Thanls to all reviewers. Well, thinking about it, I believe I will write the next chapter on Sunday.
Romance 4-ever: A second letter. I take your wish as my order.
CEA: Thanks. I already have a beta-reader, but her internet doesn't work. So I'm left outside alone. Hope it's not too bad.
Strawberry Blonde Chick: Addicted? Hm. Sounds like I have to finish this smiles.
Arabella Figg: Romantic? Think about the poor John! (Okay, who actually cares?!)
Morgan-Alex: There it is. Thanks for reviewing.
Human natureChapter Four: All good things must end
When the pain began to come regularly, Minerva McGonagall knew that she was really ill.
And when Poppy sent her to St. Mungos, she knew that it was serious.
So when the doctor told her he wanted to speak with her in private, she wasn't very surprised.
"Miss McGonagall", the elder man said, "I'm afraid to tell you that you have a serious disease that we call Aestortiae. It's a very aggressive form of what the Muggles call cancer."
She nodded. "What healing methods do you suggest?"
The doctor lent back in his chair. "There is none".
She stayed calm. "How long?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. Years. Months."
Minerva stood up. "Thank you, doctor. Though the result is not quite what I expected, I think it's good to know where the pain comes from".
"If I can help you in any way" he gave her his card.
She nodded, then went out the door.
While leaving, she threw the card in a dustbin.
Back in her bureau, Minerva sat down in her chair.
And again, the same old question was spinning in her head.
What now?
All the years, she had thought that, someday, the perfect moment would come to confess that she had written the love letter, to confess that she loved Albus Dumbledore.
But there was no ,someday' anymore.
"Well", she thought, "Maybe it's just not meant to be.
And finally, something inside her broke and she felt some silent tears running over her cheeks.
Impatiently, she wiped them away.
She had to behave logically.
She was now an adult, not a teenager in love.
She had to act reasonable.
But when she had finished packing her bags and looked in a mirror, she suddenly wondered why reasonability hurt so much.
"What do you mean, you're going?" cried a shocked and surprised Poppy as McGonagall had told her all about her disease.
"I think you would understand it. I need silence and prefer not to die while I'm giving a lesson", the woman answered coolly, "I do not want my funeral to be a celebration of some young children that are happy because their lessons are cancelled.
"But I cannot understand Dumbledore, really, that he let's you go"
Minerva looked down.
And suddenly, Poppy understood. "You haven't told him, have you?
"I wrote him a letter. I do not think it's necessary to worry the headmaster with my personal life.
The nursemaid shook her head. "Really, I never imagined you'd turn out as a coward, Miss Minerva McGonagall. That's not usual for Gryffindors.
"I'm not a coward. I just do not think it is worth to waste the headmaster's worthy time with such things.
"Yes, now he will only waste his time with thinking why you didn't tell him personally. You are friends, would you please consider this?
"Oh yes, we are friends", Minerva said cynically. "Good old friends.
Poppy starred at her and after some seconds, she asked: "Isn't that a reason to tell him?
"Now, Poppy, that's a reason not to tell him.
"I don't understand you, Minerva.
All of sudden, the other woman looked tired. "Don't worry. I don't understand either. It doesn't matter. Maybe I'll send you a card.
"Wait! Where are you going?" But she had already left.
Since Minerva's first letter, Dumbledore had received a lot of letters without a trace of the author most written by his enemies.
So when he got the second letter from her, he wasn't too surprised about it.
The surprise came when he recognized the handwriting.
"Dear Albus,
I really hope you can forgive me my cowardice and understand why I am acting the way I act.
I'm leaving this school well, while you're reading this letter, I already left.
It doesn't matter why, let me just say I am ill and do not think it would be good for me if I taught any longer.
Though I really enjoyed teaching, I think it is necessary for me to do this step.
It was really a hard decision to make, but well, someday all good things must end.
If it was possible for me to stay longer, I surely would. Not only because I like teaching, but also because I enjoyed your company and our friendship.
I will really miss our conversations and I want you to know, that you were the reason why I never had the intention to leave, though I would have had the possibility.
Well, you were the reason while I came and you were the reason why I stayed.
I only wanted you to know that.
And now, before I write these last lines, I have a wish and I hope you will respect it: Never try to find me.
I do not want to see you again, because I do not want the destruction of the memory I have of you.
As long as I get no reply of you, I can live in silence.
And because I know you will respect my wish, I am now able to tell you that it was me who wrote the letter you got at my graduation, like you already suspected.
It is also true that I was in love with you and to be totally honest, I am still in love with you. I have been through all the years, but I know that I am not the kind of person that could make you happy.
And so, I was satisfied with being next to you and I think I will miss you the most.
I could never imagine a life without you, but I know it would hurt you more than me to see my life end and I do not want to see you suffer because of someone like me.
If I have lost your respect now, please accept my excuse.
I never thought I could be so foolish, but after all, love is not love, when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove.
I have told myself a thousand times that I should forget you, but I never could.
So in the end, it will be better if we never meet again and I will be able to remember all the good times we had together.
Yours
Minerva McGonagall
