A/N: But I'm not broken, in my dream I win, And I take over, coz I'm no loser, And I'm in and you're not, bad dreams don't stop, But I'm all screwed up, a Cosmic Castaway~! How many Author's Notes you think I can have that start with space references? Song's Cosmic Castaway by Electrasy from the Titan A.E. Soundtrack by the way. In my absence I was bitten on the right forearm by Jerry, took a good week to heal well enough to do anything, and then got one hell of a sinus infection with a fever of 101.7 Fahrenheit. Five days of antibiotics later and some Clariton and I feel as good as I ever will when assaulted by pollen. Thank Anne Rice and Titan A.E. for getting my ass back on track.
Kudos: SageofAges729, MiravsStella, Blue Fire Lily, Dreylen, SrgntDrew, Yuleen75.
Editor and source of hope: Irish-Brigid.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII. I do however own Ronnie, Saan, Soldier A (the unsung hero of anime~), and part of this plot. The other part is, you know, the original. Of which I do not own. And thus we come full circle.
The last time I traveled to Kalm had been as a Turk. With me was another Turk whom everybody called Rod. He wasn't that bad of a guy when one ignored the fact he was a bit of a thief and was a former gangster of sorts. Then again, I was a terrorist of sorts, so which one of us was really the bad guy in the long run? My bets are on me.
I do not bring this tidbit of info up to reminisce over a friendship that could have been, or my Turk days, or even the fact that I had previously been to the city we were traveling to. I only mention it because when Rod and I had traveled to Kalm we were on a motorcycle. And with the way Rod drove, it was a very fast motorcycle. It hadn't taken us very long to get to the town at all.
However, now I was traveling on foot. And people only walk roughly three miles per hour, or five kilometres. Not counting the minutes that pass by when fighting the hoards of monsters that make it their business to make us travelers' lives a living hell. Also, the terrain began as rocky, almost canyon-like. The ground beneath our feet stayed solid and very firm for the majority of the trip. Eventually, it did give way to grass, but that only increased the amount of monsters, namely those annoying emus I so loved to hate.
By the time Kalm's imposing, castle-like wall of protection was within sight, I was exhausted, my feet were killing me, and the gang had resolved to let me take care of the monsters just so they would not have to put up with my cranky attitude and non-stop complaining.
Might I add that, though I was a SOLDIER First and a previous fighter pilot, I had been locked up in a tank for five years? Then I was thrust into battle after battle. Received a wonderful wound between my shoulders that was still aching. Forced to walk for hours. Have I made it clear that I was beyond pissed? Good.
With Kalm in sight, I somehow managed to pick up my pace. One last burst of energy in the hopes that I could make it to the Inn before collapsing on the floor to never move again. Cloud, Red XIII, and Tifa were a good clip behind me, talking amongst themselves. I didn't bother to eavesdrop. I didn't care what they had to say.
At the outset of our journey, conversations had tried and failed to be held. Cloud and Tifa would ask questions regarding my part in 'all this.' I stubbornly refused to answer them, and no amount of pissy glares from Cloud or worried looks from Tifa would make me crack. I was not about to say anything regarding my past, Sephiroth, or Jenova until I knew where the other two stood.
I could have asked them those questions, questions about their past and relationship to Sephiroth, but that would have gotten me nowhere. They didn't trust me, which I did not blame them for. I wasn't exactly being friendly.
If they didn't trust me, they would not speak the complete truth, and I did not have the willpower to sit through a bunch of white lies. Or full out lies, depending on who said what. And I would be able to tell if they were lying about the Nibelheim Incident. I was there; I knew it all.
On more than one occasion my mind had wandered to the possibility of going back to Shin-Ra. In my haste to destroy all that is evil in the world, or so I liked to tell myself, I never really comprehended what I was getting myself into. Sure, it was possible for me to desert and support all those life-saving ideals of AVALANCHE. I knew I was going to be chased, hunted, after that. I knew I was going to become an enemy of the greatest force on the planet. I knew what that meant.
Yet, I did not realize what it meant to be with AVALANCHE. Cloud's group was small. It was disorganized. It had low funds. It was just a group of friends with big dreams and no real power to back up anything they did. And now that we had been chased out of Midgar, we were out of reach of all the small comforts the metropolis could provide us. Midgar had given us, or them, all things considered, access to firepower, the train systems, and intel. Even when in hiding, they could still find ways of getting what they needed to attack Shin-Ra.
But now…now we had nothing but our personal weapons and our feet. We would have to ask ignorant citizens information about a man who had been reported dead five years ago. And even when asking for information, we would have to be careful not to tip the populous off to the fact we were terrorists. Realistically, our quest to destroy the greatest SOLDIER that ever lived was shit, and that's if the odds were in our favor.
If I had stayed with Shin-Ra, I could have informed Rufus of what had happened in Nibelheim. I could have told him what Jenova really was, what Sephiroth really was, and that his quest for the Promised Land was beyond stupid and worthless. I could have had access to the Turks, their aircraft, their weapons. I could have actually helped bring together a force that might stand a chance against the alien bitch plaguing their planet. Or, I could have delivered into the hands of a megalomaniac the building blocks for more insane super-soldiers. But that would have been nothing a bullet or two couldn't have remedied.
But, no, I had to do things the hard way. All the things I could have done wouldn't help me now. However, that didn't stop me from wanting to crawl back to Shin-Ra with my head down and tail between my legs like the lap dog that I was.
It was while having the amusing image of me, suited up, grasping a hold of Rufus' pristine white coat while on my knees crying, "Take me back, for the love of God," that I noticed the trio behind me had crept closer and their conversation had become quieter. Almost to a whisper. My spidey-senses told me that I was the subject of their dialogue and I had the sinking feeling of suspicion that I was about to be addressed.
Sure enough, moments later, Red XIII spoke up.
"If you do not mind me asking," he asked with his smooth voice, "why did you choose to travel with us instead of your companion? I was under the impression that the two of you were close friends."
I snorted then smiled, "Don't you mean we're asking?"
"No…" Red trailed off, but his tone gave him away.
"Oh, please," I snapped, refusing to take my eyes off the vision of Kalm in front of me, "ya'll have been whispering to yourselves for a while now, most likely trying to goad someone into finally asking the damn question. I'm surprised you were the one to have the balls to finally ask it."
"Just answer the question," Cloud shot back irritably.
Raising a brow, I finally stopped and looked at the group from over my shoulder.
"Ooh," I mocked, "snappy." I paused for a second before replying, "You're not going to like my answer."
Cloud had stopped by then, as well, just a few feet from me. He was a little dirtier than when the trip began, but then again, we all were. Fighting monsters in dry, rocky environment tends to kick up a lot of dust. The blond gave me a hard, determined stare as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. He was challenging me. He had been doing that a lot lately, but then again, I was the member of the group giving him the most grief. I didn't feel like stopping anytime soon, either. And I didn't feel like backing down. If anything, the more he tried to get me under control, the more I felt like toying with him.
I shrugged and then placed my staff on my shoulders, "Fine. You asked for it. You're right; me and him are best friends. Have been since we were kids. And no, I haven't seen him for five years. I really would love to catch up and reminisce and all that jazz."
"Then why didn't you?" Cloud interrupted.
I smiled condescendingly, "Because I'm only one person. I can only be in one place at one time. But with him, we're two people. You split us up into two groups. I'm with one, he's with the other. You do the math."
Cloud frowned. He understood what I meant. So did the other two. I could see it in their shocked and slightly hurt expressions.
"You're spying on us?" Tifa asked.
"I told you you weren't going to like my answer," I replied indifferently.
"Are you still with Shin-Ra?" Cloud asked seriously. "Is that why you stopped me from killing Rufus?"
"She did what?" Tifa asked, snapping her head to Cloud.
"So that's how he got away," Red mumbled.
The smile never left my face, "Now, why would I tell you I was spying on you if I were still with Shin-Ra? Why, you have me…alone…out in the middle of nowhere. There's three of you and one of me. To do something like that would be suicide. And I'm sure Barret would waste no time in filling Ronnie full of lead, what with his disdain for all things Shin-Ra. No, the reason I'm spying on you, Cloud, Tifa, Red XIII, is because I don't trust you. Just as I'm sure you don't trust me. And, this way, we all get to spy on one another like the big ole paranoid group that we are."
"Fair enough," Cloud replied, "but that didn't really answer my question. It actually just sounded like you were trying to avoid the question by telling us something else. Are you still with Shin-Ra?"
I sighed, "I'm with whoever the hell I want to be with. Let's leave it at that."
"You think we're going to trust you when you give us an answer like that?"
"I think you're going to come to trust me, yes. After I tell you how I got to be here and why I'm still here."
The group fell silent. All of them were staring at me as if they expected me to go on. So I did.
"That's what we're going to do, isn't it?" I asked. "Go to Kalm, book the Inn, and reveal to each other the whole reason for this little escapade after Sephiroth? I mean, it'd be foolish to have so many people following you, Cloud, if they didn't even know why they were here; if they didn't know why they should risk their lives for your little vendetta."
"It's not—"
"What it is, Cloud, we don't know. That's why we need you to tell us. I'm sure Red's just as curious as I am."
The feline hesitated before admitting, "I am curious…"
"And after that," I continued, "I'll reveal my side of the story. But not before."
"Cloud…" Tifa muttered. It seemed she was worried about something. Oh, the pleasure that gave me.
"Fine," Cloud conceded. "We'll wait until Kalm to hear your story. It's better if everyone hears it together, anyway."
I smiled.
Cloud gave me that hard look again, "But we expect the truth. If we find out you've lied about anything…"
The boy let the threat hang in the air. It only made me laugh.
"The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."
So help me God.
—FFVII—
The city of Kalm hadn't changed since the last time I visited it. It still had the protective walls worthy of European castles. It still had the blue, stone streets, the stones aligned in large, circular patterns. It still had the impressive, European-styled houses with their blue shingles.
Upon entering the city, the first thing one notices, other than the impressive amount of blue, is the giant metal structure in the center of the main area. The first time I saw it, I didn't know what it was for. With what little knowledge I gained working in Shin-Ra, I now understood it to be some kind of Mako pump. Like a miniature reactor of sorts. It was old and very steampunk, with huge dials and gauges and all that fancy-smancy stuff that I knew nothing about. If I had been born in the nineteenth century, I might have known a little more about what I was seeing. But, I hadn't, and so my best guess was that the structure connected to pipes that ran underground throughout the entire city to carry Mako-power wherever it needed to go. It was strange how something could appear so old-timey while actually being quite complex.
I wanted to go and mess around with it, to see if I could figure out what all the little dials went to, but Cloud's gang had other plans. Red stated the obvious, that we were indeed in Kalm, and then Tifa told Cloud that everyone was in the Inn and we should meet up with them. After my little attitude in the wilderness, there was no way they would allow me to go off on my own and dick around the machine so I reluctantly followed them.
The Inn was like any inn: roomy, a reception area, some stairs. Luckily, Barret's group had already paid for our room and we were allowed to go on upstairs. Sure enough, Barret, Aerith, and Ronnie were waiting on us. Ronnie was spread out on one of the three beds, staring at the ceiling like a dead man. All things considered, he was probably more exhausted than I was. I pushed my way past Cloud and Tifa and made my way to Ronnie.
"Cloud, you're late!" Aerith chided as I plopped down near Ronnie's head.
He looked at me, but that was it. Yes, he was tired. I rolled my eyes at him and leaned over to place my staff against the wall. I'd already deactivated my suit just before entering town to avoid all those wonderful stares from the common folk.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," Cloud replied.
"Guess everyone's here now," Aerith said.
"So let's hear your story... You know, the one about Sephiroth and the crisis facing the planet. Let's hear it all," Barret added.
"Yes, let's, Cloud. We're all ears," I grinned sardonically.
Cloud gave me a brief, annoyed look. Feeling Ronnie's weight shift, I looked down beside me. He was leaning his head back to look at me. His eyebrows were creased in confusion and worry. What's wrong? He mouthed to me. I shook my head, telling him to drop the subject and that I was fine. Turning my attention back to Cloud, I saw that he was looking at the ground, lost in memories.
Finally, he raised his head and looked at Barret, "...I used to want to be like Sephiroth, so I joined SOLDIER. After working with Sephiroth on several missions, we became friends."
Not even one paragraph out of his mouth and he was already lying. The sad thing was the he didn't know that he was. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. He honestly believed what he was saying. And because of that, I allowed him to keep going. I feared the tale was only going to get worse the further he went.
"You call that a friend?" Barret snorted.
"Yeah, well... He's older than me, and he hardly ever talked about himself."
Well, that was one thing he got right.
"So I guess you'd call him a war buddy... We trusted each other. Until one day..." Cloud trailed off.
"...one day?" Aerith asked.
Cloud dropped his arms to his side and walked to the opposite wall. "After the war it was SOLDIER's duty to put down any resistance against the Shin-Ra. ...that was 5 years ago. I was 16..."
It was all there. The truck, the rain, most of the words that we said to each other. Only a few things were wrong, and they were important things. I wasn't there. Normally, that would have bothered me, but the distress I usually felt at being forgotten was overruled by the horror caused by realizing Cloud had replaced Zack in his own mind. In fact, Cloud wasn't there at all. Not in his cadet form at least. And Zack hadn't fought the dragon. Not in Cloud's mind. In Cloud's mind, it was him. I caught myself about to place my head in my hands, about to mutter my disbelief. But I couldn't interrupt now; I had to listen to all of it.
"Sephiroth's strength is unreal." Cloud said after he described the fight with the dragon. "He is far stronger in reality than any story you might have heard about him."
"So...Where did you come in?" Aerith giggled.
Cloud scratched the back of his head, "Me? I was mesmerized by the way Sephiroth fought."
Tifa shifted uncomfortably as she stood on Cloud's left. I watched her for a moment. I thought back to when we were in Nibelheim. I wasn't sure that Cloud had ever revealed himself to Tifa. I remembered the little talk between him and Zack about her, and how he hadn't spoken to her, but I didn't know what had happened after that. Jerry and I had gone to the Mansion shortly afterwards and we didn't pry into Zack's and Cloud's business after that. We were too busy worrying about Sephiroth. It was possible Tifa didn't even know Cloud had been in Nibelheim that week. If that were the case, Cloud's story was really mind-blowing to her. And she knew he was lying. Why didn't she call him on it?
"...and then we reached Nibelheim."
Entering the city. Once again, Cloud was Zack. He remembered the conversation about hometowns right, but he wasn't who he was. He remembered Sephiroth talking about his mother, Jenova, and about Hojo. The laugh he gave when he couldn't believe he was talking about such things. His remark about how bad the Mako smell was.
"Yo wait a minute!" Barret shouted, "Isn't that, um...? The name of Sephiroth's mother... I remember Jenova. That's the damn headless spook livin' in the Shin-Ra building."
"The one that got out," I added darkly.
"Okay, that's beyond creepy," Ronnie muttered quietly. The entire time Cloud had been talking, Ronnie had been listening with interest. I was going to have to tell him what really happened later.
"Barret, would you please let us hear what Cloud has to say? You can ask questions later," Tifa said suddenly.
Barret frowned, "Tifa, I was only..."
Tifa ignored him and looked back to Cloud, "Okay Cloud, continue."
"It's a reunion of childhood pals!" Aerith chirped happily. Perhaps a little too happily for the situation.
"...I was really surprised with Tifa. ...The town was quiet. Everyone must be staying in their houses, afraid to come out because of the monsters. No, maybe they're afraid of us..."
Sephiroth told us we would leave at dawn. We'd need plenty of rest. Only one look-out was needed. Cloud visited Tifa, but she wasn't home. He visited his mother. Barret and Aerith particularly wanted to hear that part, but for some reason, Cloud seemed odd when talking about it. And then he just stopped, shook his head, and went on.
Sephiroth remarked about the scenery looking familiar. A memory I thought only I had. Had Zack asked him something similar? Had Zack overheard? Sephiroth told "Cloud" about Tifa being the guide. The next day we woke up and they had their picture taken. Sephiroth, "Cloud," and Tifa. On the way to the reactor, the bridge broke.
The next part, I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I had gone after Jerry after the bridge broke, while Sephiroth, Zack, Tifa, and Cloud had moved on without me. Cloud talked about a Materia fountain. Sephiroth had to explain to him how Materia tapped into the knowledge of the Ancients to produce Magic.
And then they moved on. Once at the reactor, Cloud, the real Cloud, had to stay behind and keep Tifa from getting inside because that was Shin-Ra's regulations. No one but Shin-Ra employees could enter the facility. Sephiroth and "Cloud" discovered odd tanks, and inside these tanks were monsters. Monsters that at one time had been people, perhaps SOLDIERS. Sephiroth freaked. He thought he had been created like them. There was no mention of Genesis from Cloud, but I knew he'd been there because Zack had told me.
I was starting to wonder why Cloud remembered some things from himself, others from Zack, and how he forgot other details entirely. Something had to have happened after I jumped into the reactor, and as Cloud continued with his narrative, I desperately wracked my mind to try and discover what that something could have been.
"Damn, Shin-Ra!" Barret shouted. I nearly jumped out of my skin. That's what I get for residing in my thoughts.
"The more I hear, the more I hate 'em!"
"...who would have ever thought the Mako Reactor held a secret like that," Tifa said dejectedly.
"I'm a Turk, and I didn't even realize it was that bad," Ronnie added, almost as disturbed as Tifa.
"That would seem to explain the increase in the number of monsters recently," Red said. "I think we should listen carefully to Cloud. Don't you think so Barret?"
"Why you talkin' to me!" Barret whispered angrily at the creature. He then turned back to Cloud, "Hmph! Pokin' his damn nose in where it don't belong. Cloud! Why don't you finish that story?"
"It would be kind of stupid to stop now," I added.
"Tifa... You were waiting outside then?" Aerith asked, obviously trying to get the ball rolling again.
"...Yes."
"We returned to Nibelheim," Cloud said. "Sephiroth confined himself at the inn. He didn't even try to talk to me."
"Then all of a sudden he just disappeared, right?" Tifa asked.
Cloud nodded, "We found him inside the biggest building in Nibelheim."
"The villagers used to call it Shin-Ra mansion," Tifa replied.
"Long ago, people from Shin-Ra used to live in that mansion..."
Of course it wasn't Zack or me that went to the mansion, but Cloud. He found Sephiroth in the basement, which was accessible by a hidden door in one of the bedrooms. All the information that Zack and I had overheard Sephiroth say was in Cloud's little head, word for word. He could even describe the lab tables, the Mako tanks in the back, the weird instruments strewn about the place. It was eerie.
But what was horrifying was what came next. He remembered the bedroom that Jerry and I had stayed in. He remembered going down to the basement again and having a conversation with Sephiroth that I knew, without a doubt, I had had. The words Cloud used were all accurate, right down to Sephiroth calling me a traitor and even some of my replies.
I had to clasp my hands together and place them against my mouth to keep them from shaking. At first I had simply been annoyed by Cloud's memory switch, but now I was terrified. I was beyond terrified, I was panicking. How did he know so much about things that had never happened to him? How did he have my memories yet have no memory of me? Or Zack! What on Gaia could do such a thing?
"Are you all right?" Ronnie asked me, rubbing my back, trying to comfort me.
Of course, everyone had to stare at me after the question. I shrugged my shoulder to make Ronnie stop and then brought my right leg up, hugging my knee.
"I'm fine," I said, though my nervousness was betrayed by my voice. "Keep going."
Cloud frowned a little, but he did keep going. He went into a part of the story I knew nothing about. Jerry and I had stayed behind in Nibelheim, trying to save people, while Cloud, Zack, and Tifa had all gone after Sephiroth. What Cloud related was, if I was correct, Zack's point of view.
He chased Sephiroth to the reactor. Tifa had found her father dead on the reactor floor, Sephiroth's sword lying near him. She grabbed the sword and meant to attack Sephiroth. A foolish move. He easily wrenched the sword from her and sliced her across the chest. She fell down the stairs like a ragdoll. Zack, or Cloud, moved her to the side. That explained why I hadn't noticed her that night. I was so focused on Cloud and Zack, I didn't think of anyone else being in the reactor.
"Cloud" confronted Sephiroth. Sephiroth was in front of Jenova. He ripped the statue away from her.
What about MY sadness! My family...friends...The sadness of having my hometown taken away from me! It's the same as your sadness!
That had to have been Cloud. It obviously didn't apply to Zack.
Sephiroth laughed at him, My sadness? What do I have to be sad about? I am the chosen one. I have been chosen to be the leader of this planet. I have orders to take this planet back from you stupid people for the Cetra. What am I supposed to be sad about?
Sephiroth...I trusted you... No, you're not the Sephiroth I used to know!
But Cloud didn't know Sephiroth that well. He'd never trusted him. That had to have been Zack.
I remembered their fallen bodies on the reactor stairs leading up to Jenova's chamber. Zack had been in a fight, that was obvious. Cloud had been gravely injured. It was possible that Zack had fought Sephiroth, lost, and Cloud had tried to finish him. Maybe that was why both their memories were coming through for the same moment. But why did Cloud have Zack's memories in the first place, let alone mine?
"...and that's the end of my story."
"What?" I asked, snapping out of my thoughts and quite surprised not to have an ending.
"Wait a damn minute! Ain't there more?" Barret asked.
"...I don't remember."
"What happened to Sephiroth?" Aerith asked.
Cloud replied, "In terms of skill, I couldn't have killed him."
"Official records state Sephiroth is dead. I read it in the newspaper," Tifa supplied.
"Shin-Ra Inc. owns the paper," Aerith replied, "so you can't rely on that information."
"...I want to know the truth," Cloud said at length. "I want to know what happened then. I challenged Sephiroth and lived. Why didn't he kill me?"
And that's when I decided I couldn't keep my big mouth shut.
"He did try to kill you," I almost whispered, staring down at the floor with my elbows on my knees.
"What?" Cloud asked. From where he was across the room, I was surprised he heard me at all. But then again, from his eyes, it was obvious he had Mako in his veins. Who knew how good his hearing was?
Taking a shaky breath, I repeated a little louder, "He did try to kill you. You got lucky."
"Whoa, wait, wait, wait," Barret interjected, shaking his head as he looked at me, "How do you know what happened to Cloud?"
I looked up at the group of faces staring at me in confusion and suspicion. I was trying to determine how much I wanted them to know. I was trying to determine what I could say that wouldn't set Cloud's already fragile mind to the breaking point. My conclusion was to go for as much of the truth as possible and cover up any loose ends with excuses and theories should the need arise.
"How about I start at the beginning?" I replied. "Now, I'm not going to go as detailed as Cloud did, and I'm going to be going pretty fast. Either pay attention and keep up, or you'll be left in the dark. I am not going to repeat myself. Ronnie and I came to Midgar looking for a plane of mine that Shin-Ra kidnapped. Do not interrupt me, Barret," I said as I glared at the man. He quickly, albeit irritably, closed his mouth. I continued, "This was about seven years ago, or so. In hindsight, Midgar would not have been the place they would have taken my aircraft, since the airport is at Junon, but we didn't know that and so we went to the Shin-Ra Building in the nearest town. My plan was to sneak in, get my plane, and bust my way out. That plan didn't get very far.
"We did sneak in, through the same staircase ya'll did, and we were captured at the top of the stairs. They threw us in jail, much like they did you. Well, the Turks were a little intrigued by our determination to sneak into the Shin-Ra building with phony I.D. cards and offered us a job. We took it because we didn't want to rot in jail."
"Actually, I just wanted the suits," Ronnie added, shrugging. I stared at him.
"I thought you said you were SOLDIER?" Barret asked.
"Getting to that," I hissed. "As I was saying, we became Turks. I sucked ass at it. I didn't much like the idea of going around killing people—" Barret snorted, "—and I made a habit of botching my missions, which were few and far between. Eventually, they signed me up for guard duty watching over the President's son."
"You were the bodyguard for Rufus?" Tifa asked, genuinely surprised.
"One of them, yes. For a week."
"Is that why you saved him earlier?" Cloud pressed.
"She did what?" Barret asked.
I ignored him, "That might have had something to do with it, yes. But you're bringing me off topic. An incident occurred in Junon—"
"Rufus tried to kill Saan and I kinda tried to kill him," Ronnie interjected. Aerith gasped.
My hand hit my forehead with a loud smack and I drug it down my face. "He wasn't going to kill me and you tried to explode his head. His actions were justified."
"He pointed a gun at your face! A shot gun! Do you have any idea what would have happened to your head if he'd pulled the trigger?"
"Yes!" I shouted in exasperation. "That is not the point! It's not like that was the first time I'd had a gun pointed at my face."
"He's pointed a gun at your face before?" Ronnie shrieked in horror.
"No!" I snapped. "Just shut up!" Taking a deep breath, I focused my attention on the rest of the group, daring anyone else to interrupt me. When it looked safe to keep going, I did, "There was an incident in Junon and we were brought before the President to get yelled at. Well, Rufus made light of the situation and somehow the President thought it would be a good idea to have me bodyguard him instead.
"For this assignment, I was paired with Sephiroth. This was my first time meeting the man and he was a little intimidating at first. But, after I got over the fact he wasn't giving me the cold shoulder and that he was just socially awkward I loosened up a bit. I tried to joke with him a little about the President's incompetence, but that's like trying to joke with a brick wall. Anyway, AVALANCHE attacked and I wound up getting shot trying to save the President."
"AVALANCHE?" Aerith asked.
"The old AVALANCHE," Tifa answered. "They did things a little…differently than we do."
"They got things done," Barret replied.
"They killed innocent people," I shot back.
Barret grumbled.
"So, you got shot, what then?" Cloud asked.
"Sephiroth healed her," Ronnie replied. "He had some pretty strong Materia, as Cloud's mentioned. He was like zap and she was instantly healed."
I turned slowly to look at my friend, pointed at my face, and said, "My story."
"Sorry," Ronnie muttered, bowing his head.
"Thank you. Sephiroth saved me with his wonderful Curaga spell and I wound up spending some time in the hospital from blood loss. Well, the President wanted to meet with me afterwards, I don't remember why. Probably because I'd tried to warn him of the attack, because Rufus had warned me cryptically just before we'd left the Shin-Ra Building, and he hadn't believe me. After I'd been shot, the fat fucker ran off and got shot himself. Ronnie thought he wanted to thank me or something. Blah, blah, blah. I ran into Sephiroth again and we went to meet the President. In the President's office, while Sephiroth was talking about some elf chick, I picked up this really nifty looking armband thing."
Here I paused to raise my arm and show everyone the armlet that started it all. Satisfied that the gang was still with me, I dropped my arm and continued.
"Because I'm so smart, I put this armband on my arm and snap! It attached itself to me. I flipped the fuck out, as you can imagine. I was a piece of shit Turk who couldn't do anything right to save her life and I had probably just stolen some piece of important technology. Hojo, whom I'm sure you all know, took that opportune moment to sneak up behind me and scare the living hell out of me. This scare made me force the suit, which you've all seen on me, to activate.
"The President didn't know what it was, Sephiroth didn't know what it was, and Hojo had a vague clue. After a few minutes of me demanding they remove the damn thing, it was agreed by the President and Hojo that I was to be a guinea pig for Hojo and SOLDIER."
Red XIII looked like he shuddered, "Hojo is a madman."
"Yes, one I'd like to destroy in the most painful way possible. But I digress. I was put into the SOLDIER program. I was trained mostly by myself, but I had some help from a First named Zack and Sephiroth."
Aerith perked up, "So it was you!"
Everyone looked at her.
"Wait, you know her?" Cloud asked, pointing at me.
Aerith nodded slowly, frowning a little, "I wasn't sure if it was her when we found her in the Shin-Ra building. I'd never seen her with that…suit…before. And I'd only met her once before. But, back then, she said she worked with Zack. I didn't think she meant she was SOLDIER. Her eyes…weren't the same."
I nodded, "That's because I didn't have the Mako injections."
"All SOLDIERs have Mako injections," Cloud replied, narrowing his eyes at me suspiciously.
"Not this one," I said. "When Hojo tried to test my tolerance, I had a major reaction to it. I couldn't have the injections because they would have killed me. But, the President wanted my suit put to use, so I was still allowed into the SOLDIER program…after proving myself with a few battles on the Virtual Reality simulator."
"They have those kinds of things?" Barret asked, impressed.
"Shin-Ra has a lot of big toys and nothing really to do with them. Have you seen the canon at Junon?" I asked.
"It's huge," Ronnie added.
"It's ridiculously huge," I replied. "But I'm getting off topic again. I eventually made it to First, though I was allowed to cheat a little. President's orders, you understand. I went on a few big missions here and there. The last of which…was Nibelheim."
Oh, that got a reaction. Shock, confusion, anger. Most of these emotions directed at me from Cloud. I knew he was going to argue with me, and I was ready to stick up for myself. Or at least try to. It might not have helped my case that Ronnie was nodding beside me.
"Wait, you went with Cloud to Nibelheim?" Barret asked. "He didn't mention you."
"Because she wasn't there," Cloud almost growled. "She's lying."
"I am not lying," I replied calmly, looking him in the eyes. "I wasn't supposed to go on the mission, but Hojo had said something a few minutes before Sephiroth and you all left, and I forced Sephiroth to take me along." I chuckled, "I threatened to call him every minute of every day if he didn't. He wasn't too pleased with me for that. Please, Cloud, just listen, that's all I ask."
He had been about to protest again. The anger rolling off him was almost unbelievable, but I had to understand things from his point of view. He honestly did not remember me, and here I was saying I had been with him when his entire home had been destroyed. I don't think I would have been too happy, either. But I needed him to listen. I at least needed Tifa to listen. If I could break through to her, maybe she could somehow set Cloud straight.
Amazingly, the boy silenced himself. He did not, however, stop glaring.
"I went with you to Nibelheim. I didn't help fight the dragon because my suit was giving me problems. It acts odd when around Jenova, don't ask me why. I remember entering Nibelheim. I remember running into Tifa. I remember going across that bridge and it breaking. The SOLDIER that was lost, he didn't die, I saved him. We stayed at the Mansion with Sephiroth; we watched over him. And then he snapped and destroyed your hometown. That SOLDIER and I tried to save those we could before running after you and Tifa. I remember running into the reactor and finding you with a wound in your back that went straight through. I don't know what happened to you exactly, but I know that Sephiroth was thrown into the Reactor that day by you. I know because I jumped into the Reactor after Sephiroth."
"You're lying," was all Cloud replied with. He was almost livid.
Ronnie opened his mouth to object, but I silenced him with a wave of my arm.
"She's gotta be," Barret muttered, crossing his arms, "ain't no reason for Spikey to lie about his own hometown burnin'."
"I'm not saying he's lying," I replied. "You can see it in his face that he's not."
"So you admit you're lying?" Cloud snapped.
"No," I said calmly, "I am merely telling you what I remember."
I took a quick look at Tifa. She was looking at me with wide eyes. She looked almost afraid. She knew I was telling the truth. I had been at Nibelheim. Whether or not she believed me about Cloud's involvement, I didn't know. But I had her thinking. And I think that terrified her because I could ruin Cloud's reality.
"Well, your memory is messed up. You weren't in Nibelheim, and I don't like you toying with me."
Once again Ronnie tried to object, and once again I silenced him. I knew he could back up my claims. He obviously knew I'd gone to Nibelheim. However, I didn't want him ruining my plan. I revealed to Cloud as much as I did, making sure to leave out Zack's involvement in that particular case, so that maybe the kid would remember me. And, if he remembered me, it was only a small step for him to remember Zack and his actual role in the Nibelheim Incident. But, that plan didn't work. Cloud was die-hard set on believing his faulty memories, which I still hadn't determined a cause for. I was left with no other alternative but to backtrack. It wasn't like I could take back all I'd said, but I could cover it up—sweep it under the rug—if I played my cards right.
I sighed loudly, "You're right, and I'm not trying to toy with you. I wouldn't gain from doing such a thing. But I'm like you now; I want to know the truth. I want to know why I remember things that you say never happened."
"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Cloud retorted, but I could tell his anger was subsiding. Very slowly.
"Perhaps…" Red spoke up from his corner. Everyone turned to face him. "Perhaps, when you were inside the Mako, your memories were altered? You and your friend did say you have been in there for five years. That time frame coincides with the destruction of Cloud and Tifa's home. Is it not possible that you fell into the Mako and that your memories somehow mixed with those who were in the Reactor at the time? You say that Sephiroth fell into the Reactor. Perhaps you drew your memories from him?"
I stared at the lion in disbelief, "…It is possible."
"Can something like that even happen?" Tifa asked.
Aerith shook her head, "I'm not sure. Maybe. People weren't meant to be bathed or injected in Mako, I know that much."
"Psh, tell that to Shin-Ra," Barret grumbled.
I stood up suddenly, leaned over, and grabbed my staff from its resting place against the wall. Ronnie pushed himself off the bed and followed me as I walked past the group.
"Where are you going?" Cloud asked as I passed him.
I stopped for a moment, casting him a sideways glance, "To go think about my muddled mind. I'll be back in a few hours, don't worry." I hesitated a moment before adding, "I didn't mean to offend you earlier."
He frowned at me, but it appeared he accepted my apology. With a short nod, I walked down the stairs. I didn't stop to answer when Ronnie asked me where I was going and I didn't slow down. Red XIII had brought up an interesting idea, and I wanted to think about it more. To do that, I needed to get away from Cloud and the others. The only muse I needed was Ronnie. He was good at bouncing ideas off of. Plus, I needed to tell him what really happened in Nibelheim, and then find out from him what had happened to Shin-Ra in my absence.
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A/N: Yeah, this is kinda a short chapter for me, but if I don't break here while I can, you will be faced with another one of my god chapters. And believe me, you do not want that. Sorry that this was all talking, and the next one doesn't really have any action either. But hey, the game's like that too. Because I'm in the middle of my Mental Chapter, the next update shall be in a day or two. I've been writing non-stop (sans dinner) for eight hours now. So, yes.
I kinda revealed more to Cloud and gang than I wanted to right off the bat, but I figured I'd just go ahead and get it out of the way before Saan exploded and strangled Tifa or something equally fatal.
Questions, comments, I will gladly answer you. And sometimes you will get pages of a reply, as Yuleen75 now knows. I love you anyway :D.
Chapter title comes from Memories by Within Tempation. Listen to it. Nao.
