Chapter 4 – the bear, the bitch and the circus
I decided to go with the Cornish pasties for dinner in the end – just in case you were wondering – and they seemed to sit heavily in my stomach as I lay on my bed, trying to get to sleep. Charlie had grunted after my little speech earlier in the evening and had said, "I get why you're angry Bells, and he shouldn't have done that, but maybe he just needed a little space before you started introducing him to other... male friends of yours?"
"I know dad. It's just he's a really nice guy and I thought that maybe, if it wasn't just the two of us all the time, he wouldn't get the wrong idea so much, and he already feels like I'm ditching him," I sighed at the vegetables I was chopping. Why was my life so difficult?
"I know it's a difficult situation honey, just remember; don't go looking for money in a guy, but you have to make sure he can take care of you, Bella."
I groaned, "Ugh, he is not my boyfriend!" Why couldn't anyone accept that?
I was still in shock over Jake's outburst and – oh my god what if Edward hated me now? I had asked him if I could bring my friend with me and my friend had turned out to be a complete jerk to him! Would he think I was a jerk too? Guilty by association. Oh god. This was not good. I was going to kill Jacob, I mean literally kill him!
I huffed and stared at the ceiling as tried to get to sleep... this was so not working. Tomorrow, I am going to march straight over there and apologise, I thought determinedly as I was finally drifting off to sleep.
If Tuesday had been terrible, Wednesday was even worse. I was anxious all day as to how Edward would react to me turning up again. Plus, there were whispers. Thankfully, there were only a few, but I had to remind myself that that was what I wanted... And I just know I failed the history test we had right before lunch. This whole week was turning out to be a... I would say nightmare if I discounted Monday evening. That was the highlight of my week. Go me!
We had spent a lot of time around the horses – it was awesome! But I desperately wanted to ride one, even if it was only being led around a field by Edward or someone. I didn't want to consider that Edward might not want me around after yesterday. This was not only a childhood dream that would dance out of my reach, but also a good friend. We weren't too close yet, but I really enjoyed spending time with him, and I could tell we could be really close, with time.
By the end of the day, I had reached the end of my tether – I mean seriously, why does fidgeting all through lesson necessitate a ten minute 'chat' at the end of school? It's not like I was even being disruptive! I decided to go straight home then, to save myself more disappointment. When I got home, I collapsed on my bed, fervently wishing I'd never left it. I groaned into my pillow and rolled over, trying to get comfortable. I was dog tired and my lack of sleep the night before was most certainly catching up with me...
Which is why I woke up three hours later, slightly disorientated.
I looked at the time and immediately sprang out out of bed, I had to get dinner on. Five points goes to whoever guesses what the only meat left in the house was – that's right, fish. My patience was wearing thin in the food department. How does Charlie not get tired of fish? Or even fishing? We had some of Harry Clearwater's fish fry so I did that and some chips and salad – I really needed to find some more fish recipes – but oh, wait! My computer is from the 1950s and the letter 'e' no longer works on the keyboard. Fun times.
Wednesday was a... well, it was one of those days where I couldn't be bothered to put a lot of effort in, so I ended up with not a lot as a result. I moved apathetically through Spanish, maths and geography before lunch, and at lunch, I sat quietly on the edge of my friendship group and had a nice conversation with Angela. She was a nice girl that I had somehow overlooked since we had been at this school.
I ended up telling Angela – roughly – about my slight dilemma. I told her that I had a friend and I had brought Jake round to meet him, but then Jake blew up in his face. I confessed my fear of rejection to her, which she assured me was unfounded and unnecessary. Then, instead of lingering on the subject she switched to wondering what the English test was going to be like. I speculated with her, thankful that I knew Wuthering heights inside out. For some reason, I felt that I couldn't tell anyone about Edward or about him being in the circus, not that I was ashamed or anything, but I knew Charlie wasn't the only one in town with a prejudice against outsiders, especially poor outsiders.
That evening, I used the courage that Angela had given me at lunch and drove straight over to the circus to see Edward. As I go out of my truck, I was startled to see a woman of about twenty standing behind me and smiling welcomingly. My eyes quickly wondered over her lithe stature and dark, spiky hair before she stuck her hand out exuberantly.
"Hi," I said, trying to follow at least some convention for meeting and greeting.
"You know, you could've come over yesterday, we don't bite, especially not Edward." She screwed up her nose in thought, "He's too gentle for his own good."
"Ok?" I said, uncertainly.
She looked me up and down, then smiled and nodded to herself before saying a cheery goodbye and waving as she abruptly turned and walked away.
I shrugged to myself and wandered further into their camp when I heard annoyed voices drifting my way. "No! She's not like that! She wouldn't..." Edward sighed in defeat, "Why don't you go ask Alice if you're so concerned?"
"You know, Ed, if you're feeling like that, then I won't say any more... apart from that my door's always open if you ever wanna beef up a little extra!" I heard the sound of a scuffle and rounded the corner to see Edward on the back of... a bear.
Edward had the bear in a sort of ineffective headlock while attempting to give him a noogie while the bear was thrashing around and trying to get Edward off his back. I hesitated by the shelter of a caravan wall and watched as the fight played out. Suddenly the bear slammed his back – and the sharper of you will notice that that means he slammed Edward as well – into the wall of the caravan I was hiding behind.
"Damn Em, you didn't have to use all your strength," Edward said as he sunk down to the ground.
"Seriously, about the beefing up thing..."
Edward shook his head smiling slightly, "I'll make sure to give you a call," he said before his eyes found mine and his expression went blank with shock.
"Err... hi," I said – note my superior eloquence.
Edward frowned in confusion – was 'hi' not generally accepted as a polite form of greeting? "Hi," he said back, seemingly dazed.
"Ooohh," the bear said, snickering and rubbing his hands together, his face was a picture of excitement, "This should be good."
Startled out of his daze, Edward turned to frown at the bear before getting up and asking me to follow him. We went to his caravan and he offered me a drink which I declined but he still looked shifty and nervous. "So, you decided to come back?" he asked – was me not sitting here clarification enough for him?
I nodded in the affirmative but Edward didn't relax, I narrowed my eyes at him, "Is something wrong? Is there something you're not telling me?" I asked suspiciously.
Edward turned defensive, "No. I'm just glad you came back that's all," he hunched his shoulders and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"You thought I didn't want to come back?" I gasped, incredulously – and a little accusingly, "Honestly, if I hadn't had such a shit day yesterday and then fell asleep, I would've come over yesterday." I assured him, but he continued to look doubtful, "You know I don't think like Jake, right?"
Edward shrugged, "He's not the only who thinks that, Bella. There are very few people outside of the circus who think that we're actually worth something," he said despondently as he sat down on his bed. I didn't know what to say to that so I huffed and sat down next to him.
After a long pause, I turned to Edward to find him leaning back and staring thoughtfully through the skylight in the middle of the ceiling at the sky which was a strange shade of blue – gasp! It was a clear sky! "What are you thinking?" I asked curiously as I stared at his upturned jaw.
"I was wondering how you would describe the colour blue to a blind man," he said absently.
"What? Where did that come from?"
"Well, I was looking at the sky and just thinking about how nice and deep and clear the sky was, just trying to describe it in my head, really. Then I thought about how description is based on experience and comparison, so, how would you describe the colour blue – or any colour for that matter – to someone with no experience of colours? Thus, how do you describe the colour blue to a blind man?" Edward looked at me apprehensively and expectantly as if he was waiting for me to say something to that.
"You do know I have no idea, right? You'd probably have to ask a blind man or someone who lives with one."
Edward grinned like I'd just made his day, "Wow. I guess you really did want to come back then, since you're not looking at me like I'm something unpleasant that you stepped on."
"...huh?"
"Um, well... a few people have, um... hung out with me because of my ermm... looks," he said that bit with equal parts distaste and disbelief, "and they kind expected me to have a personality to match the, um... 'dumb jock' stereotype, and then when I didn't deliver and started spouting random crap like that, well..." he shrugged, not even bothering to put the result into words, it was just that obvious what small minded teenagers would be like.
"Yeah, well... just don't listen to Jake, he doesn't know what he's talking about."
Edward's face visibly darkened at the mention of Jake's name and his eyes almost turned hateful. I know Jake was... evil to him when they met the other day, but I thought his reaction was a little extreme... Then I had a ghastly idea, "Tell me." I commanded.
"Tell you what?" Edward asked warily.
"Tell me whatever Jake said or did when you two were alone on Tuesday."
Edward's head swivelled to look at me, both shock and panic swimming in his wide emerald eyes. "Who told you about that?" he demanded while his ears turned pink. Ahh, so something did happen then. I cocked an eyebrow, waiting for him to realise his mistake.
His eyes widened even more, then he shook his head violently, "Uh... no. I cant tell you." He tried to sound firm but the panic was evident as he backed away from me. I frowned, how am I going to get him to talk? I was determined to find out what it was – the phrase 'curiosity killed the cat' couldn't deter me. I looked at him on the bed next to me, almost pinned to the wall. There was no room for escape, so I tried the one thing that never failed.
Edward yelped as wriggling fingers made contact with his sides. One thing I learned was that he was seriously ticklish. It was only a moment later that Edward, wildly kicking and flinging, with a flushed face and gasping for breath, conceded my victory, swearing he would tell me whatever I wanted to know.
"So... what happened with you and Jake?" I asked as Edward caught his breath.
He sighed and sat up straight before running his hand through his hair and leaning his elbows on his knees. He stared at the floor while I stared at his hunched shoulders as he recounted what happened. Not once did he look at me and by his tone, he was embarrassed as hell about it, but all I could think about was how absolutely livid I was at Jake.
I fisted my hands and ground my teeth together, unable to do anything else. I sat quietly seething for a while, until Edward got a little nervous about my lack of response. He turned around and met my angry eyes. His widened and he got sort of a look of horror on his face, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or Jacob or anything, and I definitely didn't mean to drive a wedge between you two..."
I snapped out of my anger-induced trance and took in his stance of surrender. "Oh, don't worry, Jake managed to drive a wedge between us all by himself," I spat.
"Please. Don't start anything, please," he begged.
I didn't answer him, there was no way I was going to let this one slide. Edward was about to start begging again when there was a knock on the door. Edward looked between me and the door for a few seconds before going to answer it, while I tried my hardest to calm down. I looked up and saw that it was the woman from earlier at the door.
"You need some clothes that actually fit you," she said to Edward.
He rolled his eyes before replying dryly, "No shit, Alice."
She crossed her arms, "No need to get snarky with me, mister,"
"Well you were stating the obvious," he stepped back to allow Alice in, "Oh, Alice this is Bella, Bella this is Alice."
"Hi, again," I said with an awkward little wave.
"Hi!" Alice said as she skipped over and sat down right next to me, on the bed. It was then that I noticed she was carrying three raincoats, she didn't say anything, just left them on the end of the bed. Edward looked at the raincoats, then at the sky, the shrugged and sat down on the opposite bed to me and Alice. "Thanks."
"No problem," Alice replied. After a few moments of awkward silence, Alice suddenly turned to me, "Ugh! Why are you so difficult?"
Bewildered, I turned to see Edward laughing his head off on the other bed while I was still nonplussed as to what was going on. "Oh, Edward?" Alice said as she turned from me to him, "Your mum wants to see you... and go by the stables, unless you want to end up covered in mud."
Edward raised an eyebrow at her before shaking his head and standing up to go out the door. When he got to the door he turned to me and asked if I wanted to come with him but Alice said she wanted to have a chat. Edward frowned at that but continued out the door anyway, only pausing briefly to grab the waterproof that Alice thrust at him and tie it round his waist.
As soon as Edward was out of earshot, Alice turned to me, "Hi Bella! Nice to finally meet you, we're gonna be great friends."
"You too Alice, and I look forward to being friends with you," I replied – I know, I know! I never pretended to be a great conversationalist!
"So... what's your favourite colour? If you say blue I will love you forever!" Alice squealed.
"Err, blue?" I guessed.
"Yay! Blue would suit you so well. Hmmm, with some white trim and just above your knees..." Alice muttered to herself, she jumped up with a look of concentration on her face, "See you Saturday Bella! Oh, and just ignore Rosalie, everyone else does."
And with that, Alice skipped out the door. Then, only a few seconds later, I heard Edward coming... bringing someone else with him. Oh god.
"Rosalie, do we really have to do this, right now? Cant it wait? I really don't think Bella is like all those other people," I heard Edward say exasperatedly.
"You know why Edward. And you know why this has to be done early," a stern female voice replied.
"Don't you think you're taking this just a little too far?"
"Edward. Shoo. Go play with Emmett or something."
After a few seconds I heard Edward sigh and walk away, then the person who I guessed was Rosalie came in through the open door. She was a model... or should be a model. She was tall, blonde and slim. She pursed her lips as her eyes roamed over me and I squirmed a little under her scrutiny. She stalked towards me and sat on the bed, eyeing the two raincoats next to her.
"Listen, I'm a bitch and this isn't going to be pleasant, so get over it. You're lucky I'm telling you this now." Suddenly her cold gaze turned fiery, "What do you want with Edward?"
"Err, to be friends?" I didn't do well at confrontations... when I was the one being confronted.
"Why?" she barked, "Why did you chose Edward? Why not Emmett or Riley or me?"
"Because he helped me when I dropped my shopping in the rain?" the pressure was making my voice all squeaky so it sounded like I was asking a question.
"Oh, that's right! Pick on the kind ones! The ones where its more fun to see them humiliated at the end! The ones where its easier to gain their trust and friendship! I bet you don't even know what friendship means!" Rosalie spat at me.
"Hey, now wait a minute!" I protested, starting to get indignant at her accusations.
"And why should I? You're pathetic, you know that? You're not worthy to set foot in this circus!"
"Just stop a minute!"
"So you can break his heart? So you can hurt him? So you can put him down and make him feel worthless just so you can feel better about yourself?" Rosalie flung the questions at me without mercy.
"So I can explain that I'm sick of two-faced friends and Edward was the first genuinely nice guy that I'd met since my dad! I'm not like the others in my school! They think I'm weird but Edward never made me feel like that! He's a good friend!" I shouted enraged back in her face, I wondered if she would yell at me some more for that.
Instead, she smirked, "So my bitchiness hasn't scared you off?" she asked in a much more reasonable tone.
"Nope."
"Welcome to the circus, Bella," Rosalie said, extending her hand out for me to shake. I grinned and shook it – hell yeah! I passed the bitch test! Woop!
We sat down and started chatting for a while – Rosalie was actually pretty cool – before Alice poked her head through the door, wearing an anorak – it had started raining, surprise surprise. "Good, you're done. Bella would you like to have dinner with us?"
"Oh, I should really get back, I have to cook dinner for my dad..." Was it that late already?
"Nonsense!" Alice interrupted, "Your dad can survive one evening without a home cooked meal! Oh, and Rosalie, Emmett is getting a little overenthusiastic with the weights again."
"Oh shit! And I told Edward to go play with Emmett!" Rosalie sighed, "I better go rescue him before he collapses."
"How long have we been chatting here anyway?" I asked – how had it gotten so late?
"Including the bitch fest, I'd say just over an hour. Time flies when you're having fun, huh?"
I nodded and followed Rosalie and Alice out the door after putting on the raincoat that Rosalie left. I was depressed to see the sky so dark already, if the drop in temperature wasn't enough, the shorter days were definitely a sign that winter was closing in. We walked for only a minute and stopped at a small, black tent, where you could hear voices emanating from. They sounded almost as if they were jeering. Rosalie and Alice rolled their eyes and pulled back the flap to the tent and holly...
My train of thought literally stopped there.
Edward was doing chin ups... Bare-chested!
I could see the sweat dripping down his back and oh my god did my knees go weak as he struggled to lift himself one more time. I had never really thought of Edward as sexy before - I mean, I knew he was attractive, I wasn't blind – but that oversight had just been rectified. "Come on! Cant even do twenty chin ups?" Riley the creep shouted at him. I frowned as another shouted, "Go on ya scrawny devil! Maybe one day soon you'll be able to take Emmett!" I also noticed the bear from earlier was there and said that he had just three more to do.
Edward managed to do one more before his grip on the pole slipped and he fell to the floor. Riley laughed – we had moved to stand just inside the door of the tent now – and Edward turned to him and shot back, "Well, I'd like to see you try twenty chin ups."
The jeering was now aimed at Riley and he looked annoyed as he stepped up to the bar, "How do your arms feel?" he asked.
"Like yours will in a few minutes, like jelly," Edward replied as he moved out the way – no-one had noticed us standing here yet.
Riley didn't even manage to do ten. But I was only half concentrating on him, Edward shook his arms out and had a long drink of water before putting a top back on. Everyone, including me, Alice and Rosalie laughed when Riley fell off – which is what made them notice that we were in there with them. Everyone turned to look at us at the same time – which would be funny if it wasn't me they were looking at.
"Dinners nearly ready and Bella's joining us!" Alice said cheerfully. I glanced around everyone's faces and noticed they were all in shock, with the exception of Edward who seemed equal parts shocked, elated and relieved.
Once we were out of the tent, I called and left a message on the answer-phone that I would be staying round a friend's house for tea. When I got to where we would be eating I realised 'tea' was the wrong word, this was more like a feast! And the table was huge! I was told to sit down while Alice and Rosalie went to help bring the drinks through. I sat fidgeting for a bit until people started to congregate around the table.
"You know you're the first outsider ever to eat like this with us," Edward said as he slid into the chair next to me, taking off his waterproof and shoving it under his stool. I smiled, relieved that I had someone to talk to finally and Edward started to fill me in on the people there.
Carlisle and Esme joined the circus when she got pregnant with Emmett, Alice ran away from an orphanage and joined when she was ten and met Jasper in Texas two years ago, he dropped his history course to travel with her. Victoria and James joined six years ago with Riley in Seattle and had Bree a year later, Siobhan and Liam had been in the circus ever since Edward could remember, they had Rosalie who was eighteen and Maggie who was approaching three. Garrett and Kate joined four years ago with Tanya, they had done loads of travelling before and thought the circus would offer more security for Tanya. Aro and Sulpicia had Jane and had been here for longer than Edward, as had Irina and Laurent, while Carmen and Eleazar had joined a few months ago and wanted to put some more acrobatics in the show, since Carmen used to be a gymnast.
All in all, there were twenty-four people and then Emmett the bear. No wonder they had a feast laid out on the table. Edward told me they always got together like this on Thursdays as Friday through to Sunday, they were performing. It was good logic.
I was enjoying myself until Riley sat down the other side of me, I hadn't liked him from the moment he introduced himself on Saturday. He ignored me for a few moments, but as soon as Edward went to go see what Esme wanted, he turned to me and again with the creepy vibes. "So, you with the mop-head over there?"
"What's it to you?" I asked defensively.
"You know, if you wanted to join the circus, you don't have to date him," he said lowly in my ear.
"Who says I want to date him because I want join the circus?" more like I would want to join the circus because I was dating him – duh.
"Are you dating him?" he said with a sly smirk.
"No!" Again with that question! Although, I wouldn't mind...
"Erm, here's your glass," oh shit! I turned just in time to see Edward walking away... again.
People were starting to dig in now and I grabbed at any excuse to keep my mouth shut while Edward was going round pouring drinks. Suddenly Alice was beside me, "What happened?" she asked frantically.
I shifted and glanced uneasily at Riley before Rosalie stepped in, "You. Move."
"Aww, but I'm hungry! I just had a work out!" Riley protested.
"Take your plate. Now move!" Rosalie picked up Riley's plate, shoved it in his hand and pushed him away before sitting down in his newly vacated seat. Then both of them looked at me expectantly.
"Well... Riley was kinda getting on my nerves and then he asked me if I was dating Edward and I kinda shouted 'no!' as if I really didn't want to date him and Edward was standing right behind me." I caved pitifully quickly, but then I thought – apart from Edward, of course – they were my best allies and closest friends in this place.
"Oh, Bella," Alice shook her head sadly, "It's all about spatial awareness in this place."
"I know, I just think I have foot-in-mouth disease," I lamented.
"Oh, well. It's just gonna take a little longer now," Alice replied as if she hadn't heard me.
"What's gonna take a little longer?" I asked – Jesus, Alice does love her cryptic little remarks.
"Well, getting you two together, of course," Rosalie replied.
"What? Who says we're gonna get together?" I was feeling defensive, I didn't like assumptions and I didn't like being told what to do – especially when it came to boys, that was one of the things I wasn't missing about my mum.
"Bella." Alice said sternly as she grasped my hands in hers, "Do you or do you not want to date my brother?"
"Your brother?" I asked confused, I thought Edward said she ran away from an orphanage when she was ten.
"I think of him as my brother. Now do you want to date him?" she asked impatiently, "Quickly! He's coming back this way and he's gonna have to sit here to eat."
"Err," I started to panic, I didn't like making rushed decisions, "Yes?"
Alice and Rosalie turned ecstatic, "Good!" Alice squealed before she got up and danced around the other side of the table and sat next to Riley, still grinning at me.
I could see Edward approaching now and I started to get nervous, "What if Edward doesn't want to date me?" I whispered to Rosalie beside me.
"Don't worry about that, he already has a crush on you, only now he'll be trying extra hard to curb his feelings."
Edward was getting closer, "What do I do? There is no way I'm going to sit here attempting to flirt after he overheard... what I said to Riley."
"You're right, that would be seen as suspicious. Just reinforce the friendship vibe for now, they say the best lover is also your best friend," she waggled her eyebrows at me. Where did she get all this from?
Edward came back and eventually we started making awkward conversation. It was only by the end of the meal that we were back to our normal level of comfort – which was when Carlisle stood up to make an announcement. Everyone fell silent as he was about to speak, "First of all, let me say a warm welcome to Bella!" I blushed as everyone clapped for me, "And now, onto business. The time for me to retire from being the ringmaster is approaching. So it falls to the next generation to carry on the legacy, Emmett, Riley and Edward; you are the only boys eligible. So, good luck, and may the best ringmaster win!"
There was applause all round the table and I turned to Edward, "Wow! You could be ringmaster! That's so cool!" and hugged him. There was a moment of stiffness but he got over it and wrapped him arms around me too.
"Yeah, well... it remains to be see whether I will actually become ringmaster," his reply was muffled in my hair and I let go of him, aware that I could be cutting off his air supply. People were now taking out used and dirty plates and bringing in desert. Five apple crumbles – I felt like Homer Simpson faced with a doughnut.
Edward managed to get him, me and Rosalie slices – he was very brave to go into that and then to emerge victorious... I shook my head, impressed. Rosalie and Edward had cream while I had ice-cream with mine and I hadn't noticed the din around the table until I had to shout to tell Edward 'thanks'.
Edward noticed as well and suggested we escape. With much unneeded nudging from Rosalie, I agreed and we worked our way outside the tent. Edward handed me his desert and told me to stay there before disappearing off into the labyrinth of caravans that was his home. I was a little put out until he came back with a stack of blankets and a couple of extra hoodies. He set one of the blankets up so we could sit and lean against the tent wall. He took the bowls off me and placed them on the blanket while we shrugged into what I'm guessing were a pair of Emmett's old hoodies. We sat down and one blanket was draped over our laps while the last one was pulled over our shoulders.
It was now dark enough to see the stars and it had stopped raining a while ago, though the ground and the tent wall were still quite wet. The stars were beautiful and Edward pointed out the North Star, saying that, where ever you are, it will always guide you home – of course you probably had to have some basic navigational skills for that to work. We finished our apple crumbles and by the end I was so full I knew I wouldn't be able to stand up...
Next thing I knew I was being lifted. I heard someone whispering to be careful but I didn't know who. I looked to my left to see Edward still asleep although he was being picked up by Emmett. Unable to keep my eyes open any longer, I let them close once again. Next time I became semi-conscious I was being lifted out of a car by Carlisle. I saw Esme and Edward's mum Liz, there and I swear I heard Liz whisper, "I'm glad you're in my son's life."
I guess I was handed over to Charlie and put to bed by him because I was woken up by my alarm the next morning, still in my clothes from yesterday although my jumper and shoes had been taken off.
A/N - so yeah, no beta, but I've gone through this a gazillion times so there shouldn't be (m)any mistakes.
oh, by the way, i was thinking of adding a little of the supernatural into this... what do you think?
