Coming Home

Chapter Four – Memories and Breakdowns

A/N: Flashbacks (Sadie's memories) are in italics…in case you hadn't figured that out! )

Still own nothing; please don't sue…its back enough being a college student during finals!!! Enjoy!

Fifteen year old Sadie McMahon sat in the arena in Boston, bored out of her mind. She had been released from her New Hampshire boarding school, exactly seven hours and 11 minutes ago, for her Thanksgiving break. She had been mulling around the Monday Night Raw set, trying to find her father to tell him about how she had been named to the All Conference soccer all stars and would get to play in an all-league match the week after she got home from break. She had wanted him to be there for the most important game of her career so far, since he had missed her season. When she finally had found him, he simply ignored her, saying that he had a meeting. A dejected Sadie had decided to wander around the arena. After getting bored with that, Sadie had climbed her way to the top of one of the equipment trucks and was watching everyone below her.

"BELLE!!!"

Sadie looked down to see her big brother Shane looking up at her. She smiled and waved down to him.

"Belle!!! Get down here right now! Dad would have a FIT if he saw you up there!" yelled Shane.

"He'd have to actually notice I was alive first" muttered Sadie

"I mean it Belle! You've got to get down from there; you're going to get hurt! Now I have to meet up with Dad. We'll leave here at 11:30, so why don't you just wait in Dad's dressing room and I'll meet you there." yelled Shane as he walked away.

Sadie looked around as she brushed some dust off her long sleeve t-shirt. She began to climb down from the equipment truck. When she made it to the ground, she came face to face with one of her father's wrestlers. She eyed him suspiciously, looking him up and down. His tall body towered over her tiny five foot two frame. She looked at his rainbow colored hair and had to grin.

"Hey what's up, I'm Jeff. Jeff Hardy" he said, extending his hand. "Did I hear someone calling you Belle?"

"It's Sadie actually. Only my brother calls me Belle." Sadie answered. "Cool hair."

"Thanks," said Jeff, as he looked over her brown curls with a mischievous grin. "So Belle, what's your favorite color?"

Almost two hours later, Sadie walked down the hallway with her new pal Jeff to her father's dressing room.

"Well this is my stop." said Sadie, preparing to open the door.

"Ha ha - very funny Belle." said Jeff

Sadie looked at him with a wry smile. "Seriously Jeff, this is my Dad's dressing room. I'm meeting my brother here any minute."

Jeff looked at her, shocked. "Wait a minute - you're a McMahon?!?!" he said.

Sadie was about to say something to him, when a voice echoed through the hallway.

"SADIE LEE MCMAHON!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?!?!?!?"

Sadie turned to see Shane storming down the hallway, as her hair, now with bright pink streaks throughout the brunette curls, gleamed in the lights.

Jeff gave her a somewhat terrified look. "Hey Belle I'm gonna..." he began

Sadie grinned and gave him a push. "I'll call you later Jeff!" she yelled as he booked it down the hallway.

Sadie awoke with a start. Disoriented and confused, she looked around the room to no familiar surroundings. The panicky feeling began to churn in her stomach and she could feel her heart begin to race. She put the light on that was next to her bed and jumped up to look out the window. Not again! FUCK!!!! She thought, as she threw open the curtains to reveal the city lights and a billboard that read "Welcome to Houston" "I've really got to get rid of these fucking panic attacks." she muttered out loud.

She turned and glanced at the clock radio. 7:23pm. I should probably start getting ready since I'm meeting Jeff downstairs at 9, Sadie thought as she made her way towards the bathroom. She turned the shower on and stepped in, letting the steamy water encompass her as she closed her eyes...

"Ok Jeffrey NERO Hardy, Truth or Dare?" asked 16 year old Sadie McMahon, her deep green eyes shinning.

Jeff eyed her suspiciously. She had already gotten Matt to admit that he'd tried on women's underwear and Shannon had already been forced to run wind sprints naked across the crabby neighbors backyard. Cut-throat Truth or Dare was the name of the game on this muggy July night in Cameron, NC. Sadie had basically forced Jeff and Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore to run the gauntlet on crazy stunts and questions, and now she was going in for the kill with her best friend.

Matt and Shannon laughed at the mention of Jeff's middle name, passing a bottle of Jack Daniels back and forth between them. A host of citronella candles was somewhat managing to keep the massive mosquito population at bay as they sat out of back of the Hardy family home. Gilbert Hardy had long since called it a night, after spending the evening barbequing with the foursome.

Sadie snatched the bottle of JD out of the hands of Shannon and took a quick pull, much to the annoyance of Matt (who was constantly playing the roll of big brother to her) and the amusement of Shannon, (who would constantly ask her how someone so small could manage to drink grown men under the table). "C'mon Jeff, what'll it be?" Sadie said, an almost taunting tone to her voice, taking another swig of JD before the bottle was taken away by Matt.

Jeff looked at her mischievous smile and had to smile back. "Well I really have no choice do I? You already know too much about me, you could write a god damned book with all the blackmail you have on me, so I guess I pick dare." he said.

Sadie grinned at her good fortune. "Exxxxxxcellent!" she shrieked.

Sadie stepped out of the shower and began to towel off. She wrapped herself in a fluffy white bathrobe and began to towel off her hair. She went to walk out of the bathroom when she came face to face with Paul.

"Do you knock?" she asked sarcastically.

"Soooo...where are you going tonight?" said Paul, glancing over at the clothing she had laid out on her bed.

"Out" said Sadie, brushing past him. She flipped her head upside-down and began to towel off her hair. She flipped it back upwards and shook her hair out, sending water flying in all directions.

"Out where?" he asked, reaching for a towel to dry off his now wet face.

"Paul, I appreciate what you're trying to do here, I really do, but I don't need a babysitter. If you must know, I'm going out with Jeff Hardy and some of his buddies to some place downtown. Yes I do have my cell phone and enough money to take a cab back if need be. No I don't plan on taking any drugs this evening or drinking so much that I can't remember what happened and yes, if you want, I'll knock on your door tonight so you know I got home ok." Sadie said exasperated. "Oh and one more thing, yes that is what I'm planning on wearing tonight and no I will not pick out something else."

"Used to telling that to your father?" said Paul with a smile.

"No" Sadie said flatly "He was never around enough for me to tell it to him and I'm pretty sure he never cared enough to ask the questions that go along with those answers."

The smile dropped form Paul's face. "Sadie..." he began.

"I've got to get ready Paul. Have a good night. Tell my ice queen sister that I say hello and give my niece big hugs and kisses for me."

"Well before I go, I need to tell you that we're having dinner tomorrow night. Me and you...and your father." Paul said uneasily.

"Thrilling. I can't wait for three whole hours of awkward silence that occasionally is filled in with what a fucking screw-up I am and questions on why I can't be more like Shane and Steph." Sadie said sarcastically.

Paul sighed and gave her a sympathetic look as he walked out the door.

Seventeen year old Sadie McMahon ran towards her best friend Jeff Hardy, her graduation gown flapping in the wind. She leapt in to the air and he caught in and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Belle, your speech totally kicked ass!!! You were amazing up there! I'm SO proud of you!" Jeff boomed loudly. Jeff had come to New Hampshire to meet up with the rest of the McMahon family for Sadie's High School Graduation.

"Oh my god Jeff, I was SO nervous!!! It was crazy, I can't believe my class elected me graduation speaker!" bubbled a still excited Sadie. "Hey Jeff, check it out" Sadie pulled off her graduation cap (that had UCLA and California or Bust written across it and was decorated with pictures of surfboards and happy sunshines) to reveal her now trademark pink streaks in her dark brown curls.

"Hah! How'd you manage to sneak that past Miss Warden McMahon? I'm sure Linda's gonna love seeing those in your hair!" laughed Jeff

"Hey, let's go find them!" said Sadie excitedly; pulling Jeff by the arm "I haven't even seen them yet!"

"Belle..." Jeff began, but then Sadie was dragging him over by the stands. "There's Shane!!!!" she shrieked

Sadie tore over to her big brother, with Jeff in tow. "SHANE!!!!" she called, throwing herself at her brother.

"Belle we're so very proud of you!" said Shane, hugging his baby sister tightly.

"Sadie Lee, you were amazing up there!" said Linda brightly. Sadie let go of Shane and moved on to her mother. "Your sister went to find the car; the driver wasn't picking up his phone. I'm sure she can't wait to tell you how proud she is too!"

"Sureeeee" said Sadie, rolling her eyes and smiling. She stood on her tiptoes and scanned the crowd. "Where's Dad?" she said, turned her head. "He'll be my toughest critic; I want to know what he thought of my speech!"

Linda, Shane, and Jeff all glanced at each other nervously. Sadie looked at them with a confused look on her face.

"Mom!" said Sadie loudly "Mom where is Dad?"

"Sadie, it's just that..." Linda began, almost nervously

"No..." Sadie whispered, as her eyes began to well up. She fell to the ground in a ball, burying her head in her hands.

Shane and Jeff looked at each other. This is not what they expected. Vince had missed soccer matches, lacrosse games, dance recitals, debates and countless other important events in Sadie's life. Every other time, Sadie had simply ignored it (but not been without her usual sarcastic remarks) or thrown an absolute fit (with good reason.) This time, the tiny brunette had crumbled to the ground and had dissolved into a silent sobbing. Jeff crouched down next to her and brushed the tear soaked hair from her face.

"Belle - I'm here." he whispered "I'm here and I'm never leaving. I'll always be here for you, even when your father isn't. Even when no one else in the world is backing you up, I will. We're best friends, nothing will ever change that. Ever."

Red faced and teary eyed, Sadie looked up her best friend. She drew in a deep jagged breath and threw her arms around Jeff.

"Never leave me" she whispered in his ear "I'll always need you in my life."

Sadie gave her outfit another once over in the mirror. An old and tattered jeans skirt from high school and a pair of black knee high boots complimented her favorite t-shirt, an original Motley Crue concert t-shirt from their 1983 Girls Girls Girls tour. As she was starting to pin up her brown curls to fix her signature black bob wig on, she heard a the door open.

"OK, Paul, this is going to get real old real fast. You really need to learn how to knock." grumbled Sadie, as she turned around, mid hair pin, to face Jeff Hardy.

"Thought I told you that black bob bitchy bullshit just isn't you." said Jeff, motioning to the black wig that sat on her bed.

Sadie scowled and pulled the pin from her hair, letting the crown of curls that she had pinned up fall down. She ran her hands through her hair and looked over to Jeff who was going through her bathroom.

"Thought I was meeting you downstairs." she said

Ignoring her question, Jeff continued to poke though her bathroom, looking confused. "What the hell are all these things Belle? Since when did you become so girly? My god, there's enough make-up in here to fix up an entire season of those chicks on that Tyra Banks model show!"

Sadie pulled Jeff from her sink. "I lived in LA for seven years Jeff. This is how girls in LA like to look."

"You were never the type to give in to what everyone else looked like - you were always just you and that was good enough. Not anymore I guess." muttered Jeff

Sadie glared at him "Did you invite me out just to pick me apart Jeff? Cause I get enough of that from my sister and god knows once my father decides he wants to see me, I'll get plenty from him! I don't need to be picked apart by anyone else!"

"Belle..." Jeff began

Throwing up her hands in mock defeat, Sadie just sighed. "Are we going out or what?" she asked

The former best-friend twosome took the elevator downstairs and were met by a black SUV that Jeff had rented for the weekend. Sadie and Jeff sat in an awkward silence through the city streets of Houston. They pulled up to a bar and were escorted in quickly.

"JD straight up and a Bud draft." said Jeff, shooting off his regular order.

"Grey Goose martini, very dry, three olives please" Sadie said.

Jeff gave her a sideways glance and Sadie knew that he wanted to know what had happened to her regular order of Jameson straight up with a Sam Adams back. Jeff and Shannon (and sometimes a begrudging Matt) had been sneaking Sadie into bars since she was 15 and a half and her order had never changed. But to his credit, Jeff didn't say a word, just led Sadie to their table.

"I feel like I'm interrupting Man Law night or something" Sadie said as she and Jeff approached the table. Four faces looked up at her. Matt Hardy, Shannon Moore and two others that she didn't recognize all that well...wait a second...

"Playboy, we meet again." she said with a semi mocking smile

"What the fuck man, are you doing this just to screw with me Hardy? Not fucking cool dude." grumbled Randy Orton.

"Awww dude, your ego still bruised from this afternoon?" laughed John Cena

Jeff gave a laugh. "Cena, Orton, I'd like you to meet Sadie McMahon, Belle, meet John Cena and Randy Orton."

"Woah woah woah!!!!! The one and only Princess Sadie?!?! When the hell did you grow up?" Shannon Moore knocked over his chair as he jumped up to wrap Sadie in a bear hug.

"Hey Shannon..." Sadie said "Can you put me down now?" Shannon obliged and allowed her back on the ground.

"Hey little one, long time no see" Matt Hardy said with a smile.

"Hold up. McMahon? As in THE McMahons as in Vince McMahon...???" said Randy, confused

"Ummmm, yeah." Sadie said, annoyed. She was used to this reaction from people when they heard who she was. It was the main reason why she had gone by "Dee Mac" out in California. She took a lengthy sip from her martini and speared one of the olives floating in her drink with a cocktail straw.

"When the hell is that Sadie? Where's your Jose and Sam?" asked Shannon

Sadie looked across the table and raised her eyebrows at Shannon, refusing to humor his stupid question with an answer. She pulled her pack of Marlboro's from her purse and lit one up, pulling the ashtray next to her drink. Matt, Shannon, and Jeff exchanged a not so secretive glace of non approval. Sadie ignored them and turned to John and Randy.

"So Playboy, you always go after the new girls like that?" she said, with a "cat that got the canary" like grin on her face.

Randy scowled and sipped his beer. John laughed loudly. "Yep, pretty much." he said. "So Sadie, how long are you in town for?"

"I'm traveling with Raw part time for the next six months , rather against my will, but I really can't do anything about that." said Sadie.

The night continued on pretty much as it hard started. Towards the end of the night, John and Randy got up to talk to some girls over by the bar, while Jeff, Matt, and Shannon decided to reminisce.

"Yo, remember the time when we were kids and we ambushed your asshole neighbors with water balloons but we filled them with your dad's red wine instead?" laughed Shannon.

"Not nearly as funny as the time that Belle and I stole ALL the Diva's hair products and filled them with banana pudding and cottage cheese. Dude, that dressing room smelled all night long! So excellent! By far and away one of our greatest pranks ever, right Belle?" laughed Jeff

Sadie looked up from martini glass and over to the threesome. "You haven't grown out of this yet? The past is the past for a reason, because is over with – done. So excuse me if I don't feel like playing remember when with you guys." Sadie snapped.

"Oooook," said Matt, his eyebrows raised. "And on that note…"

Sadie grabbed her purse and pulled out her almost empty pack of Marlboros. "I'll meet you outside Jeff." She said, jumping down from her seat and quickly walking away.

The three men exchanged a look. "Catch you guys back at the hotel I guess?" said Jeff, shrugging his shoulders.

The ride back to the hotel was just as silent as the ride there. They silently took the elevator up to Sadie's room. She unlocked and opened the door and Jeff quickly followed her in.

"God Belle, what has gotten into you? Smoking half a pack of cigarettes in 3 hours? Making rude comments about everyone at that table! Why were you such a bitch tonight?!?!" yelled Jeff

"Fucking Hell Jeff!!!!" screamed Sadie, totally losing it, "I'm not Belle! I'm not fifteen anymore..I'm not the little girl you used to know who needed you to show her through life. I don't need you to hold my hand anymore...I don't need you on my case for everything I do! I'm 24 fucking years old Jeff. I already have my own big brother and mother breathing down my neck about my every move, a sister who thinks that I'm going to screw up any chance I get and a father who has totally all but given up on me - I don't need you up my ass too! I don't need you in my life anymore Jeff, deal with it!!!!!"

Jeff looked her dead on, right in her face, any trace of emotion had disapeared from his face. He turned around and walked to her door and opened it. He turned any faced her with a cold look in his eyes. "I know you. I know every face you make, everything about your past, everything about you. And I know when you're lying. And you know I hate liars - they have no place in my life. Goodbye Sadie." he said, then walked out and slammed the door.

Sadie let go of the breath that she had been holding in since she'd stopped yelling at Jeff. It came out ragged and labored. She tried to take in another one, but her lungs felt like lead. She fell to the ground and curled up into a ball, pulling her knees to her chest. She slowly began to rock her body back and forth. Then, for the first time since she was seventeen, she let herself go. Wracking sobs filled the room along with gasping breaths and anguished cries. Sadie cried until she had no tears left; her throat hurt, her head throbbed, and her eyes were red and puffy. Then she crawled up into her bed and pulled her cell phone off the night table.

"Cay? Cay it's Dee...I just...I haven't talked to you in like 6 weeks Cay, that's the longest we've gone since we met. Cay, I just...I really need to talk to someone...no one understands...you're the only one who knows what happened...and I just need someone right now...I've left you messages every day since I got out Cay, so maybe if you could please just call me, maybe? I just need a friend...so bad..."

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