Disclaimer: DC owns Batman and its characters; I own Miss Gwyn.
I Spy, With My Little Eye…
Saturday went by like any other; I spent my usual morning with a bowl of cereal, pop tarts and Saturday morning cartoons. When evening came I went about my business, snatching up a nice silver Volvo V50, a sweet little red BMW M6 convertible and—with much pride—a sleek Cadillac Escalade. After a long night of near-misses and near-run ins, I crashed on my couch. Other than Gotham City's latest hot topic; The Joker, who—what a surprise—was still out on the loose; and the latest sighting of the now-out-of-hiding Batman; and the usual impatient check-up call from Al—the weekend went by fairly quick and painless.
It was Monday afternoon when I'd just collapsed on my couch after a quick workout-- with my small selection of exercise equipment—and flipped on the TV. It was then that a very familiar clown-painted face occupied the screen; The Joker.
"Good afternoon, Gotham Cit-y!" The handheld camera shook; Joker licked his permanently scarred lips. "It is a pleasure, if I do say so myself, to be ah… back—after being so rudely detained." The camera moved to the right; revealing a man gagged and tied to a chair. A man whom anyone could recognize as the local weatherman, Tim Moore. Obviously bruised and severely cut; he had strapped and taped to him what could only be a homemade explosive. "Now, my bounty on the Batmans head is still ah void and active, in fact, its just ah doubled!" He left out a mischievous peal of cackles. "Now since Tim here is… occupied, I will be ah giving Gotham City its forecast! He he he. There will be a slight ah…" he smacked his lips. "Climate change… with a slight chance of scattered body parts!"
The image on the screen jumped and went snowy; with the sound of The Jokers mechanical laughter and Tim Moore's muffled screams in the background. I yawned and fiddled with the end of my tank top. Looks like Gotham City police will be plenty busy tonight.
Not two beats after this thought; there was a faint rumble and sound of explosion—most likely from a random warehouse in the city.
Yep, I thought. Time to get to work.
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I made my way to a car garage at the other side of the city. I went up several floors before spotting the object of my affection; A shiny black Audi S8. My eyes scanned the area and once I was sure it was clear I walked gracefully and casually to the Audi. I couldn't help but smile and run my hand gently over the smooth polished hood. What a beauty… "I'll call you… Sparkly." I sighed happily.
As I reached into my backpack to retrieve the tools necessary to carefully unlock the vehicle without setting off alarms; I heard tires screeching and whining in protest against the concrete. It sounded like it was coming closer and closer. I quickly grabbed my pack and ducked down behind the Audi. I sank further down when I heard the screeching finally come to a stop, just one vehicle away from me and the Audi. I closed my eyes and calmed my breathing, reducing to small silent breaths. I had to stay calm and quiet.
I heard slamming of some car doors and shuffling of various pairs of feet making contact with the pavement. I peeked around the corner of the Audi and easily spotted the source of all the noise; a black van with three or four men in clown masks busily loading something in the back. I raised my eyebrow then saw a flash of color—purple. I stifled the gasp trying to escape me and sank back into my hiding spot beside the Audi. Could it be him? Is that really my luck?! I scoffed mentally. It's okay, it's okay. All I have to do is stay quite till they leave… Easy.
Ten or fifteen minutes went by before I finally heard the masked men load into the van and take off. My leg was just starting to fall asleep so I was relieved to be able to stand up and finish up business. I peeked around the Audi and scanned the garage; looked all clear. I let out a relieved sigh, stood up and stretched. I pulled my pack back out and started where I left off when I heard a very distinct, familiar and terrifying voice.
"Well, what do we have here…" He stepped out from behind a concrete column, clicking his tongue to form a tsk sound. You'd have to of literally lived under a rock not to immediately recognize this man. From his black orb eyes framed by greenish-blonde hair to his craved-smile traced by red clown paint; this was the one and only… Joker. There the purple-clad Clown Prince of Crime himself stood just feet away from me, menacingly fiddling with an all-too-sharp looking knife and grinning like a lunatic. Yep… just my luck.
Now, being the true smartass I am, my natural instinct was to search for an appropriately sarcastic comeback. However; something about this man just screamed 'unstable'. So I thought it best to stick with a more basic… logic… mature and level-headed response.
"Erm… um, well I… nothing." I grimaced. Real clever way with words there, Gwyn. My amazingly pathetic attempt at an answer only seemed to amuse him further, then again… what didn't amuse The Joker?
The Joker couldn't seem to hold back a string of giggles as he replied. "Now, now… " I watched as he menacingly started to advance toward me with an evil glint in his eyes, "I spy... with my lit-tle eye; something that is…" He smacked his lips and closed in the rest of the space between us. I backed up against the Audi as he waved the sharpened knife dangerously close to my face. "lying-ah." He took a moment to let his dark eyes roam, taking in my appearance; all black attire.
"Now, little Blackbird… I'll ask again," He leaned in closer, grinning insanely. "What. Are you… doing?"
I bit my bottom lip. My options were limited. If I lied; I would probably be tortured, thus leading to a slow and horrible death. If I told the truth; well… it might give me a minute or two before being tortured and killed. Decisions, decisions. . .
"Well, I… was actually going to… steal this car…" I made sure to look Joker straight in the eyes—not a completely easy thing to do—to show my sincere honesty.
"Ah… tsk, tsk tsk…"He grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me closer; bringing the knife to my cheek. "So we have ah little thief here… Hmm?" He pressed the knife more, nearly drawing blood.
I had to find a way out of this—and fast. I refused to be Gotham City's next Joker victim. I searched my mind frantically for a way out. In conclusion; I decided on what seemed to be my only available option at the moment. With the memories of my past defense classes—distract, disable and run like hell—I readied myself. I had to be quick.
Suddenly, I mocked surprise and shock; and pointed behind The Joker. "Look! Batman!" He quickly looked behind him, I took this opportunity to give a solid kick to his groin; once he doubled over I quickly grabbed his head and made it connect with my knee. He fell to the side in a fit of hysterical giggles and cackles. I started to make a run for it—only pausing for a split second to give him a satisfying and humorous—to me—kick in the butt while he was leaning over.
Not really sure if I inflicted enough physical damage to him; I kept running until I was completely out of the garage. Did I really get away? Did I seriously just escape The Joker? I couldn't stop the excited smile that made its way across my face as I kept running. That was until I noticed a dark figure somewhere in front of me. I slowed down, further examining the mysterious figure—that appeared to be all black; black cape… and with a mask that appeared to be that of a bat. Batman…
He seemed momentarily distracted; looking up at the top floor of the garage. I followed his gaze and saw a flash of purple and green. Ah…
So, my options were; run forward, to a man dressed up as a giant bat. Or; turn around and run back into the clutches of a crazed homicidal clown. Decisions, decisions. . .
Without further delay, I made the only choice that seemed sane enough to me; I went right, jumped a fence and ran like hell—with no intent of stopping till I was home.
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Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know what you think so far! Constructive criticism is always welcomed. 3 3
~ Peace of Heart
