the orchard, how much it was taking from him not to lean in and just press his lips to his. It would have been so easy. Yuuri looked as if he would have accepted it. Those eyes going wide, pupils enlarging, it would have been so easy…. But his phone rang. He figured it was a message from God. Of all the times for it to ring.

The kiss by the car had been on an impulse. Just a kiss on the cheek. Yuuri seemed stunned, but he did not back away. He stood there with that expression that made him want to hug him and to laugh. Checking the time again, he knew Yuuri would soon be there. Getting up, he went to the small kitchen in the church and started preparing some tea. Yuuri seemed to have a liking for green tea, so he thought starting the kettle could occupy him for a few minutes.

Walking back to his office, he could feel the anticipation building inside him. Being around Yuuri made him happy. He felt lighter, he felt giddy, he felt he had a reason to look forward to the next day. The way he had been going through life the last few years, consumed by God and his duty, made him wonder what life was really about. Sure he could serve his parish, he could serve God, but was he living? Before he began serving the Lord, he was living wrong. He was taking advantage of everything he had. Then he was living, not loving. He thought what he felt for his lost lover was love, but after being in the church, and being around Yuuri, he questioned everything.

He needed a middle ground with both. Life and Love. He would either have one or the other. Never together.

How had a few short weeks with this young man make him question everything in his life? How he lived and how he was living. He set the cups down on the desk and sat back in his chair (fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right); he prayed to God for the ability to work through this. To find the balance between life and love. To somehow even manage it all with Yuuri.

He heard the light knock on the door, even though it was open. Opening his eyes he looked to see Yuuri standing there. He had his messenger bag slung across his body and a blank expression.

"Good evening Father Nikiforov."

"Haven't I told you, Father Vic is more than acceptable?"

"Every time…"

"Please Yuuri, every time, Father Vic is more than okay."

"Sorry, Father Victor." Yuuri would then blush. They went through this every time they met. It was almost endearing.

Yuuri had come in and set his messenger bag on the extra chair, getting his laptop out.

"So how was your day, Yuuri?"

Yuuri grunted a bit, "Terrible, just glad it is over, really." He was setting up his laptop.

"Oh? Anything you care to talk about?"

Yuuri looked at him, almost as if he was considering it, then shook his head. "No, it is fine Father Victor. Just been really… busy." It seemed like there was something more, something he was holding back, but he did not to press or pressure him.

"I made tea – I know you like green tea."

Yuuri sat down and grabbed the cup, closing his eyes he brought the cup to his lips and sipped it. He could have sworn he saw all Yuuri's day's troubles wash away. Yuuri relaxed back in the chair for a moment as his laptop was powering up.

"Thank you Father Victor. My mother swears tea can cure all." He took another sip. He kept watching how his bottom lip would poke out a bit as he brought the cup to his mouth. Pulling the cup away there was a drop of tea to the corner of his mouth, and not thinking, Father Victor took his thumb and brushed it away. Yuuri looked at him, his eyes wide open and a blush across his cheeks. The sound of the computer booted up startled them both: Yuuri jumped a bit and started putting in his password.

They were silent as Yuuri brought up the program they were working in. Father Victor took the book out and got comfortable in the chair next to Yuuri. He did not know what it was that made him constantly want to reach out to Yuuri, but he always found himself touching him or wanting to touch him. Even now as they sat next to one another his shoulder was touching Yuuri's. He felt at peace when he did this. It was intimate, but it was innocent. At least this is what he told himself.

He could tell Yuuri was not as relaxed today as he was most of the other days. Normally he came in all smiles and just talked on and on about different things. Today he had greeted him with a blank expression – then he had gone quiet.

"Yuuri, You are tense."

"I'm fine."

"Yuuri… If there…"

"I said I am fine!" Yuuri spat back, not looking at him. He was not ready for this. His face was hard and stern. Something was wrong and bothering him. Yuuri finally turned to look at him. His eyes were hard and seemed far away in thought. Brushing a few strands of hair that fell on his forehead, he continued looking into those eyes.

"Yuuri, something is wrong. I am not only your priest, but I would hope you saw me as your friend too."

Yuuri groaned, covering his face with his hands and barely whispered out, "Maybe that is part the problem."

"What was that?"

"Nothing! Nothing… let's get back to work."

He was not use to seeing Yuuri like this. He was so tense and he was so closed off. Normally he could sit and relax, but he could feel emotions coming off of Yuuri and they bled into him. All he wanted to do was to reach over and take his hand and have him speak to him. He wanted to tell him what ever was going on, everything would be okay. Instead he sat silently next to him, praying that whatever was going on with him would pass smoothly.

He did not try to speak for a long time. Just sat next to Yuuri. Leaning back, watching him as he typed out the numbers. He could see Yuuri concentrating and taking out whatever frustrations on his keyboard. It was so hard to just sit there and watch this happening in front of him. After an hour of this, he could not take it anymore.

"Yuuri, why don't we just call it a day," he sighed out.

Yuuri did not even look over him. "No I am fine. If you have things to do, I can finish up here."

He couldn't help it, and he put his hand on his forearm. He heard Yuuri's sharp intake of air when his hand touched his arm and he had stopped typing. He watched Yuuri close his eyes and take in a deep slow breath. Leaving his eyes closed Yuuri said, "Father Victor, I am okay, I promise… just… just let me finish this part up." Yuuri put his hand on top of his on his arm. That hand felt so soft and warm on his. It felt right.

"Okay finish up, then let's walk to the diner. I am in the mood for a hamburger and milkshake." He saw Yuuri relax and give half a smile. It took him a few minutes to get to a stopping point and then went to pack up his stuff.

"Just leave your bag; we can come back and pick it up – I'll lock my office." Yuuri nodded and they headed off. They walked a block silently then he couldn't take it anymore. "So you're going to help Saturday at the yard sale?"

"Yeah, seems like it would be fun. Plus it is for the church and youth. I think mom wanted me to come get some things for it tomorrow after work."

"Ah, your mother. Bless her. Such an amazing woman." He knew what he wanted to ask Yuuri, and yet he could not figure out how to ask him how yesterday evening in the orchard went without seeming nosey. "Sara is a really sweet girl."

Yuuri stopped and just stared at were on the sidewalk headed to the diner. Yuuri just stared at him, and he tilted his head, looking at him back, trying to read his expression. He was not sure what it was. He saw Yuuri's shoulders slump and he started walking again.

"Yeah, she does seem nice."

"She does a lot with the youth at the church. And she is quite pretty." He looked at Yuuri and winked, watching his cheek turn red and attempt to hide his face.

"Yeah… yeah… um… can we talk about… something…. else?" Yuuri had gotten quiet again.

They had arrived at the diner and went taking two stools at the end of the counter again. When the server showed up, they both ordered milkshakes and Yuuri smiled. Yuuri had relaxed again, but he was still being quiet.

"Yuuri, you are far too quiet today. You worry me."

"I'm sorry, just a lot on my mind. Work and all."

Father Victor could see he was still holding back. Sighing deeply he sipped his milkshake, praying Yuuri would open to him. They could sit easily in a comfortable silence, but that was not what he wanted. He wanted to know what put Yuuri in such a mood.

"I have a date with Sara tomorrow." Yuuri just spit it out before shoving a fry in his mouth.

He almost choked on his soda. His vision went black for a moment. Did Yuuri say date? He really should have seen that happening. "Yuuri… that is wonderful," he managed to say.

"Is it?" Yuuri looked right at him, his eyes challenging him.

He did not know what to say. He could not tell him it was the worst news he had gotten today (and he did a last rite that morning). He put his smile on his face, putting his hand on his shoulder, "Yes Yuuri, Sara is a sweet girl. I could not think of a better person for her to go on a date with." He really did mean that, at least that is what he was telling himself.

Yuuri shrugged and went back to his food. "Fine then."

They did not talk much more at dinner. The walk back to the church was quiet as well. He could hear their steps echo down the hallway to his office.

Opening his door, he did not give Yuuri much room to pass, as he walked by to get his bag, they were face to face. Yuuri paused and just stared in his eyes. His expression was different. Almost pleading, yet he did not say anything. Sighing heavily he continued into the room and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder across his body. Going out the room he did not move and made Yuuri turn sideways, face him sliding by. This time Yuuri looked down as he went past him.

The silence between them was killing Father Victor. He walked Yuuri out to his car and saw him standing there, looking down, shuffling his feet. Everything inside him was ripping apart. Here Yuuri was right here, and the only thing between them was… God.

"Yuuri, have fun tomorrow," he said quietly.

Yuuri looked up at him, a puzzled look on his face. He nodded. Reaching out he patted Yuuri's shoulder and was about to walk away when Yuuri grabbed his arm and then was hugging him. His arms were around his waist and his head buried in his chest. Stunned for a moment he just stood there, saying a silent prayer as his arms went around his shoulders hugging him back. He closed his eyes and placed his chin on the top of his head. The fit of Yuuri to him was perfect.

Finally pulling away he looked into those brown eyes, "I'll see you Saturday Yuuri." He turned and left. He did not wait for Yuuri to get in his car. If he stayed he would do something he would regret later or damn him to hell.