Previously:
"You're here. You're here with me. Talk to me all you want about how you love me, and how you trust me, and how you believe in me, for that is what I wish to hear. That is what I need to hear. Do not talk to me about…that. I have no need for it, not from you."
They looked each other in the eyes and Matthew saw once again the fierce strength in his wife, the determination and resilience that was so commonplace before and had been absent for months. He smiled and nodded in acknowledgment.
"As you wish, my darling."
Mary's eyes fluttered closed and she relaxed as his touch ran from her cheek, across her neck and over her shoulders. She smiled and turned her head into the soft pillow.
"Goodnight, darling," she said sleepily.
"Goodnight, Mary," he answered, watching her as she fell asleep.
The New Suitor:
Downton Abbey, England, April 1922
Matthew leaned over and ran his fingers along his sleeping wife's cheek. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. He maintained the contact for several moments, savouring her presence, her scent – vanilla and rosewater – still lingering from last night's perfume, the softness of her alabaster skin and the warmth of her mouth.
"Mmm," Mary stirred, turning towards him and blinking several times, her eyelids opening halfway as he smiled at her in the dark.
"What time is it?" she asked sleepily.
"It's too early for you to be awake," Matthew said tenderly.
"Then why did you wake me?" she asked, smiling back at him. "With your lips, no less?"
"I'm sorry darling," Matthew whispered. "When I watch you sleep, I have to hold back from touching you, and sometimes it just becomes far too difficult, I'm afraid."
"Well aren't you the charmer so early in the morning?" Mary laughed, turning her body towards him and making herself more comfortable underneath the blankets.
Matthew wrapped his arms around her, nestling her into the crook of his shoulder.
Mary sighed happily as warmth surrounded her. "I should ring for Anna," she said drowsily. "Otherwise I'll spend the whole day in your arms and I won't accomplish anything."
"What a lovely thought," Matthew smiled, kissing the top of her head. "I'll wake you in an hour. You need your rest. What did you tell me last night? There's a grand party this evening?"
"Mmmhmm," Mary nodded, her eyes closed. "The party begins tomorrow and the concert is in two days, but most of the guests will be arriving today and there will be a dinner this evening. Mama has invited Dame Nellie Melba to come sing. It's quite a coup actually. She's a very eminent Opera singer, you know," Mary mumbled.
"Of course. Who hasn't heard of Dame Nellie Melba?" Matthew replied. "I have all of her albums, in fact."
"Oh, shut up," Mary laughed, shaking her head and falling back asleep.
"Is everything all right downstairs?" Mary asked as Anna finished with her hair.
"Yes, Milady. Mr. Carson is…well, he's in a mood, as you would expect with so many guests arriving," Anna smiled at her.
Matthew chuckled.
"Well it will do us all some good to have visitors," Mary said, smirking at her husband through the mirror of the vanity. "It's been a while since we've had a party."
"Yes, Milady," Anna agreed.
"Don't mind Carson," Mary smiled. "He'd make a calamity out of a loose thread on a napkin. I'm sure you all can manage."
"Yes, Milady," Anna nodded. "I think some of the guests are short valets and maids, but we'll make do."
"Thank you, Anna," Mary said, rising from her chair. "Don't let me keep you from your esteemed guests. I'll ring for you before dinner."
Anna smiled and bowed, then left the room.
"Shall we?" Mary looked over at Matthew brightly.
"After you, darling," Matthew replied. "You look gorgeous."
"Thank you. But you always say that."
"Because it's always true," Matthew replied, looking at her mischievously.
Mary looked from his eyes to his teasing lips. She swallowed slightly, then composed herself and followed him out of the bedroom. She tried to calm the thoughts in her mind that had been reappearing far more often since his return.
"Will I know any of the guests, do you think?" Matthew asked as they walked down the hall and towards the stairs.
"Edith's invited Michael Gregson," Mary said drily. "You may recognize some faces from our wedding and from our time in London, but no one particularly of note. They're mainly Mama's friends and anyone she thinks would be impressed by her guest of honour."
"So the party will be full of Opera enthusiasts then," Matthew whispered as they descended the stairs. "A veritable gang of hooligans."
Mary laughed as they reached the Great Hall.
"Ah, Mary, I was just about to have Anna fetch you," Cora called. She stood at the entrance with Carson and Bates and two other gentlemen. Mary approached, with Matthew standing off to her side.
"You remember Lord Gillingham, don't you?"
"Please, Lady Grantham," Lord Gillingham smiled. "Anyone who has seen me scrape my knees as a child can call me Anthony."
He turned to Mary and bowed. "Lady Mary, it's been far too long."
"Anthony Foyle," Mary smiled politely. "Of course I remember you. How could I forget a superior young man who found three little girls extremely tiresome to deal with? Welcome to Downton. I wasn't aware that you were coming." Mary looked at her Mother pointedly.
"Lord Gillingham enjoys a grand party as much as anyone, I'm sure," Cora smiled. "I wrote to him and he was nice enough to come. Mary, why don't you show Lord Gillingham to the Bachelor's Wing? Carson can take his valet downstairs."
"Yes, Your Ladyship," Carson nodded. "This way, Mr. Green," Carson said to the man standing behind Lord Gillingham. Mr. Green nodded to Anthony, and followed Carson and Bates as they walked towards the stairs.
Matthew looked at Lord Gillingham's valet curiously. He looked up as Cora took her leave to entertain other guests, leaving Lord Gillingham and Mary effectively alone.
Anthony looked at Mary and smiled.
Mary looked over at Matthew. He shrugged his shoulders and motioned to the stairs.
"Right then," Mary said. "This way."
They walked towards the stairs in silence. Matthew trailed behind. Mary kept glancing back at him and he smiled at her, pointing forward with his raised hand.
"The place looks just as I remember it as a child," Anthony said, glancing up at the ceiling.
"Papa is very fastidious about maintaining Downton the way it was," Mary replied. "How is your family's home? It's been ages since I was there last."
"We never moved back after the War," Anthony answered. "It was a hospital, you know."
"And now?" Mary asked.
"It's a girls' school," Anthony smiled ruefully. "But we're quite comfortable in the Dower House. Did you ever see it?"
"Hmm," Mary paused. "I remember having tea there with your grandmother. She gave me ice cream and I got it all over my dress. Nanny was furious," Mary smiled at the memory as they went up the stairs.
Anthony nodded in understanding. "That sounds like Grandmama. She always said how children should be spoiled. She's gone now, so she'll never know if I took her advice."
"She could find out yet," Mary smiled, glancing back at Matthew.
"Pardon?" Anthony asked.
Mary recovered. "You have no children then?"
"No. No children. No wife. I've come close a couple of times. In fact, I'm close now."
"That's lovely," Mary nodded as they reached the top of the stairs.
"You have a son, I believe?"
"Yes, George," Mary smiled.
"I'm sorry about your husband," Anthony said. "I'd heard about him through the talk in London. The solicitor who became heir to the Earl of Grantham and joint-Master of the Estate. Captain Crawley, was it?"
"Yes," Mary replied. "Matthew."
"I was in the Navy, onboard the HMS Iron Duke. We only heard stories about what it was like for the boys in the trenches. Sounded like a very nasty business."
"I'm sure it was," Mary answered. "Well, you're down there." Mary motioned towards the Bachelor's Wing. Anthony bowed and left. Mary swallowed as she watched him leave, then turned and walked briskly back to her own bedroom.
Mary sat down at her vanity and breathed deeply. She felt angry. Angry and annoyed.
"Lord Gillingham seems like a nice fellow."
Mary turned her head. Matthew leaned against one of the bedposts, looking absentmindedly at the ceiling.
"I wouldn't know," Mary answered. "I haven't seen him since I was a child. His father passed away recently. It seems they lost their home after the War and now they live in the Dower House."
"I heard," Matthew nodded, his eyes returning to meet hers.
"You do know why Mama invited him here, don't you?" Mary asked, the annoyance rising in her voice. "It wasn't because 'he enjoys a grand party', I tell you," she shook her head.
"Well it's hardly surprising," Matthew said calmly. "I'm sure she thinks he can help lift your spirits."
"Lift my spirits," Mary huffed. "She could have at least given me some warning."
"Do you need to be warned that the sun comes up in the morning? It's in her nature, Mary. I'm sure she put the wheels in motion months ago and only whipped the horses when she saw you beginning to come out of mourning."
"Well I'm not comfortable with this," Mary said firmly. "I'm not nineteen anymore. I don't need to be paraded around like a prize horse for the highest bidder."
"No, you're not nineteen anymore," Matthew chuckled. "But you do enjoy a good party, so reconnecting with a childhood acquaintance while listening to an esteemed Opera singer is hardly something to be upset about."
"It's more than that, and you know it," Mary rolled her eyes at her husband. "And how can you be so nonchalant about it?"
"Would you rather I be jealous and raving mad?"
"A little bit of anger would be nice, yes. I'm feeling quite put out myself."
"Rest assured, knowing you will re-marry someday is causing me all manner of annoyance."
"So I'm to marry again now? I thought I was just supposed to exchange pleasantries and be a good hostess?"
"The timeline may be accelerated if your family has anything to do with it," Matthew said with more bitterness than he intended. He tried to shift to a lighter tone and barely managed. "If you told your Mama you were ready to marry again, she would be elated, I'm sure. Perhaps she'll ask Dame Nellie Melba to sing the processional?"
"Well I'm not ready," Mary said dismissively. "Nor do I need to be."
"Be that as it may," Matthew said carefully. "You have guests downstairs. Shouldn't you go attend to them?"
"They're Mama's guests," Mary said, rising and walking over to their bed. "I think I'll rest until dinner."
"Mary," Matthew rolled his eyes. "You can't hide up here all the time."
"Who's hiding?" Mary replied innocently. She reached over and picked up a book from her nightstand. "I showed Anthony to the Bachelor's wing, just as Mama requested. I'll go down when the gong sounds and play my role. Until then," she smirked, taking a seat on their bed. "I would quite enjoy hearing my husband read to me."
She opened the book and placed it on the bed beside her. Matthew smiled and walked over to his side of the bed.
"I hope it isn't Austen again," Matthew rolled his eyes as he sat down beside her and turned the page of the book.
"No. Oscar Wilde this time," Mary smirked, making herself comfortable against the pillows. "I believe we left off at Chapter 6?"
"Chapter 6 it is," Matthew nodded, turning to the appropriate page.
"That's excellent, Anna," Mary nodded as Anna finished with her hair. "I'll wear my other tiara tonight. The wide one."
"Yes, Milady," Anna nodded as she went to the dressing room to retrieve Mary's chosen jewellery.
"A tiara would seem out of place for someone dining with a new suitor," Matthew whispered teasingly in her ear.
"I'm wearing my tiara because I'm a married woman," Mary snapped back. "Anna, be sure to bring my betrothal ring and my wedding band as well," Mary called, looking pointedly at Matthew.
"Besides," she said quietly. "He's hardly a suitor in the true sense. He says he's close to being married."
"So Cousin Cora invited him here as an understudy then?" Matthew joked.
"Maybe," Mary answered, turning in her chair and smiling at him. "It's no concern of mine. I've already got the headliner all to myself."
Matthew grinned and exchanged a knowing look with his wife as Anna came back in with the jewellery.
The parlour was bustling with guests and conversation when Mary and Matthew came in. Mary deliberately walked over to Edith and Gregson, keeping away from Anthony, who was standing across the room.
"Mr. Gregson," Mary said politely. "Good to see you again."
"Lady Mary," Gregson nodded. "How…erm…how are you faring?"
Mary glanced at Matthew quizzically, then smiled bravely.
"Better, thank you."
Edith looked at Mary warily.
"I'm going to fetch some drinks for us," Gregson declared awkwardly.
"Lovely. Thank you." Edith smiled.
When he was out of earshot, Edith turned back to Mary.
"You've said your hellos, you can move on now. I'm sure Mama has a list of guests for you greet."
"That's precisely why I'm standing here with you," Mary said dismissively, looking around the room to ensure she was still well buffered from both her Mother and Anthony.
She turned back to Edith and rolled her eyes.
"Well I would think you would want all the support you can get," Mary said plainly. "Papa isn't Gregson's biggest admirer you know."
"He doesn't know him yet!" Edith retorted. "Once he has a chance to speak with him, he'll come around."
"If you think so," Mary shook her head. "We both know how open minded Papa can be when it comes to prospective suitors."
"He never seemed to object to any of yours," Edith said pointedly.
"He didn't care for most of them," Mary said, smirking slightly at her husband. "And that was years ago. He's far less likely to make an effort now. Look at what happened with Tom."
"Well I hope it doesn't become a saga," Edith sighed. "I…I would appreciate your support," she said quietly.
"Well you have it, for now," Mary replied. "Matthew liked him," Mary explained as they both watched Gregson making his way back towards them. "I'm not entirely convinced, but I've no reason to speak against him…yet."
Gregson rejoined them and they all raised their champagne flutes in a delicate truce.
"Who is that Tom's speaking to?" Matthew asked her.
"That's the Duchess of Yeovil, an acquaintance of Granny's," Mary replied, looking over in their direction.
"Yes, we know who she is, Mary," Edith stated.
"Perhaps you should go and save him," Matthew said, watching the look of terror across Tom's face. "He's clearly uncomfortable."
"Don't worry, she's released him, and much to his relief, I'm sure," Mary smiled as she watched the Duchess walk away from Tom, only for her to be replaced at his side by Granny.
"I wasn't worried at all," Edith frowned, looking at Gregson in confusion at Mary's comment.
Not surprisingly, Mary and Anthony were paired together for dinner. Mary anticipated her Mother's strategy in advance. She reminded herself this was no different than sitting next to Strallan, or any number of guests she was ordered to entertain over the years. She fell into her reserved demeanour easily, speaking calmly and listening passively to other conversations, giving Anthony her polite attention and nothing more.
She would maintain a stoic mask when speaking to Anthony, but her eyes danced when she looked over at Matthew. She would glance at him knowingly when she found some part of the dinner conversation funny or boring, confident that he knew exactly what she wanted to share with him.
"It seems a waste to come up here and not take a ride," Anthony said, causing Mary to look back at him.
"Well it's no trouble if you wanted to," she replied. "We have plenty of horses and Papa would be delighted to see you make use of them. Have you anything to ride in?"
"We packed it all just in case," Anthony nodded.
"Well that settles it," Cora interjected with a smile. "I'll send a message to the stables tonight, Lord Gillingham. Mary, why don't you ride out with him and show him the grounds?"
Mary swallowed in surprise.
"Will you come out with me?" Anthony asked, smiling at her.
"Well I…" Mary hesitated.
"She would be delighted, Lord Gillingham," Cora said, looking pointedly at Mary. "Mary hasn't been in the saddle for ages."
"Would anyone else like to go riding tomorrow morning?" Mary asked, looking around the table nervously.
"I'm afraid you're stuck with me," Anthony said with satisfaction when no one else would commit to the excursion.
Mary forced a polite smile for him, then became very interested in the potatoes on her plate.
She sat with her Granny when the ladies went through, which effectively kept her involved in conversations that Anthony could not take part in. Mary had to suppress her annoyance as her Mother reminded her three times that she was going riding the next morning and to 'take care' of Lord Gillingham. Not having a moment to herself also meant she could not speak to Matthew without being observed. He stood by her side, but they could not share anything more than an odd glance here and there.
When Mary finally retired and Anna finished with her, she lay down on the bed and sighed.
"You must be quite upset with me," she said softly.
"Why?" Matthew replied. "I thought dinner was quite entertaining."
"I tried to say no," Mary pleaded, turning her body and looking at him. "It was Mama, she's so…eager…she had me committed before I could think of an excuse."
"Mary, regardless of your Mother's intentions, she's right. You haven't ridden in quite a while. With the pregnancy and the colder weather it's been over a year. You should have a proper gallop tomorrow."
"I do miss Diamond," Mary admitted. "But I can ride whenever I wish, I don't need to ride with Anthony."
"Well it's too late for that now," Matthew said simply. "Anything short of a serious illness won't spare you. Even then, Cousin Cora would probably strap you into the saddle and still make you ride with Lord Gillingham."
"Will you come?" Mary asked.
"I'll be there," Matthew nodded. "But I doubt you'll need me. You have nothing to fear from Lord Gillingham."
"I'm not afraid of him," Mary scoffed. "But I don't see the point of spending time with him."
"Consider it a reintroduction to Society," Matthew said reassuringly. "You can rehearse your guarded smiles and neutral comments. You probably won't even see him after this weekend."
"No, he'll be replaced by Mama's next candidate soon enough," Mary rolled her eyes.
"Get some sleep," Matthew smiled, moving closer to her. "You wouldn't want to look bleary eyed for Lord Gillingham."
Mary rolled her eyes and pulled the blanket across her shoulder. "I wonder if I'll dream tonight," she said, raising her eyebrow to him.
"What would you like to dream about?" he asked.
"You, of course."
"That could sound rather scandalous under the right circumstances."
"I guess I'll just have to see," Mary smiled.
"Yes," he agreed. "Go to sleep and we'll see what kind of dreams may come."
"You're rather quiet."
Mary turned to Anthony. "I've just been enjoying the view. It's been a while since I last rode." Mary looked around for Matthew but did not see him. She wasn't sure where she should be looking. He wouldn't be riding a horse she supposed, but he must be about somewhere. He had escorted her to the stables to meet Anthony, then had disappeared once she was aboard Diamond.
"It's been a while for me as well," Anthony replied. "Mabel doesn't like to ride, and neither does Mr. Fox."
"Fox? Mabel? Mabel Lane Fox?" Mary asked.
"Yes, she's my fiancée. You've heard of her?"
"Of course. So you've caught the greatest heiress of the season," Mary smirked.
"That's what everyone thinks, and some even say it aloud. She's very nice. Of course everyone wants it, on both sides, but we do get on."
"You may be surprised to hear that a match wanted by everyone can turn out to be extremely happy," Mary said, again glancing around for her husband.
"Do you speak from experience?" Anthony asked.
"Certainly. Matthew and I were flung at each other from the moment he arrived."
"But you didn't marry until after the War?"
"Not through any fault of his," Mary said wistfully. "I was rather stubborn in the beginning, and he was stubborn in the middle. Thankfully, he was more persistent in the end."
"And you were happy?" Anthony asked.
"Wonderfully happy," Mary grinned.
"Forgive me for asking, Mary, but do you think he changed you?"
"In many ways. Why do you ask?"
"In the last years of my father's life we became very close. There were…issues…between us that were finally resolved. I found that I missed him terribly after he died, and I sometimes think that if I were as tough as I was before, I'd be happier now."
"Maybe," Mary considered. "But then you wouldn't have the memories of your reconciliation. Matthew changed me. I loved him. I became much softer. If I was still the arrogant stubborn princess that I was when I first met him, it would be easier to deal with his loss now."
She looked down the trail and smiled.
"But then I wouldn't have known as great a love as ours, and my life would not be nearly as enriched as it is now for loving him," she said confidently.
Mary breathed the air and patted Diamond's neck.
"Shall we pick up the pace a bit, Anthony?" Mary called. She urged Diamond forward, not waiting for his answer.
Anthony took off after her, eventually catching up as they crested a hill. Downton Abbey stood off on the horizon, majestic against the blue sky.
"It's wonderful to see an Estate that's still in one piece," Anthony noted, staring out over the lush lands.
"Yes, and I have every intention of keeping it that way," Mary declared, looking over the land.
"What do you mean?"
"Well we have a big tax bill to pay. Papa wants to sell some of the land to pay for it, but I won't allow it," Mary explained.
"What do you intend to do?"
"I'm going to go to London and speak with the tax authorities, see if we can't agree to a settlement. Then I'll bring the agreement to Papa and make him see reason."
Anthony smiled. "That's quite brilliant. We had a similar choice when Father died. In the end, we lost the house but kept the land."
"Hopefully we won't have to make that choice," Mary said firmly.
"How did you come up with that strategy? It's not generally known that one can negotiate with the tax authorities."
"My husband taught me," Mary answered plainly. "He had grand plans for the Estate, and now it's up to the rest of us to make it happen."
"So where to next? There must be some childhood haunt of yours you can show me?" Anthony said brightly.
"If you don't mind, Anthony, I should head back," Mary answered politely. "Perhaps I'll see you later this evening."
Anthony nodded to her and watched as she took Diamond into a gallop back to Downton Abbey.
Mary closed her eyes and sighed as the warm water soothed her skin. She had not pushed Diamond very hard at all, but months out of the saddle had left her muscles sore from the brief ride with Anthony. She was elated when she came back and Anna had already run a bath for her. The water was cooling now, but she was determined to stay in for a bit longer.
"How was your ride?"
"Quite nice," Mary answered, keeping her eyes closed. "Diamond missed me as much as I missed him."
"And did Lord Gillingham enjoy himself?"
"I expect he did," she said easily. "He was impressed by my plan to negotiate with the tax authorities. Apparently he's been through the same thing, so it's good to know we're not alone in this."
"That's promising," Matthew agreed.
"Where were you?" she asked, her eyes still closed and her voice calm.
"I was watching," Matthew smiled. "I didn't want to distract you."
"So even if I don't see you, you may still be with me?"
"Not exactly," Matthew said. "You could have seen me, but you weren't looking closely enough."
"Hmm," Mary acknowledged.
"Well, I'll wait for you in the bedroom. Is Anna bringing you a tray for luncheon?"
"Later," Mary answered. "I told her I would ring when I was done my bath."
"I'll leave you to it then, darling."
"Oh, Matthew, before you go," Mary called, opening her eyes and finding him standing by the door.
"Yes?"
"Could you hand me a towel please?"
She rose up gracefully out of the tub, water sliding down her naked skin. She shivered slightly as the cool air contrasted to the warmth of the water. Turning to face him, she looked at Matthew with dark eyes, smirking triumphantly as he swallowed and his eyes widened.
"Matthew?" Mary smiled after several moments. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Matthew gulped. He lifted a towel from the rack and handed it to her, his eyes raking across her body shamelessly.
Mary blushed and she bit her bottom lip as a thrilling shock went through her at his lustful stare. She felt strangely nervous, as if it was the first time she revealed her body to him, and yet she also felt calm and confident, as though she knew the reaction her boldness would bring out of him, and she relished it.
"I'll be through in a minute, Matthew," she said, turning away from him and deliberately drying her front, leaving her backside bare to his eyes.
"All right, darling," Matthew mumbled, willing himself to leave the bathroom, his eyes still fixed on his wife's body.
Mary smiled to herself as she stepped out of the tub.
Law Office of Alexander Lewis, April 1922
"You know, I quite like her."
Alex rolled his eyes. "You like her because she's feisty…like you."
"Probably," Michelle replied easily. "But I like her spirit. She'll need that fire for all that she'll have to go through."
"That's true," Alex agreed, his voice quiet.
"Cheer up, darling," Michelle said, taking his hand. "You put them back together. We just have to see how it turns out now."
Alex brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers idly.
Downton Abbey, England, April 1922
"I don't quite understand what the fuss is all about. All these people here just to see an Opera singer from Australia?" Violet huffed.
"Well she is very popular, you know," Mary smiled patiently.
"Then perhaps we should have charged for admission," Violet retorted.
"Granny, I don't think that…"
Mary gasped as she felt a warm touch along her back, moving in circles through the thin fabric or her gown.
She looked to her right and frowned at the smiling face of her husband.
"Mary?" Violet asked.
Mary spun back to her Granny and smiled. "I meant to say that I don't think charging for admission was Mama's intention in inviting Dame Nellie Melba here."
"Oh, of course not, but if we are to host this rabble, we may as well take some benefit from it."
Mary swallowed as Matthew ran his hands down her sides and brought his arms around her waist.
"Stop it!" she hissed.
"What?" Violet turned to her granddaughter.
"Stop being so practical, Granny," Mary said quickly. "Just enjoy the concert."
"It can't be improper to touch you like this if no one can see what I'm doing, darling," Matthew drawled into her ear.
Mary breathed to calm herself. She felt the warmth of his body against her back and his arms strong around her waist. His lips brushed against her neck and she could not help but tilt her head slightly to allow him further access. Every one of his touches were warm caresses against her body, and though she could not feel the weight of him, his presence was irresistible.
"Have I ever told you how much I like this perfume?" he asked, kissing her neck softly.
Mary fought to keep her eyes open as her pulse fluttered. Her mind raced trying to think of an excuse to allow her to go back up to their bedroom as quickly as possible. She was thankful that Granny had stopped talking and was looking elsewhere. Now if she could just feign a headache convincingly then she could take him back upstairs and…
"What about it?" a voice interrupted them.
Matthew pulled back.
Mary looked up at Anthony's smiling face.
Violet frowned.
"I thought I'd keep Granny company," Mary managed, trying to slow her pulse and her breathing.
"Don't use me as an excuse. If you don't want to dance, tell him," Violet admonished her.
Mary looked at Matthew imploringly. Her mind was blank and she could not conjure a valid excuse to refuse Anthony.
Matthew rolled his eyes. "It's all right, darling. It's just one dance. You'll be fine."
Mary smiled demurely at Anthony and rose from the sofa. The sooner she got through this dance, the sooner she could retire having done her duty by entertaining Anthony, she thought. She noticed Matthew was not following as they crossed to the dance floor.
Anthony turned and smiled at her and put his arms out. Mary nervously placed her hands in the appropriate position. As she looked at his smiling face, she shook.
"Thank you for this morning's ride," he said. "I enjoyed it."
"Glad to be of service," Mary replied, smiling politely.
They turned into the next step, and Mary's eyes glanced across the room. Her eyes widened and she gasped, coming to a sudden stop.
"Mary?"
Releasing her hold from Anthony, Mary turned.
"Rose, where did you get that?" she demanded.
"I got Alfred to bring it downstairs," Lady Rose answered, looking at Mary curiously.
Matthew came into the room and saw the gramophone. He instantly looked over at Mary, who was staring at the instrument in shock.
"Oh no," Matthew said, hurrying across the room towards her.
"I'm sorry, Anthony," Mary said quietly. "I can't dance after all." She left the room quickly without another word.
Mary almost ran to her bedroom. She pulled the cord firmly and sat down at her vanity, her breathing coming in gasps and tears welling in her eyes.
Anna was quiet as she came into the bedroom and they went about preparing Mary for bed in silence. When Mary's hair was braided and she was changed into her nightgown, Anna ventured to speak.
"Milady, I'm so sorry. Lady Rose asked me about Mr. Matthew's gramophone for her records and I told her she should ask you about it before having it brought down."
"Well, she didn't," Mary sighed, fiddling with her braid.
"She shouldn't have had it brought down and set off your memories," Anna said carefully, looking at her Mistress through the mirror of the vanity.
"No, it's not that," Mary said, one hand reaching for the toy dog sitting on her vanity.
"At first I mourned for Matthew," Mary said, looking at the toy dog intently. "Then a few months ago I realized that I was mourning more for the person I was when I was with him."
"You're a fine person, Milady," Anna said quietly.
"Thank you, Anna," Mary said automatically, before looking at her through the mirror's reflection.
"I've felt much better lately," Mary continued. "But tonight I felt very sad, and not because of the memories. Matthew's gramophone is a reminder of him, just like this toy dog, and while I am grateful to still have parts of him with me, tonight reminded me that I do not have him, not all of him, and even though I've known that for a while now, being reminded of that fact is very sad."
"It's all right, Milady. You're still strong. You'll get through this, I know it."
"People probably think I made an idiot of myself in front of Lord Gillingham, but you know, Anna, I can't care about that. Some things are more important than appearances."
"Yes, Milady."
"Thank you, Anna. Good night."
"Good night, Milady."
Mary turned out the lights and curled under the blankets. Her eyes blinking at the darkness of the bedroom.
"Mary, I'm so sorry," he said, moving closer to her.
"Matthew," she whispered, her eyes shut tight. "I…I'll have to face everyone tomorrow. For tonight, could you please just…"
Warmth enveloped her, touching her shoulders, running soothingly down her back and pulling her into the softness of the mattress and blankets. Mary let out a quiet sob as he pulled her closer to him.
"It's all right, darling," Matthew said. "I'm right here. I'm right here."
Crawley House, Downton Village, England, April 1922
"I suppose you're wondering what brings me by," Violet asked, taking a sip of tea.
"No, I suspect I know exactly why you're here," Isobel replied, stirring her tea slowly. "I was wondering how long it would take for you to get to it, though."
"You know that you have my sympathy, truly. As hard as it may be to believe, I miss him as well," Violet said quietly.
"I believe you," Isobel nodded. "He had a way with people, you know?" she smiled. "He got that from his father. He was always more willing than I was to accept other people's eccentricities and not allow anything to cloud his relationship with them."
"An admirable skill," Violet smiled.
Matthew looked from the Dowager Countess to his Mother hopefully.
"Will you come up tonight and hear Melba?" Violet asked after a pause. "I know you'll think me unkind, but it won't bring him back for you to sit alone night after night."
"I know that, and I don't think you unkind for saying it," Isobel replied. "But you see, I have this feeling that when I laugh or read a book or hum a tune, it means I've forgotten him. Even though it's just for a moment, it's that feeling of betrayal that I can't bear."
Matthew shook his head and crouched down next to his Mother. He tried to touch her, tried to reach her. She continued looking at Violet.
"I think Mary felt the same way, and probably feels the same way from time to time still," Violet said. "But she knows it's important to try and live on, and coming to Downton tonight to hear this Australian Opera singer is, strangely, a chance for you to do that."
"Mary told me I should come around more often," Isobel smiled. "But it's different for her and you know it. She has George, she has Downton, her life needs to go on out of necessity. Sadly, I don't have the same motivation."
"Perhaps you do," Violet answered. "You see, it was Mary who told me to come down here and convince you to come. She was afraid that if she asked you herself, you would find her callous for thinking of a concert rather than of your son, her husband."
"And she assumed that if I found you callous it wouldn't harm our relationship at all," Isobel smiled.
"Our Mary is growing up before our eyes," Violet chuckled.
"She shouldn't think that," Isobel said sadly. "I can't begrudge her moving on. I want her to, of course."
"Then show her that you're prepared to do the same, because she told me she won't move on without you," Violet said with a raised eyebrow.
Matthew smiled and left the house.
Downton Abbey, England, April 1922
"Cousin Isobel, I'm so glad that you could join us," Mary smiled, taking her Mother-in-law's hands in her own.
"I wouldn't miss such an esteemed Opera singer," Isobel said kindly.
Matthew laughed. "Mother hates the Opera," he told Mary.
"I don't know how interesting it will be," Mary smiled. "But I think we should take these moments for what they are. At worst, a distraction. At best, a happy memory. I find that focusing more and more on the happy memories helps me get through each day."
Isobel nodded. "I am glad," she said genuinely. "And I will work on that."
"We can work on it together," Mary said confidently. "Even though we've hired a new nanny, I think I want to spend more time with George, and I would very much appreciate you helping me to not make a fool of myself."
"I'd be delighted," Isobel smiled as the gong sounded to go through for dinner.
Mary did not hesitate when Cora again paired her with Anthony for dinner. She felt slightly embarrassed about leaving him and the proper thing to do was to apologize, irrespective of the circumstances.
"I'm sorry about yesterday," Mary said as the first course was served. "It had nothing to do with you, you should know."
"The thought never crossed my mind," Anthony replied easily. "I'm glad to see you came down tonight. Will you be coming to London soon?"
"Yes," Mary nodded. "I'm going to ring tomorrow and make an appointment with the authorities."
"Would you like me to come with you? I wouldn't want you to face them alone," Anthony said.
"Oh I won't be alone," Mary replied. "I'll be with my…Tom can come with me," she finished.
"Right," Anthony hesitated. "Well you don't need my help then, but it's yours for the asking."
"Thank you," Mary said politely, looking away and reaching for her wine glass.
"Your father seems to be having an engrossing discussion with Dame Nellie Melba," Matthew said with a hint of surprise.
Mary looked over and had to smirk at her Papa speaking animatedly to the Opera singer.
"They apparently share a love for wine," Matthew chuckled. "It's amazing that alcohol can overcome so many of the world's barriers. England and Australia united in friendship and a common love of Claret and Haut-Brion."
"May I take you out to dinner when you're in London?" Anthony asked suddenly.
Mary laughed at her husband's joke, then swallowed quickly as she realized Anthony's question.
"I don't think that Miss Lane Fox would approve," she said quietly.
"And I definitely do not," Matthew whispered to her. "It's one thing for a suitor to pay call to you, but an engaged man should know to keep his distance. Unless he wants to spend dinner with the soup tureen over his head."
Mary laughed again despite herself.
"I am flattered that you would ask though," Mary recovered, looking away from Anthony and over at Matthew's smiling face. She brought her napkin up to her mouth to cover her giggles. Their eyes met and they were in the past, laughing together like teenagers over Strallan's salty dessert, their lives still ahead of them.
"Is something the matter?" Tom asked Isobel, who was looking blankly across the table.
"No," Isobel shook her head. "I haven't heard Mary laugh since…you know."
"I've seen her laugh," Tom said. "I don't know about what, but when we're driving around or I see her in the nursery or even just doing the rounds of the farms, she'll smile and laugh and make comments to herself. I don't know what she's on about, but it can't hurt."
"I'm glad to hear that," Isobel nodded. "And I think I'm getting closer to joining in the merry-making."
"That's good," Tom replied. "I could use another ally against this lot."
"And you shall have one," Isobel looked at Tom and almost chuckled, and the realization warmed her.
"And I'd like to dedicate this to love and to lovers," Dame Nellie Melba announced before beginning her next song.
"Where did Lord Gillingham go off to?" Matthew asked.
"He said he was going to go play poker," Mary replied, turning to look at him. "Does it matter?"
"No," Matthew said, looking at her with a confident stare. "Although it seems Gregson and some others have left as well. Perhaps I should go have a look."
"Don't you dare," Mary hissed, looking back at Dame Nellie Melba as she sang in Italian. "I've barely had any time with you this evening. You aren't leaving me here to listen to this on my own."
"I thought you liked Opera?" Matthew teased.
"I do, and she is quite brilliant," Mary whispered. She turned to Matthew. "But I am retiring as soon as this song is over, and my husband will come with me."
Mary raised her eyebrow at him before looking back to the concert.
Matthew looked straight ahead as the song reached a crescendo. He reached across and covered Mary's hand with his. She flexed her fingers in acknowledgment.
They both smiled.
