"Severus," Harry cried, grabbing onto the man's sleeve, "Please don't go. I…I know I screwed up, big time, and if you want to leave afterwards, I won't stop you, but please talk to me."
"What do you want me to do Harry?" Severus asked without turning around, and Harry could hear the despair in his tone, "Did you have a quarrel with Mr. Malfoy and need to talk to someone? I doubt I'll be able to listen objectively to your lovers' quarrel."
"Lovers' quarrel?" Harry asked, frowning in confusion, "I don't love Malfoy; that was the first time we were together."
"How long has this been going on?" Severus asked, unable to believe what he was hearing. This was the first he's been with Malfoy ? Has he been with others? When did this start? Why did this start?
"Several months," Harry admitted softly, "You know that after I broke up with Johnathan, before we got together, I never had anyone share my bed for more than a night. I kept that pattern after when we got together, after a time." It killed him to admit it, especially when Severus turned to look at him, betrayal written plainly across his face.
"Why?" Severus asked, closing his eyes against the pain he was feeling, "Why did you do it?"
Harry hung his head. "Do you remember when I told you about my history with other guys."
Severus nodded, wondering where this was going.
"Well, there was one thing in common with all of my failed relationships that I never told you," Harry admitted. "Everyone that I was with wanted me because I was famous, or rich, sometimes for both reasons. The relationships all ended when I acted like myself, not what they expect the hero of the Wizarding world. None of the relationships lasted longer than three months, and I began to accept that; that people didn't care about the real me. When we got together, I was terrified that you would leave too. When you didn't, I tried to think of reasons why you stayed. I assumed that there was someone who caught your eye and you needed to make them jealous. Why else would you treat me so well, even when I acted like myself."
"Because I loved you," Severus whispered, moving away from his lover and sinking into a chair, "I never believed that you would wish more than friendship with me. My feelings ran much deeper than that, and when you expressed interest in a relationship with me, I was overjoyed. There are few who I trust to tell my secrets to, yet I found myself telling you everything about my past, and my dreams of the future. You have your problems, but I was willing to overlook them because you overlooked mine."
"What problems do you have Sev?" Harry asked, trying to think of anything the man had done that could be on par with what he did. If something bothers him, he won't talk about it unless asked. He is a perfectionist, but that can be a good thing at times.
"I'm a perfectionist, very private, not very attractive," Severus listed.
"But those things make you you," Harry argued, "And what does it matter what people think of how you look? I think you're handsome."
"Apparently not," Severus said, leaning back into the chair and closing his eyes. "So if understand you, your past relationships have led you to believe that no one would care for you, causing you to think I would leave you?"
Harry nodded sadly. "I thought if you found out that someone else wanted me, then you would."
"This has to do with Johnathan, doesn't it?" Severus questioned. He remembered Harry visiting him after that break-up. He had bruises and a broken nose because he wouldn't fight against the man.
"He…He said some things," Harry said quietly, closing his eyes, "He wasn't the most caring of lovers, and I thought that he was the best I could do, because he didn't want me because I was famous. The day we fought, I found him in bed with someone else."
"And you thought that I was like him?" Severus asked, looking incredulously at Harry.
"You were better than him," Harry said, love shining in his emerald eyes, "You are always kind and considerate, doing anything you can for me. I thought that you were this way because you wanted to make up for having another lover, and that thought killed me. With Johnathan, I honestly didn't care that he was with someone else, and I couldn't wait to go. With you…The thought that you were with someone else…" Harry trailed off, unable to articulate what he was feeling.
"Oh Harry…" Severus sighed. Now what? He is being sincere, I can tell, but why did he cheat in the first place? Why didn't he simply ask me if I was having an affair? And what if I take him back, and he does this again? "How could I trust you again? How do I know that you won't keep seeing others behind my back?"
"I don't know," Harry said miserably, "If I tell you that I won't, it won't matter because I've lied before. I love you Sev and I want you, but I don't know how to prove it. I don't know how to go about regaining your trust, because I've already proven that I don't deserve it." By this point, the tears were falling faster, obscuring his vision, but Harry didn't care. Severus was sitting right in front of him, but soon he would get up and leave, leaving Harry alone with a hole in his chest.
"Oh Harry," Severus said again, reaching out his arms for his weeping lover. Harry stumbled forward into Severus's embrace, clutching the front of his robes tightly.
"Please Sev, don't leave! Everyone else has left; I don't know what I'd do without you."
The despair in the tone tore at Severus, but he was still wary. "You miss me Harry, but do you love me?"
The tear-filled green eyes met his wary onyx ones. "I know what it's like to miss someone Sev, and that's not what I'm feeling. Without you around, I don't care about anything. The only reason I left my bed today was to make a bowl of cereal and come here to look for you. If you hadn't come, I would have sat here until you did."
Severus could see sincerity in Harry's eyes, and he desperately wanted to believe that Harry meant what he was saying. He wanted to be certain that the man in his arms would never cheat on him again, never cause him that much pain again. How could he be certain after everything that happened? Before, if anyone had told me that Harry was cheating on me, I would have told them that they were insane. Now, I don't know. What if someone does say something like that, how would I know if it was the truth or not?
"Harry," Severus said, looking into Harry's eyes, "I…"
A/N: Well? Are Harry's reasons sound? Should Severus try to work things out with him? Or should Sev tell him that it won't work?
