Build you a fire if the furnace breaks

19th September 2019

8am- I have decided that there are certain things that determine whether you are old, apart from only being a couple of weeks short of 40. One of those things is waking up with a bad back after one night in a tent. Will have quick pass about with the boys.

10am- I don't know what it is about children. They seem to think that, just because you're their dad, you have super powers and are somehow able to fix/know/do everything. Last week it was making a realistic model of the Eiffel Tower out of Lego; today it's fixing a torn football. Nikki helpfully suggested that I 'just cello tape it up', they now think it's actually a good solution and forced me to try. Spent last half hour looking like I'm trying to wrap a present with no paper. Hopefully will soon run out of tape.

10:23am- Tape idea deceased. Now off for country walk.

3:30pm- "Mummy, why do cows poo so much?" Kaching. I am father of best 3 year old girl ever. Couldn't help sniggering as Nikki tried thinking up answer.

"It's 'cause they eat lots of grass, right?" Eldest child will one day be amazing philosopher with answers like that.

"Yep, I think that's pretty much it, Tom," Nikki looked relived at getting out of having to answer question.

"If I eat lots of grass would I poo lots?" Feel urge to teach Ellie how to give me a high 5.

7pm- Disaster has struck. Run out of gas for stove, only means of warmth.

"What if we get frostbite?" Tom is only 7, probably knows whole encyclopaedia of diseases. Really hate that Leo explains medical conditions (well, actually, quite proud, but not very helpful in this situation as will have to explain what conditions are to other children) "Or foonomia," Also annoying that can't pronounce properly.

"Look, just..." Got stuck for ideas. "Mummy will get you in your sleeping bags, I'll sort something out."

"Mummy, could we die?" Enjoyed look of despair on her face, pay back for cello tape comment.

9pm- Observed hard work, large surge of pride.

"Look what I've made!" Called into tent. Nikki's head popped out. Looked irate.

"I've just got them to sleep," Seems since children were born have spent all time after 8pm whispering.

"Sorry," She came out and let me hug her. Felt like hugging obese bear with the amount of jumpers she had on.

"Nice campfire,"

11pm- Roasting marshmallows without children is brilliant. Had whole packet to ourselves and no sticky mess to wipe off random body parts.

Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you