The next day was my Saturday off day. I woke up that morning and then grinned. I had gotten a boyfriend who was super cute the day before. Once I was showered and ready, the doorbell rang. I ran downstairs and quickly opened it. Standing there was Riley.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, with a smile. He returned the smile.
"I might have followed you here last night to see where you lived. I had to see you. I missed you already," he said. I smiled again and pulled his arm. We went upstairs to my room and sat down.
"It's a little messy," I said, with a slight blush on my face. Riley looked around.
"It doesn't matter. It's actually really nice. What's that?" he asked, looking over in the small corner with my guitar. I walked over to it and pulled it out. It was a light brown acoustic with gold strings. Dimitri had given it to me for my birthday.
"My guitar," I replied
"Can you play me a song?" he asked. I bit my lip. There was only one song I knew and it was the only one I had written.
"I don't know…"
"Please," he begged. I sighed and sat on the bed next to him. I didn't really want to play him the only song I knew because it was the song that I had even bothered to learn…
"Okay… It's the only song I know how to play because I don't have time to learn anymore," I replied.
"That's okay. I want to hear it," he said. I sighed and started playing.
"Time has run out for me
Everything's different and I don't know what to believe
It's so hard
Lost in the world, confusion
And I need to leave for awhile
Life is so meaningless
There is nothing worth a smile
So goodbye I'll miss you
And I'm sorry, but this is my fate
Everything is worthless
No one wants me to stay
And I'm sorry but I've waited too long
So here's my goodbye
No one will cry over me
I'm not worth any tears
It's been the years, all the abuse
Neglected the truth, a disorder that controls my youth
For so long
I'm in a flesh heap
Too buried up off the ground
It's no use
Why should I hold on
It's been five years don't need one more
So goodbye, life's abuse
And I'm sorry, but this is my fate
Everything is worthless
No one wants me to stay
And I'm sorry but I've waited too long
So here's my goodbye
No one will cry over me
I'm not worth any tears."
I finished playing and looked up at Riley. He had an unreadable expression on his face. I touched his arm and got a reaction. When I looked into his eyes, I noticed that he had tears forming in them.
"Do you really feel like that?" he asked, removing the guitar from my hands. I nodded.
"Sometimes. It just depends on how bad things are going for me. I felt like that the other day. It sucks, but it's true," I said. I watched him set the guitar down and sigh.
"You shouldn't have to feel that way. No one should have to feel that way. It's just not normal," he said. I shrugged. It had always been normal for me to feel those feelings. I was used to it, he wasn't.
"I do feel like that, but it's just normal for me. You don't have to feel like that, but when you have a job like me that causes you to do things that no other sane person would do, then you start to feel like that. I do a job that no one else in my profession would want. I have to keep the boss happy and it hurts me every time I look at myself in the mirror. You have no idea what it's like to have to live with that," I said with tears pouring down my face. Riley reached over and hugged me. I knew that he probably hated this, but I couldn't help it. I had kept this bottled in for so long and I hated this. I hated everything about this.
"If you ever feel like that, you come and you tell me. Please Cody. I don't want you committing suicide. I really don't. If you did, I would hate myself for hearing this and then letting you go and do it. This is the exact same thing that Jonathon did. He committed suicide without me even knowing. I had to find out through the school talking about it and I couldn't do shit because no one even knew we were dating. I have to live with that guilt," he said. I really didn't know he felt like this. Now, Riley was sitting here in front of me, crying his eyes out.
"I'm sorry you have to live with that. It looks like I'm not the only one with skeletons in my closet. You have a few too. I'm sorry," I said. Riley shrugged He didn't seem to be listening too much. I sighed. After a bit, Riley left and I called Dimitri.
"Riley has things haunting him. I feel bad," I told him. Dimitri, who sounded like he lacked sleep, sighed.
"We all have a lot of things in our past that we don't want to face. You remember mine don't you?" he asked. I shuddered. His was bad. I won't go into detail, but he did things for his dad that no teenage boy should do. That's why as soon as he was offered a music contract; he took it in a blink of an eye. The things his dad made him do caused him to start being attracted to guys. I loved Dimitri like a brother.
I met Dimitri on one of my modeling tours in the U.S. His band was playing and he invited me to go. They're really good. In fact, they're my favorite band. Of course they do have two extremely sexy guys and a super sweet girl. The band is mainly Lily, Vladimir, and Dimitri. They're the main three and they switch drummers, guitarists, and other things. The three main ones take turns playing lead singer.
"I remember yours… I didn't mean to bring anything up," I replied. He gave a fake laugh.
"You didn't do anything. Look I gotta go. I'm running off three minutes of sleep," he said. I bit my lip. I probably woke him up…
"Kay. I'll call you later. Bye."
"Practice your guitar! Bye." Then he hung up, leaving me to deal with my own demons.
Lol. I updated sooner than I thought. You get to see a bit more about Dimitri. He's my best character besides Cody.
