Gale's had a shitty night. He woke up in the morning in the closet with chunks of the wall under his nails and blood from his own hands smeared into the plaster. He dreamt about Prim, about bombs, about fire. His throat was dry from screaming.
So when he sees Madge Undersee the next Monday they've agreed to meet he has no time for her bullshit. "If you're not going to come into the office," he starts, "then you have to communicate." There's poison in his voice that makes her pause. "It's a waste of a trip to come out here if you're not even going to be here, Undersee. And it's unacceptable!" Benny stands off to the side with his eyes narrowed in Gale's direction, but Madge stands tall. She looks pale – maybe she really was sick – but he doesn't care much. "Is that clear?" he asks. "Or do I have to repeat myself?"
"I'm not one of your shitty soldiers, Lieutenant," Madge bites back. "So don't speak to me as such. Is that clear?" She stares at him for a long time before transferring her gaze to Benny. "I'm sorry I wasn't in. I was out most of the week actually." Madge crosses the room to take a seat so they can get started. "I had a stomach bug." Her voice quivers slightly and Gale arches an eyebrow, but eventually moves to take a seat as well. "I worked from home," she carries on, extending some papers in their direction. "After reading your file on the extremists I think their next targets are Districts 8, 3, and 9. Maybe 11."
Benny takes the paper from her hands. "Why do you think that?" he asks.
"They're some of the more important districts when it comes to specialties," Madge answers. "District 8 makes most of our clothes, District 6 is the reason we can so easily communicate and travel between the districts, Districts 9 and 11 are a big part of our food. 10 too, I suppose." Madge settles backwards in her chair and brushes her forehead with the back of her hand. The pills Doctor Gibson gave her for nausea are helping stop Madge from actually vomiting, but sometimes her stomach still rolls. "So I've made a few lists for community leaders in those districts too."
"We have a team for predictions like this," Gale mutters. "Your input is unnecessary."
"But valued," Benny chimes in with a pointed look in his superior's direction.
"Your attitude is unnecessary," Madge nearly snaps. "Jesus Christ, Gale, I'm sorry I wasn't here last week." She looks down at the papers. "Is there something else I should be doing that would better accommodate you and your team? Or are you just being bitchy because you had a long night? Because I promise you're not the only one with problems."
Gale tips his chin back. "Excuse me?"
"The work is fine," Benny says quickly.
Madge arches an eyebrow. "Fine?" She looks down at the papers. "So there's something more I should be doing."
"No," Benny stops her. "You're doing great." He looks at his superior. "Can we talk for a minute, Gale? Outside?" Gale frowns and angrily pushes himself away from the table. He and Benny stand and march outside, shutting the door quietly and leaving Madge alone. "What the hell is wrong with you today?" Benny asks with narrowed eyes. "We've lucked out being able to work with Madge – she's more than we could've asked for. Especially with the way the government is these days. And you're basically begging her to be taken off of this project!"
Gale rakes his hands over his face. "Just give me a minute," he grumbles.
When he thinks about Madge Undersee, he thinks about District 12. District 12 makes Gale think of Katniss, then of Prim. Then he thinks of bombings, and fires, and with his nightmare last night he can't shake the feeling that something is wrong. Every time he looks in her direction he feels sick to his stomach. He thought he could handle this, working with her, but maybe he can't.
Benny rocks backwards on his heels and looks toward the conference room. "They want to send people to District 4 next weekend," he tells Gale. "Chief wants you. And her." Gale sighs loudly and shakes his head. "Can you handle that, or do you need something else to be rearranged?"
Gale's still shaking his head. But still he says, "I can handle that." He might need a lot of alcohol, but he can handle a few days with Madge Undersee. Right?
Benny gives them time alone again. Madge keeps her eyes on her notepad.
"Is he your friend or your assistant?" Madge asks, and Gale shifts his gaze across to her. "Benny."
"He's my second in command," Gale answers. It's not what she wanted to know, she doesn't necessarily understand that, but she doesn't push him further. Thankfully he continues. "He's my friend," Gale murmurs. Madge nods slightly. Gale clears his throat. "I didn't mean to snap at you," he says.
"Too late."
"Christ, Undersee," he growls. "I'm trying, here. Meet me half way?"
"What's the point?" she challenges. "You don't want to be civil, Gale, you want to yell at me." Gale shakes his head and she extends her hands. "If we want to work together, if we want to be effective in this, then you need to get it out." He averts his gaze and keep shaking his head. "Yell at me!" Gale crosses his arm and continues to shake his head. "I think you're an asshole," Madge says after a minute of silence. "I think you're a hypocrite, and I hate how tall you are."
Gale's eyebrows collide. "Excuse me?"
"You're too tall. I'm tall but I still have to crane my neck to look you in the eye." Gale sits up a bit straighter. "And you're a hypocrite," she says again. "You went from resenting people who had money to having more money than half the people in this district – maybe even in the country." Gale's jaw drops slightly. "And I know that you work hard with your job and whatever, but it's ridiculous. It's seriously ridiculous."
Gale sits in the silence for a minute after she's done talking. "Well you want the entire world to pity you, Princess," he snaps back. "You think you deserve things. That everything should just be handed to you – and when things you don't want get tossed your way instead you pout about it and make it known you wanted something else." Her desire to go to Augmentum instead of working with this project was very obvious. "And even then, you still do get things handed to you! You were hand selected for this job for Christ's sake! Under what pretense, your dad works in government? You grew up in a governmental household? It's bullshit!"
Madge blinks a few times before nodding. "Okay."
"And you have this air about you, even still! That you're better than everyone else!"
Madge leans backwards in her chair. "Even still? Meaning I used to also walk around like I thought I was better than everyone else? Come on, Gale, you know that's not real." He huffs and shakes his head. "You never liked me in District 12 because I was dealt a better hand than you. Because of something I couldn't control. And the truth is that I've been able to adapt to this rapidly changing country with ease and that unsettles you."
"Stop."
"Because in your head I really am this untouchable pretty princess, mayor's daughter, whatever. But in reality I am just as ordinary as the next person." Her voice wobbles and Gale looks back at her, finding strained tears in her eyes that he knows she's never going to let fall. "And you hate it."
"I don't—" Gale takes a deep breath. "I don't hate you," he says. "But you're right. I don't like you either. And I don't have to pretend like I do."
Madge sucks in a sharp breath too, and this time she's the one to look away. Her eyes dart downwards to her stomach. She clenches her teeth to stop from crying and swallows back any bit of hope she has for this miserable situation. Madge had walked into the building today with an open mind, thinking maybe Gale would listen to her about the pregnancy. But he started off yelling, and she couldn't handle that. Now all hope of her telling him any time soon is shot.
Finally Madge clears her throat. "Do you feel better now?" she rasps.
He answers immediately. "No."
"Me neither." Madge rests her hands over her stomach and takes a deep breath before looking back up at him. Maybe she thought the yelling would help her understand him, but she doesn't. She thought that maybe there was something she could fix, thought that maybe she could do something to get them at least on the same page. But Madge has done nothing to Gale, he just doesn't like her. And she's going to have to live with that. "Benny extended the offer for me to join you two in District 4 for next weekend. I said yes." Gale tips his head forward. "We said we would be civil," she reminds him. "Can we do this?"
Again he tips his head forward. "What choice do we have?" he mutters.
Gale's bouncing his foot. There's a nerve in the air that he just can't get to go away. He wants coffee, but knows another cup will just make him anxious.
Doctor Carlson leans back in his chair and lowers his notepad. "She seems like a decent person to me," he tells Gale, who won't stop shaking his head. "There must be some reason that you dislike this Madge person so much."
Still, he's shaking his head. "I don't know," Gale admits. He doesn't know! She does fine work, he hates to admit. Benny was right, all her I's are dotted and her T's are crossed. She's good with numbers, good with people. She's perfect at the job that they gave her and that's incredibly helpful for the progression of the police force they want to institute. And her input is valuable too, which is annoying. Her predictions about where the next extremists' attacks were spot on – they just set off another bomb in District 6 the night before. "I just thought…" he trails off, sighing loudly.
"Thought what?" his therapist prompts.
"I thought I was finally free of District 12," Gale forces out. "I thought being here in District 2, that 12 was gone, that I'd never have to think about it again. And every time I see her…"
"You're reminded of home," Doctor Carlson fills in, and Gale nods weakly. "Elaborate."
Gale used to be very good at changing the subject, but after years of coming to this therapist Gale's realized the importance of talking. He hates it, a lot, but he does it anyway.
"She was someone I resented when I was younger," Gale says. "She had money. It wasn't her fault, I know that, I knew that then, but I still resented her. I always thought she could do so much with her power and she never did. It was because she was young, it was because the government was horrible, I don't know why I expected her to do anything. But I hated her for it. And now… now she's changing that. She's part of this outreach program that's making the changes she couldn't when she was just the mayor's daughter, and that—I don't know, I don't like it."
"She's righting her wrongs," the doctor says.
"She's righting her wrongs," Gale repeats tiredly. "She's righting her wrongs."
"So are you," Doctor Carlson tells him. "You've joined security and defense, you're working to establish a cohesive country under a government that isn't oppressive. You're making steps to a better tomorrow."
Gale exhales deeply. It's not enough. Gale's taken lives, both with his own hands and with weapons. With bombs. With fire. With fists. He swallows but it struggles to go down. "It's worse than you know," Gale forces out. He drops his head into his hands and pushes at his eyes. "It's worse than you…"
Gale feels like he's going to fall apart. It's worse than The Nut. It's worse than Prim. He let himself get worse before he joined security and defense and it's a part of him he's tried so hard to tuck away.
"Gale? What do you mean?"
He slams his hands against his head. He can't. He can't.
Quickly Gale stands. "I have to go," he rasps. "I'm sorry, I have to—"
"Gale," Doctor Carlson calls out for him as he speeds from the room but it's too late.
That part of him is gone. That part of him is gone and Gale can't dare even talk about it in fear of it coming back.
She has to tell someone. Madge has to tell someone that she's pregnant and she can't. The list of things she can't do is getting increasingly longer (no coffee, no alcohol) and the list of things she should be doing is stacking up as well (daily prenatal vitamins, rest more, hydrate more – which leads to peeing all the time). She doesn't even know if she wants it, the thing that's growing inside of her, but she's too scared to tell someone that she can't even make that decision.
She has about three weeks left before she has to make the choice to terminate or keep the baby. After that it's not as safe, after that it's so much worse. And growing up in District 12, there was always a certain stigma with people who chose to terminate their pregnancies. It's a different world now but she thinks about it still.
According to the doctor she's at eight weeks now, and according to this pamphlet that means the baby's about the size of a kidney bean. Small. So incredibly small. And her breasts are going to start swelling a little and Madge is not ready to buy some new bras. And she's tired. She's very, very tired. All the time. Everything she does takes energy, and the nausea isn't really helping.
With a groan Madge shoves the pamphlets under her mattress and rolls off of her bed. She has to tell someone.
In the living room Lora has her tablet out and is going through some information about Augmentum that the representatives gave her. Madge flops onto the couch beside her and leans onto her friend's shoulder. "Feeling okay?" Lora asks, and Madge groans. "More trouble with evil hot solider guy?"
"Stop," Madge says with a laugh. "No. We're okay, I guess." It's incredibly complicated, but Madge likes to believe their weird yelling session made it a little easier. She just has to accept that Gale doesn't like her. "I'm going to District 4 next weekend, did I tell you?"
"Yeah." Lora lowers her tablet and swings her arm over Madge's shoulder. "If you could put in a good word for me with that Benny guy, I would be incredibly appreciative." Madge laughs again and pulls away from her friend's shoulder. She's still leaning onto Lora's side. "I've never been to District 4."
"I'll bring you some sand," Madge murmurs, and Lora laughs. Madge takes a deep breath. "Lora," she starts, and her friend hums in response. "I… if…" she trails off with a sigh and pulls back even more. Lora pulls her hand back over her shoulder and turns to look at Madge. "Never mind."
"What's wrong?" she asks. Madge looks away. "Are you okay?"
"What if," Madge tries again, "there was… something about me that I didn't tell you. But it might be… bad?"
Lora peels back and is quiet for a moment. "This is about the clinic," she says. "Isn't it? You've been acting weird ever since we went." Madge casts her eyes to the ground. "You are sick, aren't you? Madge? What's wrong?"
"I'm…" she takes a deep breath and shakes her head. She has to say something. She can't take this anymore. "You know evil hot soldier guy? From work?" Lora lifts her eyebrows but nods. "And that night a few weeks ago? When our coffee machine broke?" Lora thinks for a second, but eventually nods. Madge makes a face, leaning forward. "Well…"
"Coffee machine broke, hot water broke," Lora's thinking very hard. "You were complaining because you were hungover, we had to stop at that coffee shop."
"I was hungover," Madge prompts.
"Because you had a night at the bar. Because you slept with someone. You slept with—you slept with evil hot soldier guy?" Madge exhales, mostly thankful she hasn't had to say it herself, and nods. "Okay. That complicates things a little with this District 4 trip. Are you in love with him or something?"
"No." Madge shakes her head. "I'm not in love with him."
"You knew him from before though, right? From District 12? That's what you said."
"Yes. But that's not… that's not very important. Well, it's sort of important, but whatever. That's not the point. The point is…" Madge rubs at her face as tears spring to her eyes. "Oh, God."
"Oh, God," Lora echoes. "Oh, my God! You're—" her eyes drop to Madge's stomach and Madge peels backwards. "Oh my God you're pregnant? With hot evil soldier guy's baby?! And you've known for like! A week now! At this point!" Madge shrinks backwards at the accusation in her tone but quickly Lora reaches forward and grabs her hands. "I mean, I mean, wait, stop." Madge feels tears in her eyes but Lora doesn't let go of her hands. "I mean, it's—that's okay! It's okay. I don't—it's okay, Madge."
Madge sniffles and tries not to cry but suddenly she's crying. Big hot tears are falling from her eyes. "I haven't—I haven't told anyone, I don't know what to do, Lora, and—and I have to work with him and he—he hates me, and—"
"He must like you a little," Lora interjects. "I mean you are having his—"
"I'm having—his baby is inside me!" Soon she's heaving and gasping for breath and Lora has pulled Madge into her arms again, squeezing her close and holding her tightly. Sobs are wracking Madge's body as she lets everything she's held inside of her go. "I don't know what to do," she says again. "I don't—know what to do!"
"It's okay," Lora whispers. She strokes Madge's hair gently and waits for her to calm down. "It's okay. We'll figure something out."
A/N: Madge has spent her entire life trying to hide her feelings and emotions, so of course she didn't tell Lora right away. But they are best friends after all, and that trip to District 4 is definitely going to be awkward...
I hope you're enjoying it! Let me know what you think.
