*A/N* Hey guys, as you read this chapter, please keep in mind that Harry is 'playing' the role of an eleven year old, so if his speech seems childish, that's why.


Chapter 4

A 70/30 Split

Lucius,

I would like to express my deepest condolences to you and Narcissa on the future loss of your son.

What do I mean by that you ask?

It means that I am going to kill your pitiful whelp of a child if he ever calls me stupid again! I have taken up the vacant post of Defense against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts, and last night when your idiot son was sorted into Gryffindork, he had the nerve to call me stupid when I chastised him for pitching a fit in the middle of the great hall! He is an embarrassment to the name of Malfoy, and if he doesn't start showing me respect, I will kill him!

I am very displeased with you and your family right now Lucius. I may have disappeared for the last ten years, but that doesn't mean I haven't kept up with the news.

The imperius curse?

You denounced me so dismissively just so you could keep your pitiful, slippery arse out of Azkaban!?

You dare?!

I'm not happy with you Lucius, so consider this my one and only warning, and teach your son some respect!

The Dark Lord

"NARCISSA!" Lucius screamed frantically as he rushed from his study and into the sitting room where his wife was reading.

"Goodness Lucius, what has gotten you so…"

"Read this!" He said in a panicked whisper.

Narcissa took the letter from Lucius's severely shaking hands, and began to read. Once she was done, she stared at her husband in horror.

"Draco." She whispered in fear.

"We need to go to Hogwarts." Lucius replied with a tinge of fear in his voice.

"Right now." Narcissa agreed, as she stood up.

Then they both apparated on the spot.


Tom sat up at the head table and watched as the students slowly trickled in for breakfast. He had thought a lot about his plans once he had gotten into bed last night, and truth be told, he decided to make a few adjustments to them.

Simply because he was no longer Voldemort.

Tom had come to that conclusion the night he and Harry got drunk and thought up this barmy arse world. However, at first, Tom thought he could go back to being the insane, egotistical, selfish, psychopath, that Voldemort was, but truth be told, he really didn't have it in him to be that anymore. He was an old soul, much like Dumbledore and Hermione, and he had lived hundreds of lives before he became Voldemort, and he had lived hundreds of lives since. Well, once Potter put his soul back together that is. Not to mention, it had been two-thousand bloody years since his Voldemort days. Being Voldemort was just a tiny speck of time in his existence, and it wasn't all that Tom Riddle was about.

No, he couldn't be Voldemort simply because Tom Riddle actually loved some of these people.

Tom watched as Susan Bones sat down to fill her plate with food, and smiled fondly as he remembered the time when she was his mother. He smiled again when Neville, Hermione, Harry, and Ron came in chatting about something, and his heart leapt with joy as Neville grinned. Neville had been his older brother three lives ago, and Tom remembered the good times they had together. As he looked at Hermione and Ron, he remembered the times when they had once been his son and daughter, and Hermione had once been his wife.

Tom even watched as a nervous Dumbledore made his way into the great hall, and tears actually prickled at his eyes as he thought about the loving father the man had been to him not just once, but five different times. There were others sitting in the great hall who had also been his wife, brother/sister, father/mother, and son or daughter, and he loved them all.

No, he wasn't going to kill them. He couldn't.

But that did not mean he couldn't have some fun. Sure, it was a touch cruel to make them squirm and make them believe that he would start shooting off killing curses at any given moment, but this was an alternate reality. Yes, it was true, everyone was alive, but they had already lived this life once, and when they eventually died and learned the truth, most of them would probably laugh about it. And still, it's not like Potter would let anything too horrible happen to these people anyway, especially the innocent ones.

And the ones like Severus.

Tom glanced at the Potions Master as he nervously slid into the seat next to him. Potter can say what he wanted about Severus, but Tom knew better. If Potter truly hated the man, he wouldn't have named his son after him. Even to this day, in real reality, Severus was a common name in the Potter family, and everyone knew why.

Tom even had a lot of respect for the man, and was actually glad Potter decided to send him back. Severus had been a brother to him, as well as a grandfather, and a son. Not to mention, if Severus hadn't asked him to spare Lily's life that night, Harry would have died and things would have turned out a lot different.

If Voldemort had won, things would have been very bad indeed, and even Tom himself shivered at the thought.

However, as Myrtle made her way into the great hall for breakfast, Tom snarled at her. Yes, there were some people he genuinely hated. He could name many names right off the top of his head, and he probably would end up killing them just for the sake of being rid of them. After all, he did have to keep up the 'Voldemort' appearance somehow.

Tom's attention was suddenly drawn to Harry as he lad burst out laughing, and he chuckled softly.

Potter was currently trying to balance a whole pineapple on top of his head, but failed miserably and burst out laughing when it landed with a splat in the oatmeal, which went flying all over Draco.

Tom just shook his head and grinned. No, he wasn't going to kill Potter either.

Besides, it's not like he actually could kill him.

It seemed to be an unspoken realization between the two of them. After all, Potter was Death, and you can't kill Death no matter how hard you try, but Tom could make a good showing of trying to go about doing it.

And that is what everything boiled down too.

This was nothing more than one big epic prank planned by a bored and drunk Master of Death and his equally bored and drunk friend, Tom Riddle.

James Potter and Sirius Black were going to be proud.

"Stupid arrogant show-off. No respect…no manners…doing what he pleases…just like his father." Severus growled, as he ripped up a paper napkin and threw it down on the table in disgust.

"Now Severus." Dumbledore said in a gentle tone. "Harry is just a boy, and you have to remember that he is not James Potter. He is his own person."

"But it's very useful to know that you hate the brat so much Severus. I'll look forward to using this knowledge in the future." Tom said with a smirk. "Vow or not Dumbledore, Severus here hates your Golden Boy." He added, slapping Severus on the back in a brotherly sort of way, which shocked the Potions Master speechless. "And hate is a useful tool."

"Did you hear that Severus?" Dumbledore said with a glare aimed right at Tom. "You're only a tool to him."

"Once again Dumbledore, you amaze me with your ability to twist words." Tom chuckled. "I never once said Severus was a tool. I said hate was a tool."

"So is love." Dumbledore said with a haughty nod.

"Ah, love." Tom said with a grin. "How utterly pointless. Love is a useless tool."

"Only to those who don't understand it, or are incapable of feeling it." Dumbledore simply replied.

Tom scoffed, but everyone's attention was diverted when the Malfoys suddenly burst through the doors of the great hall. Their eyes frantically swept the room, but when they zeroed in on Draco, who was still trying to get all the oatmeal out of his hair, they sighed in visible relief.

"Looks like they got my letter." Tom said with a smirk, as Lucius scanned the head table.

Tom glared at the man, but dismissed him by motioning towards Draco. Narcissa didn't waste any time trying to get to her son, but Lucius took one last nervous look at Tom before joining her.

Everyone watched as Draco let out a surprised yelp when Lucius hauled him to his feet, but nothing they said could be heard, seeing as Lucius put up a privacy ward. However, it didn't take a genius to know what was going on when Narcissa shoved Tom's letter into Draco's face, and all Tom could do was laugh quietly.

"What did you do?" Dumbledore hissed.

"I didn't do anything except write a letter." Tom said innocently. "Why do you always think I'm up to something evil?"

"Because you are."

"I'm hurt Dumbledore. I truly am. I disappeared for ten years, so how do you know I didn't find compassion during that time?" Tom asked as he raised an eyebrow at the man.

"Because I know you better than that. Besides, you used the imperius curse on me and forced me to sign that contract."

"Ah." Tom said with a grin. "And how does that automatically make me evil? What if I simply wanted to teach these fine, young, upstanding children defensive magic? After all, it's not like you'd just let me teach, especially because of all my past crimes."

"Is that all they are to you? Crimes?" Dumbledore asked angrily. "If you can simply call them mere crimes, then you haven't changed a bit."

"Again, I'm hurt Dumbledore." Tom said smoothly.

"I doubt it." He hissed.

Severus suddenly cleared his throat loudly, which made Dumbledore look up and Tom to glare furiously at him. Severus swallowed thickly, but his eyes darted to the approaching Malfoys.

Draco was now staring at Tom with wide eyes and he looked incredibly pale for a boy his age, but Lucius shoved him forward.

"Lucius, Narcissa, how can I help you? I must admit that it's quite a shock seeing you here this morning."

"Dumbledore." Lucius acknowledged with a curt nod.

"I'm guessing this visit does not concern the Board of Governors then, or even Draco's sorting?"

"Not at all. Draco's unfortunate placement in Gryffindork is an extreme disappointment to us, but one cannot argue, or go against, the decision made by the Sorting Kettle. We are actually here today because Narcissa and I received a letter from…" His voice suddenly trailed off and he cleared his throat nervously. "…from Professor Riddle."

"You can just call me the Dark Lord and get it over with Lucius." Tom said coldly, as his eyes bored holes into the man's head. "Or do you wish to denounce me again?"

"No My…My Lord. Forgive me My Lord."

"Get on with it then." Tom said coolly.

"Draco has something to say to you My Lord." Narcissa said quietly, as she bowed her head. "Please, have mercy on him."

Tom's eyes darted to the boy, who looked like he was about to wet himself.

"I'm sorry sir please forgive me I was just mad that I didn't go to Slytherin I didn't know who you were and I wasn't thinking sir I was just mad because Potter upset me on the train and my mind got away from me please don't do anything sir I really am sorry my Mum and Dad set me right and it will never happen again sir." He said in one giant breath, as he stood there trembling violently.

"See that it never happens again, and Draco, don't tell anyone who I am. Not even the Slytherin children whose parents belong to me." Tom said, and dismissed the boy with a wave of his hand.

"I won't sir, I promise." Draco said, before hightailing it back to the Gryffindor table.

"Thank you My Lord." Narcissa said as she visibly sighed with relief.

Tom merely nodded, but Dumbledore glared at him in disapproval.

"See, you haven't changed a bit. Draco is just a boy." He said angrily. "And you only think of people as your possessions."

"I know that Draco is just a boy Dumbledore. It's one of the reasons why I didn't kill him last night." Tom replied, completely ignoring the fact that the Malfoys were waiting for his dismissal. "Children make mistakes and need to be given the chance to correct them. I'm not a monster."

A loud scoff came from Minerva, who was sitting on the other side of Dumbledore. Tom raised an eyebrow at her, but chose to ignore it.

"As for your comment about people being my possessions. Well, they all took my mark willingly. Isn't that right Severus." Tom asked offhandedly.

"C-Correct My Lord." He said with a slight stutter.

"See." Tom said, giving Dumbledore a brilliant smile.

The Headmaster just glared at him, but then he suddenly paled and his eyes widened as Harry finally made his appearance. Tom actually wondered what took him so long to wander over and throw a monkey wrench into the conversation.

"Hiya Hagrid!" Harry said cheerfully as he approached the half-giant, who was sitting on the other side of Severus.

"Good morning Harry." Hagrid said nervously as he glanced at Tom, who was simply smirking.

"You have a minute to talk?"

"No Harry, now isn't a good time…"

"It's ok, you can eat while I talk. I don't mind." Harry replied, effectively cutting the man off. "Listen, Uncle Vernon wanted me to apologize to you for all that he did the day you came and got me. They actually are very nice people, and raised me well. They took me in, gave me love, and really do care for me a great deal." He said, causing Tom to openly stare at him in confusion, but Harry ignored him and continued.

"Anyway, Aunt Petunia wanted me to tell you that we only acted that way in the hut, because they wanted to make sure you weren't working for Mortevold." He said, causing more than a few of the Professors to start stuttering in shock.

Unfortunately, Tom had just taken a sip of juice when Harry mentioned that little zinger, and he spewed it all over Lucius, who was still standing right in front of him.

Harry grinned innocently at him. "I know Professor Riddle! It's funny isn't it!?" He said, with a laugh. "Everyone is sooo afraid of saying 'Voldemort', so I decided to jazz his name up a bit and make it funny. Mortevold just fits perfectly because it's all mixed up!"

"Amusing Potter." Tom said dryly, as he watched Lucius nervously wipe the juice off his robes.

"Anyway Hagrid, as I was saying." Harry said as he turned back to the wide eyed half giant. "Uncle Vernon really doesn't think Professor Dumbledore is a crackpot old fool who teaches magic tricks." He said, causing Tom to snort loudly, but Harry continued without missing a beat. "He really does respect him, but like I said, we just had to make sure you didn't work for old What's-His-Name."

Everyone gasped in horror, but Tom just sat there with his jaw clamped tightly shut while holding his breath. Dumbledore glanced at him nervously and saw this, along with Tom's red face, and mistook it for Tom being angry.

However, Tom was simply trying not to burst out laughing.

"But Harry," Hagrid said, trying to change the subject and diffuse the tension. "Are you sure what you are saying is correct? You didn't answer any of your other letters, you didn't know about you're Mum and Dad, and you look like you've never had a decent meal in your life."

Harry stared at the man for a moment, but then he furrowed his brow in confusion. "I don't?"

"Harry look at yourself. You're all skin and bones. Are you sure your Aunt and Uncle didn't put you up to this?" Hagrid asked sternly.

Harry suddenly looked down at himself, but then he let out a loud gasp.

"Oh! I forgot! How did I forget this? It must have been all the excitement!" He exclaimed. "I can't believe I'm so stupid. Oh what was that spell Aunt Petunia told me Mum used when her pants got too small…" He said to himself, as he stared at the ceiling in thought. "Oh that's right, engorgio." He said with a snap of his fingers, then proceeded to stand there and enlarge his clothes with his wand.

Then to everyone's shock, except Tom, who was still watching this spectacle while trying not to laugh, Harry started to grow taller and fill out more. Then he changed his hair to red, and grinned at everyone, especially Snape.

"There! This is how I really look. I can't believe I forgot to do this before I came here, and I'll have to fix all my other robes too." He said with an exasperated sigh. "Anyway, Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon, and I came up with a plan, once the Hogwarts letters started arriving, for me to look abused in case Mortevold was trying to play a trick on us. We thought if Mortevold saw how pathetic I looked that he wouldn't see me as a threat and try to kill me again, but now that I have my wand and I'm starting to learn magic, I can defend myself and them, if I need to. So Hagrid, as you can see, I really do look like a normal eleven year old." Harry explained with a gigantic, innocent smile.

"You look just like Lily when your hair is red." Minerva gasped.

"Yeah, Aunt Petunia said I look like Mum when my hair is red because of my eyes, but when it's black, I look more like my Dad because of my facial features and glasses. My hair is actually black, but I sometimes switch back and forth." He said with an innocent smile.

"You're a metamorphmagus Potter. How interesting, because they are very rare." Tom said, with a hint of amusement.

"A meta-what sir?" Harry asked as he cocked his head to the side as if confused.

"Nevermind that Harry. I can explain it to you later." Dumbledore said quickly. "Please tell your Aunt and Uncle that we understand the measures they took to make sure you stayed safe. Now, please run along back to the Gryffindork table and wait for Professor McGonagall to pass out the schedules."

"Sure thing Professor!" Harry said happily, and he literally started bouncing away, but then he suddenly stopped and ran back. "Oh, one more thing. Professor Riddle, you might want to umm…watch your drinks and food and stuff, because last night when Professor Dumbledore introduced you, I heard a bunch of witches mumbling about how cute you are. I think I even heard the words 'love potion' as well."

Tom stared at him wide eyed with his mouth slightly open, but then he snapped it shut and glared at Harry, who was simply smirking at him.

"Thank you for that interesting information Potter. I will monitor my food and drink closely."

"You're welcome." Harry said brightly, but as he turned away, Tom had a sudden idea.

"Hey Potter, just a quick question for you. Do you remember anything about the night your parents died?"

"Tom!" Dumbledore exclaimed angrily, as McGonagall gasped loudly.

However, a small challenging gleam sprang up in Harry's eyes, but then he sighed sadly.

"I've been asked that question a lot actually, but yes I do remember bits and pieces." He said as he gazed at Tom with feigned innocence. "I remember being in my crib, and Mum was whispering things to me. She was crying, but then the door to the room was blasted inward and a man in black walked in. I'm guessing that was Mortevold, but Mum screamed and threw herself between him and me. Then it got weird. I remember he said 'step aside girl'. Then Mum shouted 'no'. Then he said, 'I said, step aside you silly girl', and she told him no again. I know he told her to move one last time, but I don't remember what he said exactly, but Mum stood her ground and wouldn't move." He said, as innocent tears streamed down his face, but then he continued.

"Mum turned her back on him, looked at me, and said, 'tell Sev I forgive him', and then she said, 'I love you Harry', then there was a flash of green. I don't remember anything after that." He said quietly, looking into the shocked faces of Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid, and especially Snape. "I don't know who 'Sev' is and I don't know what Mum forgave him for, but I hope that someday I get to tell him what Mum's last words to him were."

The area around head table, where they all were clustered, was quiet as they all stared at Harry. For the first time ever, that Harry could remember, Snape looked to be on the verge of tears. Narcissa was pale and wide eyed, but Lucius was shooting curious looks at Tom, whose face remained blank. Harry couldn't read his expression, but with a slight legilimency probe, which Tom let through, showed that he was trying not to cry, and Harry knew exactly why.

Tom was remembering his own past life with Lily, which involved a similar scenario.

Harry actually cringed because he hadn't meant to open that wound, but then he sighed and looked at everyone else. "If she would have just moved, she would still be alive." He said sadly, as he shook his head.

Tom blinked a few times, as if to pull himself back to the here and now, but then he looked at Harry and smirked. "It's astounding that you can remember that Potter, given how young you were."

"Well, Aunt Petunia said that even though it was traumatic for me, she's not really surprised that I can remember. She said maybe it's a magical thing because of the message Mum wanted me to give to 'Sev'. Aunt Petunia told me she knows who 'Sev' is, but she never would tell me, which I never understood." He said, as he scratched his head in confusion. "I don't know why Mortevold asked Mum to move though, but it always seemed to me like he didn't want to kill her."

"Maybe he didn't." Tom said offhandedly. "Maybe he knew her and they were friends at some point, or maybe someone asked him not to kill her, but because she didn't move, he ended up doing it." He said, causing Snape to gasp quietly.

"Maybe, but I don't really know. I think that if I should ever meet Mortevold, I will thank him for trying to spare Mum, but then I'll commence to stomping a hole in his butt and kick him between the legs, before turning him into a tea cup, if that's possible." Harry said with firm, determined nod, as he folded his arms across his chest and scowled.

"I will do my best to teach you how to turn things into tea cups Mr. Potter." Minerva said with a smirk, causing Tom to chuckle.

"There are worse things that could happen to old Mortevold." Tom said, as he gave Harry a wink, which caused the 'innocent' looking Harry to suddenly giggle.

However, Tom's use of 'Mortevold' caused everyone to stare at him in shock, but Tom only shrugged it off.

"You wouldn't kill Voldemort, Harry?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"Nope, because I won't stoop that low, but there are other things I might could do, if I can't turn him into a tea cup." Harry said with a shrug, causing Dumbledore to actually frown at him for some strange reason. "But this topic makes me sad, so I'm not going to think about it anymore, because I don't like to be sad. I like to be happy, so I think I'm going to go back to the table and tell Ron and Hermione a joke, but first I have to stick my fingers in my ears and wiggle them around, while I stick my tongue out." He said with a grin, and then he proceeded to do just that, which made McGonagall giggle as she watched him bounce away afterwards.

"I'm so glad that, despite remembering all of that, he is a happy child." Minerva said, as she glared at Tom. "At least we know you didn't destroy his spirit."

"Yes, he is a happy child. Good for him." Tom said dismissively, but then he blinked at Lucius in confusion. "You're still here?" He asked somewhat shocked.

"Yes My Lord." Lucius replied quietly as he bowed his head.

"You're free to go." Tom said in a tone that clearly suggested Lucius and Narcissa do so quickly.

They did, and Tom watched with some amusement as they left, but Dumbledore's shaky sigh caused him to look over at the old man.

"Tom, I beg you. Harry is just a boy, and he's happy. Please don't hurt him." Dumbledore said, as he looked at Tom in a pleading manner.

"You act like I'm going to murder the boy in his sleep." Tom said with a chuckle.

"That's what you tried to do the first time." Minerva spat, causing Tom to glare at her.

"Or you will try to kill him in the corridors. Or in class." The Headmaster said, as he eyed him carefully.

Tom just looked at Dumbledore and grinned. "I've already told you, I'm not a monster." He whispered gleefully, then he got up and left the head table.

Dumbledore sighed once again, but then he shook his head.

"Minerva, Severus, watch over Harry as best as you can, and I'll keep my eye on Tom."

"Of course Headmaster." Severus said sighing loudly, as Minerva nodded.

Then the two of them got up and began passing out the schedules.


As Dumbledore sat in his office that morning, he sighed loudly, leaned back in his chair, and stared at the ceiling. He really didn't know what to do. He couldn't fire Tom, or get rid of him in any way because of the stipulations in the magical binding teaching contract. He had gone through every word, clause, and statement in order to find a loophole that would allow him to get rid of Tom, but there was nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Tom had seen to it that Dumbledore's hands were firmly tied behind his back where all things 'Tom' were concerned. About the only thing Tom left to the Headmaster were the day to day operations of running the school, handling the 'political and Ministry' side of things, and overseeing the student's well-being and safety, which, quite frankly, surprised him.

However, there was nothing to prevent Dumbledore from raising his wand at Tom to stop him from harming a student or staff member, or outright killing Tom himself.

Which also surprised him.

It's because he's arrogant. Albus thought with a scowl. He knows that I would never stoop to such measures as to outright kill him, and as for coming to the defense of others, he thinks he could best me easily. Then he sighed despondently. Yes, that is exactly why he didn't put that in the contract.

But Dumbledore needed to do something. He just didn't know what.

Something that would distract Tom. He thought, as he suddenly sat up straight in his chair. Something that would divert his attention away from Harry.

The Headmaster knew Tom was an arrogant, selfish person who coveted unique, rare, and valuable objects, and as his eyes landed on the glass case that held the founder's prized artifacts, a plan suddenly began to form in his mind.

Helga Huffduff's cup, Rowena Ravenflaw's diadem, Godric Gryffindork's sword, and Salazar Slytherin's locket. He thought with a smile. Tom is the Heir of Slytherin, so the locket alone would certainly grab his attention, and with all of the others thrown in, he would not be able to resist.

But was that enough?

No. He thought. I need more. I need gold, lots and lots of it really, but where do I get it from on such a short notice?

Albus began to pace the floor in front of his desk, but then a solution hit him.

Nicholas! He thought happily. The Philosopher's Stone can change any metal into pure gold!

But a sudden disturbing thought caused him to pause.

These artifacts are here on display for all to see. Tom will know it's a ruse.

He stopped his pacing for a moment, and stared intently at them.

Ah ha! He thought triumphantly. I can use the Gemino Charm to make copies!

It was then that the plan began to fully come together, and the Headmaster couldn't help but smile. It was a perfect plan. He could announce that a large treasure hoard had been found deep under the castle in the underground chambers, and that it contained the founder's artifacts.

I could say that the artifacts on display might be fake copies, and that the real ones are possibly those that were found along with the treasure hoard. I can say that the goblins will be coming to inspect it all, but are unable to do so right away, so in order to keep it safe, several staff members have been tasked with guarding it! He thought as he grinned happily to himself. It's perfect!

"Fawkes!" He suddenly shouted, causing the phoenix to let out a loud, startled cry. "Oh my friend, I am deeply sorry for startling you. Please forgive me." He said, as he walked over to his perch and began to softly pat the bird's head. "But I have thought up what I hope to be a very ingenious plan. Would you be willing to deliver a letter to my friend Nicholas Flamel?"

Fawkes thrilled happily, and Dumbledore smiled.


"I think Herbology and Charms are going to be my favorite subjects so far." Neville said with a grin as he, Harry, Hermione, and Ron sat down for lunch.

"Well I think History of Magic will be fascinating!" Hermione said with a bright gleam in her eyes. "I mean, who knew that Frankenstein's monster was real, much less a History Professor here at Hogwarts!"

Harry internally groaned and rubbed his forehead. He didn't know if it was himself or Tom who thought up that brilliant idea, but it was disturbing to say the least. 'Professor Frankenstein', as the thing was called, was quite gruesome to see, which is probably why Harry hadn't seen him before now. It would be impossible to try and eat with that thing in the great hall.

However, this change was actually necessary, because ghosts couldn't exist in both realities at the same time. Sure, the ghosts were here, but they were simply copies of the real ones and couldn't talk or interact with the living at all in this reality. Ghosts were a strange enigma though, because they were souls who refused to move on to the next great adventure. The original Death created a way for them to reside with the living as a mere shadow of the life they once lived. Most souls who chose to become ghosts were new souls who were afraid of what lay beyond the door in the sorting room, and absolutely refused to go through it. Hence the reason why so few choose to become ghosts after they died.

"Did you hear me Harry?" Hermione asked, shaking Harry from his thoughts.

"No Rowena, I didn't." He said, as he gave her a grin. "What did you say?"

"I said, what do you think about Professor Frankenstein?" She asked.

"Oh, well I think he could really use a bath." He said with a wrinkled nose, and causing Ron to snort. "He sort of smells."

"I agree Harry, but having all those dead body parts attached together like that would make it really hard to take a proper bath." Ron said, as he began to eat. "People say he was created by a muggle who tried to create an inferius, and it was only because of lots of stasis charms that he didn't fall apart and rot away before now."

"They also say that he is the only true immortal being, and that he has no soul." Neville added.

Well, they have that part right. Harry thought. He has no soul.

"But if he doesn't have a soul, how can he walk, talk, and speak, much less teach?" Hermione asked.

"Whiskey." Harry said simply, causing them all to look at him in confusion.

"They say whiskey is a spirit!" Ron said, as he laughed loudly.

Neville burst out laughing, Harry grinned, but Hermione gave them all a disapproving frown.

"That's not funny. Professor Frankenstein is really nice."

"Thank goodness for that, or else he really would be terrifying." Neville snorted.

"I didn't think Gryffindorks could get scared Longbottom." Draco said with a sneer, as he sat down a few seats away from them.

"Oh trod off Malfoy." Ron said, as he glared at the blond headed git. "You're just mad because you didn't get into Slytherin. Besides, it's not like anyone really wants you in Gryffindork anyway."

"Shut up Weasley!" Draco shouted.

Ron made like he was going to jump out of his seat, but Harry and Neville held him in place.

"Don't give him what he wants Ron." Harry said. "Just let it go. If he knows he can make you angry, he will never stop."

"Harry's right Ron." Hermione said with a nod. "Just ignore him, and if he doesn't stop, tell a Professor."

Ron continued to glare at Draco, who was sneering at all of them, but he finally sat back down.

"Yeah, you're both right. He's not worth it." He said with a scowl.

"Just eat Ron." Harry said, shoving a plate of chips towards him. "You'll feel better."

Neville and Hermione laughed, but Ron grinned and grabbed a few of the chips, which caused Harry to chuckle. He was happy that everyone seemed to be getting along. After all, he had been worried about that, seeing as there was no Quirrell, and therefore, no troll to attack Hermione and cause the 'bonding experience' that saw the three of them become best friends. He was also happy that Neville seemed to becoming their best friend too, and Harry was hoping that the 'Golden Trio' would become the 'Golden Quartet'.

That was one change from real reality that he could accept with open arms, instead of face palms, and the fact that Neville was the other candidate for the prophecy just made it even better.

"So what do we have next?" Neville asked, causing Harry to look up a bit startled.

"Defense against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration." Hermione immediately replied.

"Merlin Hermione, do you have the schedule memorized already?" Ron asked with a mouth full of food.

She blushed, but nodded. "I took time at the end of History to memorize it."

Ron stared at her, but shrugged it off and went back to eating, which caused Harry to quietly chuckle.

"Well, I'm personally looking forward to Defense. I mean, Professor Riddle seems pretty neat." He said, causing Draco to chuckle a bit, but everyone chose to ignore him. "I mean, he even laughed at my new nickname for Voldemort." He added, but didn't miss the flinch displayed by Ron and Neville, who instantly paled at the name.

"Don't you know that you're not supposed to say his name?!" Neville cried.

"I get that everyone calls him You-Know-Who, but I like to call him Mortevold. It seems less scary." Harry said.

"You're a braver man than me Harry." Ron said as he shook his head. "And barmy. Did I mention that?"

"At least three times now." He replied with a grin.

"I think Harry has the right to call You-Know-Who whatever he wants." Hermione said, as she pulled her Transfiguration textbook out of her bag. "He did defeat him after all."

"I suppose that's true." Neville agreed. "But you won't catch me calling him that."

"Why not?" Harry challenged. "He ruined everyone's lives, and everyone has the right to call him whatever they want. I mean, if you want to show that your scared of him, then by all means, call him You-Know-Who, but if you want to show that you aren't afraid of him, then call him Mortevold. Yeah, that'll probably make him mad, but you will know that you aren't scared of him."

"Not me, I'll pass." Ron said as he shook his head again.

"I'll get you all saying Mortevold eventually." Harry laughed.

"I don't doubt that you will Potter." Tom said coming up behind him.

Harry turned around and grinned at him, but Tom chuckled.

"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation from the head table, so I decided to throw my two Knuts in. I have to say that I actually agree with Potter though. A wise man once said 'Fear of a name, only increases fear of the thing itself'." Tom said, as he looked at Ron, Hermione, and Neville individually. "So calling You-Know-Who 'Mortevold' shows that, not only are you not afraid of saying 'Voldemort', but you are willing to show just how unimportant you think he really is by giving him an unflattering nickname."

"Yeah, but that'll make him mad though." Neville said.

"What's going on here?" A very nervous Dumbledore suddenly asked, appearing from nowhere.

"Nothing Professor." Harry grinned. "We're just talking."

Tom however, ignored Dumbledore completely and looked at Neville and smiled.

"As for your comment Mr. Longbottom, it could possibly make Mortevold mad, if he ever finds out about it." Tom said with a grin. "But, it will also send the message that not everyone is afraid of him, which would mean he has failed to strike terror into your hearts. Once that happens, you will have an advantage over him." He said, causing Dumbledore's eyes to narrow suspiciously. "I remember the first war Mr. Longbottom, and it's true, Mortevold was a terribly powerful, very dangerous, dark wizard who would prefer killing you, so that he didn't have to look at you, but do you want to know a secret?"

"What?" Hermione, Neville, Ron, and Harry asked.

"Fear and legend helped Mortevold use the terror the wizarding world had for him, against them. People would hear the name 'Voldemort' and start running around like chickens with their heads cut off, and that only made them easy pickings for Mortevold. If you're not afraid of him, you will be able to keep your head in a fight against him, should you ever find yourself in that predicament."

"And we might live to fight another day." Harry said with an understanding nod.

"Exactly Potter." Tom said with a wide grin. "So I encourage you to use the name Mortevold. He won't be as scary, and it will allow you to remain level headed if you ever have to face him."

"That actually makes a lot of sense Professor." Hermione said, giving him a smile. "But can I ask, who said the saying that you quoted, because that is very wise too."

Tom grinned at her. "Professor Dumbledore said it." He said, motioning to the Headmaster, who was still standing there listening to everything with suspicious, narrowed eyes.

"What did I say?" He asked curiously.

"That fear of a name, only increases fear of the thing itself." Hermione replied. "I happen to find that very wise and sensible."

Dumbledore raised a curious eyebrow towards Tom, who smirked at him, but then he cleared his throat and looked at Hermione.

"Why thank you young lady. I'm glad you find an old man's ramblings useful." He said with a smile.

"This is my friend Hermione Granger, Professor. Though, I like to call her Rowena." Harry said with a grin, causing Hermione to give Dumbledore a shy smile.

"It's a pleasure to officially meet you Headmaster."

"Likewise Miss Granger." Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. "Now, go ahead and finish up your lunch so that you won't have rumbling stomachs during your afternoon classes."

"Yes sir." They chorused, but Harry grinned.

"We have Defense next, and I'm looking forward to it Professor Riddle."

Tom smiled at Harry and ruffled his hair playfully, which made Albus instinctively reach towards his wand. "Well Potter, it's my job to teach you defense, and should Mortevold ever return, it's important to have a generation of witches and wizards who are prepared to oppose him."

"I agree." Harry said with a firm nod, then he turned around and began making himself another sandwich.

Tom chuckled and started to walk away, but Dumbledore was hot on his heels.

"I see what you're planning now." He hissed.

"What am I planning?" Tom asked innocently.

"You're arrogant enough to think that you aren't being challenged enough. You want to teach these children defense so that they can provide you with that challenge." Dumbledore replied angrily. "Not to mention, you are only doing this so that you know what Harry has been taught, and so that you can defeat him easily. You want to be able to throw out the fact that you taught Harry everything he knows when the time comes."

"Oh Dumbledore," Tom said, as the two men retook their seats at the head table. "For a brilliant man, you truly don't know anything."

"I'm right about this, and you know it." Came the angry reply.

Tom simply grinned at that, but neither of them said another word to each other as they sat down to finish their lunch.


The rest of the day went surprisingly smooth. Tom taught Defense much like Minerva taught Transfiguration, and both Professors had the students taking detailed notes until they thought their hands would fall off. However, Tom assured them that they would start the practical application in a week or so, and by Christmas, he hoped to have them well versed in the knockback jinx, the disarming charm, the shield charm, and basic counter charms such as finite incantatem and others like it.

Some in the class tried to argue about how difficult those defensive charms were, since they were only in first year, but Tom gave each of them the 'Voldemort glare', as Harry quickly dubbed it, and they all quieted down. Harry also thought that Tom's reply of 'if I can do it, you can do it', was pretty spot on as well.

He really wasn't surprised that Tom was actually going to teach them defense though. After all, even Harry knew that Tom wasn't a threat to anyone, so these kids really would need a real education in Defense against the Dark Arts. This supposed 'war' was mostly between himself and the former Dark Lord turned friend, and it really came down to whether or not Tom could outsmart Death himself.

Harry knew that Tom wasn't going to start spouting off about blood purity, killing muggles, muggle borns, and so on. Nor was he going to start shooting off killing curses in the middle of the corridors, but it was going to be funny watching Dumbledore and Snape run around trying to prevent that very thing from happening.

Not to mention, trying to keep Harry safe in the process.

However, as that realization fully sank in, Harry became slightly nervous. If Tom truly wasn't a real threat to anyone, what would that mean for the world as a whole? Would the universe itself make up the difference and fill in the blank with a real threat?

Harry knew that this thing between him and Tom was really just a big prank on everyone else, and no one had anything to worry about because there wasn't any danger, but would this alternate universe really do that? Would it really put everyone in that kind of danger by causing another Dark Lord to rise?

It was an unsettling thought, but Harry also knew it was a real possibility so he decided to keep his eye out for any sign of that happening. Because more than likely, it would be up to Harry to once again, save the wizarding world.

It was enough to make him bang his head against the wall in frustration.


It was later that night when Harry puffed into Tom's living quarters, and what he found the man doing was actually highly amusing.

"What did you do now?" He asked, causing Tom to look up at him from the chair he was sitting in.

"You know that video recording charm that was invented two-hundred years ago?"

"Yeah. Listening charms became useless after humans lost their vocal cords, so someone finally invented video recording charms. It can also allow us to hear what they are saying too, which is brilliant by the way." Harry replied, as Tom rolled his eyes.

"Thank you for the needless history lesson Potter, but yes, I placed one in the Headmaster's office, one in Severus's office, one in Severus's living quarters, and one in the staff room." Tom said with a grin. "Then I just tied them back to these four stones so that I can watch them whenever I want." He added, motioning towards four large flat stones that somewhat resembled flat screen tellys.

There really wasn't anything going on at that moment though, but Harry could see into all the rooms Tom had mentioned and about the only exciting thing happening was watching Fawkes clean his feathers.

"Why on earth would you put one in Snape's living quarters?" Harry asked with a smirk. "Are you trying to figure out if he actually washes his hair?"

Tom glared at him. "No, but if I see him walk around in a towel I will know that he at least takes showers. Besides, I have a feeling that Severus feels the safest in there, so he's liable to let his guard down somewhat."

"Watching Snape curse me and my father for several hours while throwing perfectly good whiskey bottles at the wall doesn't seem like good entertainment." Harry laughed, as he conjured a chair and down next to him.

"Don't you have a sorting to do?" Tom said with a grumpy grumble, as they stared at the four stones.

"I already did it." Harry replied with a yawn. "The sorting room exists outside time and space, so while it may take several, several hours to complete, barely a minute or two passes in this reality and real reality."

"What is going on back in real reality? I've been meaning to ask you that."

"Pretty much what I said before. The muggles declared a state of emergency for the whole world, and claimed it to be a zombie apocalypse, but since the 'zombies' aren't trying to eat everyone's brains, they have somewhat back down on that. However, scared muggles are killing off the bodies anyway just to be sure."

Tom chuckled and shook his head, but then he looked at Harry, who was slumped down in his seat. "You look tired."

"I am. A volcano exploded in Alaska and took out several surrounding towns with it. It wasn't pretty, so the sorting was longer than normal." Harry said with a shrug. "Truthfully though, I'm tired because of all the excitement. I'm not really used to moving around this much so I'm terribly out of shape. Walking up and down the stairs all day is a chore, but it will get better. Not to mention, I'm worried."

"About?"

Harry sighed heavily and began telling Tom his theory about the lack of a 'Dark Lord Threat', and what he felt the universe might do to make up for it. Tom just stared at him with wide eyes, but then he also sighed heavily and shook his head.

"Do you really think the universe would put everyone in that kind of danger?" He asked nervously. "I mean, we both know what really is going on here. I'm not about to start killing off muggles, muggles borns, and all the rest. I can't even kill you, and we both know it."

"The universe could, because there always has to be some kind of a threat." Harry replied as he rubbed his forehead. "Besides, I might be the Master of Death, but I'm still Harry Freaking Potter and I have the worst luck with things like this. I truly don't care about the 'people dying' part because death doesn't bother me, but I'd like to avoid another 'Voldemort scenario', if you get my meaning."

Ton nodded. "Yeah I know what you mean." He said angrily, then he got up and started pacing. "I was hoping to just skate through this life by playing an epic prank on mostly Snape and Dumbledore, but if we have to fight a real threat I'm going to be pissed. Is there anything you can do to stop it?"

Harry shook his head sadly. "No, there isn't. I cannot see into the future, so I don't know who it could potentially be, and I don't control people's lives when they are alive. I might be the Master of Death, but I'm not a master puppeteer. As you know, when a witch or wizard dies, their soul comes to me, and we haggle over what their next life is going to be, then they walk through the door in the sorting room. After that, what they do, how they act, how evil or good they actually are, and how successful they are, or aren't, is really out of my control. I don't have any real say after they leave the sorting room."

"Yeah, but Potter, this is your world." Tom said, hoping that might be what changes this around in their favor. "We made this world together. Surely there is something…"

"No." Harry said sadly, as he shook his head. "The decisions people make now are still their own. I control death, so if someone does die I can send them back, just like I did with Snape, but if someone decides to go on a killing spree, I can't stop it."

"I see." Tom said, as a look of understanding passed over his face. "But if the universe decides to create its own Dark Lord threat and he kills a bunch of people, you can reverse the deaths and make him wonder who, or what, is undermining him."

A look of surprise flitted across Harry's face, but then he grinned. "Yes! I can do that! I honestly hadn't thought about it that way."

"Well, if and/or when the time comes, I guess we could play the whole thing by ear and plan our 'revenge', of sorts, accordingly, but until then what do we do?" Tom asked, as he stopped his angry pacing and sat back down.

"Keep on like we have been." Harry grinned. "I enjoy watching Snape and Dumbledore's reactions when I say something off the wall, but I think we should kick it up a notch."

"What do you mean?" Tom asked curiously.

"Well, I saw 'Scabbers' this morning, and an idea hit me. We break Sirius out of Azkaban."

"What's this 'we'?" Tom ask, raising his eyebrow suspiciously.

Harry just chuckled. "You can be the distraction because of all the other Death Eaters, but we get Sirius out, give him back his memories, heal his mind, and have him help us with our epic prank. He would love this!"

"Again, what's this 'we' thing? Why can't you just puff in there, grab him, and puff back out?"

Harry burst out laughing. "What would be the fun in that? That's boring. If you're worried about the dementors, don't be. The original Death created them, so they answer to me just like they did him."

"What?" Tom asked in shocked surprise.

"I'll explain it later, but just think about it, me, you, and Sirius going through this life as super-secret partners in one big epic prank. It's brilliant!" Harry exclaimed.

"I'm still wondering about the whole, 'Death created the dementors' thing." Tom said with concern.

"Oh its fine." Harry said, waving away Tom's concern. "So will you go with me?"

Tom sighed with exasperation before saying, "I suppose having Sirius around would make this better, and yes, I'll go with you."

"Brilliant! I can talk Sirius into…"

But Harry didn't get to finish that train of thought because the room to the staff door was suddenly pushed open with a loud bang. Tom and Harry glanced up at that room's stone and saw all the other Professors and Dumbledore file in looking grave and worried.

"Ah ha! I knew this was going to happen!" Tom exclaimed with a 'cat catching the mouse' type grin. "And I'm hurt because I wasn't invited to this secret confab." He added with a mock pout.

Harry just snorted, but they watched as Dumbledore stood and began addressing the rest of the Professors.

"Thank you all for taking time out of your very busy evening to be here." Albus said, as he gazed at each Professor. "I called this meeting to find out how you are holding up under the circumstances."

"Potter is going to get himself killed…I can't take much more of this…Albus, the students haven't a clue who Riddle really is…"

All of this was said at the same time by Snape, Sprout, and McGonagall, but the Headmaster sighed loudly and looked at Professor Sprout.

"Pomona." He said encouragingly.

"Headmaster, I can't take much more of this." She repeated with a sob. "I just…I can't…I don't know how to react when he's around. I'm so scared he's going to snap at any moment and kill me, or more importantly, a student. I have a lot of new muggle borns this year and those first year Huffleduffs are defenseless against him!" She cried. "I'm wound up so tightly that I have a constant headache and I worry all the time!" She stressed.

Poppy and Minerva were on their feet instantly. Poppy gave her a calming draught, while Minerva did her best to comfort the distressed witch.

Tom and Harry glanced at each other and shared a guilty grimace, but before either of them could really think on it, Snape opened his mouth.

"Potter is an arrogant, idiotic, stupid child!" He shouted, as Minerva rolled her eyes at him. "He is going to get himself killed. One does not go around giving the Dark Lord nicknames, and they certainly don't threaten to turn him into tea cups!"

"Yes, I agree." Dumbledore said with a tired sigh. "And Tom has suddenly decided to encourage that behavior. He has told Harry and his friends that calling him 'Mortevold' is a good thing. I must admit, it's shocking and I haven't a clue as to why he would do such a thing."

"So You-Know-Who can turn around and kill him." Minerva spat.

"Minerva, I admire your Gryffindork bravery." Dumbledore said gravely. "I really do, but you need to stop doing that in front of Tom. He will not hesitate to kill you."

"I'm not afraid of him." She said with a scowl. "Let him kill me, but he will realize that I won't go down without a fight."

"She's got spunk." Tom said with an amused grin. "Don't worry little kitty cat, I won't hurt you." He purred, causing Harry to chuckle loudly.

Dumbledore however, just sighed and shook his head. "I will be encouraging Harry and his friends to not give Voldemort nicknames, and I want you all to take points away every time you hear them say 'Mortevold'."

"I agree." Professor Flitwick said with a nod. "They won't like it, but it will teach them not to say it."

"And it will keep them safe." Professor Vector added, causing Albus to nod.

"Aw! Professor Riddle, you just became the coolest Professor ever!" Harry cried, causing Tom to snort loudly. "None of the other Professors will let me call you Mortevold!"

"What is You-Know-Who doing here Albus?" Flitwick was asking. "Why did he come here?"

"I don't know." Albus said. "Until such a time as Tom makes his true motives known, I can only guess. I do however, think he is here to find out all that he can about Harry. I have told you all of the prophecy, but there is a reason why I won't tell you what it says."

"You think he's here because of Mr. Potter?" Poppy gasped.

"Oh I have no doubts." Albus said seriously. "I think Tom killed Professor Quirrell just to be able to take over the Defense position."

"Well, he is not wrong about that." Tom said smugly.

"Albus, do you think he will actually teach the students anything?" Minerva asked with concern.

"I don't know. I wasn't able to sit in on his classes this morning due to Ministry business, and other things which I will address shortly, but I want all four Heads of House to begin asking your houses about their Defense class, because I won't be able to sit in on all of Tom's classes."

"Understandable, and wise." Flitwick said with a nod. "I say we give it a week though. That way we don't look suspicious."

"Indeed." Snape said with a nod.

The room was silent for a moment, but then Minerva turned to Snape.

"Severus, how are you holding up? I know this can't be easy for you."

Snape just glared at her, but then he nodded curtly. "I'm fine."

Harry burst out laughing. "Stop lying. You're far from fine."

"That's right Severus." Tom added with a smirk. "You're going to have a nervous breakdown before long."

"I will look after you Severus." Dumbledore said, as he patted the scowling man on the shoulder. "I won't let him…"

"Won't let him what?" Snape snapped. "Kill me? You won't be able to stop him. He doesn't even have to be anywhere near me to kill me. All he has to do is torture me through the mark." He said, pulling up his left sleeve to reveal the black ink of the Dark Mark. "He doesn't need anything else."

Everyone around the table stared at it as if the thing were going to suddenly bite someone, but Albus sighed and shook his head.

"If there is anything I can do…"

"There isn't." Snape growled. "I know I will be dead before long."

"Severus don't say that!" Minerva cried.

"Well what else is there?!" He shouted. "Potter is destined to get himself, and me, killed by aggravating the situation. He's arrogant, petulant, spoiled…"

"He is just a boy!" Minerva shouted hotly.

"And somehow his woes are my fault. Don't worry Professor McGonagall, I'm used to it." Harry added with a laugh.

"Well, technically they are. At least this time." Tom said with a smirk, which made Harry burst out laughing.

"Enough!" Dumbledore shouted, causing the arguing to cease immediately. "There is nothing that can be done about any of this, and arguing about things only makes us weak."

"Is there any way you can get rid of You-Know-Who?" Sprout asked hopefully.

"No Pomona, there isn't." He replied with a tired sigh. "I have gone over his teaching contract and he has tied my hands. However, there is something that we can do to distract Tom and keep his attention focused not on Harry and the other students, but on something else." He said with a twinkle in his eye.

He began explaining about the idea he had that morning, but all Harry could do was sigh loudly and roll his eyes once Dumbledore finished explaining his plan.

"It's the Philosopher's Stone all over again." He said, as he glared at Dumbledore, who was answering questions about his idea. "I should have expected this, but I was hoping to avoid it."

"Does he really think a treasure hoard is going to keep my attention away from killing you?" Tom asked with amusement.

"I guess so." Harry said with a chuckle. "So how about it? Do you want to try for it?"

"I can use the money." Tom said with an interested nod. "I mean, it is real gold so we can exchange it for galleons."

"For a fee of course." Harry laughed.

"Of course." Tom agreed with a smirk.

"Well, if he is going to get the other Professors to guard it like he did the stone, I hope they come up with better 'protections' than they did last time. I hate chess, and I really don't fancy having to tangle with McGonagall's giant chess set again." Harry said, as he glared at the assembled Professors, who were now getting up to leave the staff room.

"I hope for your sake they do. It was a pitiful try on your part the first time."

"Hey! I was eleven!" Harry protested as he swatted at Tom, who ducked out the way.

"Your friends did better than you." Tom said with a smirk.

Harry gave him a mock glare. "Again, I was eleven."

"So were your friends." Tom repeated, causing Harry to roll his eyes.

"Well, I might get them involved again, so no using dark spells." He said, waggling his finger at Tom, who simply laughed.

"I'll make a deal with you Potter. We both go after the treasure hoard, but we split it 70/30. Whoever gets to it first gets the bigger half. However, I won't use dark magic to get it, and you can't just 'puff' down there to steal it."

Harry thought about for a minute, but then he looked at Tom with a raised eyebrow. "I'll use Hermione, Ron, and Neville to get it, and only do minimal work so that I don't 'accidently' cheat." Harry said with a grin, which caused Tom to glare at him suspiciously.

"All right. Deal." Tom said, as he stuck out his hand.

Harry shook it, but then he grinned and puffed out of the room, leaving Tom behind to wonder if that was a smart deal to make.