Hey guys!! I'm back with chappie 4 of the berserk beginning!!

Reviewers to thank from chapter 3:

sudokukid

and all the other reviewrs that i didn't get type in name bcuz i'm in a hurry.

Disclaimer: I…do not…own…ASOUE!!!! SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S Y'ALL'S PROBLEM?!? Lol.

The Berserk Beginning

Chapter 4:

Snicket- "She's-"

Me- "GOSH SNICKET!! YOU NEED TO STOP SNEEKING IN!! PLUS, KICKING YOU OUT IS GETTING OLD AND NO ONE'S LAUGHING AT THAT ANYMORE!!!"

Snicket backs up and opens up a coloring book to occupy his time.

(Quick Author's Note: Chapter 4 is what was happening to Isadora during chapter 3-this chapter is probably going to be the only chapter that will be told in a character's point of view. In this case, Isadora's)

I hit the ground with a hard thud. The pain in my head was excruciating, since I fell head first. Painful. When I landed, for a minute, I thought I was in a rocket ship that exploded. But I survived. Still being a bit woozy, I started singing 'I will survive'. 'Till I felt a brush against my arm. I opened my eyes and found myself face-to-face with a rat.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed so loud I thought my throat would burst. I rolled over and found that a tarantula was crawling towards me. Then I screamed some more. Then I fainted. I woke up at probably around midnight. I was on top of the most dirtiest bed in the world! I also had scratches all over my legs that weren't there before.

Just then, the door to the room I was in burst open. Some idiot looking dude dramatically walked. He was uglier than ugly itself!! Sorry, but he was. He had the most hairiest unibrow-it was gray. His eyes were a cold gray. His greasy, gelly hair was pulled back-the hair was gray. He was wearing worn out overalls-they were gray. Underneath his overalls was an undershirt, it was gray. He was wearing socks-gray. They were ankle socks. On his left ankle was a tattoo of an eye with a-I leaned closer-a whole bunch of other eyes that had a whole bunch of other eyes that had a whole bunch of other eyes and so on and so forth. Without saying a simple 'Hello', he started ordering me around!! How disrespectful!!

"Orphan, I have ran an errand!"

"That's great."

"You bet it is! You know what I bought?"

"Nope, gotta go," obviously he knew me, but I didn't know him. I got up from that filthy bed and began walking towards the door. Just as I was passing him, he grabbed me by the arm and me to the front of him and said to me, "Do you know who I am?"

Just then, I figured out who he was. I remembered my parents told me about him and they told me to watch out. I didn't think I would ever come face-to-face with him. In fact, I never even thought I could spot him out if he and I were in a store by ourselves. But, actually…he totally sticks out like a sore thumb. This man looks just as my mom and dad described. Tattoo of an eye on his left ankle, unibrow, obsession with gray-I thought my dad was exaggerating on that part-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! THEY WERE RIGHT ABOUT THE LONG FITHY NAILS THAT I JUST NOTICED TOO!!!!!!!!!!

"Do you know who I am?" he repeated.

To keep out of harms way, I fibbed. I am a professional, my brothers fall for my lies all the time…

"My…guardian? Probably not. I must have mistaken you, and the house. Bye." I started doing the moon walk that Duncan taught me-its fun!- while trying to breath slowly-his breath stinks so bad I had to hold my breath!! I don't mean to be mean, but I'm just saying the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, you know? It's life. Deal with it.

He grabbed me by the arm, again, and pulled me in front of him, again.

"Hey, dude, I don't like being man-handled, so could you just, like, back off?" His face got meaner looking, "Please?"

Instead of backing off like the coward he is-please, who burns homes in person? Everyone except Stinky Olaf over here- pushed me toward that filthy bed. I landed on that mattress-it was the only thing on there-but I made a hole in it and my butt hit the metal stuff that's supposed hold up the mattress. Then he threw a can a gray paint next to the mattress and said, "You're not going anywhere. You know me, and I know you. So while you're here, I will introduce myself and assign you chores. I am-"

"Wait-chores?"

"Let me finish!!! As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I am your beloved Count Olaf. Even though we are two strangers, you can call me 'Countie'. Now, your first chore is to paint this brown room gray. And your second chore is…well I'll just give you the list."

Count Olaf took a piece of paper from his pocket on his overalls, balled it up, and threw it at me. Then he left.

"Great. Chores. Just great."

So I got to work-but not before I got my ipod out of my pocket. It's purple. I turned it on and put it on Demi Lovato's: La la land.

I sang along, singing while I'm working makes me feel important. I don't know why. I know I get it from my parents. So do my brothers.

"I am confident But I still have my moments Baby, that's just me

I'm not a supermodel I still eat McDonald's Baby, that's just me Well, some may say I need to be afraid Of losing everything Because of where I

Had my started and where I made my name Well, everything's the same In the la-la land machine Machine, machine Who said I can't wear my Converse with my dress Well, baby, that's just me [ah]

Who says I can't be single And have to go out and mingle Baby, that's not me!Noo, noo

Well, some may say I need to be afraid Of losing everything 'cause of where I

Had my started and where I made my name Well, everything's the same In the la-la land- Tell me, do you feel the way I feel 'Cause nothing else is real In the la-la land machine

(yells)(guitar solo)Well, some may say I need to be afraid Of losing everything Because of where I

Had my started and where I made my name Well, everything's the same In the la-la land machine Well, I'm not gonna change In the la-la land

Machine! Well, I will stay the same In the la-la land… MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I won't change anything in my life (I won't change anything in my life) I'm staying myself tonight (I'm staying myself tonight) La, la, la, l-"

"WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!?" Count Olaf yelled as barged into the room I was working on. I don't like when people barge in and I don't like it when people call me noise. Paula Abdul helped me make a CD that sold trillions. Anyways, I was painting the door and accidentally painted Count Olaf's face. "AAHHH!! YOU PAINTED MY FACE!!"

"Well, you deserve it, you treat people like crap! You're a person too! Show some respect for people other than yourself!"

"How do you know about me?"

"Ohhh…well, that was embarrassing. I…uh…saw you around town?"

"Hmmm, good enough for me. NOW GET TO WORK!!"

I was finished with the room when I finished painting the door. I went to that filthy bed and picked up the list that I had left on it. Guess how many chores I got! Fifty three!! Since there was so much to do, I decided to read the first ten:

1) paint room gray

I grabbed my pen from my pocket and wrote "done" next to it. Then I looked at the rest:

2) wash dishes

3) clean all 3 bathrooms

4) kill all rats in house

5) kill the giant tarantula

6) polish all my shoes-they are in the backyard

7) mow the lawn-front and back

8) feed my iguana

9) sort my underwear

10) get all my Playboy magazines from the attic

My thoughts:

Chores10 & 9:EEEWWW!! COUNT OLAF READS PLAYBOY!!!!!! AND HIS UNDERWEAR IS PROBABALY DIRTY AND SMELLS LIKE CRAP!! Chore 8:He has an iguana?

Chore 7:I can't mow the lawn! I'm a girl! That's a man's job!

Chore 6:Dang!!! That man got lots of shoes!! {the window in the room I was in showed the backyard}

Chore 5:I am terrified of tarantulas!! And he expects me to kill a giant one!! No way.

Chore 4:I'm skipping the rats. I'm allergic. Plus, I had a seizure one time when I saw one.

Chore 3:Please don't be filthy, please don't be filthy, please don't be filthy.

Chore 2:I'll live.

I went to the kitchen and saw that there was a radio next to the sink. Good. I hate washing dishes alone. Listening to music makes me feel like I have company. Oo! It tells time! Its…um…dang!! it's 5:45am!!

I looked at all the dishes in the sink. I was like, "Whoa!!" The dishes were piled up so high, that they almost touched the ceiling. I'm not joking. And that ceiling is HIGH.

I heard foot steps coming down the steps. It was Count Olaf. Shoot.

"Orphan!! Are you washing the dishes?!?" he called. Just as I had tuned the radio to 103.7 the Q.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I answered.

"Orphan! What are you doing listening to- OO! POKERFACE!! I LOVE THIS SONG!!"

Then he started doing the disco and singing,

"I won't tell you that I love you kiss or hug you cause I'm bluffin with my muffin I'm not lyin I'm just stunnin with my love glue gunnin! Just like a chick in a casino take your bank before I pay you out I promise this promise this check this hand cause I'm marvelous!"

When that song was over, Welcome to the World started playing and Count Olaf stared shaking as if he was having a seizure. Then he stared singing,

"All the time that you were gone, I thought about how things went wrong Now you're coming down to earth Ok, hello, (welcome to my world) welcome to the world!!"

And he sings terr-i-ble!

Then I Can Be Your Hero started and he started singing,

"I can be your hero baby, I can kiss away the pain!! I can stand by you forever!! You can take, my breath away!!"

in a really high-pitched voice.

"SHUT-UP!!" I yelled, because surprisingly, I was finished.

"I'M DONE WITH THIS AND GOING TO BED! Wait, that bed is filthy. I'll sleep on the floor." I said.

"Listen here orphan-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

"But I didn't get to tell you what I bought…"

"Well, what'd you buy?"

He answered really fast, "Avril Lavigne's CD."

I looked at him, the CD, him, the CD, him, the CD, him, the CD, then I grabbed the CD and ran to my room.

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! YOU TOOK MY CD!!! It's a good thing I bought an extra."

I immediately grabbed a computer out of nowhere and downloaded it to my ipod and started listening to One of Those Girls and sang along:

"I know you're the kind of girl

You only care about one thing

Who you've seen, or where you've been

Who's got money

I see that look in your eyes

It tells a million lies

But deep inside,

I know why

You're talking to him

I know what you're all about

I really hope he figures it out

She's one of those girls

Nothing but troubleJ

just one look

and now you're seeing double

Before you know it she'll be gone

Off to the next one

She's so good that you won't see it coming

She'll take you for a ride

and you'll be left with nothing

You'll be broken, she'll be gone

Off to the next one

Oh oh ohOff to the next oneOh oh yeah yeah oh oh

She's gonna be the end of you

At least that's what they say

It's been a while

You're in denial

And now it's too late

The way she looks,

it makes you high

All the warning signs

Cause her blond hair,

her blue eyes

it makes you wanna die

I know what she's all about

I really hope you figure it out

She's one of those girls

Nothing but trouble

Just one look

and now you're seeing double

Before you know it she'll be gone

Off to the next one

She's so good that you won't see it coming

She'll take you for a ride and you'll be left with nothing

You'll be broken, she'll be gone

Off to the next one

You know it's a game, you know it's a game

She keeps playing around with your head,

playing around with your head

She's so insane, so insane

She's the one to blame,

she's the one to blame

She's one of those girls

Nothing but trouble

just one look

and now you're seeing double

Before you know it she'll be gone

Off to the next

shes so good that you won't see it coming

She'll take you for a ride and you'll be left with nothing

You'll be broken, she'll be gone

Off to the next oneOh oh ohOff to the next oneOh oh yeah yeahOff to the next one!" and I soon fell asleep.


The next morning, I was woken up by Count Olaf yelling at me.

"ORPHAN!!!COME PLAY THE PIANO!! I DON'T KNOW HOW SO YOU DO IT FOR ME!!"

"Oi…" I said, and I got up reluctantly and downstairs to play the piano.

I began playing. Then I saw a hobo!!

"AHH!! A HOBO!!" I screamed.

"THAT'S NOT A HOBO!! THAT'S MY WIFE, THE RETARD!!"

"Oh. Ha Ha, you married a retard."

"GOSH!, JUST SHUT- UP AND PLAY, PLAY PLAY!!"

"Uh, it's shut-up and drive, drive, drive."

"WHATEVER!! JUST PLAY!!"

"OK, sheesh." and I began playing Bella's original lullaby. The original is so much better than the one in the movie. Count Olaf fainted from the beautiful sound. It was funny. He started singing Love Story. Tee hee.

Then there was a knock on the door. Count Olaf quickly stood up and said, "That must be my girlfriend!! The un-retard!!"

That man is crazy.

The retard.

Stupid idiot.

The ugly dude addicted to gray.

Annoying kid.

Unmatured and sounds like a mouse when he yells and sings.

Count Olaf ran to the door and quickly opened the door. Then I heard a loud thud. I got up from the piano seat and leaned over to see what happened. I couldn't see because Count Olaf's big hairy butt was in the way.

It's not that I've been looking at his butt or anything, but if he has a hairy unibrow, and hairy legs, then he must have a hairy butt, and a very hairy back. Just thought I should let you know.

"Ow! My head hurts!"

Once I heard that voice, I knew exactly who it was.

I won't tell you that I love you kiss or hug you cause I'm bluffin with my muffin I'm not lyin I'm just stunnin with my love glue gunnin! Just like a chick in a casino take your bank before I pay you out I promise this promise this check this hand cause I'm marvelous!

I can't get that out of my mind!!

Seriously. So, did you like it, love it, hate it, rue it? Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!! This chapter was shorter. 11 pages long this one. Review Plz!!

;)

Pokerface: Lady Gaga

La-La Land: Demi Lovato

I can Be Your Hero: some dude, but it was on Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Welcome to the world:Kevin rudoplh.