Uf, I don't know what to say and I'm not sure if you want to hear me saying "I'm sorry for not updating this fic since September" but well, I am doing it anyways. I am sorry but I have told you that I would start a new job at the 1st September and it kept me really busy. Also I had a heavy writers block and fell in love with Prison Break (it's just as twisted as the100 and I am excited for the 5th season next year) but I am rambling. I had many problems with continue the writing but I want to finish this fic and I will. I've started writing again, so I hope I will end this fic by the end of February. I won't promise any update-schedule but I don't want to let you wait this long again!

I hope you are still reading this fic and like the upcoming chapter. It's from Clarke's /

Thanks again to my beta-reader [url= u/5466809]Pandorathefirst[/url]. Thank you for believing in me!

Chapter four - THE TALKING

"I'm sorry my brother was such a dick Clarke."

Octavia apologized for the third time while both women cleaned the table. The rest of the dinner was horrible. You could have cut the tension between Bellamy and Clarke. They hadn't talked to each other for the rest of the dinner. God, he hadn't even looked at her. As good as Bellamy was at ignoring Clarke, she had a lot more trouble ignoring her mother's stirring gaze. She never liked it when Clarke talked about dropping out of med school and her decision to not to go back. Abby and her had a lot of fights because Clarke never told Abby the truth about the father. One day her mother started to accept the choice of her daughter but she could never agree with her. So the blond was sure that her mother would bring it up as soon as she got the chance. One more reason to stay in the kitchen and help Octavia with the dishes. Octavia told her that she didn't need any help but Clarke insisted and while O washed up the plates and cutlery, Clarke dried them.

Clarke shook her head. "No problem. It's not your fault. Besides, I should have remembered his bad temper." She winked at the dark haired woman who let out a short laugh.

"Yeah, but he still was a dick. I still don't get why he acted this way." Octavia mumbled and slowed down in her movements when she looked at Clarke with a curious glance. Clarke swallowed. Her heart rambled in her chest and she hoped that her face was better at hiding her emotions because Octavia looked like she would know something or at least that she had a suspicion. The blond cleared her throat and grabbed the next plate to dry.

"I mean that was weird, even for Bellamy and –"

"I don't know. He had always been protective. It's Bellamy we are talking about right?" Clarke explained and the tone of her voice must have told Octavia to drop the subject because the brunette did. And Clarke was very thankful for that. Or at least she thought Octavia got the hint because not shortly after the younger Blake told her how cute Meadow was and what a dick the father must be for not being around to see his daughter and help Clarke raising her.

This time Clarke forced a weak smile. She didn't want to talk about it with O. She didn't want to talk about Meadow's father at all. It was going to be hard enough to have the talk with her mother – again, who was putting Meadow to bed right now. It wasn't that Clarke wasn't grateful for her mother's help, quite the opposite. She didn't know how she would have done all these things without her help but there still were a few unresolved things between them which made Clarke feel even guiltier.

"So, you have a bakery in Cleveland?" Octavia said, clearly wanting to change the subject to light up the atmosphere. It wasn't the best subject but everything was better than to talk about the 'who or where is Meadow's father' mystery. Also, Clarke was very proud of her own little company, even when her mother helped her with starting it.

"It's a pastry shop, yes. It's not really big but it's … it's mine. After I decided to drop out of med school I hung in the air, didn't know what to do because becoming a doctor was the only thing I ever really wanted. But like I said earlier, I want to raise my daughter by myself. I want to be with her when she starts walking and talking. I know it sounds harsh but I don't want to be like my mother. She had always been working so hard and I barley saw her sometimes. My dad was also hard working but he had been around more. They both loved me, my mother still does but I don't know … I want to do better you know? I want to spend my time with Meadow instead of being in surgery most of the day. I love helping people and it always felt like my destiny to do so, but the day I found out I was pregnant everything changed. I had to make decisions not for my own but for my child too. She is my everything. I love her with every piece of my heart."

Octavia shortly nodded. "So, why the pastry?"

"Because after my dad died I started to bake – a lot." Clarke slightly chuckled at the memory of the kitchen flour stains and sticky bowls.

"It was something my dad and I used to do once in a while and after his death the baking made me feel close to him you know? And I never gave up on that. I got better and better and three years ago somehow I ended up with my own pastry shop."

"And you work there by yourself or do you have someone who works for you?"

"First I was alone but now I can afford two workers; Anya and Lexa. They both are taking care of the shop right now," Clarke explained and finished drying the last plate.

"Wow, that is really impressive Clarke. Having your own business, being a single-mom. Maybe, we could bake something together while you are here?"

"I would love to."

Octavia nodded joyfully. "That would be awesome. I'm a good cook but my baking skills aren't the best."

"I'm sure you are better than you think you are."

"Maybe," shrugged Octavia and drained the water out of the sink. Then there was a silence before Clarke cleared her throat. There was something she hadn't the chance to tell Octavia and Clarke wanted her to know, so she grabbed the brunette's arm when she said, "I'm sorry O … about your mother. I didn't know and if I did I should have at least called you and –"

"It's okay Clarke." Octavia smiled gently and it made Clarke feel even worse. "It's … it happened a long time ago and we haven't had much contact. I don't blame you okay?"

"I know you don't but I should have been there for you like you had been there for me when my father died."

Octavia shook her head and sighed quietly. "Don't blame yourself Clarke." Again a gentle smile played across her lips and it was surprising, even if it shouldn't be, how alike Octavia and Bellamy were. The woman slightly nodded before Octavia excused herself to Clarke.

"I'm sorry Clarke but I have an appointment in half an hour so I have to go."

"An appointment at half past nine in the evening?" Clarke asked amused and when Octavia's lips spread into a bright grin the woman knew that it wasn't just a casual appointment.

"Well, yeah." O winked at her and told her how glad she was that Clarke and Abby were back at the ranch before she headed out.

"Me too."


"Clarke, I am not asking you again."

"Then don't mom."

The two Griffin women had met on the first floor when Clarke was about check in on her sleeping daughter and her mother really had the nerves to ask her what happened at dinner. She asked her four times already and every time Clarke tried to shake her off, she just kept going. Why couldn't Abby just leave it there? They all were tired, they had a long day and the fight between Bellamy and her didn't make it better and just added to the weight on her shoulders. But she should have known her mother. She wouldn't let go so fast so Abby asked her again, which made Clarke almost lose her grip.

"What do you want me to say mom?"

"I want you to tell me what the hell happened at dinner? Why was Bellamy so curios about Meadow's father?" The woman's eyes went into slits, she had crossed her arms in front of her chest and Clarke knew that it was only a matter of time before they would reach the next explosive subject – dropping out of med.

Clarke groaned. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping to calm herself down a little. It didn't really work. Clarke licked her lips. "I don't think it's the right place to talk about this." They were in the middle of the floor for god's sake! Everybody could hear them, though the entire staff still was at the evening brief with Kane.

Her mother raised an eyebrow. "Clarke-"

"I-don't-know-mom!" The words came out louder and sharper than she indented them to be but she was losing her patience and slowly she started to regret her decision to come here with her mother. Clarke's hand ran through her blond hair when she shrugged. "I don't know why Bellamy had been so angry okay? He always had been the protective type and –"

"Honey, I told you that I would support you as long as I think it's necessary. But you never told me who the father is. God, you dropped out of med because of –"

Clarke loudly groaned. "Oh please. Not that again Mom! I made my decision, okay? I decided to be there for my kid. I choose the family instead of my career and I did the right choice. I never asked for any help – you came to me by yourself and don't get me wrong mom, I am very glad I have you by my side but I am so fucking sick of getting blamed for what I did!"

"I don't blame you Clarke."

"No. You are just not okay with my choices."

"I don't want you to regret it later okay? Did you ever think about how Meadow will feel when you tell her that you gave up your dream because of her?"

"How dare you mom! I told you, I'm not regretting what I did –"

"Not now but –"

"No mom! I won't talk to you about it any longer. I don't need this crap."

With that she turned on her heels and rushed down the stairs. Her mom called after her but Clarke didn't listen. How dare her mother tell her that she would blame Meadow one day for dropping out of med school. Clarke was furious. Her heart pumped in anger in her chest. The blood rushed through her veins and tears started to build up in her eyes because she was so mad at her mother. Clarke was getting sick of this subject. Every-single-time her mother brought it up. Clarke had made a choice and she was sure that she never regretted it. She would love her daughter until the end of time, no matter what. With teary eyes she stepped out of the porch and breathed out heavily. She swallowed the knot in her throat and pulled the cardigan closer around her body. First the fight with Bellamy and now her mother – today had been a shitty day!

"You want one?"

Clarke jumped at the deep voice coming from besides her. She hadn't noticed that she wasn't alone. Her hand hovered over her heart when she closed her eyes and pulled herself together. With a shaking smile she looked at the man whose arms were on the railing, a cigarette in his left hand.

"Bellamy, you scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry princess," he smirked and gazed down at the pack of cigarettes he held out. "Want one? You look like you could use one."

Clarke rejected his offer with a head shake. "Probably, but thank you. I don't smoke anymore."

Bellamy's eyebrows popped up, "Really?"

"Yeah I stopped after I found out about I was pregnant." Clarke explained and forgotten the argument with her mother. But the fight with Bellamy was still present. It got even stronger when she heard his nearly inaudible "Of course you did."

He put the pack away in his jeans pocket and took another drag from the cigarette. Clarke watched him before leaning on the railing as well and let her eyes fly across the dark landscape. The tension between them had eased a little. Not much but Clarke didn't feel uncomfortable standing next to him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could smell the cool fresh air. Besides the smoke from Bellamy's cigarette it was the typical smell of being out here. It was so quiet and peaceful. So different than the city.

She opened her eyes and saw Bellamy looking at her out of the corner of his eyes before he gazed towards the darkness.

"You want to talk about it?"

Clarke frowned. Talk about what? Her forehead was in a deep V when she turned to look at Bellamy who licked his lips and took a hit from the cigarette. "Talk about what?"

The low chuckle gave her a cold shiver. Her stomach dropped a little at the sound of his voice and Clarke couldn't deny that his suggestion made her nervous because she had an idea of what he wanted to talk about. To her surprise Bellamy asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened because she seemed pretty upset when she came down a few moments ago.

"Oh," Clarke mumbled and was relieved that he didn't want to talk about Meadow. She couldn't stand another fight today.

He puffed out the smoke through his nose when she sighed loudly. "I had a fight with my mother." She rubbed her forehead and didn't even try to hide the tiredness.

Bellamy nodded shortly. "About what?"

Clarke bit down her bottom lip, thinking about what to say, and then she let out another sigh.

"Dropping out of med school, like always."

This time Bellamy stayed quiet. His lips had curved into a gentle smile which Clarke slowly mirrored. It made her feel lighter, like he took of some weight off of her shoulders. It was strange that Bellamy could make her feel this way, especially because they hadn't much contact after his visit. They hadn't talked much to each other throughout the years but Clarke had her reasons.

They both held their gazes a little bit longer before Clarke cleared her throat and looked away.

"It's still so beautiful out here," she whispered softly. Some things had changed, some things were completely new but all in all Clarke recognized that a lot of things remained the same as in her childhood.

"It is." Bellamy agreed with her and when Clarke looked towards him and he quickly tore his gaze away from hers, as if she had caught him doing something forbidden. It was too dark, but Clarke was sure that his cheeks were a little pink but she couldn't tell for sure so she dropped it. Her eyes flickered to his jaw and cheekbones, down his broad shoulders and to his firm chest. Bellamy looked even more grown-up. He was more in shape than four years ago and Clarke wondered if there was a six pack under the shirt. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and gave away a tanned and toned skin. Her eyes slowly crawled back to his face. Only then she realized that he turned towards her, watching her watching him. With the same smirk on his face he had so many years ago when he stood at her door in Cleveland. And it set free the same weird feeling in her guts. Clarke blushed, she could feel it and as she tried to make it go away she only made it worse.

She smiled awkwardly and searched her damn mind for something to say to distract him from the fact that she checked him out … because she had, obviously.

"So," she started with a more confident smile now, "you are Marcus' second. Never took you for the responsible type of a guy."

He chuckled at her – admittedly bad - joke. "I'm full of surprises princess. You should know that. But yeah I am. But it's not like I have any other options down here."

Clarke blinked. She shook her head because he couldn't just wave this off like it was nothing.

"What? Bell -" she saw how Bellamy stiffened at his nickname. She hadn't used it since they were kids, "- you are the man behind Kane for all this here."

She spread her arms and looked around at their surroundings. "Everyone respects and listens to you. You know every meter of this fucking land and the people love you. Besides, if something happens to Marcus this would all be yours, so don't talk it down like you haven't reached anything in your life. You have got a lot more than a lot of people I know up in Ohio."

Her voice was convincing, her gaze hard like she wanted him to believe her and after a few moments his features softened.

She saw his Adam's apple plopping up and down as he swallowed, his eyes flickering about her face. His skin was toned; the black hair was curlier than she remembered. What she did remember was how good it felt between her fingers. How thick it was and how the stubble on his jaw tickled a little when his head was between her tights. Clarke blushed at the memory and took her gaze away from Bellamy.

The new silence was heavier and she could see his intense gaze. She waited for him to say anything but he didn't, so Clarke started to talk again. "You did good Bellamy. You are doing well here. You can allow yourself to be proud. I am sure your mom would be."

He smiled slightly. "Yeah, she would be." It was a whisper and the moment Clarke had mentioned his dead mother, the same guilty feeling she had when she was with Octavia spread through her body. She swallowed hard and said lowly, "Bellamy, I am sorry for your loss."

"Thanks. But you don't have to be."

"Of course I have to be," she snapped, "I knew your mom and I really liked her. I'm sorry I didn't know. You, you should have told me when-"

"When what? When I flew across the country to help you out of your mess? Surely Clarke, but you know that I never would have made this about me when I was with you." He sounded bitter. What happened at the dinner still hung between them, Clarke sensed it more than ever.

She sighed. "I know but still you should have told me about your loss! I would have come to the funeral. Say goodbye and, and I would have been there for you. For both of you. You and O." She felt the tears trying to find their way back into her eyes. But she refused to take her eyes off of Bellamy when he looked at her in silence.

Then he started to talk, clearing his throat, "I thought your mother told you about it."

Clarke shook her head. "Kane and she hadn't much contact back then. But she did tell me, half a year later after you visited me. And I just felt so bad because I … you had so much on your own plate and then I was calling you, bothering you and-"

"Woa, Clarke. Stop it. You didn't bother me okay? You don't have to feel bad or blame yourself because I didn't tell you my mother died and you weren't here. Everything is okay. It's past anyway … besides, you had your share of things to think about."

Was he talking about Meadow?

He licked his lips before he parted them, taking a deep breath and Clarke felt like the world was going down. He would ask her about him being the father. She was so, so sure. Clarke prayed to God that he wouldn't because what was she supposed to tell him?

"Clarke-", her stomach dropped by the sound of her name, her legs were shaking and she wanted to puke, vanish into the air, do something, anything other than be here.

"Clarke, I –"

"Bellamy!" It was Murphy. Thank God, Clarke thought. The guy's head popped out of the living room, a questioning look on his face. "We want to grab a drink at Jonty's. Do you want to come with us or what?"

By the look on Bellamy's face Clarke could tell that Bellamy wanted to kill Murphy right now for his bad timing. She wanted to thank Murphy for it instead. He saved her ass. Bellamy's jaw clenched and before he could answer his friend Clarke cleared her throat.

"I just wanted to go to bed anyway. It was a long day. Have fun guys. See you tomorrow. Good night." With that she sent Bellamy and Murphy a small smile and headed into the house. Her heart racing in her chest. God, she was so screwed. Not only because Bellamy wanted to talk about Meadow but also because Bellamy had become not hot, but super superhot.

So hot that the cold shower she took didn't help at all.