Hello guys :)

I greatly appreciate all the review I've received about the last chapter. You are the best. So obviously, we all know that France is an Emison thing and since I'm french I thought it could be fun to write something about that. I hope you will liked the idea :)


Chapter 4

I think I am too


Red and black. Alison was particularly familiar with these two colors. The first one reminded her pain, misery and what's like to be torn inside, while the second symbolized the mourning. She let her eyes linger on Emily's leather jacket, and for a moment, the blonde wished she could just see two darks shades. Because that is what normal people thought about. They will never understand this feeling, the meaning behind this.

In some way, it made her damaged.

Alison hated that. Being weak.

She shared a glance with Emily. Her clothes were soaked, so much that the sweater she was wearing seemed almost fall under the weight of the water he was filled.

The Swimmer looked at her since the blond handed her a towel, but she remained motionless. Alison's face and her eyes, those beautiful icy-blue eyes into where she drowned so many times when she was younger, were watching her anxiously. Alison, the girl though dead, the girl she had cried for nights, was standing right here just a few miles away from her. Even if that vision seemed very real, Emily couldn't believe it. The brunette wanted to take her so badly in her arms, but she was so afraid to realize that all of this was only her imagination.

Alison stared at her with wandering eyes, trying desperately to read her thoughts.

"Em, your clothes are soaked." said the blond, worried.

She paused.

"Are you cold?"

The Swimmer tried to speak but the words were lost in his throat, so she nodded instead. Alison put her own jacket on the shoulder, to keep her warm.

Emily was shaking but was so mesmerized by the blond that the detail stayed unnoticed. Instead, she watched her friend gently sponge the tiny raindrops that had clumped together on her forehead. Emily had never seen before an icy-blue eyes so tortured, and if for most people this pain wasn't nice to look at, with Alison, there was a kind of perfection in that, almost subtle, and she didn't know why but the swimmer liked the idea of being the only person to perceive it clearly. She could see every second the inside war playing into those eyes. After an endless hesitation, her face seemed to soften. Alison replaced the towel in her hand and stroked her cheek tenderly.

Emily closed her eyes. Her movements were gentle, and above all, she felt loved.

Suddenly, her brain came right to reality. Was it real or all of this was just an hallucination?

Emily took a step back. Alison noticed her change in behavior.

" Em? What's wrong?" She worried.

Emily wanted to cry. She hated the idea that life damaged her so badly, she was not even able to make a difference between what is true and false anymore.

" When... when you disappeared, I had a hard time to managed things. I kept seeing you. At school, in the street, at the mall. Everywhere." she admitted. "My mother finally forced me to see a doctor. He said that I was sick. I missed you so much that sometimes… my brain showed me what I wanted to see. But it's not real. The last time we had an appointment,the doctor asked me to..."

She caught her breath and avoided Alison's eyes

"…He asked me to be brave and push you away."

Emily seemed close to tears and that vision was enough for Alison to do the same. God, she looked so lost in that moment that this was painful.

"Em, look at me."

She held her gaze to force the brunette to meet hers.

"It's real. I promise you it is."

"How could I know! I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to feel or think anymore!"

Alison jumped at the sound of her voice. Emily's words were filled with a sudden anger that didn't looked like her, but it only lasted a brief moment before her eyes became empty once again.

"Do you trust me?" asked quietly the blond when the silence finally came back.

Emily did not answer but nodded.

"Then I want you to listen carefully. You and me, we will make a deal. Every time you are not sure this is real, I want you to take my hand. If I hold yours twice, you'll know it's true. Okay ? "

"Okay" repeated the swimmer, so low that she hardly heard the sound of her own voice.

"Good. Now you need to rest."

Alison pulled Emily against her to lay the swimmer down on the bed but the brunette stopped her.

"I don't want to sleep."

"Please, Em. Do this for me."

Emily wanted to say no, but she felt her will weaken and her heart skipped a beat when he saw Alison's beautiful icy-blue, begging her to. Eventually she gave up and let her body relax into her arms.

Unconsciously, the blond was tracing abstract shapes on her forearm. Emily was focused on the gold bracelet that Alison was wearing in order to avoid all that was going on in her mind. Behind the back of the chain, swimmer noticed that some letters were engraved

"Une personne vous manque, soudain le monde semble vide et vous êtes dépaysés"

She frowned. Emily tried to understand the meaning of it, but it was not in English and she did not recognize the language.

Alison must have read her thoughts since she answered to her unspoken question.

"It's French" she said.

Emily slid a finger over the gold letters.

"One year ago, I met this girl. She was very nice and helped me when I had barely enough to pay something to eat. But with 'A' after me, I couldn't stay in a same town very long. Before leaving, she gave me this bracelet. I carved the letters later though. "

Alison turned her head in her direction. Emily still looked broken, but her gaze seemed brighter now.

"It means: You miss someone, suddenly the whole world seems empty and you are d-"

The blonde paused for a moment before continuing.

"Dépaysé" she completed. "I'm not sure there is a translation for that. It's typically a French word. Have you ever heard it before ?"

"No" The brunette answered shyly.

"Okay. I'll try to explain. In French pays means country. So basically, dépaysé means outside the country "

Alison's hand was doing soothing back and forth on the swimmer's arm. Emily remained silent. She thought for a moment, and then asked:

"Therfore, when we travel abroad. We are dépaysé ?"

Alison smiled. Emily's French accent was clumsy, almost innocent, she found it cute.

"No" she answered. "It's not a question of place. You can be a thousand miles away from where you live and not feel dépaysé if you are surrounded by the right people. It's all about how you feel. Dépaysé means that you feel lost, without any grounding or people you care the most. All those little things that make you feel like home. "

The blonde stopped talking. Emily's eyes were staring at hers with an unspeakable intensity, a vulnerability and the same love than one year ago. Her weakness. Her eternal weakness. But if it made Alison weak, fine, she agreed to be for Emily. She could agree to anything for her.

"Ali" Emily whispered.

The blond gave her a look.

"I think I'm dépaysé without you."

Alison smiled. She shook her hands in Emily's one.

"I think am too."


Thank you guys for reading. Please, leave a review if you have a minute. It means the world.

PS : Sorry for any mistakes, I've tried my best but English is not my first language.