23:15

Dreaded Dresses

Author's Note: Hey, this is the first chapter that is exactly the same as the Fanfiction[.]net chapter name. The others have been different because Fanfiction[.]net doesn't allow really long chapter names.

Mr. Bingley was coming back. With his friend. Elizabeth had just received an e-mail regarding this (wait, make that two):

To: Elizabeth Bennet .gov And a bunch of other classified people

From: Updates .gov

PEOPLE:

Mr. Bingley of the USSS will be re-arriving on Thursday.

Ms. Bingley of the USSS will be arriving on Thursday.

Ms. Bingley of the USSS will be arriving on Thursday.

PLACES:

Atlantis has docked at Hawai'i and is now drifting toward the Gulf of California.

Laputa is drifting toward Mt. St. Helens

THINGS:

The prototype for satellite shoes has failed. See INVENTIONS on our website for more information.

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Agent Isabel .gov

Subject: Mr. Bingley

Mr. Bingley has arranged to come back. We will be meeting him in Netherfield. I have checked your schedule, and marked the time. You will NOT be getting out of this. So HA!

Your loving mother,

Weird, Mr. Bingley's friend wasn't listed under the "people" section. Either he hadn't found his friend, or his friend was so classified that his arrival was top secret. Good news and bad news. She would be meeting this top secret person in Netherfield, but that was also the bad news. She absolutely LOATHED the dances her mother made her go to. Wait, make that three:

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Agent Isabel .gov

Subject: Mr. Bingley

Dear Elizabeth,

Change of plans, we will be meeting Mr. Bingley and his friends and family in Meryton. You are going dress shopping.

Your loving mother

Okay, she would rather not know who Mr. Bingley's friend was then go dress shopping. There were very few things Elizabeth wouldn't do, and dancing and shopping were two of them. Ping!

Agent Isabel – 15:29:53

We r going 2 fnd u a dress NOW! Cmon

Agent Elizabeth – 15:30:57

Fine. hmph.

Grrr, Elizabeth growled and set down her phone. Why the heck do I have to go to the dance? So unfair. Whatever, just get over it Elizabeth, she told herself.

"How about this one?" Mrs. Bennet asked, holding up a pink and orange dress.

"Can't I choose for myself?" Elizabeth asked.

"How about this one?" Ms. Bennet held up another dress, ignoring her daughter's question. They didn't have to go shopping, the CIA had plenty of disguises for their agents. Elizabeth spotted a nondescript green dress.

"That's nice too, dear." Her mother said, happy that Elizabeth had finally given in. "It goes nicely with your eyes." Elizabeth almost put it back on the rack because of that, then changed her mind, her mother would surely give her something much worse.

"May I be excused now?" she asked, not wanting to stay a second more, lest her mother change her mind and give her something ostentatious.

Elizabeth locked herself in her office and blocked her mother from calling her. She also made herself to her mother on the internet. Ping!

Agent Jane – 16:45:04

Isnt it gr8? I absltly 3 dances

Agent Mary – 16:47:02

I think its horrbl im going 2 hav 2 skip the adv tech semin r

Agent Lydia – 16:47:69

Wat r u going 2 wear?

Elizabeth blocked her sisters too. This is infuriating! She thought, and turned off all her electronics. Then she went out into her small yard that was connected to her office. [Yes, her office was absolutely wonderful.] At least there, nobody could bother her about dresses and advanced technology seminars. Seriously, who cares?

The day came much too early. Elizabeth tried to delay getting into her dress as much as possible, but then her mother threatened that if she didn't wear the dress, she would send Jane. It was blackmail. From her own mother. Because even though it didn't sound threatening, Jane would spend hours doing Elizabeth's hair, and then some more hours doing her nails. Elizabeth changed into her dress; the alternative was just much too terrible.

Come on clock, just tick a little faster, pretty please. Lizzie thought, staring at all the couples around her. She was stuck sitting in an uncomfortable chair, watching everyone else. On the plus side, the food was absolutely delicious, though not all of it was vegetarian. [Elizabeth was a vegetarian, in case you haven't been able to infer that.] Jane was dancing with Mr. Bingley, and Elizabeth wondered if it was because they were practically made for each other, or if her mother had done something. Probably a little bit of both. The clock continued to tick along, slower then scientifically possible. Even if you applied Einstein's theory on relativity.

Elizabeth had sat there for an hour. She was bored out of her mind. Mr. Bingley sat down at a table next to hers. Another man, presumably Mr. Bingley's friend, had been, much like Elizabeth, sitting there for the whole dance.

"Jane is absolutely wonderful." Mr. Bingley said.

"Sure…" Mr. Bingley's friend said, somewhat sarcastically.

"Aren't you going to dance?" Mr. Bingley asked.

"No! Absolutely not. All the people here are ugly and intolerable." Excusez moi? Elizabeth thought, almost screaming her thought aloud.

"What about Elizabeth? Mrs. Bennet's daughter? I like her, as a friend. She's kind and considerate." Mr. Bingley replied.

"HER? The girl who believes in chameleon cats? She's worse then the rest of them put all together. Mentally ill. Physically she's isn't as ugly though… She goes around chasing cats all day and I'd be surprised if she had-"

"FITZWILLIAM! That's rather unkind, don't you think?" Mr. Bingley interrupted. "I find no fault in "chasing cats", she simply cares for the earth a little more than the rest of us."

YAY! Mr. Bingley: 1 Mr. Darcy: 0 Elizabeth thought. Mr. Bingley left to dance with Jane again. "Hello, how do you like it here?" she asked Mr. Darcy, might as well fake being nice. "Fine. But I suppose the CIA can't do any better than this." Well so much for being nice, Elizabeth thought, "Excuse me? And who do you think you are?"

"I should think that's above your security clearance." He smirked. GRRR, Elizabeth growled to herself.

"Well I'm just going to infer you're Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy." He looked utterly shocked, then masked his reaction with The Face That Shows Nothing. "Hmph."

"I also find it quite rude to talk about people when they are sitting right next to you." Elizabeth continued. Mr. Darcy was shocked. The Face That Shows Nothing was gone, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't mask his emotions.

"I-" Mr. Darcy tried The Face of Disdain. "Hmph." He repeated and turned away. Well serves him right, Elizabeth thought bitterly, thoroughly offended by what he had just said. She didn't care about what her mother would say, she took out her laptop and ignored everyone else for the rest of the dance. Mr. Bingley tried to speak to her, but she thought it was partially his fault, since it was his friend. He had stood up for her even though he didn't really know her, so she decided she could forgive him later. She found the USSS global wifi and hacked into it. For some reason, the room wasn't getting the CIA wifi.

Elizabeth was still ticked off three hours after the dance. It was one in the morning, but she was still awake. She was somewhere in the forest, though wasn't sure exactly where. Surprisingly, the CIA wifi reached the forest. And somehow, Mr. Bingley had gotten ahold of her e-mail:

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Agent Charles char_

Subject: Please please open this

Dear Ms. Elizabeth Bennet,

I sincerely apologise for the atrocious behaviour of my friend, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. He works for the NSA, and he is a bit too proud of himself. He has high security clearance, though I doubt he has a lot more than you. Please do not tell him I told you this, but his security clearance is 7 above your beautiful sister, Jane's.

Please send my love to your sister.

I hope you accept my apologies, though I completely understand if you hate me now.

Charles Bingley

Elizabeth replied and said it wasn't his fault. Charlotte had gotten results of the DNA sampling on the carcass. Strangely, it was of a lynx; lynx primarily live in Canada and the north. Elizabeth went to her office to get a disc. There was a small blue note on her office door:

Your office has been moved. All things must be moved by tomorrow at noon. Anything remaining will be thrown away or donated to charity or destroyed or up for anyone to take. You will be moved to a stuffy 6 by 6 cubicle.

Elizabeth stared at the note. This was the absolutely worst week of her life. She went to find her father.

Mr. Bennet was filing slices of ham. He put the last slice of ham into the filing cabinet and locked it. Then he put the papers onto a slice of cheese and topped it with a sticky note.

"Father, why can't I keep my office?" Elizabeth asked.

"Hm? Oh Mr. Bingley will be using it for a day, while we fix the office next to Jane's. Then Mr. Darcy will have it permanently, he's a high ranking NSA agent, won't that be nice?" Mr. Bennet dumped some paper clips onto the sticky notepad.

"Could I please keep my office? Please?" Elizabeth begged. "And, um, I don't think you should eat that sandwich."

"Fine darling. You can have my sandwich if you would like. But you'll have to talk to Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy about the office." Elizabeth left in search of Mr. Bingley.

Mr. Bingley was fine with switching offices, saying it was the least he could do after his friend had been so rude. Mr. Darcy said he would rather share a cubicle then go somewhere SHE had been. Mr. Bingley: 2 Mr. Darcy: 0 That guy really needed to learn some proper etiquette. So Mr. Bingley was put in a cubicle, while Mr. Darcy, well who knew where he went? He was so high ranking and mysterious.

Ping! Elizabeth's mother had somehow hacked her phone and laptop and unblocked herself.

Chatroom – 08:04:29

[Agent Isabel has entered "Chatroom"]

[Agent Charlotte has entered "Chatroom"]

[Multiple agents have entered "Chatroom"]

Lady_lucas: Mr. Bingley danced with Charlotte and Jane yesterday.

I_Bennet: He danced w/charlotte 1st

Lady_Lucas: I think he preferred Jane, he danced w/ her 2x

Char: this is slightly awkward

Eliza: -_-

I_Bennet: Mr. Bingley said his sister would be visiting soon

Eliza: Great

Char: huh

[Agent Charlotte has exited "Chatroom"]

[Agent Elizabeth has exited "Chatroom"]

Chat ended – 08:10:39

True to Mr. Bingley's words, his sisters visited. In Elizabeth's opinion, too many times. Mr. Bingley and Jane were getting closer, and they were commonly seen together. Jane claimed she just had a lot of business to discuss with him.

Sadly, she would be attending a conference with, grrr, Mr. Darcy, in a minute. And she would have to leave now, if she was going to make it there on time.

People were scattered all around the room. Elizabeth found Charlotte and pulled a chair up next to her.

"Parents." Elizabeth said.

"I know! It's so awkward when they discuss about you in front of you. It's as if we don't exist." Charlotte said. "But I do agree that Mr. Bingley does prefer Jane."

"They were made for each other." Elizabeth said. "But Jane's hiding her feelings."

"So true. But Mr. Bingley will lose interest in your sister if she does not display her affections." Charlotte replied in a grown-uppy voice.

"But you know how Jane is, she changes her mind so many times."

"Well I think they should just get married."

"You can't rush into marriage like that!" Elizabeth was horrified.

"Sh. They finally decided to start the conference." Charlotte shushed her.

"Hello all. Mr. Darcy of the NSA has arrived. He will be included in our meetings until he can decide which branch he would like to join. Does anyone have any updates? Robert? Kathryn?" the man at the head of the table asked.

"None." The two agents replied in unison.

"Anybody? Everybody here has enough clearance to know." He said, looking around. "Elizabeth?"

"What? Oh, um. There's a lynx carcass in the Sasquatch Swamps. Charlotte analysed it." Elizabeth said.

"Are you sure it's not a panther? They're live in Florida, unlike the lynx. You know, the lynx live in Canada. That's why they're called Canadian Lynx." Mr. Darcy said smugly.

"Lynx Canadensis. I know what I'm talking about. It was a lynx carcass." Elizabeth insisted.

"If you say so." Mr. Darcy said somewhat sarcastically.

"I do say so." Elizabeth said, her eyes flashing with barely contained rage.

"I believe there is illegal fur trade going on. The cat was skinned. Only the muscle and bone was left."

The man at the head of the table nodded. "We'll look into that. Anything else?"

A platter of tiny pies went by. Elizabeth amused herself by arranging and rearranging the small pile of pies in front of her while some guy went on and on about something uninteresting about the thickness of cardboard, I mean really, who the heck cares about that?