As she was fumbling with her guitar strap trying to get it secured, Jessie nervously looked around. She saw people. A fair amount of people, but no one she recognized. She began to adjust the microphone stand but found it difficult to focus. Every time she took a breath, her stomach would drop. Anxiety was setting in. She hated this part. The part right before she began performing. It was the worst. What made it even more difficult right now was the fact that she didn't have an ally in sight. She knew her mom was unable to make it, but Eli…she was hoping he'd make good on his word and show up. Also, in the back of her mind, she thought there might be a chance that David would actually show up and support her. But she knew the odds were slim on that one. The one person she wasn't worried about was Katie. She knew Katie would show up. More than likely it would be five to ten minutes late because it just wouldn't be Katie if she didn't make a fashionably late entrance. It's not something Katie does intentionally. She just never saw the point of living life by other people's schedules when her schedule suited her just fine. She always said life was much less stressful that way. Jessie smiled to herself and shook her head as she thought of this. 'She'll probably show up in the middle of my second song.'
As Jessie finished unwinding the cables and plugging in to her acoustic guitar, she looked around once more, just in time to see Eli walk through the door. Eli looked up on the stage and saw his sister beaming at him. He nodded his head, waved and took a seat at the bar. Jessie stepped up to the mic and took a deep breath.
"Hey everyone. Um…my name is Jessie," she stopped and looked around one last time for David. Then she continued. "Jessie Sammler. Um…okay. Hopefully you like what you hear."
Jessie shyly looked down at her guitar and started playing. She kept her eyes closed during the entire first song. She wasn't ready to see anyone's reactions just yet. Eli grinned as he watched his sister. She was so modest and unassuming. She couldn't see what he saw: the entire audience was captivated. Hardly anyone made a sound. As soon as Jessie started singing, everyone just stopped what they were doing and listened. When the song was over, Jessie opened her eyes and was greeted with an erupting applause. She giggled and thanked the crowd then turned her focus to the door as she saw Grace walk in. Eli jumped off the stool and waved Grace over to him. They took their seats at the bar as Jessie started her next song. This time, she only kept her eyes closed part of the time. Partly because she was finally getting into the rhythm of things and partly because she wanted to keep her eye out for Katie.
As she was singing, Jessie's focus was immediately pulled to the door. Just like clockwork, Katie was standing there as Jessie was halfway through her second song. The girls locked eyes. Katie didn't move. She stood in the middle of the doorway and just watched Jessie sing. Jessie didn't take her eyes off of Katie. She always found it difficult to look away from her, especially since she rarely saw her these days. Katie slowly started moving over to where Grace and Eli were sitting, and Jessie's eyes followed her the entire way. Neither girl broke eye contact until Katie, being ever-so-smooth, ran into the bar stool and knocked it over. It made a loud clanging sound and everyone in the bar turned to see who was making such a ruckus. Katie's shoulders tensed up and she looked down in embarrassment. Grace helped her pick up the stool as Eli started laughing.
"Very suave, Katie," teased Eli.
"Yes I am. You should try it sometime," replied Katie.
Eli opened his mouth to say something, but Grace shot him a look so he backed down.
Jessie was trying to get through the rest of her song without chuckling at Katie's momentary clumsiness, so she thought it best to look away from the bar for the time being.
"She sounds great," Katie whispered to Grace as she finally took a seat on the barstool.
"Yeah. I keep telling her she's gonna be famous one day. She refuses to listen," Eli chimed in. "I'm trying to get her to start a band with me."
"And what did she say?" asked Grace.
"Oh, well…she says she totally wants to but…um…I don't know. Something about David not liking it or whatever." Eli tried to play it off as if it were nothing, but both Grace and Katie could see that it disturbed him a little bit.
As Grace and Eli continued talking, Katie looked over at Jessie. She studied her. Well, at least as much as she could from 15 feet away. She could tell something was off. It was in her eyes. Katie could always tell what Jessie was feeling just by looking in her eyes. And she remembered how alive and passionate Jessie's eyes were. There was a fire inside her that Katie just loved. And, though she could still see a trace of passion in those blue eyes, Katie could tell it was fading fast. Something had wiped her spirit away. In a way, she looked almost…defeated. But still, Katie was even more in love with her than before.
"Katie?"
"Hmmm?" Katie tore her eyes away from Jessie to look at Eli.
"How have you been? I haven't seen you since the wedding."
"I've been…surviving. I guess that's the best way to put it."
"Yeah? Jessie said you were in Vegas last year. How was that?" asked Eli.
"Oh, yeah I was only there for a couple weeks. It was…..different," Katie grinned, remembering the odd people she encountered while she was there.
"I was thinking of getting out there one of these days," said Eli. "I think I could make some good money out there."
"Oh yeah. You'd be perfect as one of those guys who hands out free porn on the strip," quipped Katie.
Eli just gaped at Katie. "Really. I've missed this. Truly. But, no. I meant as a musician."
"Ooohhhhh, I see. Okay," Katie played dumb. Eli shook his head. He knew he had to constantly be on his toes whenever Katie was around.
"Well, I hate to interrupt this insult-a-thon between you two, but I should get going," said Grace. She turned to Katie. "Can you tell Jessie she did awesome? Let her know I'll call her tomorrow."
"Sure," said Katie.
As Grace was turning to leave, she looked back at Eli and remained fixated on him. He looked over at Katie. "Oh…uh. Yeah, I should go, too. But can you tell her that she was amazing?" He leaned over and whispered, "And let her know I'm sorry I had to leave early."
Katie smiled. "I'll let her know."
Eli leaned in and gave Katie a one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. "It really was good seeing you again. Don't be a stranger."
As Eli and Grace walked out, Katie was finally left alone to focus on her reason for coming here: Jessie.
As the applause died down again, Jessie looked directly at Katie started to speak. "Okay, so I've got one more song for you. Hopefully it'll speak to you the way it speaks to me."
Jessie tried to make it look like she was referencing the whole audience, but with the way Jessie was staring at her, Katie had a gut feeling she was talking to her.
Jessie started in the with the guitar, not once taking her eyes off of Katie. All of a sudden, Katie became alive. She became elevated by the look in Jessie's eyes. She could see something had changed again. That intensity and passion that Katie thought was lost was now back in Jessie's eyes and every fiery emotion Jessie was feeling was now being projected directly towards Katie. And all Katie could do right now was watch and listen as Jessie began to sing.
"Say goodbye to the old street that never cared much for you anyway
And the different colored doorways you thought would let you in one day
Goodbye to the old bus stop frozen and waiting
The weekend edition has this town overrated.
You walk across the baseball green
The grass has turned to straw
A flock of birds tries to fly away from where you are
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
I can't make you stay
I can't spend another ten years wishing you would anyway
How the sky turns to fire
Against the telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires…"
The words flowed through Katie like a raging flood of emotions. She knew Jessie was trying to tell her something. She knew how much Jessie hated it when Katie left. She knew Jessie was hurting because of that, but she didn't realize how much until now. Even though every fiber in her being wanted to look away from Jessie, she couldn't. Jessie wouldn't let her. Katie just sat there, feeling powerless over Jessie's magnetism and control. Katie felt the tears welling up in her eyes as Jessie continued singing.
"Everyday I take a bitter pill
It gets me on my way
For the little aches and pains
The ones I have from day to day
To help me think a little less about the things I miss
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You wanted to be free
And somewhere beyond the bitter end is where I wanna be
How the sky turns to fire
Against the telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires..."
Jessie gripped her guitar tightly as she sang. Initially, she had no intention of even singing this song tonight, but for some reason seeing Katie made her realize how badly she ached for her. How badly she missed her. How badly she needed her. How badly she didn't want to see her walk out of her life yet again. She couldn't explain it. She didn't know why Katie invaded her thoughts so much. She just knew, like she knew back in high school, that she couldn't be without Katie. And she was tired of having to constantly say goodbye. She didn't understand why it broke her heart so much, but it did. She used to think that the longer Katie was away, the easier it would be, but she was very mistaken. She had asked Katie to stay several times and didn't understand why Katie always chose to leave. But now, maybe with these words, she could get her point across. She didn't want Katie to leave again. Their friendship was too strong of a bond to be ripped apart yet again. Jessie's heart began to shatter a little bit when she saw Katie begin to cry. She wanted to cry too, but manage to fight back the tears in order to get through the rest of the song.
"Say goodbye to the old building that never tried to know your name
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
Guess you won't be seeing me again
How the sky turns to fire
Against the telephone wire
It burns the last of the day down
And I'm the last one hanging around
Waiting for you on the train tracks
But the train never comes back
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires."
Once the song was over and Jessie received her accolades from the spectators, she tentatively walked off the stage towards Katie. As she saw Jessie walking over toward her, Katie sat up straight and tried to wipe away any stray tears she had. The girls greeted each other with a hug. It was gentle and sweet, yet there was a sense of longing behind it and both girls had difficulty letting go.
Katie took this opportunity to whisper to the younger girl. "You were so incredible. You just blew me away. Along with everyone else."
Jessie didn't care about the praise or what anyone else thought of the performance. All she whispered to Katie in return was, "I missed you."
Katie slowly pulled back from their embrace. "I missed you, too."
The two girls stood there mesmerized with each other. Katie desperately searched Jessie's eyes for any sign of what she may be feeling. Jessie sat on the stool next to Katie. After singing that song, she knew there would be some awkwardness between them, but she tried to avoid it at all costs.
"So how was Montana?"
"Oh. Well, it was nice. Very peaceful. I think I might actually go back there one of these days. And I hardly ever return to the scene of the crime, so that's how you know it's a truly remarkable place."
"Really. So you're finally thinking of settling down in one place, huh?"
Katie shrugged. She honestly didn't know what to say to that. But Montana is not what she wanted to talk about at the moment, and they both knew it.
"So, that song," began Katie.
"Yeah?"
"That was really beautiful. I mean…it really spoke to me. It affected me," admitted Katie.
"It was supposed to." Jessie kept her gaze on her friend.
"You had me in tears."
"I can tell," replied Jessie as she reached up and wiped a tear away from Katie's cheek. "I'm sorry it made you cry. I just…I hate it when you leave."
"I know."
"So then why do you always run off?" asked Jessie. "I want you around. I want to be around you. Constantly. I just feel so empty without you. It's like my life is divided into two things: seeing you. And counting the days until I can see you again. And I know that sounds strange, but I can't really put it any other way. I just miss my friend. Why don't you want to be around me?"
Katie was completely taken aback by Jessie's honesty. She wasn't prepared for them to come to blows about this so soon, but Jessie's truthfulness just seemed to erupt out of nowhere. "I do want to be around you."
"Then move back to Evanston. Things just seem to be better when you're around. For some reason, my life just makes sense with you in it. Stay here. You've done enough traveling," pleaded Jessie.
"It's not the lure of traveling that takes me away," admitted Katie.
"Then what is it?"
Katie thought for a moment. 'You,' she thought. 'You're the reason.' But was she really ready to divulge everything at this moment? No. Now was not the time. She needed an out, so she changed the subject. "Why didn't you ever leave? Go somewhere else?"
"What do you mean?" asked Jessie.
"I thought you wanted to travel, too. I mean, what happened to your plans of living on a ranch?"
Jessie was speechless. "Well…what about you? I don't see you living in a loft in London."
"I did! For a year. You know that. I wanted you to come visit me, but you never did. And I kept waiting for an invitation to your ranch, but never got one. Because you never left Evanston."
"I have a life here," insisted Jessie.
Katie took Jessie's hand in hers. "What life, Jess? You should be out on the road playing your music. Doing what makes YOU happy. Not living with some guy who clearly takes you for granted and treats you like you don't matter."
Jessie tried to pull her hand away, but Katie wouldn't let her. She gripped tighter and looked directly at Jessie.
"I'm sorry. I know that wasn't a nice thing to say and it hurts to hear it, but it's the truth. It's time you recognize that. He ignores you. He didn't even show up tonight! I see the look of disappointment on your face and I could kill him for that reason alone. You don't deserve to be treated like that, Jessie."
At this point, Jessie was the one who had tears in her eyes. She looked around and noticed that the place had pretty much cleared out, with the exception of a couple people. She looked back at Katie, whose eyes were provocatively burning into her. She drew closer and closer to Katie, completely spellbound by her intense gaze. She was inches away from Katie's face and with tears in her eyes, whispered to her.
"I don't think I'm in love with him anymore." Jessie's voice wavered as those words rolled off her tongue.
Katie didn't know what to do or say. She simply nodded, letting her friend know that she was there and she understood. Jessie needed to be closer to her friend. Their hands clasped together was simply not enough, though she could feel the extreme heated energy that passed between them. Jessie was now centimeters away from Katie's face as she whispered to her once more.
"Why can't I stop thinking about you?"
Katie was frozen. She honestly believed at that moment her heart literally stopped. She could feel her breath growing shorter and shorter the closer Jessie came. She could hear Jessie's breath grow smaller and sharper as she gripped Katie's hand tighter. Jessie stayed there, so close to Katie, their lips were just barely grazing each other, but not enough for either girl to feel it. As Katie tried to steady her breath, she attempted to gain the courage she needed to just meet Jessie the rest of the way. She just needed the strength to lean forward ever so slightly. But somehow, Katie was immobile. Perhaps the shock of this situation being all too real, instead of one of the many fantasies she had played out in her head throughout the yearss. Both girls stayed in this position until Jessie realized what was happening. She began to speak and as her lips moved, Katie could faintly feel them against her lips.
"I should get home. It's getting late." Jessie slowly pulled back, but didn't let go of Katie's hand right away. She looked down at their hands touching and looked back at the older girl. There was a rawness in Jessie's eyes that Katie had never seen before. Jessie opened her mouth to say something. But nothing came out. She slowly let go of Katie's hand.
"So, I'll call you. Okay?"
Katie nodded.
"Thanks for coming to this. It really meant a lot. So, I'll see you soon, right?" asked Jessie.
Again, all Katie could do was nod.
To Be Continued…….
