The phone calls have stopped and I'm happy about this.
I feel like I'm hardly alive.
I was up most of the night trying to avoid him. He never actually bothered showing up at my doorstep, so I know that he doesn't care as much as he pretended he had.
I'm supposed to see he and Italy again today, however, I'm sure that I won't. For now I wish to avoid them, especially Ludwig-san.
I'm occasionally looking up at the screen of the television as I type this on my laptop. They're saying something about Germany... his country... and I can't help but frown and want to change the station.
But I can't do it.
Something won't let me give him up completely.
Damn it, I hate him. I hate him so much.
The phone is ringing again, the 43rd time since I woke up. I've deleted message after message from my answering machine, and always he leaves more. I'm starting to wonder if he actually slept last night. Because I know that I did.
I cried until I hyperventilated a little and passed out, falling into an almost coma like sleep, dreaming of him on repeat.
Everything around me reminds me of him and it's staring to bother me even more than it did before.
There's a picture of Feliciano-kun, Ludwig-san, and I. Feliciano-kun is hugging us both, standing in between us. Ludwig-san is looking at Feliciano-kun (or perhaps me) and I'm smiling at the camera.
I can't help but think that this symbolizes that Feliciano-kun is what is standing between us. Because it is quite obvious that he likes Feliciano-kun as more than simply a friend.
I feel jealous when I see them together, even though I don't want to.
I'm going to lay that picture down rather than have it standing up, looking at me. It might make me forget at least a little. I don't want to see it. I can't look at him right now.
Hopefully I'll get over this soon, because I don't know how long I'll be able to avoid him.
