A/N:: Hauu I am so proud of this chapter!!!! I wrote it ALL BY MYSELF!!!!! Don't worry, as I said in the last chapter, Lauren and I from now of will do what we usually did and both work on the chapters. I think. Meh, whichever works out best for us.
Oh that reminds me, usually we tell what characters would be in each chapter. I forgot to add that in last time. The two added characters, as you know, were
Mikami - Tweedledum
Takada - Tweedledee

In this chapter it includes:
Mello - Alice
Matt - Cheshire Cat
L - March Hare
Beyond Birthday - Mad Hatter
Watari - Doormouse
Near - White Rabbit

DISCLAIMER: None. I now fully own Death Note and Alice in Wonderland. Joking. JOKING I TELL YOU! Lauren and I do not own either of them. Still.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chappy!
With love, huggles and glomps,
Melly, x


BEYOND WONDERLAND
Chapter 4 - A Very Merry Undeathday, To You!

Back down the darn gravel road Mello and Matt went, the road that seemingly went for hours and Mello began to wonder why the lighting in the sky hadn't changed.
Well, Mello thought to himself, that was beyond the valley of weird.

"Mello!" Matt called, interrupting his trail of thought. Mello turned to see Matt heading for the bushes.

"Yes?"

"I need you to meet the March Hare, Mad Hatter and Door Mouse!"

"What are they?"

"No, who are they." Mello scowled.

"Ok, who are they?" Instead of a reply, Mello was met with a gasp as Matt checked down at his wrist.

"It's almost time! Let's go!" Matt called as he rushed off to the bushes. What's almost time? For what? Where are we going? You don't own a fucking watch! Mello's head was exploding with questions.
It was mind rape, I tell you!
Mello wanted nothing more than to crawl back through that hole (despite it ruining his leather) and back to the disgustingly humid Wammy's House. Instead, Mello sighed, and ran after Matt, careful not to lose him. A high Matt would be a dangerous sight indeed, if not controlled.

They ran.

And Ran.

And then stopped for air of course, I mean geez.

And ran.

And then Matt stopped on his tracks, causing Mello to smack bang right into him. Pushing himself away from Matt, and regaining his balance, Mello followed Matt's gaze.
In front of them, not even a few feet away was a long dining table filled with all the sweets, and...jam you could possibly imagine. Cheese cake, sponge cake, marble cake, lollipops, jam tarts, pudding, fairy floss, cupcakes, muffins, doughnuts, (mouth watering yet?), strawberry jam, raspberry jam, apricot jam, and ok I'll stop there as you get the point.

(You: Jam and sweets, got it.)

Mello then noticed at the very end of the table sat, L and Beyond Birthday. It took Mello his sweet time in noticing it was them as they were not in their usual attire.
Beyond Birthday was dressed in a red tailcoat, black lace-type ruffles seemed to be coming off the ends of the sleeves. On top of his mop of black hair was a thin black top hat with red ribbon. The side of the top hat had a black rose, and a card tucked inside the ribbon reading in red writing '13/13'.
As for L, L was not seen in his traditional faded jeans and white long sleeved top. Instead, he wore a white dress-shirt, cream and brown chequered waist coat, brown bow and dark green pants. On his head was not a top hat like B, but instead he had long, brown rabbit ears. When squinting further Mello noticed that on L's cheeks were drawn on whiskers.
Next to L and B was Watari in a chair, his head resting on the table, meaning he was either dead or sleeping. His back moving up and down slightly reassured Mello that Watari was in fact only asleep. Phew, Mello thought, his eyes darting back to Beyond suspiciously.

L and Beyond were far too lively and entranced in their tea party that they hadn't noticed Matt and Mello arrive. To Mello's complete and utter horror and surprise, the two doppelgangers started to sing.
L started,

"A very merry undeathday, to me!"

"To who?"

"To me!"

"Oh you."

"A very merry undeathday, to you!"

"Who, me?"

"To you!"

"Oh me!"

"Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea! A very merry undeathday to you!" When they had finished they found Matt and Mello sitting on the chairs at the very end of the table. L and B both gasped in horror and rushed down to Mello and Matt's end shouting,

"No room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room, NO ROOM!"

"There's plenty of fucking room! I can sit here if I want to!" Mello spat back.

"But, my gosh, being at your level of intelligence I thought you would at least know some table manners! It is very rude to sit down, uninvited." L explained.

"I say it's very rude. It's very, very rude indeed! Ha!" B joined in. Mello noticed that he was speaking with a slight lisp. Hngh, I'll ask him about that once he's not so agitated.

"Well how about it being rude to butt into other people's conversations, B?" Mello argued, for the sake of him not wanting to be wrong, really.

"I suggest you both leave." Came the voice of Watari before nodding of again. Matt gasped and ran in between L and B, putting his arms around them in a friendly manner before saying,

"Oh, I'm really sorry, don't mind my friend. Say, you both had such lovely singing voices and all this food and tea did look inviting..."

"You enjoyed our singing?!" L exclaimed.

"Oh happy day! I'm so excited; we rarely ever get complimented on our singing voices. Well, not many people come this way anyway...you two must join us and introduce yourselves." Matt went and sat back down next to Mello as they were both served with some tea. Mello dare not to touch it as he watched the mass amounts of sugar being put into it.

"I am Matt the Cheshire Cat. As you can see...Hehe. And this is..."

"Oh Alice! We did not recognise you without your dress on!" L said, so shocked that he wasn't watching how much sugar went into the tea, and the cup overflowed.

"Alice?! Oh why, hello Alice!"

"I'm Mello."

"Oh, yes, of course you are, Alice. Most definitely!" B said as he stuck his hand into a jam jar and scooped out some jam. Mello gritted his teeth in annoyance. My gosh, who is this Alice they speak of?

"We apologize for interrupting your deathday song. You must continue it, it was rather nice." Matt smiled.

"Deathday? Haha, no silly child you have it wrong! This is not a deathday party." L laughed.

"Of course not! Kyahaha, this is an Undeathday party!"

"What the fuck is an undeathday party?" Mello sneered, tired of this nonsense. Near's going to cop it once Mello get's his hands on him.

"Oh that's easy. See, um, well you're alive, and you die – no, when...an undeathday, see you have alive days... hahaha... Alice doesn't know what an undeathday party is, B!" They both then erupted into a fit of laughter.

"How silly. Ah ha ha ha, no, KYA HA HA HA." B said, wiping away tears that had formed from the laughter. "-Ahem- Allow me to elucidate! See now, statistics prove, prove that we all have one deathday."

"Imagine, just one deathday every lifetime!"

"Ah, but what about all of those days we are alive?!"

"Which is why we must call for a celebration!"

"We stop celebrating once we're dead." No kidding B, Mello thought sourly.

"Holy shit! Today is our undeathdays too! Isn't it Mello?!" Matt cheered.

"I-it is?" L asked, in total shock.

"My, what a small world this really is!"

"In that case..." L started with a smile. He then ran down the other end of a table, and came back carrying two cakes. One for Mello and one for Matt. "A very merry undeathday!"

"Are you kidding...?" Mello scowled.

"To you!"

"A very merry undeathday!"

"For us!" Matt exclaimed, as if it hadn't occurred to him until then.

"For you, and you. Now blow the candles out my dears and make your wishes come true! Kyahaha!"

"A very, merry undeathday....to you!" They finished in unison, while picking up party poppers and popping them.

"And now, Watari! The bat song!" B shouted, and Watari quickly got up from his chair.

"Nananananananana BATMAN! Nananananananana BATMAN!"

"Oh you're rocking, sir." B grinned at Watari.

"Word." Watari said before plopping back onto his chair, fast asleep again.

"Oh that was lovely indeed." Matt sang, before helping himself to some cake. B took a seat in between Mello and Matt while L...sat on the table.

"And now, my dears, what brings you here?" B said as he rested his chin ontop of his hands.

"Start at the beginning."

"Yes, hehehe, and when you get to the end....stop. See?"

"Well I was following-"

"B, may I ask you why you have adopted this, uh, this lisp of yours?" L asked, uncaring of Mello's story.

"Oh! Oh, well you see, it came with the hat." B said proudly, pointing to his hat.

"The lisp came with the hat." Mello asked doubtfully, forgetting about his story entirely.

"And, say, how much did you pay for that lisp?" Matt asked.

"I paid $13.13."

"You paid for a lisp?"

"Why of course! Dear me, Alice!"

"It's Mello!"

"Oh yes, I'm sorry Alice. Will you like a jam tart?" Beyond asked, shoving a jam tart into Mello's mouth. Mello spat it out immediately.

"Pegh! Look, Matt and I have got to go. We don't have time for your stupid-" Mello got up and was about to grab Matt's wrists when he, yet again, was interrupted.

"The time! The time! Who has the time?!"

At that very moment, Near came stumbling past holding out in front of him, his robot and the stop watch. Tears streaked his pale cheeks, obviously he had just been crying.

"I'm so late! And I need this robot fixed! And my robot's broken! And it's broken! And it won't work! Ohhh I'm so late! The robot won't work!" He sobbed, going around in circles, both in his speech, and literally. He then plopped down on the ground in a gaze, mumbling to himself. Suddenly he burst out into loud sobs.

"Oh alright! Alright! Shut up! Shut up! I will fix your robot!" B stormed over to Near and snatched his robot out of his delicate hands.

"My robot!"

"Shut up child! I'll kill you!" B turned around, grabbing a knife and pointed it at Near.

"Nooooooo" L said before he dived onto B, wrapping his legs around him and grabbing the knife from B's grip. He then got off of B and dusted himself off. "B, what have I told you! You. Must. Not. Kill. Innocent. People!" He said, tapping B's forehead in sync with each sentence. B responded with a pout.

"But, I'm sorry, it's just; all these knives...and my killing tendencies-!"

"That is no excuse B! Now fix his robot!" L shoved the robot back into B's hands, for it had been on the table when B placed it down to grab the knife. Taking the robot, B went and sat down at the table. He studied it for a while, and then started banging the robot on the edge of the table. With that Near sat up and rushed to the table, his hands flying up to his face in panic.

"Oh no! The robot! The buttons! But – but – but!"

"Butter!" B exclaimed. "Of course! L we need some butter!" L sped off down the table to find some butter, then chucked some at B when he had found it. All this time Mello was sitting there in shock at the site, while Matt had fixed himself to some wool.

"B-b-butter? No-no-no-no! You can't put butter in there! B! No!"

"Oh don't worry; it's our very BEST butter. We got Watari to get it for us especially!"

"Oh yes, the best butter indeed. Tea, Beyond?" L offered.

"Ah yes tea!"

"No!"

"Hehehe! Tea should do it fine!"

"Oh shi- I mean sugar!" Because, of course, even at times like this, Near didn't like to swear.

"Sugar?! Yes! L, the sugar!"

"2 spoons?"

"Yes, hehehe, two spoons of sugar, yes. Thank you. Yes!"

"Ohhh, please be careful." Near fretted, shifting from one foot to the other in panic.

"Jam, B?"

"OMIGAWD YESH!!!! THE JAM!" B then hit his head on the table repeatedly. "How can I forget the jam?!" He then poured some into the robot along with the other ingredients.

"Mustard?" L asked, handing over the mustard. B took it, absentmindedly.

"Mustard, yes, but..." Before pouring the mustard in he stopped and looked down at it with horror. Out of B's mouth came the most ear deafening shriek Mello had ever heard. "Mustard?! Don't let's be silly!! Acid, now that's a different thing all together!" B said, grabbing some acid.

"Acid? Why was there acid on the table?" Mello asked, and everyone stared to look at him. They must've forgotten his and Matt's presence.

"Why, you have acid in your tea of course!" B said, matter-of-factly. Mello choked.

"No, B, that's sugar." L corrected. B glared at him.

"No it's acid! I have acid in my tea all the time!"

"You have acid in your tea B?"

"Yesh! My special eyes let me eat special things! And that is that! Ha! " L sighed and waved one hand.

"Oh alright, put it in then."

"Yeeeeeeehehehehe!" B said with a shrilled cheer and clapping his hands together. He then poured the acid into the robot and closed it up. Sparks flew out from the robot as it begun spazzing up into the air. B scratched his head in confused.

"I don't understand...I used the best butter..."

"My robot!"

"It's going mad!"

"Mad robot! Mad robot!"

"What the fuck?!" Suddenly it exploded and pieces of it scattered everywhere. Everyone stared in horror, except for B who was clapping his hand in excitement.

"Well that was lovely."

"My robot...and it was an undeathday present too." Near sulked, hanging his head in sadness. B blinked in amazement. L gasped.

"An deathday present you say?"

"Well in that case!" L and B then started singing the undeathday song, while Near collected up the bits and pieces of his robot mumbling to himself,

"I'll have to find Rester so he can fix this. Stupid, stupid Mad Hatter B and stupid, stupid March Hare L, humph!" before stomping off out of sight. Mello sat up in his chair.
Near! I must follow him! He grabbed Matt and ran off after Near.


(::A/N::) Ehehehehe!!!!! See? Told you it was epic! Ahh I love this chapter. I is so proud of myself. Oh and in case you're wondering about Watari singing the Batman Song, it's because in Alice in Wondlerland the Doormoue goes 'Twinkle, twinkle, little bat...' so Lauren and I thought it's be funny it if was like,
"Watari, sing the bat song!"
"Nanananananana BATMAN!" etc.

Yes? Understand? YAY

Now, feed the review monster!
OM NOM NOM NOM
=D *wiggles eyebrows*