"But the funny thing is that we're the ones that are kinda sneaking around trying to get noticed and nobody does! She walks around like she's just a regular girl buying flowers at the market. I'm not sure if everyone around here in Europe really knows who we are. Everybody seems to know Ino." Jules said to the journalist. "Yeah! Some girls ran up to her in Paris and they were talking French. Later Jules told us that she had been asked who we were and called us bag carriers." Sasuke sounded deeply insulted in a non-serious way. I couldn't help laughing. "I did, I really did and it was awesome."

We were doing an interview again, it seemed like it was all I ever did with my life. "So, how is touring with a girl." Sasuke scuffed. "It's a fret!" Nick said laughing at his own stupid joke. "It's sometimes a hassle, she gets drunk all the time and turns into this three year old running around looking at stuff, touching, saying stuff she shouldn't… I think we need to hire someone to watch after her. Like a babysitter." I knocked Jules on the shoulder. He was so silly at times; the worst thing is that it might be some truth in it. "Talking about girls, when you landed you released the news that you're in a relationship. Anything to share?" I got up and said a simple fuck you Jules before I left.

I went to a bar and called this Naruto type after a couple of drinks. "I got some news to share with you… No I don't, I'm just sad and lonely." I don't think the recognized me at first. I didn't blame him; he was more of a humble person. Why would someone like me talk with him? We talked for a while. He had to say goodbye because he was going to bed. I bought a bottle of wine and went outside. It had gotten dark, I wasn't sure what time it was. I pulled my hood over my head. It was cold, but I didn't want to go back to them. Why did I always do this? I found a tree in the park and sat beneath it. I started working on my bottle. Why had we gone to my room if he had a girlfriend? In some way I felt like he had cheated on me. It wasn't like I had feelings for him anyway. I had to fix this, maybe tomorrow. I was too tired now.

It was raining when I woke up. The sky was dark, maybe some higher power was having fun with my life and decided to set the mood? I took a sip of my wine bottle and threw it away. It didn't even taste good, yet I had almost finished it last night. My back was killing me once I got on my feet. It was a funny thing, that it would be my back hurting after a night like that. I wasn't really sure where I was so I had to ask for directions. Swedes aren't good at English, and I'm not too good at Swedish. Still I made it in the end. It was a light on in the little cabin we rented for the few days we were going to stay there. The door was locked so I allowed myself to slide down the wall. It was real tears that came out of my eyes at the moment. How I had missed crying, with tears. I hadn't done so in ages. The joy in the sadness ended fairly quickly when the door opened. "You're a mess." I had to laugh a little. "You're even a bigger mess for being up." He didn't laugh, so my laughter slowly died out.

"We need to get you some help. You'll end up dead if you keep this going." We sat by some kitchen table. I didn't want to answer him straight away, wanted him to bring it up himself. I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms, like a five year old, thinking it would help. Maybe he had forgotten, maybe he wanted to, maybe he had been lying. "I met someone," I told him. He seemed taken by surprise a second before he turned back to normal. "Yeah, like somebody can like me! Just say it!" I wasn't being fair. "Yeah, based on how you're acting now." He had been honest. I liked it, I smiled just to piss him off. "Well, I'm not the one in a relationship so I wasn't the one who cheated two nights ago." I put my elbows on the table. This was getting fun. He didn't know how to respond. He might not be aware of how I can be when I'm mad. He didn't know me like he knew the other band members. "That's not the case, that's not what we're talking about." I giggled, he wasn't sure. I figured he didn't remember that night, not sure if I was throwing a lie at him or not. "I liked your piercing by the way." I licked the right side of my mouth. Not to be seductive or anything, just to piss him off again. He was speechless, his mouth was open. "You hurt me a lot by doing that, don't you think that made me feel used and worthless? Gosh, you're such a dick." I got up and left him.

I didn't sleep many hours before Nick woke me up. I wasn't sure if I had been sleeping at all. Nothing seemed real; maybe I had turned crazy and was just imagining all of this. It could be that I wasn't me; it was just all in my mind. I was getting crazy thinking about all this. I wrote some of it down, it might make a good song one day. I was happy we were finishing our tour tomorrow. Then it was back home, 6 month break where I and Jules had to make stuff for the new record, then 3 months in the studio. Then it wouldn't surprise me if we had another tour. I was tired just thinking about it. Or maybe I was just tired now; it had to be a good mixture. I just about crawled out of bed, threw on some clothes and makeup so I wouldn't look dead, and had a cup of coffee and a cigarette before I was ready to go. Nick or Sasuke would always be the last ones to finish. Spending time alone with Jules after the fight was pretty awkward. He had a silent agreement to be silent and just act cold. I think the others picked up, that something was wrong.

It seemed like me and Jules was fighting over the songs, pushing each other further and further. Sasuke was the one to speak up. "You two fucked, he has a girlfriend, you were both drunk. Get over it!" I let out a scream. "You're a boy, so shut the fuck up before I stab your eyes out with your drumsticks!" I looked at him, he looked at me. I felt like screaming again, maybe I did because he seemed more frightened. "She must be on her monthly." Nick reasoned with the rest. "Sorry guys," I suddenly felt really bad about the whole thing. "It's always me who fucks up everything." Nick looked around. "Mood swings… I'm becoming an uncle!" He gave a wide smile, I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was joking. Or he hoped it was one. I had to start laughing, "You're all so retarded." Sasuke was still looking at his drumsticks, with a tight grip. Jules had his mouth open, he didn't like the joke at all.