The devil wore the hooves of a mountain goat, and it seemed that these creatures did as well. The creature bounded up the harsh mountainside below Harry and kicked its cloven feet against the igneous rock, the resulting grating and scraping piercing Harry's skull with more ferocity than a Roman pilum.

Harry clung to the rock wall above it, his forearms quaking with exertion as his feet dangled beneath him. He arrived here every night, and every night it ended the same way. Harry reached this spot, this handhold, this peculiar crevice in the rock. The beast following him would stop. And every night, Harry would think it was leaving, abandoning its pursuit, only to realize that it was simply waiting. The undying patience of the abomination beneath him stared up at Harry through dull black eyes, and Harry would slip as he glanced over his shoulder. Hanging by his left hand, Harry would always feel his hand slipping.

Tonight was no different.

His left index finger slipped first, the jolt forcing Harry's body into a twist as his forearm shuddered, his hand contorting in an attempt to stay on the sheer wall of unforgiving granite even as he felt his weight shift away from the wall.

And then Harry did something he had never done before. He glanced down again, staring into the brute's eyes for what seemed an eternity as his stomach lurched into his chest and his lungs evacuated all the air from themselves of their own accord. Harry thought one thing, as he saw those unforgiving black orbs trace his path down the mountain to where it could reach his corpse.

No.

Harry lashed out blindly with his right arm, even as his left twisted unnaturally and thrashed in the air, disjointed and bent awkwardly against his chest, and caught some tiny facet of the rock wall with his thumb and forefinger. That was enough, and Harry dangled. Then Harry lost that hold, his toes brushed against the granite as his eyes snapped open, and he awoke to an unfamiliar bedspread with an unusually high ceiling.

LINE BREAK

Harry walked out of the Leaky Cauldron, snagging some peanuts from the bar and giving the piano player a nod as he walked out the door. The man returned the nod as Harry exited, and the boy continued on his way to King's Cross. It was, after all, the day the Hogwarts Express departed, and that was certainly not a day Harry wished to miss.

Aboard a taxi and well on his way, Harry pondered the things he had learned from the books left by the mysterious ravens. Not only was it possible to violate the laws of physics and create and destroy mass, but it was also completely possible to bastardize chemistry into whatever alchemy was intended to do, and potioneering was hardly better. Magic was, Harry supposed, a truly wonderful thing for destroying the laws of reality. Harry briefly considered the argument that sufficiently advanced technology would be seen as magic, and couldn't help a chuckle as he imagined placing Ragnok in front of a television set. However, Harry had arrived, and could hardly sit in the back of the taxi for hours as he debated internally the merits of the worlds he seemed to be straddling.

After all, he had a train to board.

Hefting his trunk above his head onto the luggage rack of the Express with little strain, Harry grimaced once more at the encumbering and heavy clothing deemed fashionable in the wizarding world. However, it did make quite a good blanket for Harry to relax into as he waited for the long journey to end.

"Hello? Is this seat taken?"

Harry sighed quietly as he was shaken from his calm meditation by a smooth, controlled voice.

"No, go ahead." He grunted, opening his eyes to see the mysterious intruder of his compartment as they slid the door closed behind themselves.

Harry was treated a breathtaking view of perhaps the most beautiful woman he had seen, her blonde hair cascading down her back and her gray eyes peering inquisitively yet dangerously at Harry from her alluring face. He shook himself from his stupor before he himself noticed it, and instead simply cocked an eyebrow in question. The girl extended a hand to Harry, who rose and gently kissed the back of her knuckles, as his etiquette instructor had taught him during the weeks he had spent catching up with wizarding culture.

Receiving the expected blush and stutter, Harry smirked inwardly as he realized his newfound ability to charm women.

"Harry Potter, milady. Though I believe you have me at a disadvantage, as I know nothing of you beyond your beauty."

The girl blushed, and began to introduce herself before the door was burst open by a similar beauty to the first, though to some degree less attractive and certainly less polite.

"Daphne Greengrass, Mister Potter, and this young lady is Tracy Davis." The blonde continued, spearing her friend with a light glare even as Tracy's hand was given the same charming treatment as her newly-introduced friend. You see, dear reader, the two were best of friends, though polar opposites in personality. Tracy was far more casual and relaxed, while Daphne was prim, proper, and absolutely terrifying. Therefore, Harry made the right decision in allowing them the use of his compartment.

"Charmed to meet the both of you," Harry said with a slight smirk in Tracy's direction, not missing the blush which quickly rose to her cheeks. "So, where do you lovely ladies think you'll be sorted?" Harry continued, making small talk in a fairly hopeless attempt to shorten the journey, though he was pleasantly surprised by the engaging company he found himself in. It wasn't often he was amongst people who shared his sense of humor.

LINE BREAK

Harry blinked as he heard the train's whistle pierce the night, not having noticed the imminent arrival at the castle. Turning to glance out the window, he spotted the legendary castle starkly outlined against the setting sun, the calm lake mirroring the castle's image perfectly. He settled back into the comfortable seat. The girls across from him were both slack-jawed with wonder, and Harry turned once more to appreciate the view.

A tentacle sliced its way across the surface of the lake, sending ripples through the sunset's reflection and curling slightly, before bending back and forth in a strange imitation of a wave hello. Harry blinked once, twice, and shook his head. Of course the magical world would have giant squids in their lakes which somehow knew human greetings; why not, after all? Pretty much anything else Harry could think of was possible. After all, there were giants and bird women and absolutely moronically unbalanced games.

That was an unpopular opinion, Harry knew. He just didn't care.

"Firs' years, Firs' years o'er here!" came a gruff bellow from the station once the Express had pulled alongside its stop. "All right, all of you. Four to a boat, an' no more, y'hear me?" the giant man bellowed to the students. Harry glanced at the rickety boat he was apparently expected to cross the lake in, already questioning his decisions before his hand was grabbed and he was dragged into a boat by a blonde beauty.

"Impatient, eh, Daphne?" he inquired with a smirk, freeing his hand and stepping gracefully onto the rowboat.

"Oh, shush, Potter. You know I just wanted to get away from the crowd." the girl sneered, though the grin in her eyes softened the edge considerably as the boat rocked and the final passenger stepped aboard. "Nott."

"Greengrass."

"Mind introducing me, Greengrass? You two seem to be familiar." Harry said. Glancing over at the newcomer, the boy studied him closely. Like many wizards seemed to be, the boy was hardly fit, but seemed more healthily weighted than some of his compatriots.

"Of course. Potter, this is Theodore Nott. Nott, this is Harry Potter. I'm sure you know the name." the shapely beauty intoned, clearly bored with the situation already as she returned her attention to the approaching castle. "Also, duck."

Harry did as he was told, lowering his head quickly to his knees not a moment too soon, a rock ceiling brushing the back of his neck as the vessel entered a cave which led to a staircase. Nott, however, wasn't quite so lucky, and his head connected with the carved stone with a nasty crack. The sound of the impact and resulting crumpling of his slack body into the yoke of the boat brought back some memories to Harry with a shiver.

He was awoken from his rememberings by the crunching of gravel underneath the stem of the boat, and he sighed. Draping Nott over his shoulder, Harry alighted onshore, following the girls to the base of the carved stone staircase.

As he trudged up the intricately engraved steps to a doorway after his peers, Harry heard a song he remembered from one car ride with the Dursleys. He hummed the opening bars to himself and searched for the words of the song.

"Come out Virginia, don't let me wait," a voice beside him muttered in time with the song, and Harry spared them a glance and knowing smirk as he inspected the singer. The boy was of middling height, compared with the tall and lithe frame demanded from Harry by the Dursleys, and wore a cheerful smile that contrasted starkly with his slumped and shuffling posture.

"You Catholic girls start much too late," the boys continued in unison, their muttered singing rising in volume as some others joined in. Soon much of the crowd on the staircase was belting out Billy Joel's words, swaying back and forth in the melody.

"While this is a charming scene, I must ask that you stop so that I may better introduce you to the information Virginia was missing."

The first years instantly quieted and straightened, their gazes searching for the voice's source until they found the tall Scottish woman at the top of the staircase. Nodding their understanding, the first years followed the woman through the doorway. As he passed the giant of a man who had shoved his way to the top of the staircase, he handed off Nott's unconscious body. The man gave him a gap-toothed grin and a hearty chuckle, and a healthy swat on the back for good measure.

"Welcome one, welcome all, to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average!" the tall woman proclaimed to snickers from the muggleborns arriving, and confusion from the Purebloods. "Now, if you'll make a line, single file, against the wall, please, and wait for your name to be called. Ah, yes, thank you, young lady. Follow the young miss, please."

Harry settled against the wall in an easy yet alert stance, the boy from earlier slouching against the brick with a sigh next to him.

"Quite the place, isn't it?" Harry said in a sidelong whisper to the boy.

"Yes, yes it is. I'm Alex, by the way. Alex Williams. You have a good singing voice." the boy muttered back, pushing off the wall with his shoulder only to crash back against it.

"Thanks." Harry said, not knowing how to respond to that. "Oh, that's me," he grinned, striding easily to the stool and sliding onto it.

"Wait, you're Harry Potter?" he heard Alex call. As a response, Harry shot a grin off and nodded to the witch from earlier.

Ah, most interesting, a child made stronger by abuse.

Harry's eyes snapped around, though he maintained a cocky smirk. The voice seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere at once, almost as if Harry himself had said it. No need to panic, Mister Potter, I am simply the sorting cap. I see you missed my song; hardly a problem, but perhaps one that led to a lack of information. Very well, Mister Potter, where would you like to be sorted? With the Slytherins, meant for the ambitious and cunning, or perhaps the Gryffindors, the courageous and noble?

I was of the impression you would make that choice for us, Harry shot back.

Very true, Mister Potter, very true. However, you are a uniquely balanced child in that you would not be molded to fit the house but instead mold the house to fit you. As such, I would like to know where you would be happy, as I cannot make that decision for you. The hat seemed unperturbed by Harry's snide comment and simply genuinely interested.

Harry refrained from sniping further, and instead pondered his options. Suddenly, a flash of white overcame his vision and Harry found himself once more in the owl shop's checkout line before that beautiful woman.

"The snake who hides amongst lions is never discovered and always protected."

Harry knew instantly where he wanted to go, where he would be safe and free yet with friends and people who could become a surrogate family.

Gryffindor, please.

Very well, Mister Potter, you have chosen…"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Harry rose, strode to the table, and flashed the hall a grin. Daphne and Tracy had both been sorted into Slytherin earlier, and Williams was approaching sorting. Nott had been shoved into Slytherin but seemed ill at ease with the house. However, it was where he had been sorted, and his tentative approaches to his peers seemed somewhat successful.

Harry was dragged away from his ponderings as he noticed the boy with the slouch and the smile shuffling his way up to the stool at the front of the hall. He seemed just as surprised as Harry by the hat, but spent much less time being sorted.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" the hat bellowed (bellowed? Harry didn't know) and the boy looked quite relieved as he slumped into a bench at the end of the table, greeted by slaps on the back and firm handshakes.

Harry had just begun to dig into the large and appetizing meal before him when a door burst open and a roar echoed through the great hall.

"T-t-t-... T-TROLL! Troll… in the dungeons… thought you might want to know." the short professor stuttered, collapsing forward into a bowl of scalloped potatoes as the door behind him creaked shut.

A/N: Alright, covered a lot of ground, got sorting over with, and only in a couple of months! I'm happy with that! Nah. Anyways, sarcasm aside, I do apologize for my absence but insist it was a necessity. Thanks for your understanding, hope you enjoyed it.

-The Last Soldier