CHAPTER FOUR
Tuesday, September 29
On my way to Jas' house
8:30 am
On my way to meet miss Huffy Knickers. Expecting the silent treatment of my life because I listened to her ramble on for ages… and possibly made a comment about vegetables…
Here I go.
8:37
I ran to catch up to Jas… until I realized that she hadn't sped up to get away from me. In fact, she was just there, waiting for me like nothing had happened.
But with all my intelligenciosity, I had come up with a plan. I would ignorez-vous her. See?? Do you see?? I mean, she did say that she didn't care about my problems, so why should I care about hers??
We walked along in silence for what seemed like eternity.
"Gee?"
SHE SPOKE!!! Yessssssss!! I won!! Hardiharharharharharharhar and also Ha!
Even as I was congratulating myself inwardly, I refused to answer Jazzy Spazzy. I am standing strong, like a… oh I don't know something that is strong. Operation Silent Treatment has begun.
I girded my loins and didn't respond.
"I just thought I'd let you know that I forgive you. For saying what you said… it hurt my feelings…." She rambled on for England, "But then I realized that you are living in a … very, er, different family, and I realized that well you didn't know any better. I mean, it's not your fault you've been raised to be a selfish pig."
SELFISH PIG!!!????
Honestly. She is forgiving me??!! Has she forgotten what she said to me on the phone??!!! Didn't she say that she didn't care about my boy problems? Who was being selfish then???
Girdy loins girdy loins... I held my ground and didn't respond, even though I was very tempted. I went for the maturiosity approach. Nose sucked in, chin held up high… If only Masimo could see me now… just beaming maturiosity.
"Oh come onnnnnnnn Gee! Honestly you're being such a... a… a… nincompoop!"
Oh good one! Not.
"Fine! Don't say anything Gee! See if I care!! I don't take it back – I listen to all of your problems, but you never listen to mine. But… let's just call it even okay?"
Yeah, totally! Not. I sped up. She sped up. I ran. She ran. I ran into Dave the Laugh. She, well, didn't.
"Hey… whoa Sex Kitty… I know I'm gorgeous, but…" I was certain this time that it WAS Dave. Honestly, he is so full of himself. Behind him were a few young girls in a circle all blushing and pointing at Dave.
He was looking groovy, as usual. I could see Jas ogling me like an ogling ogler.
"What's the matter, Kitty Kat?? I mean, have I taken your breath away? And your speech along with it?"
Jas looked at me with angry eyes. Oh so scary. Not. I could tell she was listening, but pretending not to.
I just looked at him. He looked back at me. I gave him my meanest look. He gave me his meanest look. He is so cute. If there was no Masimo or no Sex God, I might consider actually going out with him. I mean, he is after all the king of Nip Libbling. UHHHH. Lip Nibbling. That's what I meant. And he is also the Hornmeister…
Jas was ogling me more than ever. Damn. She must think I'm flirting with him? Am I?
"Oh, uh, Dave… I have to go – Don't want to be late for Stalag 14!! Hahahah…" I laughed uncertainly at the end. Oh that must have sounded so attractive.
Dave raised his eyebrows, like he wasn't believing my excuse to get away from him. I raised my eyebrows back. Ohh my giddy god… maybe I was flirting with him?? I felt my face getting red. I started looking into his lips… girdy loins girdy loins…I haven't snogged for ages… I do love that Nip Libbling that he does…
OKAY, FOCUS. Maturiosity at all times. The Italian Stallion is my one and only. Maybe a yoga mantra would help… 'Masimo is my one and only. Masimo is my one and only. Masimo is my one and only…'
It's not working. I still feel myself looking into his lips….
Okay, I better just leave. Now. Just a casual, "see you later, Dave" would do.
"Ok. See you later, Nip."
OH MY GIDDY GOD'S TROUSERS!!! I JUST SAID WHAT I WAS THINKING!!! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!! I never felt so embarrassed in my life.
He chuckled, and walked off.
And I ran all the way to the school doors.
