Title: Miracle on the Third and Fourth Floor
Rating: PG (it's a Christmas story after all)
Written a few years ago...
I'd forgotten how much fun this chapter was:
PART 4.
Kris walked confidently into Dr. Sawyer's office. Cavendish had assigned Kris's case the psychiatrist, a thin man of medium height with thinning hair and glasses. His huge wooden desk dwarfed him. He sat behind it, reading a slim file. Next to it was a small pile of papers, but that was all that covered the vast expanse of the desk. Sawyer was rhythmically tapping a fountain pen as he read.
"Mr. Kringle, please have a seat" he instructed Kris.
"I sit more than I should" Kris said jovially, but took the plain wooden chair anyway. "So, I expect you'll ask me the usual. Who's the President. Barack Obama."
"Yes, well..."Sawyer had a list of questions and sure enough, that was one of the first.
"That's all right" Kris said. "Just ask away."
"Mr. Kringle, first I need to ask you to do a few exercises. Can you touch your nose with your right forefinger?"
"Oh, I know this one" Kris said. He closed his eyes, touched the tip of his nose with his right index finger and then the left. "Like this?"
"Yes, yes" Sawyer said.
"I can touch my toes too."
"That won't be necessary. We're just interested in whether your spatial sense is impaired."
"Ah, by brain damage you mean."
"Yes, yes" Sawyer said, as his left eye began to twitch."I mean, no, of course not."
"Well, did I pass?" Kris asked.
Sawyer ignored the question. "Mr. Kringle, I'd like you to look at some pictures." He'd decided to move on to something else.
"Oh, ink blots. Always fun" Kris said as Sawyer slid the first one over. It showed two circular blobs, touching each other at one point.
"There are no right or wrong answers" Sawyer said, but thought about the response Dr. House had given to these. First he'd said something about melons and Dr. Cuddy. Highly inappropriate. Then he'd proceeded to tell Sawyer that the picture couldn't be a real ink blot because it wasn't symmetrical. One of the circles was wider and the other was taller. After he'd gone, Sawyer had actually measured them to see if he was correct.
"Well, it could be the sun and moon saying 'good morning' or 'good evening'" Kris said now. "But I'm sure it's nothing so fanciful. Ah, it's the symbol for MasterCard, or maybe a Mercator projection of the world."
Sawyer had to look at the paper again, although he'd seen it many times before. He'd never thought of the blobs as either of those things."Yes, well, enough of those." His eye was twitching more frantically.
"Dr. Sawyer, is there something wrong with your eye?" Kris asked.
"What? Oh, no. Nothing. Nothing at all." Sawyer's phone rang and he nearly jumped out of his skin.
"Go ahead and answer" Kris encouraged him.
"Hello" he said into the phone. After a minute, he said "Yes, dear" but he didn't look happy at all. Another minute of listening, and another "Yes, dear." then he hung up and took out an old-fashioned handkerchief to mop his brow.
"Now, where were we?" he asked, returning his attention to Kris. "Ah, yes." He opened Kris' file. "Now, Mr. Kringle..."
"Mr. Sawyer, I don't want to keep you from anything else you have to do. I'm sure you're a very busy man" Kris said.
"Well, I do have some shopping to get to" Sawyer confessed. "The trouble is, I have no idea where to find the earrings my wife wants."
"The kind with the ruby in the center, surrounded by pave diamonds? Those are all the rage this year, aren't they? They're a hit at the big jewelry store at the mall. But you don't want to go there." Kris thought a minute. "There's a small store downtown, run by a very nice old man, Mr. Savage. I'm sure he'll have them and give you a good price, too."
"Really? But I also have to get my son the latest XBox" Sawyer said.
"Yes, well most of the stores have already run out of those. But there's a toy store a few shops down from Savage's that can always come up with the hottest toys of the season. You'll still have to pay full price, but it's worth it to avoid all the crowds and then find that the big stores don't have any."
"How do you know all of this?" Sawyer asked.
"Oh, you don't think that a small staff of elves stuck away at the North Pole can make ALL of the toys and gifts, do you?"
"No, I don't suppose so." Sawyer still didn't know what to make of this man but if his advice panned out, then Sawyer's shopping worries were over. "My daughter wants the latest cell phone" he said, hopefully.
"Well, there you're best to purchase it from the company that provides your cell service. You get the best deals that way. And you can do it online, too. I love the Internet. And now I have to get back to the children. You don't mind, do you?"
"Oh, no, of course not." Sawyer watched Kris leave, wondering why he felt so much better for having talked to him.
