CHAPTER 4
May 7, 2012.
I.
Officially announcing I am staying sober for the rest of the year. Head hurts, fingers... can't type up shit. I wish I can have a golden feather quill and a sex toy to play with.
II.
What the fuck man, I just read my last entry and I think I was on drugs or still drunk. I look it over again and decide drunk.
Why is it that whenever I upload my last entry I set it up in a way that it prevents me from ever changing it? AHHH! Must put password safety over my digital diary. Alas, if Ino ever sees this, she'll never let me live it down.
The most amazing and embarrassing thing happened at last week during the concert while I was drunk.
Well first of all, Ino came into Starbucks on Sunday and asked me how is it going with my interview on Monday. I answered great, and then asked her to pay for my coffee. Because obviously, I'm broke. Then she tossed me this look that showed great disdain but had no choice because she loved me like she loved her pet -and flicked her finger on her credit card and said, "Mhmm.. I am never taking you to a concert again."
"Why?" I asked, busy eying her crystal bracelet. I think one of the beads can feed me and my doppelganger for a week.
"Because you embarrassed the fuck out of me." Ino told me.
I was surprised.
Then she retold me of how it went. Apparently it went like this, and Ino swore she was not exaggerating. I'm not sure if I believe her, but the facts fit. So embarrassing.
The concert was awesome. We were drinking and screaming and yelling. By the end, Ino had somehow gotten us back stage passes, and the two of us went back stage.
Gaara was unavailable at the time, because he was banging a groupie. That's what Ino said anyway. She explained that she can hear screaming and groaning from inside the room, while she fed me cakes and grapes and some breaded stuff. She was being smart. I was drunk to the point of dancing on the table and yelling, "Get the fuck out here Gaara, grandmother said you can't have sex!"
At this point I banged my head on the coffee table and spilled some coffee.
Ino gave me a look and continued on.
So Gaara came out, and looking hot as hellfire. Apparently he doesn't look like some guy who had sex, because he was calm and he asked us how we're doing. Ino answered fine, so at no point in this story had Ino acted like a fool. During the entire time she was as graceful as a princess while I was like a drunken bear. I slouched up to Gaara and asked if he could sign my boob-
"Hold up, hold up." I raised a hand and glared at her. "Seriously?"
Ino shrugged, "Boob, shirt, potato, potahto."
And Gaara was nice enough to sign it. No wonder I woke up with a shirt full of ink. I must've got water on them and he used non-permanent marker.
Damn him.
Anyways so he signed it. And then that's when I saw something extremely embarrassing. I leaned up against him and giggled, "I don't like your music at all, Gaara."
Ino was about to drag me away, but I put my arms around Gaara's neck and whined, "I really don't like your music, it's to~o loud, it's too lo~ud."
And Gaara looked mildly bemused. He didn't ask me to get the fuck out, because he asked me gently, "What kind of music do you like?"
At this point in the story I bolted right up from my coffee seat and hissed, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Ino, tell me I did NOT answer that question!"
She blew on her coffee. "You did. Sorry. I tried everything to drag you away."
Which probably meant she was laughing her head off.
But back to the story.
And I answered. "Classic Jazz."
He was surprised. But he pushed me off of him and the grabbed onto his guitar. The whole room was quiet as he asked if I had any requests. I answered, "I want to hear... I wish you love."
So he drank some honey lemon tea (Ino was unpredictably specific) and begin.
I wish you blue birds, in the spring
To give your heart, a song to sing
Then a kiss, more than this
I wish you love.
In July, a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health, and more than wealth
I wish you love
Ino then described in very specific detail that I was singing along, completely out of tune. Fortunately I was singing in a low whisper so it didn't affect her appreciation of Gaara actually singing jazz, which probably will never actually happen again.
My breaking heart, and I agree
That you and I, will never be
So with my best,
My very best,
I wish you love.
And at this point, Ino said I was bawling my head off and tissues are flying everywhere.
Then she cleared her throat and said, "Oops. I forgot to mention. Your ex-fiancee was there."
I almost reached over the coffee table and grabbed onto her neck, "What?! WHAT!?"
She tossed me a look then said, "Oh, I didn't tell you? Naruto was there the whole time. He's friends with Gaara. He was standing in the corner. We just didn't see him."
"He isn't the guy Gaara was having sex with, was he?" I asked suspiciously.
Ino's eyes sparkled a little, then dimmed, "Damn it. I don't know. I forgot."
"I thought you were sober and graceful at the same time."
"I was. I have selective memory loss."
"Since when!?"
"Since last Friday!" She glared, not wanting to admit that she had probably been tipsy by that point too.
I quickly piped down, and she continued.
So Gaara finished the song, and I was dragging on his sleeve and guitar while crying my head off. That's when Naruto came and tried to stabilize me. I was too busy crying, and Ino stood up and defended me by insisting that I can't go home with him. He assured her that he won't do anything, but Ino slapped him across the face, and that's when I jumped up and bit Ino.
"No freaking way." I said, disbelieving that I'd do that to her.
Ino rolled up her sleeve and showed me the bite mark. Son of a bitch. She wasn't lying.
After that, Gaara settled this by sending each of us home in a cab.
When the story finished. Ino eyed me in an accusing way. I quickly pleaded, "I'm sorry. I was drunk, I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry!"
"Damn right." Ino said, "Imagine telling Gaara you don't like his music! And jazz! Are you from the fifties?"
"..."
I turned back to my tablet and decided talking with Ino is like talking to a vain white arctic fox.
I stood up and was about to go on campus, Ino yelled, "Sakura! I forgot! I was supposed to fix you up with a blind date!"
"This weekend works." I answered.
She beamed.
III.
The interview was... eventful.
I was sitting down and chatting with this very nice elderly lady, who, upon first glace, I could tell is very knowledgeable in things like art and art history. Anyways, I was extremely nervous and tried to answer all of the questions asked to the best of my ability -that is, until suddenly, I saw that lady who was standing outside of our lab the other day came into my interview room.
She seriously doesn't look that much older than me. My interviewer bowed to her, "Uchiha-san, we were just conducting..."
I didn't hear anything else after that, because my head was filled with the words, "Uchiha-san, Uchiha-san, Uchiha-san..."
No freaking way that the Uchiha has someone like that in their family! What the hell? She's so gentle and looks so kind! I mean, unless the Uchiha saved the nation in their previous life, they're damned for eternity. Therefore this good lady could NOT have been a part of Uchiha...
She turned to me and greeted me formally. Then she said, "I recognize you. You're in Erika's research group, are you not?"
I wanted to roll my eyes and choke. Her daughter must've been like... I don't know, fourteen years old? And she's in the same lab as me -a twenty-two year old.
"Um..." I said.
Then she said something even more shocking, "I'm sorry. I forgot. Are you the Sakura that my brother-in-law mentioned? You broke off your engagement because of him?"
That's when my first impression is that she's either really evil or has no tact at all. I cleared my throat and said, "I didn't do it because of him. I'm not in love with him or anything..."
She chuckled and hid her lips behind her sleeve, "I see."
Well obviously she fucking doesn't. So I said coldly, "Uchiha Sasuke was fucking my fiancee, and that's why I broke my engagement. Yes, your brother-in-law is a whore and a slut and there's a special place in hell reserved for people like him."
If I have known that she's going to repeat those words word for word to her husband, who in turn, used it to mock his brother, I would've never said it. I was not thinking, and I did not know that she'd do such a thing! Therefore, I did not care for the consequences and I turned around and left. Naturally bombing the interview.
IV.
When I got home, Gaara was finishing up his session. Apparently he was sitting in the gardens enjoying his butter and squash soup with a piece of toasted mix grain bread and a handful of baby asparagus. I blushed seven shades of red after spotting him, and he must've noticed, because he tried to smile warmly at me.
I swear his face is NOT meant for smiling. What the hell!? I almost had a heart attack from shock. He must be one of those people who looks the best when he scowls, or when he acts cool. I imagine it must be strenuous, to always scowl in his line of work. Maybe he needs acupuncture needles on his face.
I bowed to him and said, "Thank you very much for last Friday. Pardon my behavior -you didn't tell grandmother I was drunk, did you?"
"Of course not." He said while trying to stop me from bowing again. "Please, no need for formalities."
"Are you in town for long?" I asked.
"Oh, you don't know." Gaara smiled, "I live in Konoha, actually. I was finishing my tour. Most people doesn't know I live here."
"Huh." I was surprised. But then Grandmother yelled, "Sakura, is that you? Where are my Matcha tea powder!"
I quickly bowed to Gaara again, "Coming, Grandmother!"
When I brought the green tea to her patient room, however, I was surprised. There's a man lying on the table, and I knowhim. That was the surprise.
Oh my god! I know him. I know him! It's Kimimaro-senpai!
"Senpai!" I gasped.
He opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to look at me. He looks a bit pale and sick, but he smiled at me and said, "Ah, Sakura, is it?"
That's when Grandmother came in and grabbed the teabag, "Off you go, Sakura. I heard from Tsunade you can't identify Glycyrrihiza uralensis in her cabinet. What an embarrassment!"
I argued, "I can tell what it is if its alive! We have some in the back garden. She had ground it and dried it and I-"
She did this dismissive wave which I know it meant I might as well not even bother to explain. I left.
My head was filled with Kimimaro-senpai. When we were in Konoha Academy, he was "the" senpai. The guy that everybody in school wanted to get close to. I don't think I've heard of anyone that famous in school since Uchiha Itachi, or Kakashi sensei, or Minato-san...
Well the point it, the generation of popular guys just keeps appearing. There's one every few years.
He knows how to play seven instruments, speaks four languages fluently, and was excellent in sports. He was like, our idol. I admit I had the craziest crush on him -then again, so did everybody else. He has this way that just... just looks right into your heart and you just melt.
He hugged me once, because we've been going to the same school for like fucking 8 years, and it was during one of his piano concerts, I think. I sat at the front row, and he came down from the stage to converse with the audience. I couldn't even speak properly because I was blubbering nonsense. He recognized me and asked which university I went to. Then we hugged, and he moved onto the next fan.
I almost swooned. He was perfect, he was absolutely perfect.
Even Ino thinks so, and with her background, she rarely gives out perfect "tens." She often uses him as a archetype which Shikamaru was measured against.
Note to self, ask Grandma why is senpai here.
V.
Hmph. Even though it's Friday, I don't feel the joy.
I had a fight today.
And nobody would ever guess who I had it with.
Ok, it's Hinata. Freaking Hinata. Hinata!
Why, you would ask? Why!?
Well it all started innocent.
I was finishing my morning research, which, just consist of me watching my lab, measuring and grinding some leaves, pan-baking some branches, and mixing some herbs. I swear sometimes the stuff I do is witch craft! This is so much harder than Lit. No wonder I finished Lit. a year ago and I'm still stuck with this.
Anyways I put my stuff away, and then took at one look at Erika, who, upon first glance, looked innocent and cute. I shudder when I think of her family. She met my eye, and since I totally didn't want to talk to her, I bolted.
I was walking out of the traditional medicine building when I saw Hinata standing beside a pillar with her folders. She's taking business with fine arts on the side. She too, has been a victim of family oppression. Unlike me, however, she is rich, like Ino. I still feel pity for her because of her cuteness and shyness.
She said hello, and I replied, inviting her to coffee. It was just a formality because I totally wanted to do this wholecontemplating-on-life-while-drinking-latte-an d-staring-into-the-distance thing alone, but she accepted my offer, so then I hada coffee buddy.
We sat down and I ordered my usual green-tea latte, and she ordered a sunrise coffee. Which, actually, was the most expensive bean on the menu. I did not know that at the time until they give me the bill later. Bitch.
She begin by asking about my research.
"Oh it's going good." I then spent five minutes talking about how annoying it is.
She then asked about my life.
"Oh it's fine." I then talked about going to Gaara's concert. Which was so fun.
Her eyes sparkled with slight envy, "I heard Naruto-kun also went."
"Oh? I didn't notice." I tried very hard not to cringe at the name, and I didn't succeed.
She, as if catching onto an opportunity, she immediately asked, "Sakura-chan, why don't you talk to Naruto-kun?"
I was surprised at the question, well because first of all. This week seemed to be all about "Let's mention to Sakura how she was cheated on by two guys" week. And second of all, it's none of her businessssss...
Whoa, typed why too many "s"s there. Don't feel like correcting that. I think I made my point clear.
An epiphany just dawned upon me in Starbucks. I know she loved him, but to act this way... Is it jealousy?
Anyways, she continued, "Naruto-kun has prayed for your forgiveness. He really wanted to talk to you and explain things, and you haven't spoken to him in at least half a year."
I continue to stare at her.
"He's miserable, Sakura-chan." Hinata said, her eyes sparkling with water, "I just... I wish you guys could sort all this out-"
"But I want him to suffer." I said shamelessly, thus proving that I too, am an awful human being. "It's the only proof of him that he's a decent guy. If he feels nothing towards me and continued to live his life, he is just-"
That's when Hinata lost it. She raised her voice which I think is yelling in her world, "Sakura-chan! You can't be this cruel! Naruto-kun cared a great deal for you, and it's killing him that you still haven't forgive him!"
"Isn't that just sad." I said coldly.
She actually shivered. Or trembled. Anyways her lips were quivering, "But he's miserable! Sakura-chan, he's wasted, and he's nothing! We all didn't tell you because we know that you don't like to mention him, but Sakura-chan, he's been very sad and he's bordering on depression-"
"Hinata." I tried to reason with her, but now that I think about it's it's probably completely me, reasoning with myself on how pathetic and pitiful I am, and how I should just hate the world and let the world think what an awful thing happened to me. "I swear, I think it would be better if you leave this be. It's none of your business."
That just set her off. She actually stood up and pointed at me with her hands shaking, "Sel...sel..."
I had to lean in and listen to her.
"Selfish!" She finally blurted out.
The word gutted me open life a knife. Probably because deep inside, I know it to be true.
She then said, "You're selfish, Sakura-chan! You enjoy the feeling of self pity, and you love to wallow in your own grief! You would think it's romantic, and suppose you write stories about it, and suppose you mention to everyone you know and they feel sorry for you-"
Well. Isn't that just a kick in the nuts?
But knowing me, I showed my ugliest side when I'm mad, and I was mad at Hinata. Yeah I'm still mad.
I was freaking angry and insane. So I said with a voice that could freeze hell over, "You loved him while we were engaged, Hinata."
Annnnd her face went white. Like a sheet.
"You loved him back then." I continued. "You think I don't know, you think nobody knew, but everybody knew, Hinata. Yes, it's so fucking obvious it's embarrassing. You had your eyes on a man who was about to be married. At least Uchiha Sasuke acted on his own slut-instinct, but you, you are a bitch."
Swearing was not a quality of mine that I was proud of.
I could see tears in her eyes as she turned around and ran out.
Perhaps it really does make me an awful person when I felt better that she was crying.
I didn't cry, though. Fuck that. I finished my latte and then roamed around the streets while thin sheets of rain floated down from the sky.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
TBC
A/N: Believe it or not, the last part happened in real life. Different circumstances but basically the same thing. Two girls cat fight over a guy. Shameful, really
I apologize for any Hinata fans in this story. She is not portrayed in a heroic light. But she isn't bad-she's just a girl who fell in love.
Ultimately she's a very sad character.
I'm uploading this chapter because I'm so happy that exams has finished for me.
Many thanks to InsaneScriptist, my beta. She's wonderfully efficient.
